The Dangerous Desire to Adopt Haitian Babies

by Guest Contributor (and frequent commenter) Atlasien

Haitian American Adoptive Parent Margalita Belhumer

I’m a foster care adoptive parent. I can’t speak for all of us, since we’re a diverse bunch. Some of us have also adopted internationally and support international adoption strongly. Others despise the institution, and are angry about what the perceived hypocrisy of parents who walk past the foster kids in their own cities and states so that they can adopt from a far-away country. I’m somewhere in the middle, but definitely leaning more towards the anti side, especially after this week.

This week, I’ve been deeply disturbed at the swelling public desire to adopt Haitians. Haitian orphan babies. The very name is problematic. In our imagination, an orphan has no family, but the vast majority of “orphans” all over the world have living parents, and almost every single one has living extended relatives. And the children that need family care are, overwhelmingly, older children.

Quite a few other parents I know are really pissed off about it. If you want to adopt, why not consider adopting from foster care? Why Haitian babies? I can guess at some of the answers. Most of them will not be very flattering.

There’s a certain group of white adoptive international parents that dominate much of the discourse around adoption in this country. The most organized of these are evangelical Christians, but many of them are secular in their beliefs on adoption. They’re across the political spectrum, ultraconservative to ultraliberal, though if I had to hazard a guess, most of them are center-right in politics. I believe these people are, basically, a force for evil. If I put it in any nicer words, that would be a lie. Examining their belief system, and their potential political influence on the recovery efforts in Haiti, is a pretty terrifying process.

I was first made aware of the Rumor Queen website several years ago. I was doing some research on Chinese adoption for a blog post. They’re a large community of parents adopting from China, and the site is known for posting a lot of useful data about wait times. A few years ago controversy happened in the forum when some Chinese-American parents were accused by white parents of “jumping the line”. There is, in fact, an expedited program for some Chinese-Americans; it’s quite restrictive and any Chinese-Americans greater than second-generation do not qualify. The fact that some of these Chinese-Americans were possibly more worthy of Chinese babies because of factors like “language” and “culture” and “race” apparently enraged some of the white parents. I read about it second hand from a couple of really angry, hurt Chinese-American families. This episode should give you a taste of the quality of discourse at this and similar websites. There are dissident voices, but the environments are most often dominated by white parents who refuse to consider any of the complex ethical issues surrounding transracial, transcultural, international adoption. They’re saving children. How can you argue with that, right?

These online communities are often very hostile places for adoptive parents of color. They’re even more hostile, of course, to adoptees and birth/first parents who want to discuss more complicated perspectives of adoption.

I stumbled on Rumor Queen again recently and was shocked to see what was going on. The whole site has gone gaga over adopting Haitian babies. It began with concerns about Haitian children, and is evolving into a coordinated plan of action to put pressure on political representatives for a Haitian babylift.

Also, I’m hearing about plans to bring more children (as in, thousands) into the U.S. all at once on airplanes. There are some precedents for this, there was Operation Peter Pan / Pedro Pan in Cuba in the 60’s, and then there was Operation Babylift in Vietnam in the 70’s. IIRC they did something similar in Korea in the 50’s, but I’m not sure it was given a name. At any rate, there is precedent for allowing a whole bunch of orphans into the U.S. who do not already have parents waiting for them. The U.S. government has not yet given the green light on this, and I’m unclear at this point who exactly gets the final word on it. If anyone out there has more information about it, please share. If it can be done in a way that ensures they are only bringing true orphans over then I’m all for it and would get behind it in a letter writing campaign. However, I would want someone overseeing the effort who can make sure things are done ethically. Someone with the ability and the clout to insist upon it.

The concern that “things are done ethically”… that’s a nice thought. The comments dispense with that window dressing. They’re full of demands that we have to get the kids out now, now, now, before they die, die, die. The practical reality is that after a horrific disaster of the magnitude of the Haiti quake, it’s completely impossible to determine whether any abandoned child is a “true orphan”. It’s a process that is going to take months and even years.

This post from a more informed international adoptive parent blogger is a more reality-based examination of the issue. Adoptee bloggers who also study adoption academically — among them Harlow’s Monkey and A Birth Project — are deeply concerned about the parallels to massive child extraction events like Operation Babylift. These were not shining humanitarian moments. Many of the adopted children found out later that they had parents and siblings left behind who wanted them, or even relatives in the United States who were searching for them.

In countries like Haiti that suffer so severely from poverty, citizens have to take the risks of globalization, but reap few of the rewards. Families are split apart as young people go to the cities to work, or to other countries, leaving their children in the care of relatives. Family ties are weakened by poverty, by the constant presence of disease, death and loss, but also paradoxically strengthened as families come up with new ways to endure hardship and stay together. A white middle-class Midwestern mother doesn’t understand why a Haitian mother would leave her children at an orphanage, hoping to take them back later. The white mother could understand if she really thought about it on a rational basis. But the lure of the white savior narrative is powerful, and sweeps her up in a rush of emotion: fear, longing, desire. It’s because the Haitian mother is a bad mother who doesn’t deserve her kids anymore. The innocent baby is not yet contaminated by this evil culture. They deserve something better, cleaner, richer, more tender, whiter.

Here’s another comment from that thread.

RumorQueen Says:
January 21st, 2010 at 2:07 pm
And how many children will die while they are building a new infrastructure?

Sometimes you do what you can, not what the ideal would seem to be.

It’s like the guy rescuing starfish on the beach, there are a hundred thousand starfish and a guy is throwing some of them back in the water. Someone tells him there are too many, he can’t possibly make a difference all by himself. And he says, as he throws one in the water “I made a difference to that one”.

There are going to be all kinds of issues these kids will deal with. I’ve gone out of my way so my kids know I did not “rescue” them… but that isn’t going to be able to be said for these kids. Sure, it’s not an ideal situation. But would it be better to let them die?

Analogies simplify complex issues, sometimes in an accurate way, but this analogy is just smoke and mirrors. International adoptive parents are really fond of this starfish analogy and this is not the first time I’ve seen it in play. It always boggles my mind. Why is adopting a third-world “orphan” like throwing a starfish back in the ocean? Maybe the poor starfishes needed to be on the beach as part of their mating cycle and the guy is messing with them because he’s sadistic. Maybe he has a weird sexual fetish about echinoderm-hurling. Or maybe he’s just a dumb-ass. The analogy effectively obscures the issue of motivation, as well as the implication of “saving”.

Let me try another analogy. Let’s say you live with your child in a house that burns down. You’re dazed, confused, and burned. Your neighbor says, “I think I should take care of your child”. You say, “Thanks for your offer. But my child really needs me now, and I think they wouldn’t sleep well in a strange house. If you could just give us a tent and some food and some bandages so we can camp out while I get better and look into rebuilding, we’ll be OK.” Your neighbor says, “that’s too logistically complicated and I’m concerned about the security situation. I just want your child.” You say, “Thanks again for your concern and I’m grateful for any help you can give me. If you’re so worried about my child, maybe you could let both of us stay in your guestroom for a while? That way my child could be safe and would sleep well too.” Your neighbor says, “No, we have an interdiction-at-sea policy and visa restrictions will not be relaxed. Just give me your child. Actually, nevermind. I don’t even need your permission anymore. I’ll just take them.”

Here’s the worst comment on the thread. It was let through without a rejoinder. Mine was blocked.

49. Proud2Adopt Says:
January 22nd, 2010 at 1:03 am EthioChinaadopt – the issue is that if someone is paying $30,000 to adopt a child, they want a baby! Its as simple as that! I’m really tired of hearing about how so many of these kids are just split from their parents. Lets get the 380,000 kids that were ALREADY orphans OUT of the country & into waiting homes, that way the focus of orphanages can be on those children who are NEW orphans or split from parents & families. The reality to me is, I would LOVE to adopt one of these children. No, this isn’t a NEW passion spurred from seeing photos on TV. But hopefully with the dire situation they will waive much of the 25K+ fees for families like mine to adopt one of these children here! Amen!

I admit I wasn’t nearly as diplomatic as I could have been. But that’s not my strong point. I was way too irritated with these people. In case you’re wondering why the maniac above me was referring to $30,000 for a fresh baby, I really don’t know. I’m not up-to-date on the latest prices in the international baby market.

The next babylift thread was racist beyond belief. Rumor Queen ran footage of a riot at a food distribution point.

Desperate target Haiti’s orphanages

In a country where it is survival of the fittest, what chance do babies and children in an orphanage have?

The Vietnamese Operation Babylift was driven both by racism and fear of communism. But this framing, on the other hand, is pure 100% unadulterated racism, invoking the most damaging stereotype of black people invented by white imperialists. “Survival of the fittest” implies that Haitians are nothing more than animals. Their children need to be removed immediately or they won’t even grow up to be human beings.

I haven’t watched a lot of news in the past week — probably less than 10 minutes of footage a day from sources like CNN — but in those brief times, I’ve seen plenty of examples of orderly food distribution. I’ve seen Haitians rescuing each other. I’ve read accounts by independent media, small media and even the mainstream media — “Despite isolated incidents of looting, violence and other criminal activity, the overall security situation remains calm” — that security fears have been massively overblown.

Rumor Queen attacked me for my blocked comment later on in that thread. I then left a harsher comment (I refrained from profanity but did use the word “strip-mining”) and my comment was, of course, also blocked.

Luckily, policy makers aren’t listening to these people with full attention anymore. There are competing voices. UNICEF, Save the Children, SOS Children’s Villages, pretty much every single large secular children’s aid organization, plus some of the religious ones, are advocating a total stop to new international adoptions until quake recovery gets underway and far-flung families begin to come together again. Adoption should be the last resort. I agree with that. I’m somewhat moderate in that I don’t see a huge problem with removing children who have already been through most of the process and have already met their adoptive parents. If a bond is already there, there’s no point adding another loss. And a lot of the adoption process is true red tape that doesn’t serve anyone’s interests. But airlifting children who just “appear to be orphans” (as several Catholic leaders in Miami have been demanding) and almost certainly cutting them off from their roots… this is wrong. It’s wrong for the children, it’s wrong for their relatives, and it’s wrong for the country of Haiti.

There was an adoption story I heard on NPR yesterday that really touched me. It’s not the typical adoption narrative we’ve been hearing:

Margalita Belhumer, a Haitian-American who lives in New York City, was visiting Haiti when the quake struck nine days ago. She shaded her eyes from the tropical sun as her 8-year-old daughter, Melissa, squatted at her feet.

