I was really about to title this roundtable “Fuck the Pain Away“, in honor of Sookie and Eric’s quest to have sex for the rest of the season. But that wouldn’t be fair to Skinwalking Tommy, the Marcus-Luna-Sam triangle, or Lafayette’s new drama. Kendra, Joe, Jordan, and Amber, join me to keep poking at True Blood plotlines.
Latoya: Just rewatched last week’s ep – did anyone else hear the gunshot right before Jess opened the door?
Kendra: If I did, I’d forgotten. Whoops.
Joe: Yeah, I assumed it was Jason shooting that idiot guard or Jason being shot at running to protect his hot ginge. And you know, just to blab some more: Reflecting on about the ending of last weeks episode, it reminded me of a quality of television not unlike Six Feet Under. Which, as we know, tends to not be true with this show. Message to Alan Ball: Schmaltzy pillow talk: bad. Drama, like this: good. Speaking of–
Jessica and Jason? Oh Boy…
Latoya: Oooh starting with Jess!
Jordan: Oh look, he got her. Jason pulled a nice save on that.
Kendra: They couldn’t possibly leave us hanging after last week!
Latoya: Jason Fucking Stackhouse. Oh wait – once again, bad plan.
Amber: This is sad. Hoyt is such a great guy and he’s inevitably going to get screwed over by the love of his life and his best friend. WOMP.
Kendra: Good intentions… just always forgets to think things through. It’s a constant with him, even with how much he’s matured. (Speaking of, I keep forgetting they jumped ahead a year.)
Latoya: Marnie and them had some serious timing when they stopped the chant. So wait – Jess didn’t die and Jase didn’t die…so the suspense continues.
Joe: Aaaand the only vampire that’s died so far is black. How very Black Dude Dies First of you, TB.
Kendra: Well, I officially support this relationship now, despite how badly this will end.
Latoya: Will someone please think of Hoyt?
Jordan: Back in the silver I guess
Kendra: The SFX makeup people are really making their money this season.
Jordan: indeed. bless jason’s heart. He’s really trying to do the right thing by him. Boy code in action
Latoya: And damn, does this mean Jase killed the guard outside?
Latoya: And all of this is getting really morally messy. And the new pack leader is kinda hilarious
Kendra: “No you wouldn’t, you would be dead.” Most sensible person on the show, TBH.
Jordan: Hmmm… new pack leader seems a bit smarter than I gave him credit for
Latoya: Right? Marcus is the first sensible person I have seen on this show yet!
Amber: Agreed. I am very impressed with his speech. Maybe the pack won’t be so bad for Alcide and Debbie after all…at least dude is not trying to get anyone killed.
Jordan: The speaking sense mantle has been passed
Latoya: Debbie is boning Marcus, isn’t she? If she hasn’t started, she will.
Jordan: I love how Alicide towers over all of them
Kendra: Alcide is on his way to First Mate status in the pack.
Jordan: Debbie can’t handle it, she needs her men a little rougher around
Latoya: Nah, you know he’s about to throw it all out the window for some sweet sunshine and spoiled wheat.
Jordan: Ahhh.. back to Sookie
Kendra: Staying away from Sookie is generally the best way for anyone to stay alive.
Amber: And yet no one has learned that…except maybe Tara? But I have a feeling she’ll be running back too once it’s all over–if she doesn’t end up dead, that is.
Latoya: Debbie needs to just stop.
Jordan: Oh, and that sound was their relationship dying
Latoya: You keep bringing up another woman, and see what happens…didn’t her momma tell her anything?
Later, after we discover Marcus is Luna’s Baby Daddy…
Kendra: Uh oh. That’s his daughter? Snap.
Jordan: Whoops, forgot about this whole storyline
Latoya: Oh shizzle
Jordan: This just got dirty, we’re bringing parole officers into it..
Amber: That’s how it has to be sometimes. He walks in tryna run shit…Luna had to remind him to fall back.
Latoya: Now I wanna know how she got with Marcus.
Joe: Or… why. I’m guessing rebellion.
