It was almost enough to make you say, F-ck The Muppets.
No sooner did Eddie Murphy give up his shot at hosting the Academy Awards in a heart-warming display of solidarity with Bro – I mean, Brett – Ratner than an online campaign recommending Kermit The Frog and friends get the job pick up some steam.
The Muppets hosting The Oscars? The most interesting part of that pairing would be figuring out which half should feel more insulted.
But at least Muppets fans are coming at this from a place of honest – if at times overbearing (wokka wokka!) – enthusiasm. It’s been more disappointing to scan around other sites and seethe samebasicwishlist of prospective replacements:
The sexy female rapper who can outshine her male counterparts in guest verses.
She’s as gully as she is sexy, equally comfortable talking about selling blow and blowjobs.
Embodies a unique sexuality that is emulated by other women. In Nicki Minaj it’s a hyper-sexuality compared to the childlike sexuality of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl.
The Nicki Minaj catsuit could be a parallel to the Manic Pixie Dream Girl’s lens-free horn-rimmed glasses.
Western Conference: The Multi Culti World Wanderer Starting Line Up: Rashida Jones, Maya Rudolph, Rosario Dawson
If the notion is that she speaks primarily to the fantasies of Black males who aren’t into mainstream standards much in the same way that Zooey Deschanel fulfills the fantasies of indie rock loving, comic book reading White males.
They can play many different ethnicities, playing the girlfriends of both White and Black actors without it raising an eyebrow.
That ability to float in and out of a specific racial identity offers both the actress and her Black male admirers access into worlds where they may not normally feel represented. Rashida Jones is one of the few black actresses currently on a Thursday NBC sitcom. Jones and Rudolph were the only two people of color in the Beastie Boys “Make Some Noise” video.
In “I Love You Man” Rashida Jones character is named “Zooey.”
At the Independent Spirit Awards, the writers apparently thought it would be hilarious for Paul Rudd to grab Eva Mendes’ breasts. In the video above, Mendes talks about how they had “this really funny bit” where Rudd would “grab her tits,” then shock the audience, then presumably say something funny to incite more laughter.
The video cuts back to Dawson firmly grabbing Paul Rudd’s crotch. However, note what else she is holding in this picture:
CNN transcribed her interview with Access Hollywood:
“He did this vice grip on her breast, and I was like, OK, it was funny for like a second. But then it kept going and going and going. And then the lights went down and the clip started rolling and he was still vice-gripping her! I was sitting there with my fork like, ‘If he doesn’t stop, I’m going to stab him with my fork.'”
Rudd didn’t remove his hand, so Dawson went into action.
“I got up there and I stabbed him with my fork,” she says. “He didn’t stop, so I was like, alright, I’m going to grab his package… I was like, I’m really sorry, Paul, I don’t mean to be offensive. But you’re kind of being offensive.”
Dawson kept a hold on the surprised actor until he let go of Mendes.
“I’m a women’s rights activist and I was getting a little tired that he was grabbing her onstage for half an hour. I was kind of getting over it,” Dawson later explained to “Access Hollywood.” “Why do men always get to cop the feel? Women get to cop a feel too! Just keep it equal opportunity.”