“I’m seeking to leave with my daughter. People are dead, place crumbled. She has nowhere to live, so I can’t leave without her,” Belhumer said.

She said she raised Melissa since the girl was a newborn infant, wrapped in a sheet and left on the sidewalk in front of St. Joseph’s Catholic Church. Child abandonment by destitute mothers is not uncommon in Haiti. While Belhumer worked at her job as a security guard in New York, she paid a family to take care of Melissa. Belhumer said she had begun the adoption paperwork before the quake struck.

“I started the adoption process, but I started last month. But I’ve had her since the first day she was born,” she said.

If any adoption is expedited, it should be these ones. But these are also the people who are least likely to have the ears of politicians. Everyone wants Haitian babies. Haitian adults, and Haitian families, are another matter. There has been no announcement that more visas will be granted to reunite Haitian-American families.

This report by a US adoptee-rights blogger, based on notes from a USCIS teleconference, has a chilling quote.

Hundreds of adoptive parents, paps, orphanage directors with dozens of children, and even, apparently, loose children gather outside the US Embassy. Many come unannounced demanding entry. Officials have set up and are refining procedures for entry into the compound, interviews, and decision making. (Procedures were discussed in detail, but I”ll hold that for another entry.) They emphasize that the Embassy needs advance notice of petitioners so someone can go outside, locate them, and escort them through the gates. Only adoption cases are being handled. (Haitians with other Embassy business, including those with pending pre-quake visa and immigration applications are being turned away for now.)

Talk of adopting orphaned Haitian babies seems to be swirling all over. And though I’m concentrating my ire on a certain class of white adoptive parents, I’ll have to note, not everyone full of this dangerous desire is white.

“I wanna just go down there and get some of those babies,” Latifah said on the Today Show Thursday. “If you got a hook up, please get me a couple of Haitian kids. It’s time. I’m ready.”

As someone who has adopted before, here’s some questions I’d ask of anybody in the U.S., of any race, who is really serious about this.

- Do you know what a homestudy is? Are you ready to pass one?
- Do you realize it will be almost impossible to adopt a baby, hard to adopt a toddler, and that the vast majority of children who really need to be adopted are older children?
- Do you know what attachment disorder is? Children with inconsistent caregiving in early years often develop this to some degree. They may experience the expression of love as a terrifying loss of self. They may do anything in their power to make you stop loving them, including physically attacking you, your pets or your other children. There is no known 100% effective therapy for this.
- Do you understand the effects of various prenatal exposures? Do you understand and accept that your child may grow up with irreparable brain damage?
- Are you ready to establish routine visits to one, two, three, all of these and more: therapist, psychiatrist, physical therapist, neurologist?
- Are you prepared that your child may resent you or hate you for taking them away from everything and everyone they’ve known and loved? And that even if you’ve explained to them that they’re never going back, they may still try to push you away, because in the back of their minds, if they’re bad enough, you’ll send them away, and they’ll go back to everything and everyone they’ve known and loved?
- Are you prepared to have a child so terrified from trauma that they act as if they were half their developmental age? That they wake you up screaming every night at 3 in the morning? That they rage uncontrollably if you don’t stay by their side every waking minute?
- Are you prepared for your friends and family to perhaps shrink away from you because they don’t understand why your child acts the way they act — maybe it’s because you don’t love them enough, or you don’t spank them enough — you’re doing it all wrong and it’s all your fault.

If you can answer “yes” to all of these, congratulations. You might be ready to adopt from foster care. To adopt from Haiti, answer all the above questions, add the effects of malnutrition, add a language barrier, and multiply the child’s trauma by a factor of ten. And subtract a lot of money. Unlike foster care adoptions, which are basically free, you’re going to have to pay legal fees. Maybe even $30,000. And children from foster care will have permanent Medicaid, no matter your income level, but if you adopt internationally, it’s up to you to find a way to pay for all those psychiatrist visits you’ll almost certainly be needing later on.

Here are some additional questions:

- Are you aware of transracial adoption issues? If you’re a black American, are you aware that transcultural issues can be just as intense as transracial ones?
- Do you have a connection to a Haitian-American community? Do you speak Kreyol or French?
- Your child will likely be Catholic and think of themselves as Catholic. Are you? If not, how will you handle the difference?
- The ethical thing to do is to try to establish contact with your child’s relatives in Haiti. Are you prepared for the fact that you, as a rich American (no matter what your income level) will then be regarded as a financial benefactor/patron? If you’ve grown up in the US and absorbed our surface-egalitarian values, you will be unaccustomed to this kind of role, and extremely bad at it. If you refuse to make contact because of this issue, or because of fear that your child will love you better if you cut them off from their roots, then… well… you suck. I’ll leave it at that.

You’d better be sure you can handle it. If you can’t, your child will pay the highest cost. If the adoption falls through, your child may end up in foster care, possibly so scarred that they’ll never get another chance at a family.

I’ve said a lot of harsh things in this post. But I also want to note that this desire can also be understood in a positive way. Children inspire love. I believe in certain universal values, and across every culture and all of history, people love children and want to take care of them. An equally universal trait, unfortunately, is the desire to exploit children. Children don’t speak fully for themselves, so we speak for them. It’s necessary, but it’s also dangerous. Exploiting a child can be as blatant as child sexual abuse, or sweatshop labor… and it can be as subtle as wanting our children to validate us as parents. Wanting them to love us, and being angry when they don’t show us love.

We’re getting into grounds of philosophy and religion here, but I don’t think a completely pure love is truly possible on this earth, because love needs knowledge, and pure knowledge is impossible. We try, but we don’t know fully what’s best for the other person, so we make guesses, and our guesses are based on imperfect knowledge. And so exploitation creeps in.

My religion talks a lot about the impossibility of individual purity and makes the acknowledgment of imperfection absolutely necessary. I think many other belief systems address the same issue in different ways. For example, in Christianity, Jesus Christ represents a pure kind of love, and other kinds of love exist in relation to that standard. The answer is not to stop loving, or to stop trying to understand, but to realize that our love is always endangered by selfishness. If we ever think our love is pure, we need to stop thinking along that track, take a step back and think again. Don’t stop loving, just stop thinking that your love is infallible and all-knowing.

I’ll close with a few reality-based ways to help Haitian children in Haitian families in the short term:

- Donate to SOS Children’s Villages, Save the Children or UNICEF.
- Sign this AIUSA petition to request an end to interdiction-at-sea policy
- Contact your representative. Ask them to support an increase in refugee visas for Haitians and expedited family reunification visas for Haitian-Americans. Ask them to support the airlift of Haitian children unaccompanied by family ONLY for the purposes of temporary medical hosting and NOT for the purposes of adoption.
- If you live close to a Haitian-American community, contact their organizations and ask if there is anything you can do to support community efforts.

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Trackbacks & Pings

Over at Racialicious.com « El Dia in the UK on 26 Jan 2010 at 5:48 pm

[...] I found this amazing quotation on Racialicious in a heartbreating, mind-boggling post about the push to force Hatian adoptions in wake of national disaster. It’s made in reference to the mindset of many of the wannabe [...]
Serenity - an expedition - Spinning | Serenity… an expedition on 26 Jan 2010 at 5:51 pm

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[...] has a pretty thorough rundown on The Dangerous Desire to Adopt Haitian Babies over [...]
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[...] The Dangerous Desire to Adopt Haitian Babies | Racialicious – the intersection of race and pop… Let me try another analogy. Let’s say you live with your child in a house that burns down. You’re dazed, confused, and burned. Your neighbor says, “I think I should take care of your child”. You say, “Thanks for your offer. But my child really needs me now, and I think they wouldn’t sleep well in a strange house. If you could just give us a tent and some food and some bandages so we can camp out while I get better and look into rebuilding, we’ll be OK.” Your neighbor says, “that’s too logistically complicated and I’m concerned about the security situation. I just want your child.” You say, “Thanks again for your concern and I’m grateful for any help you can give me. If you’re so worried about my child, maybe you could let both of us stay in your guestroom for a while? That way my child could be safe and would sleep well too.” Your neighbor says, “No, we have an interdiction-at-sea policy and visa restrictions will not be relaxed. Just give me your child. (tags: haiti adoption race culture christianity) [...]
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Q&A Part 2 « Red Climbing Lily on 05 Feb 2010 at 6:44 pm

[...] family support the child so that they can remain in their natural home. Here is an interesting article on the subject in the wake of the disaster in Haiti. As to whether ASYV can take in Twa children: [...]
Ninth Carnival of Feminist Parenting « Mothers For Women’s Lib on 14 Feb 2010 at 2:00 pm

[...] The Dangerous Desire to Adopt Haitian Babies, Atlasien writes about her opinions as ‘a foster care adoptive parent’, on the topic of [...]

Comments

Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist wrote:

wow, this is an excellent post, I don’t know much about the adoption process, but holy shit, after reading the first few paragraphs about Chinese Americans vs. white Americans for adopting Chinese orphans, I had no idea the adoption world can be a hostile environment for POC families.

and I think you nailed down my feeling of discomfort (and disquiet) I’ve always felt about some (rich) white people who adopted foreign children… *cough Madonna cough*

“Let me try another analogy. Let’s say you live with your child in a house that burns down. You’re dazed, confused, and burned. Your neighbor says, “I think I should take care of your child”. You say, “Thanks for your offer. But my child really needs me now, and I think they wouldn’t sleep well in a strange house. If you could just give us a tent and some food and some bandages so we can camp out while I get better and look into rebuilding, we’ll be OK.” Your neighbor says, “that’s too logistically complicated and I’m concerned about the security situation. I just want your child.” You say, “Thanks again for your concern and I’m grateful for any help you can give me. If you’re so worried about my child, maybe you could let both of us stay in your guestroom for a while? That way my child could be safe and would sleep well too.” Your neighbor says, “No, we have an interdiction-at-sea policy and visa restrictions will not be relaxed. Just give me your child. Actually, nevermind. I don’t even need your permission anymore. I’ll just take them.”

Great analogy.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 12:23 pm ¶
Candace wrote:

This is a powerful post and you really put to words a lot of the things that have been troubling me about this sudden rush to adopt Haitian babies. What’s really disturbing to me is that so many of these decisions are being based on emotion. The pictures we see are heartbreaking and many people are being moved to act. But there doesn’t seem to be any kind of thought to the consequences for these children or more importantly their country. Some of these white folks are acting like Haiti is a giant Costco sale.