Amber: Marcus has too much damn energy and a bad temper. I know Sam was a bad ass in the past, but I dunno. He just got himself involved in some mess…again.
Kendra: I love how this is about 10x more interesting than all the vampire business.
Jordan: Yeah that doesn’t seem like it will end well
Latoya: Right. Marcus is overly buck for no reason. I’m glad Alcide is skeptical.
Jordan: Awkward… can’t imagine having to explain to someone I’m courting about killing my parents and then having my brother take over my body. What do you day after that… my bad
Latoya: Seriously. And I love princess baby. Cat barbie is her other side.
Kendra: Yeah… in a way I’m almost glad they’ve sort of glossed it over, because I really can’t think of any realistic way they discuss and get over that.
Amber: Well, Luna’s no stranger to shifting and skin walking so I’m sure even though it’s SUPER awkward, at least it’s something that she totally understands and has experienced. On date one with a non-shifter though? That’d def be a deal breaker.
Latoya: Tommy is freaking me out
Jordan: What they hell? dammit Tommy. “Really nice bitches”
Latoya: He’s going for the oil cash.
Kendra: “You’d think.” I’m choosing to read that as a comment on Sookie…
Kendra: Tommy!Ms. Thortenberry is a hot mess.
Kendra: Back to the real stars of the show now…
Jordan: Oh yeah… He’s been a sweetheart.. since that woman he killed… Don’t Sookie
Kendra: Sookie is going to let him feed from her, isn’t she.
Joe: Of course she is.
Jordan: Don’t be that stupid
Amber: She’s ALWAYS that stupid.
Kendra: My God. She is a moron. Eventually he’s getting his memory back and you’re back to having those dreams…
Latoya: “Now you know my blood is special…” ummhmm, wheat and sunshine.
Jordan: Eric seems more concerned for her life than she is…
Joe: I mean, her grandmother even warned her from the great beyond and she didn’t listen. Sookie would miss a “Eric Northman Killed Us” ticker tape parade if he was speaking romance novel to her.
Amber: Ugh. Right?! She hightailed it out of Marnie’s shop when gran told her to, so why can’t she remember that part two of that message was heavily anti-Eric?
Jordan: It’s wrong to hope he kills her, isn’t it
Amber: @Jordan Naaaah, I’m also on the “please relieve us from Sookie” bandwagon.
Latoya: He’s sniffing her like some wine. Shouldn’t he swirl her first?
Kendra: Sookie. No.
Jordan: Ummmm… IDIOT
Kendra: I hope this is a dream…?
Latoya: This scene is making me gag. When two become one, spice girls style? They are really laying Ekie on thick.
Jordan: Oh… more marathon sex
Kendra: Excessive feet shot? I didn’t know Tarentino was directing this episode. Though, that would also explain the head-desk bashing.
Latoya: This shower scene is so not exciting. Chip Eric does nothing for me. This would have been awesome last season.
Jordan: I know. Real Eric would have worked some magic with this
Kendra: Are they high?
Joe: He’s high on her fairy, she’s high on his vamp. That spells healthy love right there.
Amber: This scene is lasting entirely too long…NEXT.
Jordan: So she’s wheat and sunshine and he’s snow?
Latoya: Oh, they’re dreaming. In fanservice. Sookie wants to fuck while glamping. Frolicking, frolicking, in the snow!
Joe: I’m gonna geek out. This scene is supposed to be. so. much. dirtier. Like marching toward the Spice channel. I’m upset.
Jordan: If I was Anna Paquin, they would explain to me why I had to spend yet another episode naked
Joe: Let’s be honest, I could use some love and affection as much as the next singleton, but if this were happening to me I would NOT be able to stop laughing.
Amber: @Joe Ha! Cosign. They are overdoing it with the sweet and innocent. From moonlit meadows to snowy sunshine? They’ve totally become a cheesy romance novel.
Kendra: They’re still in their Narnia snow palace?
Latoya: Eric, snow doesn’t melt on your skin – you’re dead! Fanservice blows.
Joe: Please- two episodes- no two SCENES like this per season. And never back to back. Lordy.
Amber: Seriously…how long ‘til they snap back to reality?
