Being a POC in the Metal Scene
Well, he was mad at me for my comment. First, he texted me, and then responded via FB, asking me why I called him that. He then went on to say that – and I didn’t mention this, HE did – that he wasn’t a racist and that he was not going to apologize. “I’ve been attracted to only white girls since I was four or five.” But it wasn’t that, that was the problem – if he wants to date white girls, so what? I responded that I didn’t think what he said was racist, but just ignorant. He seemed very conscious that if he had just mentioned that so-and-so was attractive, that people might have a problem with the fact that the woman is Black.
Well then his white friends – mostly female – started to comment. Some went after me personally, alluded to the fact that I was fat and a “big bitch” and said that I was going to ‘beat him up’ (which was interesting, because I do not have a picture of me up on my page) and said they only liked white girls, and some other racialized language. Then someone got smart and removed me from the response thread, but they went on about Jews and Latinos, etc. Oh, but some of them were Jewish (or so they described themselves), so I guess that was okay! My “friend,” I guess so happy that he got some attention, egged them on.
When I got home from work, I promptly “de-friended” him. I’m going to at least two events in the US this year where I know he will be at (we have the same circle of friends/colleagues/music industry people), and my initial reaction was to never talk to him again.
For a minute I was having flashbacks to high school (shudder).
It wasn’t that he didn’t defend me – I guess he was angry that I called him on his shit. It was … hell, he seemed to go along with this other ‘friends’ on FB. We are were not close, but as a fellow POC, I thought he would be less of a f-cking asshole, but as I mentioned before I wasn’t shocked.
Just a bit disappointed.
And I do not want to associate with people who know ignorant-ass hipster racists like he does.
By the way he reacted to my ‘douchebag’ comment, I think he knew he was crossing a line with his statement. But instead of offering a rational explanation instead of “I like to fuck white girls and don’t call me a racist” he tried to make me the guilty party by even calling him on it. I think what bothered me was that he is of South Asian descent and privately, we had discussed being brown folks in the extreme music scene. I thought that perhaps he shouldn’t cave in to the stupid, ignorant behavior just so he can impress his friends.
At that moment, I didn’t give a shit what he had to do to make himself feel worthy. I’m not going to save him or condone his actions. But dissing other POC’s and Jewish folks is a no-no.
This incident got me thinking about my book. I have to admit that when I was in the research phase I was looking for women who were into the metal and punk scenes who were “conscious.” They had to be Black and proud of it, and were not using the music and/or culture to be accepted by whites – the majority in the scene. Sure, there were a couple of women who did not want to be interviewed (one who is a prominent member of the backup band for a very well-known singer), and I just had to accept that for them, perhaps talking about their experiences as Black women in the hard rock/metal scene might jeopardize the reputation that they had worked so hard to gain.
The “thesis” of my book is that the extreme music scenes can actually serve as a place to be liberated from the racialized stereotypes that exist in our world. That people can pursue what they like and who they are as individuals, instead of adhering to a racialized notion that says that you have to listen to a certain type of music in order to be authentically (insert ethno-culture here).
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