Children are the future. Yes, in the short term these individual children who are being adopted will see a much better life in most cases. But what will be the long term impact for Haiti of seeing an entire generation either dead or taken away? How many of these kids will be encouraged to take their education and work to uplift their home country? Not only that but what kind of process is in place to make sure that these Americans coming down to get babies are legit and not pedophiles or something? No one seems to want to talk about any of this because it’s not as “heartwarming” as pictures of literal white knights rescuing poor black babies.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 12:41 pm ¶
Celeste wrote:

My personal favorite contradiction (of which there are many to choose from) is how an adult Haitian is a looter if he or she is gathering food from a grocery to feed their child. I guess it must be better for them to obey “do not steal” law and not to be able to feed their child and have to place him or her up for adoption for a much wealthier westerner to raise. That’s the way the world should work after all.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 12:51 pm ¶
Umm....wut wrote:

I agree with DIMA. Also, I’ll bet there are plenty of Haitian-American children in American orphanages in Miami and New York, but they are probably not even being considered.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 12:59 pm ¶
Megan wrote:

I agree and disagree to a point…I would like to adopt at some point in my life. I am pro-life and I personally feel that its hypocritical of me to be against abortion and then leave kids who are put up for adoption to fend for themselves. I also am pretty sure that I am going to adopt within the U.S. Unless God calls me to do otherwise but thats a different story. I totally agree with Americans (both white and black) not necessarily understanding the cultural implications of adopting a child of another ethnicity or race. HOWEVER for every five kids (if that) that a Hatian mother comes back for, I guarantee that there are hundreds of children who don’t have a mother or any immediate family. And if they do have immediate family, are they able to take care of them? How are we going to even FIND those family members. I also think that we are not giving the Hatian parents credit…a woman drops her 5 month old at a hospital and leaves without making plans with a nurse or a doctor to visit him or come pick him up? Why are we assuming that act was not purposeful? One of the greatest acts of love is to give your child up to someone who can care for them adequately. It’s an act of both desperation and love. I realize that not all parents are dropping off their kids in hopes that they will have a better life. But I bet some are.

I understand the “savior” complex many white americans have but what is the alternative? For the child to suffer and starve? At least they get the chance at an education and vaccines and clean food and adequate nutrition if they are adopted by an American family. As much as I would like to see African American boys adopted by black families we have to be realistic. African Americans (as a whole) simply don’t have the financial capabilities to care for the numerous black males in the foster care system. Adoption needs to be within the best interest of the child. And for me this means that first and foremost (and before cultural considerations) that child has access to medical care, clean food, water, and most importantly that the child is safe.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 1:05 pm ¶
Persia wrote:

Via Harlow’s Monkey, I also found the Adoptees of Color Roundtable statement.

The people using the starfish analogy seem to forget that the boy threw the starfish back in the ocean, rather than taking them home to a climate-controlled aquarium. (I mean, the analogy fails on many levels, that just stuck out at me.)

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 1:17 pm ¶
Red wrote:

Brava

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 1:18 pm ¶
Lola wrote:

I wish there was a way to forward this to all the major media outlets, the “adopt Haitian babies” stories are on all the major news networks. It is disturbing how they manage to frame all the stories about Haiti around white people.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 1:20 pm ¶
Val wrote:

Thank you so much for writing this, Atlasien. I hope there are at least a few people considering adopting who will read this.

I have seen a few stories of late about organizations trying to stop the huge outflow of Haitian children. As you mention, there are a lot of parents and family members trying to find children now. So to just take kids out of the country is not only uncaring its kidnapping.

I hope the State Department steps up and does the right thing.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 1:23 pm ¶
MoonCat wrote:

good post. i was actually thinking about this today during my workout~adoption. i was thinking it would be nice if that were the best thing for a child but i’m not convinced that it is. there are probably some living relatives of these ‘haitian orphans’ in haiti, i speak a different language, i look different and live in an area where i’m not convinced any haitian child would feel any connection to their ethnic and cultural roots. these kids have been through enough trauma~i wouldn’t want to add any more stress.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 1:27 pm ¶
Amanda wrote:

You rock.

I have an Adoptee Rights blog. I usually am hesitent to post issues pertaining to international adoption because private infant adoption (especially laws and practices historically based on illegitimacy) is where my knowledge base lies. The two parts of the industry (international and private domestic infant) do share so many unethical elements in common however, so I really ought to feature more about it. You said it better than I ever could, so I am going to post this link on my blog so my readers will hopefully come check this post out.

I love this post. Whenever I say “I hope agencies do not use this as an excuse to adopt these babies out of their cultures and away from their families claiming that they’re orphans instead of trying to preserve their cultures and reunite them,” I am met with a gobsmacked facial expression and the usual “don’t you want these kids to have a “better life?!” response. I’m confused as to why so many feel that a child being taken from his or her natural parents and given to strangers in a bizarrely different country is “a better life.” The U.S. has historically treated Haitians very poorly. We rarely ever do anything based on benevolence and I’m highly suspiscious of our interests there. I hope these children don’t turn into popular possessions for people to “save” but are being helped in the absolute BEST way for THEM possible.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 1:40 pm ¶
Shannon wrote:

Excellent post.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 1:59 pm ¶
Erika wrote:

I’d be willing to bet these folks’ thought processes go like:
“Oh, those poor poor black/brown/etc children! We need to save them and I can feel like a better person with less white guilt! Plus other people will know I’m a better person than them!”

The entitlement complexes of these “parents” are making me sick. And the fact that so many of them think that by being white and rich, they are automatically better caregivers than extended family members/other POC.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 2:28 pm ¶
Erika wrote:

Also –
I think for international and transracial adoptions, it should be made mandatory for the parents to have the kids interact with others of their race/nationality, or attend culture classes.

I recently saw a thread on Facebook where an adopted Korean woman was discussing what food she should get for lunch, and someone responded with “bulgogi”. When the OP said she didn’t know what that was, the other guy replied with “but you’re korean, you don’t know what bulgogi is? lol”. As trivial as that whole discussion was, it still made me think.

National pride certainly is not just an Asian thing, but many Asians do define themselves by nationality, and it is an extremely important part of my life. I couldn’t imagine an adoptive parent taking their roots away from their child; it just seems cruel to me.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 2:40 pm ¶
9jah wrote:

@ Atlasien –
“I believe these people are, basically, a force for evil.”
———————————

I’m sorry, but this (among others) is a pretty damning claim. Perhaps to a few, the Haiti Baby Rush is a knee jerk desire to be involved in the Charity du Jour BUT the idea that there are literally babies with no home (poor/rich alike) who may have lost immediate family anchors is not merely notional. Assuming, the relevant parties in charge of adoption in Haiti are willing and fully informed (which I have no reason to think they aren’t) and potential adopters are vetted as per required protocol, everything else is secondary to survival.

I gather there are a lot of issues with transracial/national adoption, not the least of which is ignorance. I am more interested in helping well-intended people recognize that the endeavor entails more than they may realize from a cultural and other perspective (as you do with your closing qs). And I do understand that some such people, resting at the crest of privilege, are hostile to such learning but this is not the universe of such people.

I make these observations with due respect to your specific experience and passion regarding this matter.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 3:23 pm ¶
atlasien wrote:

@9jah
“Assuming, the relevant parties in charge of adoption in Haiti are willing and fully informed”

I read that the government official who oversaw all Haitian international adoptions — Judge Rock Cadet — died in the quake. There is basically no legal adoption infrastructure at this point.

I understand drawing the line at the word “evil”, though. I was feeling particularly heated at that particular point of the writing process.

And to all, thanks for all the compliments! I appreciate it.

At this point I’m cautiously optimistic. I think if this had happened under Bush, there already would have been a babylift by now. His administration had some deep ties to evangelical adoption lobbyists.

Right now, Sec. Clinton might be the person with the most power in the matter, and although I’m not a fan of hers by any means, I do think she’s a consummately rational politician, and unlikely to be swayed by hyperemotional appeals.

The immigration issue could really go either way. I’m really hoping that the U.S. can, at the very least, double family reunification visas.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 4:03 pm ¶
pickel wrote:

WELL done. Baby lifting is not the answer for these children. Expediting some of the in process adoptions can certainly help. When Haiti finally settles itself then they can start to look at international adoption but children who have been through trauma like that should stay ideally with their families and with others who have been through the same situation. How are we to know how to deal with the PTSD, the anxiety, and the culture shock?

As a society we also have to look at the potential impact that bringing hundreds of thousands of children into our country will have on our existing communities. We’re not taking about potentially bringing one or two hundred children into the US but thousands. Right? How will that affect resources, schools, the medical community?

And, what happens when parents find out these kids are difficult to parent?

We need to be patient.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 4:04 pm ¶
ansel wrote:

Speaking from Haiti, Atlasien you rock for writing this. Very important. The evangelicals here don’t trust Haitians. They don’t share power with them. According to some, many of the orphanages are huge scams. http://bit.ly/78IKEk

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 4:08 pm ¶
Capri wrote:

: applaud:
Excellent post. I’m going to share it with some acquaintance who are interested into adoption.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 4:38 pm ¶
Danny wrote:

I think most parents who really want to adopt have thought long and deep. I just hope that there aren’t some people out there who are just doing it spur on the moment, I mean it’s understandable if the child in need was physically local, close in proximity to them, to behave that way. However, if it’s because of images they see on TV or because so and so celebrity is doing it (and there are individuals who are like that) then it’s a little bit uncomfortable.

I’ve met a few adoptee parens before and families with adopted children. Regarding the transracial families, it really depends on the couple because I myself haven’t seen expressions of this “White savior” mentality, at least not in my personal interactions with them. I don’t doubt it exists but I think it would help to not assume everyone is like that. Most of the time, it had to do with religious reasons or in one case I know of, the couples themselves were of Chinese descent which drive some to adopt. However, it’s their family so I won’t cross that boundary.

It’s just an opinion of mine but shared by many. What’s important is if parents can give their kids, at least expose them, to what unconditional love is. It’s really not easy. This goes a long way in giving individuals their sense of dignity.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 4:50 pm ¶
Danny wrote:

Sorry, I want to clear up something. On my previous comment I wanted to say regarding trans-racial adoptee families, a lot of times it was due to religious reasons, and in one family I know, one of the parents was of Chinese descent and this drove that particular couple to adopt.