Jordan: I don’t remember his blood doing this to anyone. And between which thrust did they fall in love exactly?
Joe: The very first, Jordan. The very first.
Latoya: The whole house (Toya, Boyfriend, Renina, Goldy) just sang “Loving you….ooooohhoooohoooohooohooohoooo!”
Kendra: …hoooow are they still naked?
Latoya: Right? We are 2/3rds through the show. Wait – was Sookie high on V? Like Jason’s first chick, dreaming of balloons?
Kendra: She had more this time than the last, and this time it wasn’t to heal, so maybe.
Latoya: Sookie is a damn fool.
Jordan: Sookie seems to have remembered she cares about someone other than herself and Eric, of course that person would be Bill and not say one of her family or friends
Latoya: …Is she trying to encourage him to fight for BILL? Sookie has no morals.
Kendra: I don’t understand her motives.
Amber: Yeah her staying in Bon Temps to fight (for vampires???) doesn’t even make sense. She’s so self-righteous and I don’t even think she fully understands why. She just comes up with crazy ideas and thinks she always right.
Jordan: She messed Hoyt up…
Latoya: OMG, and with Jason at that.
Jordan: Ohhh… she messed his head up…
Kendra: This is going to end with her glamouring him, isn;t it?
Latoya: Don’t glamour him! Don’t glamour him!
Kendra: Wait. WHAT
Latoya: HOLY THE FUCK SHIT THEY KILLED HOYT!
Amber: DID NOT see that coming! * clutches heart *
Kendra: Okay, THIS is the dream.
Jordan: Ummm… what is going on now. Yeah ok we are dreaming
Latoya: Whooooooooooo Hoyt.
Kendra: Donor’s dressed like she get a spa day afterwards.
Jordan: I know… neck looked nice and pristine too
Andy is Still a Hot Mess
Jordan: Oh Andy…. andy no
Kendra: Everyone’s Bubba!
Latoya: Jesus Tits God America! Andy has the best lines right now
Jordan: That is a lovely suit if I do say so myself
Kendra: “Because we all know each other.” Heh.
Jordan: very dapper for primetime
Amber: Right? Bill is totally working the southern charm. I’m captivated.
Kendra: The lower half of Mrs. Thortenberry’s outfit is killing me.
Latoya: Wow, they are laying it on thick over here. And the excessive glamouring.
Latoya: Tara, wtf
Kendra: I think she’s starting to realise this was stupid.
Jordan: What exactly did Tara think she was signing up for?
Kendra: She knows killing them only makes them madder/stronger.
Jordan: Please – Exit Tara, stage left
Kendra: Oh. Or not. I read that last reaction waaaay wrong.
Latoya: ooooooooooooooooooh. Bill knows Tara is there
Jordan: Oh Tara… you are not thinking about the long run on this
Amber: She isn’t thinking smart at all. She’s scared and tired and just wants it to be over, but in my head that’s all the more reason to get the fuck outta town. I’m just sayin.
Latoya: Bill’s diplomacy is ringing hollow now – remember, if you will, the plantation where he refused to save Tara.
Joe: Yeah, where was that line? Tara needs to learn to give more comeuppance when its due.
Jordan: Also, what price is Antonia paying for staying in this body so long? And using that much power?
Amber: Word. I’m a lot less impressed with Antonia in this exchange with Bill and Tara. She’s angry and a bit erratic. She’s reminding me too much of…Marnie.
Kendra: They haven’t explained much of the mythology at all. And I have the feeling she just agreed to walk into a trap.
Jordan: I think Marnie is smarter than that but I wonder what she and tara have in store for Bill and company
Joe: I think Marnie may represent the endearing but completely blind religious devotee.
Latoya: I think we may be giving this plotline too much credit…
Kendra: LOL. WHY do they still have that doll…
Jordan: Ha, they put up a mirror for the ghost
Latoya: Only Terry would think of that.
Kendra: Army training!
Latoya: And has anyone translated the french song yet?
Joe: It’s just a Creole lullaby about a baby. I know she keeps singing “mon bebe” which doesn’t bode well for anyone, frankly. Lafayette knows whats up.
