by Joseph Lamour
After two seasons of being a hotheaded imbecile, I’m happy to report that Andrea is finally kicking ass. Many won’t agree with this assertion, but hell, I think its all happening for her now. Well, it sort of started to, and then it didn’t. I’ll tell you all about it under the cut.
Major spoilers for The Walking Dead 3.14: “Prey” are under the cut!
The episode opens with a flashback: we know this because we are treated to the sunken face and Zoidberg-esque jaw entrails that we saw at the beginning of the season on Michonne’s companions-in-chains. We finally see that Andrea asked Michonne who they were. I knew she didn’t go eight months without nary a question! It would have helped to see this information in the beginning of the season, when everyone was asking (including the audience), but I’m surprised Milton didn’t ask, since now we know he likes asking really inappropriate personal questions (e.g. “Can I see your leg stump?”).
Michonne says: “They deserved what they got. They weren’t human to begin with.”
Hunh. I think the writers transposed the (spoiler alert) Michonne rape by The Governor from the novel on to the men who are supposed to be (huge spoiler alert, so this is in white): her husband and his best friend. (Highlight that if you care to know, but please don’t give it away in the comments) That is a total polar opposite as to why she had them in the novel…it makes more sense for the character as to why she would drag around someone she hates, rather than someone she loves, like The Governor. Am I alone in that thought?
The Governor is preparing Michonne for a long serial killer-y torture session. I mean, he has everything: chains, scalpels, other non-identifiable-by-layperson surgery tools, a dental chair with handcuffs, a breathing apparatus–which my first inclination was, “what’s that for?!?!” but I know what that’s for–keeping her alive long enough to prolong her torture. Dude. This man has truly lost his humanity. I know I’ve been making a lot of Criminal Minds references this season, but where is Shemar Moore when we need him? Milton, after seeing this, does what any good person would: retaining his connection to his own humanity by by telling Andrea what The Governor is going to do and actually shows her. She immediately wants to shoot him in the face. (Score +1 for Andrea!) Unfortunately, Milton doesn’t allow her; he won’t shoot a zombie but he’ll wrestle away a gun. This fella. Andrea hops the fence and heads towards the prison, leaving behind cryptic “This place is totes bad, you guys!” statements. Why won’t people tell other people anything on this show? All it would have taken was a “guys, he’s planning on torturing a woman for hours, possibly days, and killing children. Children!” and they would have hopped the fence with her. Or at least, not told anyone that she left.
“She was out there alone all winter. With the biters.”
What. A liar. Sonique and Tyreese sense something in the milk isn’t clean so much quicker than Andrea did. Even using the same word–”sick”–to describe what The Governor has planned for the people at the prison. Woodbury even includes a storage pit for zombies, which Tyreese and his group find. Tyreese’s adult male friend, Fool (I don’t recall his name, and frankly, I don’t care to learn it since it’s rather obvious he is going to die a horrible death soon) attacks Tyreese over the misplaced affections Donna had for Tyreese. Apparently he’s strapping, virtuous, and he saved Allen’s (okay, I looked it up, his name is Allen) wife, too. What an apocalyptic catch. What follows is the funniest fight scene I have seen in some time. Allen is what, 5’7, 165 pounds? And…Tyreese is a superhero. I imagine Tyreese’s thigh is as big as my waist. Like… really, Allen? It’s misguided behavior like this that is going to leave little Ben without a father. Probably in the season finale, by my estimation.
Andrea’s escape attempt is part The Cabin in the Woods (+1 for her again, cause I love that movie) and part North by Northwest (+2 for her again ’cause I really love that movie) when she runs away from The Governor through a field, then the woods, and into an abandoned building. Inside, we see another way that life after the apocalypse is one long, horrible horror movie, even when the zombies are an annoyance rather than a threat. The governor whistles what I can only imagine is his pre-killing whistle while looking for Andrea. And then decides to appeal to her heart. Obviously that doesn’t work because…pre-killing whistle, man! Andrea, after hiding really badly (when she was crouching her arm and the top of her head would have been completely visible by The Governor–that wasn’t just me thinking that, right?) Andrea scores another awesome point (that’s five now, in case you’re counting) by escaping The Governor by doing the meanest Price is Right Showcase Showdown moment I have ever seen. Zombie horde attack! She gets away from him.
In the morning, after what I think must be great cardio (I mean, a whole day of walking, running, zombie killing, escaping your murderous ex-boyf–think of the calories*), Andrea is just close enough to the prison to be seen–and wouldn’t you know it, The Governor tackles her. (-5 points) Her not imagining The Governor may be waiting for her there was bad planning on her part. She ends up in the chair at the beginning of the episode. Lament!
I guess I should quickly mention that someone burned all the zombies in the pit…because fire totally kills zombies, and that’s why you see so many of these guys with flamethrowers and hairspray-lighter combos. SMH. The Governor first suspects Tyreese but later realizes its Milton. In closing, I feel like I need to reiterate, this time to Milton:
* If anyone starts a workout craze involving The Walking Dead, I claim credit. And some of the profits. I mean, I would go–”And stab! And stab! Now run! And stab!”