Back to the beginning

That tingly feeling you get when you are really happy and filled with hope/excitement – You know what I mean? I would get this feeling a lot over the first year and years to come. It’s a feeling that I would get when I saw strangers really connecting before my eyes; when I would get feedback that Swirl mattered; when people thanked me for creating a community for which they searched for the greater part of their lives. The tingliest thing that happened to me was during the holiday party that first year of Swirl. An older multiracial male – in his 50s at the time – came up to me and said, “I feel like I’m finally home.” Tears welled in his eyes as I smiled back at him.

I still get this tingly feeling, especially now, as I return (more fully) to my work with Swirl. The feeling comes on when I imagine a better way of living together – all of us – not in harmony for the sake of harmony, but a harmony that we really understand because we have actually built it and worked very hard for it. Over time, and through authentic relationships. Knowing that it is far away from where we are now, but seeing sparks all the time. On the subway. In classrooms. In the cafe where I am writing this. The possibility that people can come together (across cultures and socially-constructed races) and see one another for who they truly are, rather than what merely appears on the outside. Sometimes I get so excited about what is possible that I can’t sleep. Ideas run through my head and keep me up until I finally give in and let the thoughts flow down my arm, through my pen, and onto paper. Excitement that with effort and energy, we can make positive change and create a new culture of addressing difference in this country.

I appreciate my friend having encouraged me to think about how I felt in the beginning. It’s good to remember why I started doing this work in the first place.

So today, I connect back to the beginning. The same feelings as I had back in 1999 (now accompanied by a bit more maturity and know-how, I’d like to think!). I am hopeful. Determined. Energized. More excited than ever. Eager to move forward with what I envision, which is probably similar to what many of us envision and hope for. Connected, healthy, and strong communities adept at dealing with conflict and difference. Together.

(picture was taken at the Chinatown Ice Cream Factory in 2006 at a SwirlNYC event)

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