Amber: I’m so disappointed. I was so hopeful for benevolence, but that look she just gave Laffy was downright sinister.
Jordan: HA. He just saw the ghost, turned and left. That was actually the proper response.
Latoya: “Fuck this shit.” Title of the roundtable.
Amber: Perfect. And a perfect Laffy response.
Kendra: It might be nice if Laffy told them about the ghost haunting their baby though…
Jordan: Yeah… i think a heads up on that would be in order. Although.. how does one break that news to someone?
Joe: Uhh, “Some lady is haunting your baby.” It seems like something awful is bound to happen because no one is talking to eachother. Not to the baby of course.
Latoya: Nah, I want LaLa to focus on staying alive.
Amber: Yeeeeeah…I think Laffy is focused on his own life right now. I can’t say I blame him, especially after Brujo and Mexico. Also, maybe he hasn’t quite made the connection yet.
Kendra: Laffy and I have the same hair wrap.
Jordan: What is the flashback. Dammit are we back to the rape theme
Latoya: Someone killed her baby?
Kendra: did she mention a sister or did I misunderstand?
Latoya: OMG. Wait. It’s mixed race drama. They killed their kid. Rather, he killed their kid.
Amber: Oh, this is no goooood. She’s a mourning mother ghost. Sigh.
Kendra: Yeah. Ooooh, Laffy.
Latoya: Forced possession is not the business.
Jordan: Oh well damn, inhabiting a body seems like the thing to do this season
Kendra: At least Ball knows how to keep with a theme? Non-Consent all the way.
Amber: I’mma need Laffy to figure out how to protect himself against possession. I need one of the POC to have some control. They’re all just being bullied around.
Latoya: Can the black characters have any damn peace in this series?
Kendra: …is possessed Laffy going to shoot this baby?
Jordan: Now does she just think this is her baby…
Latoya: What the shit? There can be no more of this foolishness.
Kendra: I’m wondering if she thinks it’s her baby, or if that man is related to the Belfleurs.
Joe: That sounds exactly correct, actually.
Amber: Cosign. I’m also thinking her baby’s father/killer was or was connected to a Belfleur.
Kendra: and she’s extracting revenge on Terry.
Jordan: Awwww… poor hoyt
Latoya: Oh yeah. You know this man is writing that check out of petty cash.
Jordan: he is breaking my heart
Kendra: better than getting his head smashed into a desk.
Jordan: Set him free Jessica
Latoya: Seriously. Hoyt deserves better.
Jordan: She wants to go on a “break” nice
Latoya: Yeah Hoyt! Tell me the truth!
Kendra: …oh, okay. no, that was a bit far, Hoyt.
Joe: A bit? He just listed everything that’s wrong with her. Although, three things ain’t bad. Maybe that’s why he’s turning into a big pile of relationship pudding right now.
Latoya: Wow. Damn. Hoyt is going HAM.
Jordan: Although got to say, I forgot how much he gave up for her
Kendra: Granted, that line might have been to remind us of that, because I’d definitely forgotten about the virgin thing.
Amber: Yeah he definitely went in on her, but I’m still kind of feeling for him. Jess has been stepping out on him and she glamoured him. She’s been lying to him for a while now and dude is hurting. He gave up so much to be with her and clearly loves her to pieces.
Jordan: I would feel worse if there wasn’t the whole glamour issue
Latoya: That went way different than we could have thought. And he rescinded his invitation? Oh snap.
Amber: Right? An invitation rescindment is always so dramatic. I felt that one.
So, Jessica runs to Jason…
Jordan: Oh Jessica… don’t
Latoya: And yeah, Jason, right on with the common sense.
Kendra: Oh, Jessica. Rejected from two houses in the same night…
Latoya: Damn – Jessica got kicked to the curb, TWICE
Amber: Whoa! Thrown out twice in the same hour? That has to cut deep.
Kendra: this is what happens when you abuse ish.
Jordan: Poor Jess, not her day, or night. That said, she didn’t meet the sun
Jordan: Nice trick Antonia
Jordan: Where did Antonia get that jacket?
