None of This is Easy: A Week of Conversations on Love, Sex, and Interracial Dating

I was reading the latest Essence on the plane and realized that their main feature on black dating once again boiled down to black women need to date a white guy. (To be fair, Essence printed a longer version of this article, which we’ve already taken to the mat.) But all the talk of black women increasing their market value by diversifying their holdings made me die a bit on the inside.

It also got me thinking – there are so many missing conversations on race, love, sex, and dating, why do we spend so much time rehashing the same old stories? And since I’ve moderated conversations on all kinds of people’s issues with dating and relationships, I think would be a public service at this point to show that (1) dating and relating isn’t easy for anyone and (2) stereotypes impact how we came to our own ideas about dating, and what is often missed in media or mainstream conversations. In addition, I wanted to throw a bit of a wrench in the gears by including queer discussions of dating in the roundtables – generally, these articles only look at what heterosexual black women should do, and ignore every one else.

So I put out a call to about 75 friends of the blog, long time commenters, and regular contributors. And they responded with their stories that are honest, painful, and beautiful. So without further ado, here’s the roundtable descriptions and schedule.

The Black Roundtable

This one is part article response to the Essence piece, but also a discussion of the myths around intra and interracial dating. Presented in four parts, starting today and running through Tuesday. (Jump to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4)

The Asian Roundtable

As a mod, I’ve noticed that there is a lot of contention between some Asian men and women that closely mirror the conversations in the black community – without the media attention. In addition, there are complicating cultural factors to explore, as well as the broader idea of “dating white” and “dating nonwhite.” Starting tomorrow, presented in three parts. (Jump to part 1, part 2, part 3)

The Mixed Race Roundtable

Exploring the idea of “dating in/dating out” does or does not apply to mixed race people, and observations on how the panelists interpret these conversations about what people should and should not do. Starting Tuesday.

The White Roundtable

Much has been made about black women dating white men, but no one has really touched on attitudes toward interracial dating in the white community. The panelists discuss the messages they received growing up, and their experiences with dating both interracially and intraracially? Starting Tuesday.

The Latin@ Roundtable

Partially a response to Latina’s article from a couple months ago on “Latinas Dating Black Men” which didn’t really discuss black Latinos. Also a conversation about the boundaries of race and ethnicity, particularly when Latino is such a broad and encompassing term. Starting Wednesday.

The Way Outside the Constructs Roundtable

Black Enterprise had a study which showed that the indigenous outmarriage rate was 50% – and this was something that wasn’t covered often, considering that most studies do not gather data about these populations. How is the dating conversation complicated by colonialism/genocide, and what are the considerations from an indigenous perspective? Starting Thursday.

The Beyond Marriage Roundtable

This one is for the married, once married, and queer folks on the thread – so many of these articles position marriage as the “solution” to this problem – that if everyone just gets married, all these problems would be magically solved. But we all know that isn’t the case. In this roundtable, panelists discuss how intra or inter-racial relationships played out after the wedding, and if the messages you received from society or culture changed. Starting Thursday.