David Phan’s Suicide Sparks Grief, Anger, And A Call For Justice
By Guest Contributor Terry K. Park, cross-posted from Hyphen Magazine
David Phan at age seven, at Arches National Park. Courtesy of the Phan family.
After their son took his own life on November 29th, David Phan’s family received two boxes. One box, sent by Bennion Junior High, was filled with generic pamphlets on how to deal with suicide-related grief. The other box, given by current and former classmates, contained over 600 letters expressing their support and sorrow for the loss of their child. These letters, according to family advocate Steven Ha, paint a portrait of a 14-year-old who, despite being a victim of bullying himself, protected other victims of bullying. At a December 20th briefing for local Asian American activists at the offices of the Refugee and Immigrant Center – Asian Association of Utah, Ha read out loud one such letter from a former classmate:
“Dear Phan family. Your son David is a life saver. I’m going to miss him…This kid is amazing, has a great personality…I’ve never met someone who could make me smile when I’m deeply sad. He saved my sister’s life. She was going to kill herself, but you [David] talked her out of it. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have a sister because of him, your son…I will not forget you [David]. I am letting balloons go in the air to honor you. I’m so lucky to have met him. He always made everyone smile…If someone was sad, he’d ask if they need a hug. He was the hero of the school. If only I was still there, I would’ve made sure this wouldn’t have happened.”
Tragically, it did. And now a Vietnamese American family grieves for the loss of their son and seeks answers. The answers given by Granite School District spokesperson Ben Horsely in the immediate wake of David’s suicide were not only insufficient but struck the Phan family and supporters as defensive, insensitive, and even illegal. “David,” said Horsely, faced “significant personal challenges on multiple fronts” for which he supposedly received support for from a guidance counselor. And despite a report of bullying several years ago, “[David] never reported any further bullying concerns and, on the contrary, reported that things were going well.”
In response to these statements, the American Civil Liberties Union of Utah sent a letter to Granite School District Superintendant Martin W. Bates (made public in The Salt Lake Tribune), charging that Horsely “released confidential and protected information about David in violation of federal and state law, as well as making false and misleading statements and insinuations about David and his family.” The letter continues, “Most troubling to David’s parents and to us is that this pattern of wrongful behavior appears to be crafted to deflect questions about any potential responsibility from the District and to try to cast blame and suspicion on David and his family.” The school and the school district have been asked to cease and desist from commenting further on David and his family.
Clearly, things were not “going well” for David. And as more social media chatter and newspaper articles came out, it became clear that there was a crucial dimension to the bullying that caused much anxiety for Bennion and the Granite School District–David was gay.
As reported in The Salt Lake Tribune, while David’s family lovingly supported him when he came out as gay, David shielded his parents from the “horror and negative experiences” he faced at Bennion. The desire to protect the parents from knowing that one is being bullied is quite common, according to Dr. Amanda Di Bartolomeo, a clinical psychologist at George Mason University who has worked with students in similar situations. But what’s uncommon and inexcusable is that no one from Bennion alerted the Phan family about any “personal challenges,” whether bullying or non-bullying related.
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