Kendra: Pam’s looking better.
Latoya: Right! Guess those treatments are working.
Jordan: Same old Eric in there
Latoya: What? Who just got dusted? And Tara, damn it! Get it together!
Kendra: Alcide… what are you even doing here?
Amber: Is there a reason why Alcide is so stuck on Sookie? Fae blood should have no effect on him…so, why is he fawning after her like everyone else?
Jordan: Damn Alcide…
Latoya: He was so cool with that lie.
Jordan: Didn’t you just tell your gf you were staying away.. i mean he promised it to her face. Damn.
Joe: And not ten seconds later you’re protecting the fairy girl. To a wolflady, that’s gotta sting.
Kendra: Tara kind of would have deserved that, because this foolishness… I just can’t anymore. Why is she still here.
Latoya: No she doesn’t know why BILL! I can’t with this series
Jordan: Yeah, Tara deserved it on that one. She needs to go directly from his graveyard to a bus station. Find your woman. Leave this foolishness.
Amber: Agreed. The longer she stays in Bon Temps the likelihood of her getting ruthlessly murked increases.
Kendra: Oh boy, whose blood will Sookie drink first?
Jordan: Oh yeah, unfortunately Sookie will be just fine
Amber: Yep, no point in even acting surprised or worried. She’s not going anywhere.
Latoya: Right. Alicide. The Fairies. Someone will take care of her ass.
Jordan: Oh course
Jordan: Yeah… Debbie is going to cut her to pieces
Amber: Poor Debbie. She was doing so well, but this is definitely going to put her back in a place.
Kendra: well, I’m guessing she DIDN’T just give Erik his memory back.
Jordan: sadly, no
Latoya: So Sookie almost died, Bill saved Tara
Jordan: now bill and tara are even though
Latoya: Debbie is gonna kill Sookie or sleep with Marcus or attempt both
Kendra: And Laffy has a baby.
Latoya: Wow. So, we’re supposed to feel concern for Sookie, are we?
Jordan: I think we are
Amber: I just can’t muster up any.
Kendra: Prediction: it’s an hour long episode about saving sookie where she probably goes through some dream/hallucination thing through the entirety of it. Every tv series has one of those eps.
Jordan: Sadly there is no chance they would kill her off . I love the shows that actually have the guts to do that
Amber: Yeah they can’t kill her off. The Tara haters/Sookie lovers would be pouring in the hate mail.
Kendra: We cannot all be George RR Martin, I’m afraid.
Jordan: I hope the ghost storyline moves along next week… i can’t stand an all Sookie, all the time episode
Latoya: @Jordan – seriously. I also want to see the Luna-Sam-Marcus plot come to fruition
Jordan: indeed… and the debbie plot
Kendra: I want to think that Marcus isn’t THAT bad of a guy, despite everything. Still reserving judgement on him…
Latoya: Luna did call him her psycho ex
Jordan: yeah… there is that
Latoya: Sick of Chip Eric. They need to do something with him. And I’m glad Jason didn’t betray Hoyt
Amber: I have a feeling we won’t be seeing chip Eric for too too much longer. I’m hoping Antonia’s spell spurs something.
Kendra: Well, Marnie may have.
Latoya: That would have been too much
Jordan: Jason seems to have really grown this season, being a cop suits him
Amber: How long before he gets with Jessica? I’m thinking another kiss if not more will definitely go down by the end of the season.
Kendra: In a way he had to. He’s on the force that, as far as I can tell, includes him, Keenyah, and a V Addict. Dunno where Keenyah’s gone, so someone had to take control. He’s had a front row seat to Andy’s spiral.
Jordan: yeah andy needs to pull himself together, he and the waitress could be cute together
Joe: I think she’ll probably help him through it. If she doesn’t pass in the war.
Amber: Yeah, God help Andy. His rich grandmother needs to send him to rehab.
Latoya: True dat. At this point anyone could die – I give Ball props for that. Knowing that little tidbit means we’ve been on the edge of our seats all season
Jordan: Anyone other than Sookie. She’s not going anywhere
Kendra: LOL, truth.