This week, we deal with the subtle (and not so subtle, Rick) mourning of two characters The Walking Dead would like us to think were beloved but, compared to T-Dog, any character seems beloved. And with posthumous praise and facts that may have better fit into some of the plotlines before his death, parts of this episode have me singing Jojo.
Singing with me this week are Carly Mitchell, Kenneth Hwynn, and Jeannie Chan.
* Help to keep the comment area a no-spoiler zone.
Are These Meyer Lemons?
Ken: Too much to process last episode, and I have questions. What’s Carol up to? Is she dead? Is she alive? And, we have a baby to take care of now…what are they going to feed her? Do they actually get to bury Lori or does she turn into Z-amburger meat? Since none of these questions are going to be answered, and they’re just going to show this block party… Andrea has now surpassed and replaced Lori as the most annoying character on the show.
Joe: Seriously. Take her clear and utter disregard for the ominousness of the sentence “Mere words cannot describe the festivities ahead.” How that doesn’t read to another adult as we’re having an orgy (or something else you will not like)–especially coming from that dude–is so, so dumb. She’s just like… “Mmm! Are these Meyer lemons? They’re so sweet!”
Jeannie: I really appreciate Michonne’s pose and look of disbelief. Because I am feeling the exact same way regarding Andrea’s (I almost wrote Lori, Ken!) behavior as of late. What happened to the hardass and hardened, give-me-my-own-gun Andrea of the Apocalypse? I get the desire to want to leave all those burdens behind and believe in this utopia, but come on now.
Joe: The lemonade is just so cold, Jeannie. The Governor has to be really careful with that combing, eventually he’ll take some scalp off, won’t he? Oh, look, I was right…this show has changed me.
Ken: Aww, how tender and sweet. Joe, it’s just a small patch–anyways it’ll grow back.
Carly: Ripping off my scalp while brushing my hair is my nightmare….and on that note, I’m glad we now know what happened to his daughter! I wonder what Michonne’s thoughts will be on his little secret, considering she had her own about those recently disposed-of pets.
Jeannie: I think (hope) her thoughts translate into an awesome confrontation (read: fight scene)!
Joe: I love all of you, friends, so if there’s a zombie apocalypse–and you turn–I will definitely shoot you in the head. I expect you’ll do the same for me. Preferably before I get all gross, wrinkly, and growly.
Ken: Please off me first, I don’t want to turn into a well-zombie or something, it’s like being on camera…adds 10lbs.
Joe: +200 in water weight.
Catharsis, Or Rick Chops A Lot of Heads off With An Axe
Jeannie: Oh Steven Yeun, after running past you in Chelsea this week looking dapper as ever, seeing you all bloody and greasy haired is… still really really hot. (Oh, I’m sorry, do things like this go on my personal blog…?)
Joe: Tackle him next time for an interview! ::Growl:: Aww man, I’m exhibiting zombie behavior already. Don’t shoot me till my skin turns grey, you guys.
Ken: Ruh Roh: Rick Grimes has now officially gone Shane on us. That makes me a happy Walking Dead fan.
Joe: My first thought was that he was going in there to chop up Lori. This seems to be an episode I will always be holding my blanket at half staff. Also, you can almost hear Glenn’s voice saying, as the motorcycle speeds away, “And that’s the last time I ever saw Maggie alive.” I figure at this point no one has any chance of making it to the end of this season but Michonne and the new black guy. Wouldn’t that be something if they were all that was left?!
Jeannie: And here to illustrate for us a likely scenario in which the people of color are the ones that survive a zombie apocalypse is Comedy Central:
Joe: LOL. Kevin Sorbo.
Carly: And, in case there is any doubt about Rick’s rage, here are several graphic representations of it via skull explosions.
Ken: Rick’s got an odd way of finding closure…
Back in Pleasantville…
Joe: Why is applause okay during that group scene? Isn’t that a lot of noise? Shouldn’t they be snapping? Or saying a calming noise in unison? I suggest “Ahh.”
Jeannie: If I see Andrea’s ridiculous swoony face one more time….
Ken: So she finally get’s her samurai sword back…but do we finally get to see Michonne say more than three words this episode?
Jeannie: Her face as she swings her sword onto her back though? Pretty brilliant.
Carly: Is that notebook a little insight into the Governor’s madness? Or as my sister put it: “Crazypants.”
Joe: Your sister should join the roundtable. Also, ummm, Gov? That’s the kind of stuff you do in your notebook when you’re bored in chemistry, not bored with the continuance of man. He is in fact “crazypants.”
Ken: That scribble book has got a bit of a Patrick Bateman thing going on. Methinks The Gov’ a big appreciator of Huey Lewis and the News, and that list of names are not just acquaintances.
Joe: Ew. I hope no one else got that joke. LOL.
Jeannie: Um, yeah, nobody fills pages and pages with evenly spaced lines like that unless you’ve got some serious OCD tendencies. Also, “Keith?”
Carly: What is this magical window that takes you from Pleasantville to hell Michonne?…Apparently she just needed a little therapy Rick Rage-style.
Joe: This backlot dystopia is oddly pretty to me, too, for some reason. Maybe the lack of zombie corpses. At least in the beginning five seconds. I love, love, love Michonne’s “Mmhmm, he is crazy” look when she looks at the bin of zombies, which contains a zombie that looks remarkably similar to The Governor, amirite?
