Shiftshaping

by Guest Contributor Sumeia Williams, originally published at Ethnically Incorrect Daughter

The doors slid open to another frost covered morning as I left work. I took a deep breath and shivered as the crisp air invaded my lungs. In contrast, the sky defied the dead cold with its deep red and orange streaks. Mesmerized by the flaming sky, I stood in the doorway for a moment taking time to absorb the world outside.

The morning breeze carried a mixture of odors, the most distinguishable being of car exhaust and frying chicken. The adjacent streets echoed with the hum, squeak and whine of the early rush to get somewhere. I was in no hurry but was content to let life flow around me like flood waters around a tree.

As the sun rose higher, the warm hues reflected off of the still frozen dew enveloping everything in the color of warmth. It had been a long time since I’d stopped to enjoy a sunrise.

“What are you doing?” a co-worker approached, “Go home.”

“I will,” I smiled, “Just taking time to remember that life can still be beautiful.”

“Okaaaaay, spit it out,” he joked, “What did you take?”

“Look you,” I turned my head to glare at him, “can you not drag me out of my happy place today?”

He laughed, “Let me guess. It’s a Zen thing, right? You got some feng shui thing going on?”

I raised a fist and shifted my weight, “Wanna die, white boy?”

“Oh gawd,” he exclaimed in mock terror covering his head with his arms, “She’s whipping out the kung fu! Don’t hurt me, ninja girl!”

“I will stab you in the face, you pale piece of shit, ” I replied through my teeth in a low, threatening tone.

We paused to exchange the most menacing looks we could muster before he cracked a smile and assaulted me with a bear hug.

“See you tonight,” he said as he walked away.

“See you,” I replied.

“Get some sleep today!” he yelled over his shoulder, “You busted your ass last night.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said and began to make my way to the car.

Sitting down in my car made me realize how tired I really was and suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get back to the apartment. People from the day shift were still sifting in, and a few waved as I drove away. Some of them looked exhausted even though they’d were just beginning their day. Maybe it was the look of working too long in a job one didn’t really enjoy. Would I look like that in a few years? Would I even be there in a few years?

I was still a baby in the eyes of the old timers. Only just recently completing my first year, I had seen so many come and go. It was hard to believe a few had stayed for as long as they had. Some I knew had been there for a decade or more. I could no longer imagine living in one state for that long, much less working in the same job – especially one that required so much physical exertion.

I wondered how long my body would put up with the way I abused it. Sometimes, it was like going to the gym and working out for eight hours. The plus side was that I’d whipped myself into shape in less than six months. It was like getting paid to lose weight and tone up.

The pace at night could be grueling and hectic or just plain blah. It was a joke among some of us that the night would either bore us to sleep or drive us to the point of collapse. Either way, we ended up unconscious and drooling. Some of us seemed to thrive on the chaos, the pressure and the push to exceed our limits.

We all bitched and moaned, but for some, the complaining was a perk. After spending two decades as a stay-at-home wife and mother (the last three of those trying unsuccessfully to maneuver myself into a job), being able to talk and complain about work felt good. I drew a weird kind of satisfaction out it.

Quite a few of my coworkers were at least half my age. They were younger and had more energy reserves which forced me to drive myself even harder just to keep up. It was easy to get discouraged, but I was determined to keep pace and excel if possible.

The social dynamic posed its own kind of challenges. Not only was I the old geezer in the bunch, but I was the only Asian woman. I was more than familiar with the scenario, but wondered how I’d adapt to it being in a work situation. The group I worked with came from varied backgrounds, a few of them being a bit rough around the edges. Most were good people that I genuinely liked , but there just wasn’t room for the suburban, stay-at-home-mom I’d become.

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