Sometimes, it really wasn’t for any ulterior motives you could say, but it’s just couples/individuals out there who have personally experienced or is connected through comman background to pursue this action.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 5:02 pm ¶
moth wrote:

I think this is one of the best posts I’ve seen on Racialicious. I really hope the author forwards it to different news agencies and tv channels.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 5:09 pm ¶
Scribe wrote:

To be honest when the news started reporting on the Haitian children being adopted by people here in America and abroad, I was quite disturbed basically by the reaction that was accompanied with it. The media, if ever, will not cover the complex issues behind these adoptions. We’re talking about hundreds of children being thrust on airplanes into environments they’re unfamiliar about.

Case in point. One white lady and her family, who were adopting a little Haitian girl, were awaiting for her in the airport holding onto a book about Creole language. The lady explains to the reporter there they were learning (meaning they clearly did not study anything on Creole prior to this quake) as well seeking to learn on doing the child’s hair. I couldn’t help but feel a bit angered by her explanation. It clearly made me think this adoptive family has never had any interaction with Haitian people — let alone black people in America — to know or understand the culture.

In the same day, prior to seeing this report, I run across an article where there were cases of children disappearing from the field hospitals in Haiti after the quake. This is according to UNICEF. They were aware these children in Haiti were being trafficked for adoption abroad in wake of the January 12 earthquake. Something that has existed prior to the quake as well.

Makes you think about the scary reality that many these children who are being coined as ‘orphaned’ have known families and are aware of them. Reading this article and watching this report later there is a lot of disinformation and a lack of understanding going around about these childrens’ origins (i.e. ties to living relatives). You would believe a federal investigation would be going into this to crackdown on such offenses.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 5:14 pm ¶
Ayisyen78 wrote:

I am Haitian-American and I completely agree with what you said. While they were covering the earthquake and showing all of the couples in the application process of adopting Haitian orphans, I was so perplexed. First, many of these children are not parent-less, it’s just that their families couldn’t afford to raise them. Education in haiti is costly as well, if you can’t pay for school, you cannot attend. Many of these parents are making selfless decisions so that their children are cared for. For whatever reason i wasn’t aware of the proportion of orphans/orphanges in Haiti. But I can only imagine the psychological implications that will arise from these Haitian children being taken out of their country and moved to places like Colorado and/or the Midwest. The child will grow up without a sense of their Haitian culture and language. They will be detached from their relatives and parents in Haiti. Are there any rules concerning this, are these adoptions open?

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 5:27 pm ¶
Terrie wrote:

“Baby lifting” is the perfect term, because it makes me think of shop lifting. For those families who hvae had the adoption process stalled by the quake, I have a great deal of sympathy, because the delays will hurt everyone involved. For those jumping on the band wagon, well, the standard in family law is “best insterests of the child” and they fail.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 5:28 pm ¶
Eva wrote:

Wonderful post. These people who are so gaga about adopting Haitian children should read about the orphan trains of the early twentieth century. “Orphans” who were in reality poor children who lived in New York City, were shipped on trains to the midwest to work on farms. Many of these children were nothing more than indentured servants. The show “Unsolved Mysteries” had a lot of those stories where they reunited the children and grandchildren with their relatives in New York who had no idea where they’d gone. It was very sad.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 5:37 pm ¶
Krista wrote:

Thank you so SO much for this. As a person who has spent the last four months in preparation for becoming a foster parent and the last five years working with homeless youth in Washington State, I appreciate seeing people problematize a lot of the adoption fervor that seems to sweep people up. It terrifies me.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 6:00 pm ¶
Latoya Peterson wrote:

Mod Note

We are deleting a lot of comments on this thread. Once again, read the comment moderation policy before attempting to participate in the conversation.

Also, Anything we publish on adoption is generally penned by (1) a transracial adoptee, (2) transracial adoptive parents or (3) social workers. Most people some combination of the above. So, if they say there is a white savior narrative surrounding adoption, you need to listen – they’ve been in the system and they are very, very aware of perception to conversations about race.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 6:02 pm ¶
Stef wrote:

It often seems the case that in the wake of crises such as the Hatian earthquakes, there is (quite understandably) a rush to address the very real problems that result, with an emphasis on doing something now above doing something properly. Sometimes our emotions and urgency to act create additional problems while we attempt to solve the original ones.

What I got from this very long, very thought out article is that “Adopt Hatian Babies” seems to be the proposed solution, by a growing group, to Haiti’s vast need. The article proposes that while that does address some of Haiti’s problems, it is not the best or only way to help Haiti emotionally and financially, nor is it necessarily what is always best for Hatian children. I like the suggestion of working with Hatian communities here in the US as well as through the organizations you listed. You didn’t say that Haiti doesn’t need help or that we shouldn’t help Haiti. We can help Haiti in ways that allow Haiti to be a part of their own rebuilding process, and allow the whole of Haiti to heal together, not just the cute babies.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 6:32 pm ¶
Diane wrote:

Great post. Thanks for the links.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 6:32 pm ¶
Zedster wrote:

Excellent post! I agree with others–this really needs to be circulated wide and far.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 6:35 pm ¶
CVT wrote:

Thanks for this post, Atlasien. I have a very personal distaste for the “white savior” mentality that goes along with so many of these international adoptive campaigns – and the complete lack of real WORK put in by these families to do things right.

And God – it only makes me sadder/angrier that (according to the above mod note) there are so many people that aren’t willing to see that that’s the case . . .

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 6:38 pm ¶
9jah wrote:

@ atlasien – thanks for the added info. It is all a big mess. There should certainly be a moratorium on adoptions other than perhaps in-process adoptions.

Just to be clear my major issue whenever this subject arises is that amidst the standard reservations to transracial/national/cultural adoption (most legitimate, some not), the most fundamental issue – a child in most essential need – gets lost in people’s larger issues with the status quo. And no solutions are offered for their plight. In most cases (unlike you), many have no direct experience with the phenomenon. I certainly have not. And so, it always strikes me as a convenient, privileged position to dictate what would ultimately be in the best interest of a particular child. Most people do not go visit these places, adopt a child remotely or vest themselves significantly.

I try to refrain from casting the same limiting net over white people that they have historically blanketed us poc with. I presume, as they are not wooden, that they can learn and understand. Particularly, anyone choosing to adopt someone of a different identity in the first place. Misguided though they maybe, they have eschewed the easier choice of adopting a white child.

The system certainly is broken: smuggling, bribery, rushed adoptions, white savior complex/entitlement, white privilege, cultural misunderstanding and disconnect. But the system can be fixed with effort and resources. However, this should not by rule eliminate these adoptions as many favor.

In the most exigent circumstances, a culturally disconnected individual (even one raised in colorado) is better off individually and to society than one orphaned in harsh circumstances (and its not like one needs to be adopted to whites to be culturally disconnected – see Clarence Thomas, Michele Malkin). Thankfully, the issue is not zero sum.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 6:42 pm ¶
deathblossom wrote:

Your words are strong, but they are on point. I would be extremely cautious of anyone thinking that adopting a baby from another culture and inundating them in there’s is something that doesn’t require deep thought and consideration. Do they not think of when they grow up, seen as part of a racial group or culture with whom they share little cultural practice or even knowledge? Language is an extremely important aspect of many cultures. If the adopted parents can’t speak it, can’t find someone who can teach it, do they really think they’re still qualified to appropriately meet this child’s cultural needs? I’m not an adoptee, but the general resentment I feel at the belittlement and lack of respect for both current black culture and the erasure of our African heritage bothers me. This train of thought these people are on feels no different than from those who feel like black Americans should be grateful we were brought over here and saved and should thus, stop complaining about the harmful effects of slavery. These children have real lives and these parents need to have more respect for who these children are and how the world will see them when they grow up, instead of being concerned over at having a child to fillout their dream family, turn into a mini-me, and make them feel good about themselves. Those people are…well, I wouldn’t say evil, but I definitely vote for seriously disturbed and on a road paved with “good intentions.”

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 7:31 pm ¶
Theresa wrote:

I’ve read this post over at least 10 times today. I kept trying to think of a comment that would convey how much I appreciate the work you put into this, but I just couldn’t come up with anything that can express how important I think this is. I agree with Moth above very much; I would love to see this get a wide distribution.

In the end, all I can say is, thank you.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 7:57 pm ¶
Ico wrote:

@ Erika

Re: bulgogi and this: “I couldn’t imagine an adoptive parent taking their roots away from their child; it just seems cruel to me.”

As the biracial daughter of a Korean adoptee, one whose family (both hers and mine) were raised without being steeped in Korean culture, I really feel rubbed the wrong way by this anecdote. It implies a deep lack of something in my family. That we’re deprived. Assimilated. Not really Korean enough. Cruelly had.

It’s really not like that. If I didn’t know what bulgogi was (matter of fact I do know; I quite like Korean food), it would simply be because I didn’t feel it important to my identity to find out.

Here’s a good comparison:

Some adopted kids (lets say same race, same culture) want to find their biological parents the moment they realize they’re adopted, feeling it is part of their roots, their origins. Other adopted kids see no point in such things; the parents that raised them are the ones that matter to them.

Some of us Asian Americans fall into that latter group. We’ll always have to navigate race in America (believe me, it’s inescapable from the moment you have to check “other” in the race box, or for my mother, endure the endless teasing by white classmates). But it’s frustrating to be viewed as incomplete or lacking or deprived when really, it’s just that for some of us “roots” aren’t the stuff of DNA; they’re the place we grew up. It’s as simple as that.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 8:47 pm ¶
Ico wrote:

Also, sorry for derailing. I completely agree with the post re: Haitian adoption and the motivations and problems behind it. Glad to hear UNICEF, Save the Children, and others are countering the clamor for these adoptions!

As an aside, I think it’s pretty bad that Atlasien’s comments were moderated out of existence. The “undiplomatic” one looks really tame.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 8:58 pm ¶
Tiffany wrote:

You definitely said it much more bluntly than I would, but I agree. I always get really annoyed when I see or hear about people adopting babies from other cultures without knowing the local language and other factors that the child will want to know later in life. I have made several different Korean friends (probably 6-7 people) who were adopted by conservative, Christian, Midwestern, and middle class couples who didn’t speak Korean and didn’t introduce any aspects of Korean culture into their upbringing. Now those kids I know are all emotionally f’ed up – I swear, they’re all having quarter life crises and we’re only in our early 20s.
The best part of this post begins when you list the pre adoption questions. That RumorQueen site should take those questions and post them to all the people who go there “with good intentions.” If you’re not willing to go the extra mile for an international adoption, then do a local one.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 9:33 pm ¶
Michelle wrote:

I am so grateful for this post. I am grateful that there is a voice out there that is gathering steam to combat the “I’ll just go get me one of those babies” narrative.

