Whatever Happened to Rufio?: The Non-Asian Ideal of Masculinity

by Guest Contributor CVT

Here’s one of my first Portland (Oregon) memories:

I’m at a bar with two white male friends.  Well, actually, I’m at a Chinese restaurant and bar . . . at a karaoke night. (*1)  With two white male friends.

Anyway.

My friends, in looking for a larger table for us, chat up these three cute(ish) white girls and get them to let us join them.  The inevitable stupid conversations and “the game” ensue.

While this is all going down, I remember thinking to myself – so vividly – “these girls could give a sh– about me here, the Chinese dude.  All the attention is on (name of one of my friends), and they have hardly looked at me.  This sucks.” (*2)  I don’t know if it was reality, or me having a few too many drinks, but I ended up falling deeper and deeper into this little self-pity fest, as the evening progressed.

The thing is,  I’m actually not a bad-looking guy. (*3)  The friends with me were not exactly blessed with movie-star looks.  So what was my problem?

Well, my problem was that I’m Asian.  And male.  An Asian male.  And let’s just say that Asian males don’t have a lot of noticeable role-models in the “known-for-their-looks” department anywhere outside of the Asian continent.

No – instead, for our entire lives, we are bombarded with images and messaging about the “ideal” man – and he sure as Hell has never had Asian features.  He’s probably white.  But he may be black.  Or even Latino or Arab.  But he isn’t Asian.

Why?  Because Asian men don’t satisfy the pre-requisites for male “hotness.”  Good-looking guys are supposed to be tall (even when they aren’t – i.e. Tom Cruise – they are portrayed that way).  They’re supposed to be ripped (and we all know that Asian guys can’t be cut).  They have to be tough (and Asian men are only fit for effeminate, nerdy roles).  Facially, we’ve got to be able to see those beautiful eyes – and those slanty Asian eyes don’t allow that to happen.  This isn’t mentioning the most well-known Asian male sexual stereotype . . .

So what did we (Asian men) learn about ourselves from the media around us?  That we sure were good with computers, but if we appeared on the scene with a couple beautiful ladies, that was instantly hilarious – because it was so beyond the realm of possibility.

And for those people who are about to cite some famous Asian leading men (from kung-fu action flicks) to try to tell me I’m wrong, let me put that to rest – Asian men from Bruce Lee (*4) to Jet Li have been kicking ass for decades on the big screen, and yet, somehow, nobody would ever think that those Asian men are put in those roles because of their heart-throb status.  Outside of an all-Asian cast, when was the last time you watched an Asian action star “get the girl”? (*5) Right.

So I somehow doubt that I was the only Asian guy that didn’t have a major inferiority complex when it came to his race and his attractiveness to women.  I felt like I could be the hottest guy in the world, and still be considered “nerdy” and “effeminate” by the majority of women.

And there is a reason I didn’t say “non-Asian” women in the sentence above.

Because now I live in Shanghai.  I’ve been here for a little bit now.  I’ve walked around a lot.  I’ve seen a lot.  I’ve gotten myself pretty immersed in the culture.  And here is what I see: a decent amount of foreigners; walking around in small numbers; within a sea of Chinese men and women.  Okay.

But then I see interracial couples – hey, good for them, right?  Except the only interracial couples I’ve seen (obvious romantic couples) have involved a foreign (usually white, but not always) man and a Chinese woman.  There have been no exceptions.  About 100 or more different mixed-race couples, and not a damn one involving a Chinese man. (*6)

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