Tag: dating

October 9, 2009 / / dating

by Latoya Peterson

…Because they got the data to back up what we already knew: your success in online dating is heavily influenced by your race. In a trends post titled, “Your Race Affects Whether People Write You Back,” the OK Cupid team share some key trends they’ve noticed after  analyzing their user data:

  • Black women are sweethearts. Or just talkative. But either way, they are by far the most likely to reply to your first message. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and overall black women reply about a quarter more often.
  • White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group. We were careful to preselect our data pool so that physical attractiveness (as measured by our site picture-rating utility) was roughly even across all the race/gender slices. For guys, we did likewise with height.
  • White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else—and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively. These three types of women only respond well to white men. More significantly, these groups’ reply rates to non-whites is terrible. Asian women write back non-white males at 21.9%, Hispanic women at 22.9%, and white women at 23.0%. It’s here where things get interesting, for white women in particular. If you look at the match-by-race table before this one, the “should-look-like” one, you see that white women have an above-average compatibility with almost every group. Yet they only reply well to guys who look like them. There’s more data on this towards the end of the post.
  • Read the Post Racialicious Loves OK Cupid…

    March 18, 2009 / / asian
    January 13, 2009 / / dating

    By Special Correspondent Arturo R. García

    So, what to do about Khalood Bojanowski? If you’re NBC, apparently, you hope to ride her “coattails” all the way to the ratings.

    Previously, on “Momma’s Boys”: “Mrs. B,” who emigrated to the U.S. from Iraq as a child, became the center of attention of the network’s latest trainwreck reality show after declaring that she didn’t want her good Catholic son, Jojo, dating any of the following:

    * Black women
    * Jewish women
    * Muslim women
    * Asian women
    * “Fat” women
    * “Short” women
    * Women from “divorced families”

    Is Khalood crazy? Probably not. Was she an all-too-willing promotional hook for executive producer Ryan Seacrest and his staff? Quite possibly. Read the Post Throw Momma Up For Ridicule: A Look At “Momma’s Boys”

    by Guest Contributor Ryan Barrett, originally published at Cheap Thrills

    I noticed a funny thing while visiting my family in D.C. for Christmas. Simply put: every female in the house (my mom and aunt, who are African-American, and me and my cousin, who are interracial) was either involved with or married to a White man.


    That’s curious.

    The truth is, the topic of interracial dating is always bubbling in the back of my mind. I went out on a limb and wrote a post about it some time ago on this blog, which got me into some deep water with a few of my readers (a disagreement that I haven’t fully resolved in my mind).

    But just recently, the issue resurfaced during a conversation I had with a fellow blogger (a White male) about how personal Obama’s candidacy was to many Americans. I know, I know… interracial relationships? Obama? The two are linked, sure, but they don’t really go together. Which is what made the conversation so poignant.

    My friend asked me whether or not Obama was well liked among the African-American side of my family.

    “Of course!” I exclaimed. “My family has always held a fondness for Obama. But what truly won our hearts – well, mostly for my mother and aunt – was his marriage to a dark-skinned African-American woman.”

    “Wow, really? Even though they’re both married to White men?” My friend was baffled. “That’s… strange.”

    Before that point, I had never thought of it as strange at all. But maybe it is. And after that, a troubling question began creeping into my mind: do some Black women hold an interracial relationship double standard? Read the Post More musings on interracial relationships

    December 10, 2008 / / dating

    by Latoya Peterson

    Reader Minda sent in this interesting tidbit she heard while listening to the radio. She writes:

      I was listening to XM Shade 45 today and the rappers/hosts of the radio show were discussing how on eHarmony they might get a possible match, but then when the woman hears their voice on the phone and discerns their black she’s no longer interested. They talked about how they had to use their “white” voices and how if internet dating sites are a last ditch effort, then what are black men to do?

    Now, there are a lot of potential places to go for conversation in this small paragraph, but I want to focus on the race based lack of interest angle. Has anyone else ever been hit with the “you aren’t what I was expecting?”

    I’m also going to expand this a bit. One of Wendi Muse’s most commented on posts is Craigslist Personals: Desperately Seeking Diversity Training where Wendi discusses the racial bias inherent in a lot of personals postings.