I will admit, seeing children who have been termed orphans on television tugs at my heart strings and my first thought is “If I really wanted to help, I would get one of those children”. Then I go online and find another way to donate to the Red Cross or some other organization. But, however much a person “feels” for the Haitian “orphans” there is no excuse to put your own need to feel useful before the needs of the child.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 10:11 pm ¶
Molly McCullough wrote:

Thank you so much for this considerate and nuanced reflection. As a transnational/transracial adoptee, I found it extremely disconcerting when images of Haitian “orphans” began to circulate in the aftermath of the quake. Laura Briggs, a prominent scholar in the field of transnational/transracial adoption, wrote a fascinating essay, “Mother, Child, Race, Nation: The Visual Iconography of Rescue and the Politics of Transnational/Transracial Adoption” that I highly recommend. Again, thank you for such an insightful analysis. Your critical perspective and engagement with your own accountability as an adoptive parent is much appreciated.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 10:37 pm ¶
Ico wrote:

My comment is still in moderation. I thought it might be.

Let me add to it, in light of the other comments appearing and in case it ever goes through, that I don’t AT ALL mean to invalidate the experiences of other Korean Americans and adoptees and their kids. I think the feeling of disconnection, of missing something, is a perfectly valid and natural one to a lot of people, and that reality is not one that I want to deny. It needs addressing. All I’m saying is it’s not the *only* Korean American adoptee experience, and it drives me crazy when I see it talked about like it’s the rule for *all* of us.

For those of us for whom it is *not* the experience, the intense pressure to Go Back Go Back Go Back GO GO GO DISCOVER YOUR ROOTS is just as paternalistic and assumptive as anything else. There’s an implication that we’re either A) deprived and angry about it or B) deprived and so assimilated we don’t know any better. “A” is not true, and “B” is frankly insulting.

I’m really sorry to derail the thread further. But people keep talking around Korean adoption and since it concerns me pretty personally I feel a need to speak up.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 10:52 pm ¶
April wrote:

Excellent post. I still can’t believe Queen Latifah’s quote re: adopting Haitian children. It’s like she was asking someone to get her a deal on a new flat-screen TV.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 10:59 pm ¶
Beth wrote:

Great post.

Posted 26 Jan 2010 at 11:14 pm ¶
tk wrote:

On the Other Tentacle, I know a family that adopted overseas… after trying to adopt in the US first… After paying all kinds of fees and undergoing home study, it was determined their home life was wonderful BUT:

Even after specifying they wanted an older child, or one with special needs: (the kids hardest to place).

agency 1, decided they weren’t religious enough.

agency 2, thought at 38 the father was “too old” “You don’t want to pass away and have a kid still in High School.”

agency 3, disqualified them because of the prospective mother’s weight. They hadn’t been able to have kids of their own because of a health condition that ALSO ballooned her weight. She IS actually healthy, exercises regularly, eats healthy etc.

Because, otherwise qualified families are kept from adopting for reasons as vague as the particular agency’s worker didn’t particularly like a couple… sends people looking overseas.

In some cases, like China, female children are abandoned in orphanages, because the 1 child policy doesn’t fix the cultural ideal that a son will be the child to take care of you in your old age, and your daughter will be caring for her inlaws…

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 12:34 am ¶
tk wrote:

opps, need to add…

And OF COURSE, there needs to be time for things to settle down… for serious attempts to be made to find parents, aunts, uncles, cousins… extended families: BEFORE presuming that a lone child is indeed an orphan.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 12:47 am ¶
Bridget wrote:

This is beyond wonderful. Thank you for putting to words so many thoughts that have been loose and uncomfortable in the last couple of weeks. Excellent. Thank you.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 1:20 am ¶
NamesnotAnnie wrote:

What Teresa said. Honestly, Atlasien, thank you so much for this.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 1:38 am ¶
Tonya wrote:

Amazing post!! Strong and passionate!!!

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 1:55 am ¶
ashlynn wrote:

What deeply disturbs me here is that if a mass adoption were to occur, Haiti would be robbed of many young people who could better their homeland. How can so many people be so blind to the cycle that they are continuing because of their own selfish needs? Haiti doesn’t need you to take all the babies out. Haiti needs to you help find those babies water, and rebuild their country so those babies can grow up immersed in their people, their culture, and develop better innovations to improve the country that their ancestors fought TOO long and hard for to establish.

You don’t want to build a country up. You want to tear it down.

@Megan:
“I understand the “savior” complex many white americans have but what is the alternative? For the child to suffer and starve? At least they get the chance at an education and vaccines and clean food and adequate nutrition if they are adopted by an American family.”

Do mean that you understand the very negative aspects, possibilities, and truths of the white savior complex? Because I and many commenters and visitors here understand it too, but that certainly doesn’t mean we are supposed to excuse it in any way. And I have an alternative to your alternative: Help provide those children with an education and vaccines and clean water and adequate nutrition AT HOME, so that you can feed your guilt complex (at worst) or your human instinct to help (at best) without yanking a child from their heritage. Perhaps those children will seek you out when they are older, and thank you for helping them have a better life by nururing their needs, one of the most important being able to stay in their home at their will and thrive around their own people and culture, and pass that very culture on to another generation. Trust me, they will thank you for it.

“As much as I would like to see African American boys adopted by black families we have to be realistic. African Americans (as a whole) simply don’t have the financial capabilities to care for the numerous black males in the foster care system. Adoption needs to be within the best interest of the child.”

I don’t understand how this made it past moderation. To lump the millions of African American people in this country together and basically say we are poor has all sorts of racist connotations stamped on it. Because yes, all of us African Americans are on welfare- we can barely get by on a WIC check- let alone take in a child! Meanwhile, all the White Americans are living comfortably, in fact so much so that they have enough free time on their hands to pick up an African American child. Never mind all the other races and ethnicities of the rest of the US, many who share cultural landmarks with Black people (partly because they are).

Megan, this comment does a complete disservice not only to African Americans, but to white ones as well.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 2:08 am ¶
ashlynn wrote:

Also, Atlasien, I would like to take a moment to thank you so very much for this post. I have read many adoptions posts on this site and have never quite been able to understand all the forces at play in them. There’s so much in this post that runs so, so deep, and in the midst of this tragedy, you have been able to shine a light on a lot of darkness. I applaud you, and those like you, for taking a stand. Please pass this on. </3

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 2:14 am ¶
NancyP wrote:

Excellent essay. It amazes me that people don’t think that maybe deceased parents wanted their child to be brought up by godparents, relatives, friends.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 2:20 am ¶
Alexis wrote:

I totally agree with most of what you said but I want to caution people to be aware of particular circumstances before you pass judgments on white parents with Haitian children. My (white) parents adopted two older Haitian children a few years ago because we already have an interracial family (my brother and i from a previous spouse) and they were denied adoption in the US because they are too old. I’m not saying some people out there aren’t “Madonnas” adopting kids to save them and really no childrearing is totally selfless but by demonizing them with a savior mentality, youre trivializing the bond theyve developed and dismissing the only parental bond these kids have.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 2:58 am ¶
caps wrote:

FYI, a few recent New York Times articles about Haitian Orphans:

*A Nebraska couple adopted two children from Haiti after the earthquake. They began the adoption process before the quake, but got their kids to the US last week.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/26/us/26orphans.html?scp=2&sq=adoption&st=cse

“One week ago, the two little girls, now the most celebrated new residents of this tiny town, had lives confined to the concrete walls of a Haitian orphanage, beside a ravine clogged with the bodies of earthquake victims.

Desperate for food and water, Bettania, 7, and Dieunette, 2, were among 53 children whisked out of the ruins of their group home in Port-au-Prince on Jan. 19 in a high-profile rescue made possible by the easing of immigration requirements between the United States and Haiti.

Dieunette arrived caked in dried diarrhea. Bettania’s clothing had to be burned. But they spent the weekend here in rural Nebraska cuddling on a plush sofa, feet warmed by a fire, outfitted like princesses, being hugged and kissed as they ate and drank, laughed and played with a toy poodle. They looked thoroughly contented — perhaps for the first time in their short lives.”

*53 Haitian orphans were airlifted to Pittsburg on Jan 19
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/20/world/americas/20orphans.html?ref=us

“A group of 53 Haitian orphans landed in Pittsburgh on Tuesday morning, the first wave to arrive after the United States loosened its policy on visa requirements to expedite Americans’ adoptions of parentless children living in the post-earthquake ruins.
But the new policy, announced late Monday, affects only 900 children whom the Haitian government had already identified as orphans, and whom adoption agencies had matched with couples in the United States.”

*123 Haitian children airlifted to the Netherlands last week

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/01/21/world/AP-EU-Netherlands-Haiti-Adoption-Airlift.html?_r=1&scp=4&sq=adoption&st=cse

*Obligatory story about the plight of newly orphaned Haitian children
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/27/world/americas/27children.html?hp

“Haiti’s children, 45 percent of the population, are among the most disoriented and vulnerable of the survivors of the earthquake. By the many tens of thousands, they have lost their parents, their homes, their schools and their bearings. They have sustained head injuries and undergone amputations. They have slept on the street, foraged for food and suffered nightmares.

Two weeks after the earthquake, with the smell of death still fouling the air, children can be seen in every devastated corner resiliently kicking soccer balls, flying handmade kites, singing pop songs and ferreting out textbooks from the rubble of their schools. But as Haitian and international groups begin tending to the neediest among them, many children are clearly traumatized and at risk.

“There are health concerns, malnutrition concerns, psychosocial issues and, of course, we are concerned that unaccompanied children will be exploited by unscrupulous people who may wish to traffic them for adoption, for the sex trade or for domestic servitude,” said Kent Page, a spokesman for Unicef.”

