By Sexual Correspondent Andrea (AJ) Plaid
I understand Montana Fishburne. No, really I do.
I understand that I wanted to walk into the great halls of adulthood and thought having sex was the key to opening the door when I was about her age, especially since sexual activity is viewed in this society as the providence of grown-ups. Sex, I thought, would lead to gravitas, to be taken seriously by the people I want to be, who were in the stage of life I thought I was.
So, I decided to lose my virginity at 21. In my head, it was the first “adult” act, something I fully, consciously did without anyone’s permission but my own and my partner’s. For someone who survived sexual violation at a very young age, this decision was monumental. (For the more curious: my virginity-losing was intimate (my partner and me); it was pagan; it was great. That’s all you need to know…)
In a spirit of mother-daughter sharing,–and thinking that I just walked through that hallowed door–I told my mom. Wow, did I underestimate my mom’s openness: she didn’t speak to me for a couple of weeks because, she admitted later, that’s not what young women do, “just lay up like that.”
Watching and listening to 19-year-old Montana, I get the distinct impression of someone who 1) also wants to be seen and taken seriously as an adult, 2) wants to have fun in life because her privilege should allow it, 3) really wants to be viewed as free-thinker and freer spirit, and 4) has a look of wondering if she’s in over her head with her long-lasting adult decision but is sticking with it to prove to everyone wrong.