    She notes:

    In the world of online dating, where a user name, masked email address, and optional photo sharing means freedom to speak ones mind in complete anonymity, users frequently abandon political correctness and resort to exotification, stereotypes, and blatant racism when referring to racial/ethnic “others” in their attempts to choose a mate. While some ads include the user’s thoughts on race is more subtle ways, for example, simply stating a racial “preference” (still, arguably, a sign of prejudice), others are more obvious in their descriptions—ranging from the utilization of explicitly racist phrases or terms to describe his/her own background and/or the background of the person being sought to downright exclusion a la Jim Crow style (“No -insert race here- need apply”).

    Read the Post Open Thread: Dating, Online and Off

    December 5, 2008 / / african-american

    by Guest Contributor Tami, originally published at What Tami Said

    Professor Tracey has me thinking…as usual. Over on Aunt Jemima’s Revenge, she has launched a spirited discussion about black women and marriage. Rather than go the usual “why can’t black women get married” route, hand-wringing over dire statistics like these:

    The marriage rate for African Americans has been dropping since the 1960s, and today, we have the lowest marriage rate of any racial group in the United States. In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. African American women are the least likely in our society to marry. In the period between 1970 and 2001, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17 percent; but for blacks, it fell by 34 percent. Read more

    …Tracey asked something different–something no one else seems to be asking, since it is easier to cast black women as powerless victims or simply undesirable (too educated, too aggressive, too black, too too). She wants to know, “Do black women really want to get married?”
    Read the Post Icing on the cake: The Truth about Marriage

    September 3, 2008 / / dating

    by Latoya Peterson

    One of the many issues I have with feminism is how my racial identification is treated as a problem, separate from the “real issues” that feminism seeks to deal with – despite the fact that the world perceives me as a “black woman” rather than a “woman.” (The “white” that goes before “woman” is silent.) My race is supposed to go unmentioned and unnoticed – until, there is some kind of “black culture” thing to tsk-tsk and blame on the inherent sexism in the black community.

    So, it was with great trepidation that I clicked on a header post from Feministing. Titled “Dating Advice from Assholes: ‘Stop Treating Women Well,‘” Ann summarizes a Washington Post article about yet another crappy book about how to catch a man.

    Titled “The Re-Education of the Female” (charming, right?) some bama basically regurgitates the same bullshit being spouted at women since time eternal – cook, clean, fuck, and STFU. The cover lets me know that my initial eye-roll was the right reaction.


    Now, Ann’s post was cool, and I was about to click off to some other part of the internet, but for some reason, I decided to read the comments.

    The first ten or so were cool, expressing general disgust at the ignorant sentiments. And then, we get to this one:

    I echo the sentiments already expressed. I am disgusted by this.

    I am also disheartened by the fact that this filth is targeted at black women. I have a feeling that black women generally (but not all, of course) would be more susceptible to these ideas. There seems to be an a fairly strong sentiment among many black women that they need to stand by “their” men, as though they are disgracing themselves and their heritage by dating outside of their race. I have several times seen reference to the shrinking number of black men due to incarceration and consequently a shrinking dating pool, the implication always seeming to be that women have little choice but to date in this pool. Furthermore, there is the specter of single motherhood looming over black women. I fear that the expectation that black women date black men and the fear of scarcity of good black men will cause the women who identify with these issues the most to buy into these horrid ideas for fear of ending up alone otherwise.


    Paging the white savior – the Negro women need your guidance!

    Read the Post Feminism, Race, and Sexist Dating Guides

    June 16, 2008 / / Uncategorized

    by Special Correspondent Nadra Kareem

    The club. The street. The grocery store.

    These are the places good black men can be found, according to the group of black male panelists featured on the “Tyra Show” May 23. I saw a clip of the show rather than the entire program, but the segment I did see (found below) was pretty underwhelming.

    First off, I took issue with the show’s name—“Where Have All the Good Black Men Gone?” It implies that good black men are either on the brink of extinction or a breed we’ve heard about but never had the chance to actually see. Good black men, it would seem, are as hard to come by as el chupacabra, a bag of magic beans or a pot of gold.

    Fortunately, some of the guests on the panel debunked this myth by saying that good black men are spread out and can be found anywhere—from coffee shops, to school, to church, anywhere it’s easy to make conversation. Read the Post The Tyra Show Asks “Where Have All the Good Black Men Gone?”