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 3:44 am ¶
retiredmaj wrote:

Pro’s and con’s across the whole article. As an adoptive parent, I have some direct experience with this issue. One thing that stuck in my head was the comment about rushing out to adopt children from a foreign country when we “walk by” those in the U.S. who need it. I’m here to tell you the adoption system is broken in this country. Special interest groups and disjointed laws are just two of the problems. Sometimes, it’s *easier* (not cheaper…but less administrative abuse) to adopt internationally than locally because of the maze of arbitrary rulings, “guidelines,” and barriers put up before adoptive parents. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t have a problem with a background check. I don’t have a problem with a basic home-study (more to make sure a prospective couple really wants the child vs. having it as an “accoutrement”); but the abuse piled on the potential parents is legion. I could write a Master’s thesis on the crap we went through, and ours rated as an “easy” adoption. It was worth every bit of hassle and every penny, ten times over. But there’s room for HUGE improvement.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 8:33 am ¶
Harlowmonkey wrote:

@ retiredmaj, yes, the adoption system in the U.S. is beyond messed up in many ways, and not just the adoption from foster care. atlasien can probably speak more to this than I, as a parent who adopted from foster care. I am an international adoptee, social worker, and I worked in foster care adoptions. I know things are bureaucratic and difficult. That said, are you saying that it is less “broken” in other countries? Because THAT is not true. It is both more and less regulated in different ways, but if it is “easier” to adopt from other countries it *could* mean that there is more unethical and unsavory adoption practices there, not less.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 9:26 am ¶
pika wrote:

Great post, Atlasien. It really strikes me that the fears about ‘looting’ property that circulate at times like this are twinned with desires to remove/babylift/loot children-as-property.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 9:29 am ¶
atlasien wrote:

To the people that say the foster care system is broken…

Yes, it is. It doesn’t work very well. It has plenty of class and racial problems. A mountain of bureaucratic inefficiencies.

However, other forms of adoption are even more broken. So I don’t accept that “the foster care system is broken” is any kind of reason to adopt internationally.

I hear a lot of “we were disqualified for (x) outrageous reason” but I take that with a grain of salt. There are really no nationwide rules about who can or cannot adopt from foster care. The process is determined by a patchwork of public agencies with social workers that make individual decisions… some of them are good, some of them are bad.

In my “class” of adoptive parents, we had older parents, gay and lesbian parents, a single dad, fat parents, skinny parents, parents who already had one or two or three biological kids, and parents with no kids. Most of the parents were black, some were white, and then there was me (Asian). The people who stuck it out did get matched and placed.

What happens is that a lot of people drop out once they realize that 1) yes, these children have a lot of issues, and these issues are hard to deal with. And this is understandable. If they didn’t have issues, if they were taken from perfectly healthy families… that would be the worst injustice.

The second realization they make is that they are being judged. Younger kids have more parents applying, older kids have less. Every factor of life is being scrutinized. Sometimes this is a good thing. For example, younger children with extremely high energy levels who also act out aggressively should simply not be adopted by older/sedentary people. It’s a recipe for a failed adoption. These type of parents might do better with an older child, however.

Sometimes these judgments are correct — that is, in the best interests of the child, and secondarily, in the best interests of the parent — and sometimes they are incorrect. I have a strong suspicion my family profile was often sent to the bottom of the pile because I’m Asian and neither white nor black social workers quite knew how to process that.

So when people say things like “I was disqualified for being too old” what I hear is: “The social worker mentioned that age would be a factor that would lead to us not having as much of a chance to adopt a younger child. The social worker is also using this factor to try to get us to consider adopting older children, which they actually do with every single parent, because they have a strong motivation to get older children placed. However, instead of considering this rationally, I’m going to freak out because I feel judged and manipulated and insulted.”

Yes, it’s a humiliating process. But can you imagine how much more humiliating it is for the children, who are being judged in the same way… judged for their worthiness to be in a family?

International adoption agencies don’t really have lower barriers to adopt. They just have better marketing. Public agencies generally tell you the horror stories and difficulties up front. International agencies give you a brochure that says your child just might have a few teeny tiny issues, but will bounce back quickly on a combination of Western medicine and love (but when you come to the agency afterward for support, they’ll pretend they don’t know you). Public agencies are understaffed and underfunded, with distracted social workers that don’t return your messages. International agencies are nicer and have real customer service.

International agencies also have a huge, huge, class barrier. You have to have the money in the first place. The parents at my agency were very diverse in terms of income level but a lot of them were working class and there was obviously no way they could afford to adopt internationally. The only requirement at the public agency is that you have stable income and a decent support system.

Do people who adopt from China and Russia and Guatemala really think those child welfare systems are somehow “less broken” than the U.S.? No. It’s just that the corruption and inefficiency is invisible because it’s way off in another country, and smoothed over through the method of giving an agency in the U.S. copious amounts of money. In the U.S., you have to stare it in the face. Internationally, someone already swept it under a rug for you.

If anyone is interested in reading a fact-based report on these issues, there’s a great one here.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 10:31 am ¶
Medusa wrote:

Atlasien, this was an excellent post. Very informative, and I didn’t want it to end. I agree, it should be circulated WIDELY.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 10:56 am ¶
Kandeezie wrote:

Thank you so much. This was a wonderful read. Very eye opening.

If we ever think our love is pure, we need to stop thinking along that track, take a step back and think again. Don’t stop loving, just stop thinking that your love is infallible and all-knowing.

This is the best advice ever – for any kind of parent, or anyone who comes in contact with other human beings, for that matter. Sometimes it’s hard to step back and observe our own selfishness, because so many times we think we’re doing the right thing. What’s right for us isn’t necessarily right for others.

Thanks again for this post. It was wonderful.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 11:24 am ¶
samantha secor wrote:

Excellent post.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 11:29 am ¶
Arashi wrote:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You expressed my exact thoughts and then some. Seriously, why do people think that growing up in a rich country is necessarily better than growing up in a poor country? And why do people think that adoption is saving a child? It’s not about doing a favour to the child or to society, it’s about building a family, a home. This patronizing view on adoption makes me furious.

Besides, if these guys are so worried about the living conditions of Haitian children, they should do something to help their country. If Haiti grows and develops, they’ll be “helping” not only one child, but thousands.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 11:29 am ¶
Barbara Glickstein wrote:

Great post. Addressing multiple issues not being addressed in corporate media.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 11:41 am ¶
Dorothy wrote:

Atlasien – This was a very informative and affirming post! I was just discussing this issue with a friend of mine. I really wish your insights would go “mainstream”, via CNN, FOX, blah, blah, blah. Prehaps, a real discussion regarding all the complexities of adoption – transracial/transcultural adoption will sober some of those “saviors”, regardless of race, who want to adopt Haitian babies.

Thanks again!

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 1:13 pm ¶
Mia wrote:

I have yet to meet a white person who hasn’t expressed a curiosity or want for a baby from another culture. Not a one! It frightens me.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 1:15 pm ¶
Jen wrote:

Thank you for this. Why must the first reaction be to relocate instead of improve the current locale? It is hubris to think that America is so much better.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 3:02 pm ¶
PPR_Scribe wrote:

Fantastic post. Thank you, Atlasien.

Few points:

(1)There is not 100% agreement in adoption communities about language, but please be aware that many terms and phrases some commenters are using are contested (e.g., “put up for adoption” vs “placed for adoption” vs birth/first parents “making an adoption plan”…)

(2) Research consistently indicates that the identity attitudes of transracial and/or transnational adoptees are developmental in nature (e.g., different attitudes at different life stages), not necessarily tied to identity-related behaviors (e.g., being curious about birth culture does not necessarily mean wanting to visit birth country), and often manifest differently in girls/women and boys/men.

(3) Some of the same solutions for more appropriate ways to alleviate “orphan” situations in nations like Haiti also apply to the foster care situation in the USA. That is, systems that result in children (especially Black and Latino/a kids) going into foster care should receive more policy attention than they currently are. As I always do when this topic arises, I suggest reading Dorothy Roberts’ “Shattered Bonds.”

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 4:06 pm ¶
Megan wrote:

@Ashlynn

“I don’t understand how this made it past moderation. To lump the millions of African American people in this country together and basically say we are poor has all sorts of racist connotations stamped on it. Because yes, all of us African Americans are on welfare- we can barely get by on a WIC check- let alone take in a child!”

Yea definitely did not say or write anything that would merit this statement. My point is that taking care of a child costs money and resources. I’m not saying that a family needs to be upper middle class to adopt, but when I adopt I would like to make sure that I am middle class in order to ensure that my child has the best education possible. Why? Because I grew up in an impoverished neighborhood and as a graduate student of color getting her degree in social work, I see what an education can do. I see what advantages middle class folks got that I did not.

You wrote “one of the most important being able to stay in their home at their will and thrive around their own people and culture, and pass that very culture on to another generation.”

So…do Hatian Americans not thrive? If an American family adopts a Hatian child they become Haitian American. I disagree that they have to be around only Haitians to thrive. I think they need food water and safety to thrive. They will pass down a culture. It will just be infused with American culture…like being African American.

My next point is that Black kids do not have the TIME to be waiting around in the system for the perfect African American family to adopt them! Just like orphaned (notice I said ORPHANED) Hatian kids do not have the LUXURY of waiting on Haiti to become a structured nation. My concern is with the here and now. It’s going to take years for Haiti to rebuild itself. I think people are throwing around the term poor. There is a difference between a rural family that owns goats and sheep that live in the countryside and their kids don’t own a pair of shoes. That might be poor but its not the same poor that a family who lives in abject poverty. This type of poverty is what was going on in Haiti even BEFORE the EQ. Lack of clean drinking water, malaria, diarhea, sniffing glue to stop the hunger pangs?No child should have to go through that. If Sally Sue from Minnesota wants to take orphaned Pierre out of that hell by adopting him, she can go on ahead. It’s nice to be able to sit and construct the perfect family for Pierre from Haiti or even Kareem from Cleveland. They deserve a family that will love them unconditionally. A family that understands the dynamics and intersections of race and white privilege and American privilege. But is it fair to make them WAIT until white folks “get it”? We need to address their BASIC needs first. Yea it might suck when (and if) Pierre has an identity crisis at age 21 and starts acting out, but lets look at the bleak alternative. In the case of Haiti not being adopted can mean death.

The pool of people willing to adopt is small. The pool of people READY to adopt is smaller. The pool of people that have the RESOURCES to adopt is even smaller. Add in the ideology that only African Americans should adopt AA kids? Equals the disproportionate number of AA males in foster kids.

