Black Women Can’t Find A Man? Blame The Church! [Rant]

by Latoya Peterson

CNN headline

So, I am totally procrastinating on this article I need to write because I just spotted this CNN article which is so full of fail, I just keep pounding the desk and screaming “Why why why why!??!?!”

I hate: The headline. Nothing raises my blood pressure faster than asking stupid questions like “Does the black church keep black women single?” We can’t buy quality national news coverage for so many critical stories, and now I know why – everyone has given up reporting on current events so we can keep flogging the single black women story.

I hate: The video.  It opens with “The thing that is keeping black women single is black women! They don’t know themselves, they don’t know what they want, they are desperate…there are tons of issues, nothing to do with the church.  Nothing.”

At this point, I started screaming, scaring my puppy and my unicorn boyfriend.

Then the guy on the video basically said the same thing, and I turned the video off so I could stop screaming. I turned it back on again, then regretted it. If someone has the stomach to watch the rest, let me know what I missed.

Then, when I was looking for a clip of Sex and the City – it’s my favorite examination of the single white women phenomenon – but then realized that somehow, I forgot that when Carrie got dumped via post it note, Charlotte was supposed to take a picture of a black bachelorette party and some how managed to be in the middle of the pic, with the crown on! WTF? (And I also don’t remember them fleeing from the white chicks, but lo and behold, class issues again.)

So I scratched the example and went back to screaming at the article.

I hate: This fake me out “oh noes patriarchy, but wait, evolutionary biology means women submit and men rebel” circular nonsense.

First they say:

The traditional structure and dynamics of black churches, mostly led by black men, convey submissive attitudes to women, Cooper says, encouraging them to be patient — instead of getting up and going after what they want.

But then they say:

Watkins believes the social structure of the church keeps black men from attending. “Those appealing, high-testosterone guys have a hard time getting into the ‘Follow the leader, give me your money, and listen to what I have to say’ attitude.”

“Many of us have a difficult time submitting to the pastor who is just another man.”

And even though the beginning of the article quoted Patty Davis saying:

“Every day is a blessed day for me,” she says. “Jesus is the No. 1 man in my life and any man who wants me must seek me through Him.”

They then serve this steaming pile of bull:

The male pastor, Cooper says, is the “alpha male” for many black women. Over-reverence for the pastor – or any religious figure for that matter – creates barriers for the black man, she says, because he feels like he must compete for the No. 1 spot in a black woman’s heart.

“It doesn’t make you more attractive if your life is filled with these ‘other’ men,” Cooper says. “If they feel like they have to compete, you are not going to be interesting because you’re not feeding his ego in the way it needs to be fed.”

Look damn it, which one is it? Is Jesus number one or is the pastor number one?

Then, they quote Reverend Renita J. Weems who calls shennanigans and gives the money quote: “The black church is not a Sunday morning sex drama.”

But if it is not the Sunday morning sex drama, then what the hell is up with all the religious stage plays? (Yes, I let my friends drag me to those. The last one I watched featured a lascivious pastor cheat on his god-fearing wife with a few other members, then being left behind when Jesus comes and being left to rot in hell.  Church folk, know this – do not take your heathen friends to a gospel stage play.  We are not laughing with you. Just saying.  Clearly, my friends know this, but I think they are amused at my running text message commentary.)

Then, we get to the best part of the article:

“Black women need to open their eyes. You want to know the reason why the black man isn’t in church? Because he left church to go to the Sunday football game,” Cooper says. “Going to these sites is discouraged in the black church because these places are seen as places where ‘sin dwells.’ But if women are compassionate, as the bible preaches they should be, then they need to be more open about the men they choose to date and where they might meet them.”

I laughed at that one.  This is almost as good as that time Essence told black women to check for a man at the strip club. Why go to church when you could be meeting a man?

Fail, fail, fail, comment fail, life fail, article fail.