The World Updates Its To-Do List Post-Osama Bin Laden [Humor]

by Latoya Peterson

So, since I’m a jerk, I watched part of the Bin Laden press conference, read the post-play this morning, and waited for the inevitable conspiracy theory to pop up.

I didn’t have to wait long. In an elevator, someone leaned over to me and confided, “Oh, I hope you don’t believe that’s real. Where’s the body? If they killed him, they’d have a body, right? I won’t believe he’s dead till I see the body.”

According to reports, the body was buried at sea.

So I cracked, “Well, we’ll just have to wait till he drops an album with Tupac. They could call it “Until The End of Time (We’re Staying in Cuba.)”

And while Amaru records is working on that, can someone please call Aaron MacGruder? It’s time for him to finish that plotline where Riley was gonna remake himself as a rapper named Bin Laden, and Huey was calling in tips about Americans aiding Bin Laden.

But if he came back, it would only be a matter of time before Lalo Alcaraz brought back the Beandocks:

Which means there would be two indignant ass brown folks in the daily comics pages, and that would be two too many.

Bush 1 and Bush 2 (a.k.a. The Empire Strikes Back at Your Foxhole!) both decide to change their phone numbers since the Navy Seals who carried out the operation keep leaving voice messages like this:

At the Dyson Show, me and the producers were creating the fantasy playlist for Obama’s next press conference. I forgot what Teria said, but I put the question on Twitter.

I went with:

Carmen suggested:

Obama can’t continue to brush dirt off his shoulder, especially as half of it already landed on the Donald’s toupee during the Press Correspondent’s Dinner.

Sophia Coppola needs to clear out her schedule to do the Osama biopic, especially considering her penchant for 80s music and wrecked mansions.

Exhibit A: The final scene in Marie Antoinette.

Exhibit B: Osama’s mansion, post-mission.

Coincidence? Or artistic retelling just waiting to happen?

Arturo disagrees. Clearly, the next shots released of Bin Laden’s mansion will have the promo line “Next time, on Extreme Home Makeover…”

Also, Arturo reminds us not to believe the Navy Seals just yet – another prominent assassin has taken credit for Bin Laden’s downfall: