Tune In Next Week, He Says: The Racialicious Roundtable For True Blood 5.11

Joe: Hopefully, for all those coward faeries, that’s next week. I mean, if an ageless faerie isn’t threatening (like seriously, at all) then what hope do any of them have? You would expect her to at least maim Steve a little. I think the lesson here is that faerie powers suck.

Aside #2Tami: I have been immune to Joe Maginiello’s were charms since he admitted to being an Ayn Rand fan. But if they’re going to keep him shirtless for those not turned off by mindless libertarianism, I’m gonna need him to quit waxing his chest. A freaking werewolf should be hirsute. I mean…he’s a wolf and all. Also, acting range beyond nostril flaring and flexing would be good but not required.

Carly: Yeah, the chest waxing and the skin tight skinny jeans do not read rough Were. He may need a few lessons from Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation.

Oh, JasonLatoya: Oh snap–Jason is really being a grow-ass man on this show. This is clearly not related to Hoyt’s grown-ass man.

Tami: But not a terribly smart grown-ass man. What’s he going to do against Russell with that shotgun?

Latoya: I thought the bullets were loaded for vamp. He dispatched the Authority buffoons fairly neatly.

Joe: Yeah, but he could see them clearly. A 3,000 year old vampire on this show could mow the lawn, snap his neck, and do taxes in the time it would take Jason to lift and shoot that thing.

Carly: Couldn’t he have just waited inside and not invited them in? Ah well. I love some Jason being manly. He’s just too adorable.

Should We Take That “Fucking Baby Vamps” Comment Literally?Tami: Okay so are we assuming Tara is a lesbian now? Because she’s never really talked about her sexuality and we have seen her with both men and women. But the show seems to be deciding she is a lesbian and that, since the only two gay people in any given space must partner, she should be boo’d up with Pam.

Latoya: I could see that. But alternatively, I could also see an abuse dynamic where you start loving your abuser because they are all you have.

Carly: Haven’t they already set the precedent that regardless of sexuality, vampires more often than not have sexual relationships with their relatives, especially with their makers? They didn’t get into that with Eric and Godric, but it may be a safe assumption. But like was noted last week, we’ll cut out or take a wide shot of men kissing, but get within inches of women kissing.

Joe: Well, now that they’ve mentioned it, we will be seeing a Pam and Tara love scene.

YawnthorityLatoya: And the black vamp dies with no backstory.

Tami: On second thought, all vampires are becoming comically easy to kill. First, Sookie does one in with chopsticks. Baby vamp Jessica and dim bulb Jason take out trained vampire security. Alcide and his daddy go on a shooting spree, killing vamps without using their own super-powers. And Bill, who isn’t even 200 years old, murks an Authority council member with one swipe.

Carly: Yeah, it’s a bit ridiculous. It seems like everyone except for Russell is easy to kill.

Latoya: Man, I really wish this season had gone differently. This part about Bill possibly eating Sam is actually a great plot twist. I would have been on the edge of my seat a couple seasons back.

Carly: I think they’ve been neglecting Salome, so I’ll keeping my fingers crossed for an epic meltdown when she drinks all that blood. I don’t know how else they’d write her off. And of course, Eric will have to save Bill, because it’s Bill. *sigh*

Random Aside #2Latoya: So Alcide’s pops does give a damn about something?

Carly: It took me until the end this episode to realize his dad is Terminator 2. Now I won’t be able to stop thinking about him and that gooey metal icicle…

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