Preparing My Kids To Be Able To Run Through Walls
I think about the walls that threatened to thwart my growth when I was younger and how completely ill-prepared I was to handle them. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I realize that perhaps I’ve been far too generous in assessing how well equipped I was to deal with the very real walls of racism, prejudice and discrimination throughout my life. I have no doubt that my parents love and concern imparted upon me the knowledge that they were always there for me – and yes, that is huge in it’s own right – but as an Asian girl/adolescent/young adult, I recognize now just how unprepared I was in terms of not having the right language or effective strategies to be my own best advocate in my racially isolated world.
Our son starts Kindergarten next week and his older sister will be in 3rd grade. As children of color, each has already been hit with varying degrees of walls and I know there are many, many more to come. When it comes to race and race consciousness, I have tried to be as mindful and as strategic as possible to do whatever is in my power to prepare them as they face each new barrier. For me and my family this has been an on-going process for the past several years. Preparing my kids means a lot of role playing, frequent and relevant conversations addressing topics like racism, stereotypes and prejudices. It requires me to have the dirty but necessary job to share and explain certain racial slurs that might be thrown at them or someone else in hopes that my kids’ knowledge will help alleviate the power of those words. It also includes each member of my family examining our own biases and acknowledging our own privilege in various capacities. It involves me teaching and modeling what listening to your gut looks and feels like and then having honest conversations around said events so that we have a chance to process it all together. It requires me to have honest and direct conversations with my children’s teachers and administrators to share with them the kinds of discussions I’ve been having with my son and daughter over the past 3 and 5 years, respectively, in hopes that they can be better allies to all of their students in the school. It means forging alliances and building genuine relationships with other families in our school community. It means speaking up and out against injustices in our own backyard, even if it makes us all uncomfortable.
Lest anyone think I’m the epitome of a pessimist who looks for the worst in every possible human encounter, I like to look at it this way: You insist that your child wear his seat belt anytime he gets into the car. Why? It’s the same for me and my family when it comes to race. The chances of one of them being involved in a “crash” are actually pretty high, so I try to give them every added piece of protection that I can. I harbor no illusions that I’ve done things so perfectly as to avoid any impact or pain, but just like in driving, I know that I can’t fully rely on the other drivers to be looking out for the best interest of me or my family, so I do what I think is necessary to keep them as safe as possible.
The mom in me wants to be able to learn from the child I used to be – the child who fought so hard to keep moving forward when others tried to devalue my humanity and my spirit just because of who I was. Unfortunately, there will never be a shortage of walls to overcome. I just want my kids to be confident enough in the preparation they’ve had to know that no wall is too powerful to keep them from taking that next step forward and most importantly – that they don’t have to do it alone.
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