Ken: I think I was just as giddy as a schoolgirl just now watching Michonne dispatch the bin zombies, especially Squishy Grapefruit Zombie. Sweet.
:: Joe takes a long drink of water to forget the words “Squishy Grapefruit Zombie” ::
Jeannie: I think we need to create a subcategory in Michonne’s kill count to including zombie head stomping.
Joe: It’s beheading or nothin’!
Jeannie: We just learned more about Oscar’s personal character now than we ever did about T-Dog. (Yeah, still grinding that axe.)
Carly: Since when is Hershel the voice of inclusion? Wasn’t he all about keeping to himself on the farm and keeping their own people together? Though what an easy transition into the comfortable ‘wise old man’ role.
Joe: Well, this show likes to include tokens. I guess they were missing Dale so they re-include him in one-legged Herschel.
Jeannie: I suppose it’s nice that we’re going to be hearing about what T-Dog was like when he was alive…now that he’s dead…
Joe: Really?! We’re characterizing T-Dog in completeness after he’s dead?! Shall I call a contest? Maybe a Chuck Norris -type “T-Dog did this when he was alive!” Let me try: You know, T-Dog once lifted 12 cases of medicine clear over his head and saved an orphanage after the zombies came.
Jeannie: Andrea! Stop acting all skeezy! Why are you so quick to believe everything about the Governor and this crazy compound he’s running?!?!
Joe: OMG, the Governor just used the word barbarian to describe Michonne. Loaded comparisons!
Jeannie: “She makes people uncomfortable.”
Ken: Erhmagawdzz!…Glenn is the first party to witness Shane 2.0 in all his glory.
Joe: Rick needs to cry this sh*t out. And drink. A lot.
Carly: Pliers?! That is when I look away, hands down. Also I don’t find it as amusing as they may have intended that the redneck is the one doing all the cajoling and narrating of their ‘fishing expedition.’
Joe: Seriously. Having the redneck say things like, “come ‘git it,” while laughing like a buffoon is just as bad as having T-Dog say “woo!” like he’s in Jerry Macguire.
Ken: Just what exactly were they trying to extract there? I almost felt bad for the walker.
Carly: Are we about to see some horrifying baby walkers????….nope, just dinner. Now that made me giggle.
Jeannie: Where and when on Earth did Daryl acquire this hideous poncho thing? Joe?
Joe: From Torture-a-Fashion-Editor-R-US. It’s also vaguely Urban Outfitters in its Aztec print on white person chic-ness.
Ken: That daycare scene…just like my high school prom date…what a tease. RIP Possum, you never had a chance at true happiness.
Joe: How would they even do that? With animatronics? Paint a toddler up and say “Growl like a tiger!” That is a one way ticket to jumping the shark.
Carly: Okay, calling it now: I bet we’re looking at a Michonne rescue situation to whisk Princess Andrea away from this warped town.
Joe: Princess Andrea and the delightfully curly and Pantene-fresh hair.
Introducing… Lil’ Ass Kicker
Jeannie: As sweet and healing as it might be to name the new baby, the mental health professional is screaming at my screen right now for someone to please talk to Carl and help him process what he did to his own mother. I mean, please.
Carly: I think the baby should have all of those names….like any normal celebrity baby. Like Uma Thurman’s new baby!
Ken: I think her name has already been determined. Thanks, Daryl–you’re a modern day Sophocles.
Joe: And a baby whisperer. You see how quickly that baby got quiet? She only started up when Carl got near her again.
Carly: Annnnnd emergency C-section take two? This is horrific.
Joe: I’m unsure what I’m looking at. And I’m pretty sure I would like to stay unsure.
Jeannie: I’m going to tinker around on the internet for a little bit and have this play in the background unseen until I stop hearing squishy flesh bits.
Ken: I think I see Lori Z-amburger bits….is Rick trying to extract what’s left of Lori from that bloated zombie’s guts? Word…
Joe: Boo, Ken. Boooooooooo.
Andrea Finally Puts Down that Lemonade and Looks Around
Ken: I think someone read my slightly twisted mind. The Gov’ decided to mix WWE, Fight Club, and Zombie Cage Deathmatch into a single gloriously bizarre event. Even Pantene Andrea is slightly nauseated.
Joe: Andrea and I had the same thought… “A little loud…”
Jeannie: Andrea just regained some brownie points with me here. Who the hell are the barbarians now?? Ugh. SMH!
Joe: Anyone who doesn’t look at this and wonder what the hell has happened to this town’s sanity… has gone insane.
The Phone Rings?
Jeannie: For a second, I thought Daryl was laying a flower down for Lori and I was, like, why would he do that? And then I remembered that Carol was presumed dead as well. I guess that means they found her body?
Carly: “Hello, Grimes residence how may I help you?”
Ken: “Grimes Residence, this is Ghost of T-Dog. Can I haz more lines plz?”
Joe: “No, T-Dog! The only lines you’ll get are Glenn and Herschel talking about how great you were! ACCEPT IT.”
Ken: And T-Dog suddenly became the most beloved:
Joe: Aww. I wonder how he feels about what people have been saying about his lack of lines and such.
Our Michonne Beheading Count is: 1.5. Squishing doesn’t count!