And I do have a proposed solution. In California (Oakland I think) they have courses for white people to take who have adopted AA kids. Now I don’t know what this course looks like but if were all so concerned maybe you can contact your local adoption agencies and offer your services by doing a workshop or two around black hair or white privilege. I think that is practical and helpful when a white family adopts a black kid and doesnt live anywhere near black ppl.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 6:10 pm ¶
Asha wrote:

I agree that this post should have a wider distribution as it sweeps all forms of international adoption even though it points only at one specific issue. There are so many aspects of adoption in this country that could be reformed, and this rises to the top of the list.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 6:47 pm ¶
retiredmaj wrote:

atlasien – I do not assert foreign agencies are any less “broken,” I merely note their motivations tend to be simpler (e.g., money). Outrages occur in our indigenous system and the foreign ones. My “worm’s eye view” seems to offer the obseravtion that it’s mostly a choice between which of the outrages I can live with.

I understand and appreciate that social workers have an extremely difficult task; including managing unrealistic expectations on the part of potential adoptive parents. The individual who saw us through our adoption was phenomenal, and I know I don’t have what it takes to do such a difficult job.

Having said that, I’ve been on the receiving end of flagrently subjective value judgements, the one foremost in my memory was being told my wife and I were unacceptable as adoptive parents because I was: “…part of an organization that glorifies violence.” That was the social worker’s professional evaluation of my active duty service in the U.S. Air Force. It stopped the adoption process dead, right there. There were a couple of other incidents (different social workers, different locations), though not quite as egregious.

When our house in order, then I’ll accept being taken to task for going outside of it with a bit more equanimity.

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 8:07 pm ¶
Luey wrote:

Mia, I am a white person who has no creepy fetishized interest in obtaining a non-white child. Please do not stereotype – not all of us are blind to this subject. It is really discouraging to hear “all white people are x” statements when at least some of us are trying to examine our privilege and work as allies with people of color.

Fascinating article. We are so hung up on the idea of white as neutral and ordinary and I think this plays a role alongside the white savior complex. Of course everyone will do better in a white family! We’re the norm, don’t'cha know!

Posted 27 Jan 2010 at 9:20 pm ¶
karak wrote:

I’m a white half-adoptee. I was raised by my biological mother and adoptive father (call him my stepfather and I’ll stab you. There’s a big fucking difference).

For the longest time, I wanted to adopt internationally once I was an adult. I especially wanted a child from Haiti. But as I got older, and I talked to my nonwhite friends, and my transnational adoptee friends, I got more and more upset and ambiguous about the idea. I wrote a college paper on Haiti and fell in love with the country, and I realized I could never replicate the complexity of Haiti in my home. I wanted to *give* to a child, not *steal* from them. I don’t want bio-children, for my own reasons, but I deeply desire children someday.

I’ve finally decided that there’s no possible way I can do right enough by a child from such a vastly different racial/cultural background. I’ve decided to look into foster parenting, and see what happens from there.

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 1:56 am ¶
ashlynn wrote:

Megan,

“I’m not saying that a family needs to be upper middle class to adopt, but when I adopt I would like to make sure that I am middle class in order to ensure that my child has the best education possible. ”

Again, you assume that there are no upper middle class or even middle class African American families who can adopt. A child does cost money and resources, absolutely, and seeing that many AA children grow up here in the US, me being one of them, one would make the connection that most of them were raised by AA parents, correct? You may not see it, but you are asserting that you need a lot of money to adopt, and African Americans as a whole- your words- simply don’t have it, so not only are they poor, but therefore unable to adopt.

Haitian American do thrive, absolutely. I am close to many, who are fantastic and intelligent and poised to inherit the world. However I can guarantee you that if many of those Haitian Americans had the opportunity to do all the things they’ve done here in terms of financial and educational success in Haiti, they would have done it in Haiti. Furthermore, the children we are discussing live in Haiti, and deserve the right to stay in Haiti, with their families, whether biological or not.

You many only think so, but I know for a fact that children- and people in general, surprise, need food and water to thrive. This is a given. But there is also another kind of food and water that people need to thrive, and that is having a culture and home and heritage and history. While it many not be as immediate, it is still quite important, and ‘m not going to sit here and pretend like once these adopted children are in “safe”, largely White American homes, and fed and hydrated, they will have the space and opportunity to learn and be immersed, or at least be familiar with, Haitian culture.

I stress that aspect because for far too long it’s been acceptable for countries of color to bear a lot of struggle and strife, and for dominant countries to welcome and reward those who leave their home country to contribute to one that doesn’t need that contribution nearly as much, and reward those who choose to stay and fight with more struggle and strife. Haiti is one of those countries. It’s too easy to say, well hey, this earthquake is the perfect excuse for the cream of the crop to leave for America or wherever else, and whoever stays, yeah we’ll help you out, but just know that if you want out help you have to play by our rules, and if you don’t want to- hey, there’s plenty in line waiting for it- peace!!!

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 5:01 am ¶
Cindy wrote:

Great Post! I especially like your list of questions at the end. This should be at the top of any adoptive/foster care site.

I’ve been disturbed by how quickly children have been brought to the States from Haiti. I doubt that any of these children realize they are NEVER returning home.

I gave some consideration to adopting from Haiti because International adoption is the only way for me to circumvent restrictive laws in my state. I discarded the idea because for many of the reasons listed in your checklist. Though I have access to a large Haitian community, I have many personal reasons that prevent me from connecting there. I couldn’t possibly provide the necessary cultural connection for an adopted Haitian child because of it… despite my desire to do so.

I worry for these children and their families who will never see them again.

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 8:44 am ¶
Grace wrote:

Surely articles like this one on Yahoo describing predators snatching Haitian children off the streets only serve to fuel the fires of those who are pushing for a “babylift.”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20100128/wl_time/02880419533791953494195716000

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 12:15 pm ¶
bean wrote:

While I agree with most of this post, there are a couple things that I definitely take issue with.

I am white, yet I grew up all over the world, primarily in China and Taiwan. As a result, I consider myself much more in tune with some Chinese traditions than I do with my own country’s traditions. When my mother decided she wanted another child, our family was based in China, and when considering the options, decided to go forward with a Chinese adoption. My entire family speaks Chinese (even my dog is from Taiwan, so I guess he is the outlier, “reading” traditional characters). My sister lived for the first three years of her life in Shanghai, and now goes to a Chinese bilingual school in the States. My family does not, as Mia implies, have a creepy interest in having a non-white child, and this is where I think a lot of people get hung up. I am not claiming that our family knows exactly what it is like to be Chinese, but that international adoptions are not all a bad thing, and white adoptive parents do not all have a savior complex and a creepy idealization with international children. I agree that countries should focus more on domestic adoptions, but in a country like China, adoptions from orphanages are extremely rare for Chinese citizens.

What I’m asking is for people to please stop making generalizations about white parents who make the decision to adopt overseas. Certainly there are some who have no desire to retain the culture of the child’s country, but that is not everyone.

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 1:28 pm ¶
Kim Lee wrote:

I am one of the many, many people who see pictures and read articles about children in Haiti and want to help- to shelter and protect a vulnerable child. That is not an evil impulse.
Thank you for the excellent article. I learned a lot from it. I like the house burned down analogy. I think I would like to say to my neighbor ” I would like to help you. Here are some things you might need. I have room for your child to stay with me for a while. You can come too if you want. I will hold your child while you do the things you need to do. When you are ready I will give your child back to you.”
Your article helped me to understand a few things better. I hope we can all work together to make things better for children in Haiti and for all of our children.

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 2:42 pm ¶
MayeuxWFU wrote:

Please Digg so more people can see this.

It’s up here:
http://digg.com/world_news/The_Dangerous_Desire_to_Adopt_Haitian_Babies_Racialicious

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 3:08 pm ¶
j wrote:

Hey! everyone on that thread didn’t think the solution was a Haitian BabyAirLift. Give some credit!
Honestly, if you think what you are reading now from APs is bad, consider this: 10 years ago when our family entered this universe no one even considered keeping a child’s birth name or that a baby might have attachment issues or that it would be good to keep in contact with China/foster families etc or that a transracial family might have issues or that the adoption of their child represented a loss to the child as much as a gain to the parent. Now 10 years later, at least some people do think those things and they can be discussed without hate mail. Is it gigantic progress? Depends on how you view it. At least its progress.

Nice post.

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 5:06 pm ¶
Jane wrote:

I’m a regular on RQ, and I’m mom to 2 daughters from China. I’m guessing the author of this post has read nothing on RQ except the blog, and some of the quotes used were not by RQ, but posted in the comments section. I’m sure the host of Racialicious would not appreciate being credited with all the comments made on her blog.

RQ has had numerous conversations about how Haitian adoptions should be limited to those children who were already in the process of adoption, those that were ALREADY orphans, and that those newly orphaned may need to be taken temporarily to safety but that they should not be adopted until all efforts at finding family have been exhausted. There is also commentary on how these children have been traumatized and that anyone considering adoption will need to understand this and will need to be open to helping the children, therapy, etc.

RQ has never, that I’m aware of, and I’ve been on the site since it’s inception never argued that all parents should wait in the same line, and she’s been a proponant of the expedited line for Chinese-Americans seeking to adopt Chinese children. She also advocates agencies teaching about attachment, racial issues regarding transracial parenting, and the need for caucasian adoptive parents to be open to supporting their children as they explore issues of race and self identity while being parented by parents of a different ethnicity.

I’m surprised to see some of the assumptions made here.

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 5:29 pm ¶
Jane wrote:

Oh, as to the whole “white saviour” concept, I never thought I was saving my children. I am parenting though, and that’s much more about service to them than it is about “saving” them.

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 5:31 pm ¶
pilot wrote:

Here’s an article on transracial adoption from a local seattle weekly that i read a while back. It touches on some of the issues through the lens of white adoptive parents with non-white children.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=787542

I still don’t know how I feel about transracial and transnational adoption, but in most cases i’m against transnational adoption…i can’t help but think how all the money spent on adopting children from other countries could have gone to the families of those children so they could be given a home in their own countries, surrounded by their families and cultures.

Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 8:55 pm ¶
jane wrote:

Pilot, in an ideal world, all children would stay with their first families. In cases were poverty has separated a family, why is the burden to stop that on the adoptive parents? Does that burden not more rightly belong with the government of the country involved?

In the case of China, there is no way for adoptive parents to reunite the children with their first families, but most adoptive parents are active in one group or another that works to better conditions for children with no family within China. Because China is a sovereign country, we have no status to change the government’s policies or economics.

Also, why is the burden placed on adoptive parents? Do those that parent biochildren have no obligation to poverty striken families? Or do only those that wish to adopt children have a responsibility to donate to keep children with their first families?

Posted 29 Jan 2010 at 12:00 am ¶
jane wrote:

Pilot, thanks for that link.

We saw a similar presentation before we adopted. We WERE asked about friends of other ethnicities, we WERE asked about our plans for supporting our child’s heritage, both before our adoptions, and in the year following them. We no longer are required to participate with our social worker since we passed the 1 year mark, but we do attend ongoing classes, reunions and festivals with our agency. Our oldest daughter has gone on a heritage trip back to her homeland, and will again as soon as her sister is potty trained. Our family does talk about race, we moved to a more integrated neighborhood, we’ve added holidays to our family calendar.

we do not do everything right, but we do not ignore race and we aren’t silent on it. I dare say most adoptive parents have learned much from adult adoptees on this issue, and we will continue to listen, becuase unlike the author’s allegation, we did not adopt a baby, we adopted for life, that means teenagers, dating issues, college problems, and yes, grandchildren that do not resemble us in any way.

Posted 29 Jan 2010 at 12:14 am ¶
Dana wrote:

Hello. Well, I just read through your post. I try to follow you blog when I can. I would like to point out to you that you are making a sweeping generalization about AP. With your blog being so popular I would encourage you to be more specific when possible when making sweeping statements about adoptive parents. If you had read through the comments on the RQ blog you would see that half of the folks commenting (including myself) are against any children – other than ones who were already in process with adoptive families – being airlifted from Haiti.

Furthermore, I am saddened that parents are so often portrayed as not wanting to look into transracial, transcultural, transnational issues in regards to adoption. I have read everything I can get my hands on in regards to our adoption, why she was an orphan, what I can do to aid her as she grows, her birth culture, how to ensure that she stays connected with that culture, what she might feel as she grows older, I could go on.

I hope that as the debate on adoption continues on, that it is understood that these issues are so complex. For example, in Haiti, no one wants to see the children suffer. No one wins here. What is the answer? Children who have been matched with families are left to languish when they could be moved to their new homes. Children already in orphanages now have little chance of finding families as the Haitian government is essentially shut down. Children who were separated from families could possibly wait weeks before they are able to be reunited. Children who – in the coming months – are found to be true orphans will have a grim future before them. Why? Because whether it the US, China or Haiti, children are usually the bottom of the priority list. Then there are the Restavic children. Those children that have been separated from their guardians most likely have no desire to go back. What is to become of them? The only children who win are the ones who managed to stay with family members or have been reunited with family during the days after the Earthquake.

I personally hope no children – not already matched- are allowed to leave Haiti for at least 6 months to a year for adoption (that is ONLY for children who were already in orphanages). I do not support an airlift as we have seen the devastating effects of that over and over again. I fear for the children of Haiti and hope that they are on the radar of the government agencies who are coordinating the aid to citizens of that country.

I do applaud you for the second half of your blog as no one who was not already in process for a Haiti adoption should even be considered for adoption during this delicate time. I commend you for looking at these issues but as such an accomplished writer who has such a presence I do encourage you to be specific and more analytical and less stereotyping when addressing these issues.

It is unbelievable to me that

Posted 30 Jan 2010 at 12:32 am ¶
Amanda wrote:

@ Megan

Abortion is the result of a desire not to be pregnant. Adoption is the result of the desire not to (or inability to) parent. There are so, so many variables inbetween the two completely seperate issues, they barely correlate at all. Research shows this. Adoption is assigned as the God-sent solution to abortion by agencies and religious groups mistakenly (or even tactfully, rather). “If you don’t want your kid, at least give birth to it and let someone else have it” is the mentality. But that mentality most often does not apply to an adoption situation. Women that carry their children to term have already decided that abortion is not for them. Abortion does not enter into the equasion for their unplanned pregnancy, yet adoption is the only solution that’s often ever offered to them. Women are told that they will be “unselfish” and “heroes” to their children if they give their children to a two parent home with more money and nice possessions.

These women do not drop their kids off at an agency and say “have a nice life” and walk away. For most, it is a gut-wrenching decision that abortion never entered into the equasion. Many gave their babies up because they were alone and poor and had no one to help them. Many look for their child in the face of every kid-about-the-same-age they see. Many wonder if their child is dead or alive or will ever want anything to do with them. Birth mothers never forget; many love and long for their very wanted babies.

I fail to understand the Pro-Life “savior mentality” of adoption because abortion is legal. Women who do not want to be pregnant are not forced to carry out unwanted pregnancies. Babies that are born and relinquished to adoption were not “unwanted.”

The pressure for women to give up their babies to adoption to fulfill the needs of a 3 billion dollar per year industry is astounding. The U.N. agrees that adoption has turned into a market that no longer seeks to help truly needy children but instead, seeks to fulfill the parenting needs of couples.

It is absolutely, 100% unacceptable for ANY agency to take a baby from a woman who is willing to parent but is unable to do so because she is poor. Putting children into the “superior” American way of life instead of reuniting them with their poor families from a culture we do not understand does not instantaneously justify the immorality of how they lost their original families to adoption. Children who do not have food and clothes do not need new parents, they do not need a new religion, they do not need a new culture; they need FOOD and CLOTHES.

Now, I come out of the domestic infant adoption realm in my knowledge of adoption but the evils of my realm spill out into the international adoption realm. Because you are Pro-Life and therefore expect women to birth babies they “don’t want” you feel it’s only fair to be willing to parent these “unwanted” babies. You many not realise that there is no shortage of people waiting to parent these “unwanted” babies surrendered to adoption. In fact, there aren’t enough babies to go around. This has resulted in adoption costs starting out at a minimum of $20,000-$30,000 per child (and many large agency execs making 6 figure salaries) and waiting lists like you wouldn’t believe. The demand on the market is so heavy that the U.S. has sought to address the demand with international adoption using legislation, one of the most detrimental being the Infant Adoption Awareness Act. There are two acts pending in Congress right now that will remove more protection from children involved in international adoption making them easier to adopt from their original countries.

While I won’t argue that there are children out there who are truly abused, truly orphaned or truly abandoned that are in need of adoption services, the legalized secrecy in adoption makes it possible for any agency to make you believe any child you accept into your home was in dire need of adoption with scarcely a resource for you to be able to verify these claims yourself (I do not deny that some parents, for various reasons, can be sure that their children were in TRUE need of adoption). The parents who adopted from Somoa in the recent adoption scandal there, among many others, have certainly found this out.

I have fewer qualms with adopting older children who are involved in the foster system.

Posted 30 Jan 2010 at 12:57 am ¶
iheartnov wrote:

Jane,

The opportunity to parent ones own child is not a priveledge to be afforded. For me, I would rather donate money to a family to stay together than to adopt their child simply because they were poor. So in my own personal opinion, yes, those that want to adopt the children of others should be concerned that the adoption is only taking place because the original family’s situation absolutely could not be helped. Those who do not seek to parent the children of others are completely irrelevant to that situation.

If the only thing wrong with a child’s original parent is their poverty, than the best thing for that child is to stay with their parent and for the poverty to be helped. Adoption as a solution to poverty should not be looked at and justified on a scale of “lesser evils.”

Posted 30 Jan 2010 at 1:25 am ¶
Kate wrote:

I think this is a really good post, but a little unfair to white adoptive parents. I am a PhD student and I do research with adoptive parents, and I just want to remind everybody not to lump them all together into some racist, privileged, monolithic group. One of the things that has struck me about the people I work with is the amazing diversity in their motivations for adoption and their mindsets regarding the practice.

Posted 30 Jan 2010 at 3:02 am ¶
Funmi wrote:

An excellent essay in most respects, however I must say this in regards to one of your points.

Attachment Disorder does not exist. It is a pseudoscience, its “treatments” torture transnational adoptees, and it harms both adoptive and birth parents. Since this is a form of abuse aimed primarily at children of color and non-Westernised children, I’m disappointed to see this pseudoscience perpetrated in your otherwise excellent essay. I recommend you read http://stopchildtorture.org/2008/11/18/for-the-last-time-attachment-disorder-does-not-exist/ and then read everything else on that blog.

Posted 30 Jan 2010 at 8:46 am ¶
Sharon wrote:

I think the point of saying that the people looking to adopt internationally (mostly), who pay huge amounts of money to so so might consider that they would be doing the child more justice if they just handed the money to the childs family to in raising that child with its first family (which we all agree I think is the best thing in a perfect world). Its not that its an obligation to fix poverty in any way but if you are truely interested in this chils walfare then why would you not do what is in the best interest of this child? That would be to give the money you were going to spend anyway (for the adoption and travel/paperwork etc.)? You see in most cases it is not the “best interest of the children” that is being considered, its the self motivating factors of the adoptive parents (but I want/deserve a baby type of stuff) hiding behind the fantasy that its so much better if we give the child a home here with lots of stuff and love! See how this is sometimes an issue? If you were really interested in doing what is best then maybe we should all make it possible for these children to stay with/in their own countries and provide the “good” education, decents homes, food, clothes, healthcare etc? Just saying…

Posted 31 Jan 2010 at 6:56 pm ¶
Corey wrote:

As the parent of children adopted from Haiti, I agree with much of what was said here. The only children I think should be coming out of Haiti at the moment are those that were determined eligible for adoption before the earthquake, who were matched to adoptive parents before the earthquake, who had adoptions in process before the earthquake. There won’t be other adoptions in process in Haiti for a long time; the buildings are gone, Judge Cadet is dead, it just isn’t a priority for Haiti right now. And that’s good.

What I don’t agree with is the idea that people shouldn’t adopt from Haiti (or internationally) at all, that it’s all foster care or domestic all the time, that’s the only answer, that by adopting from Haiti I’ve stolen someone’s children away that was coming back for them, that I imagine myself as the Great White Savior or any of that other nonsense. Only a tiny portion of Haiti’s “orphans” are adopted. 300 a year come into the US. By contrast, there are 225,000 restaveks in Haiti.. child slaves.. that are given (sometimes sold) to other families unofficially, who are beaten, starved, neglected, and often sexually abused. And yet I see anger and outrage about adoption.. about people wanting to bring children into their homes and love them, feed them, educate them.. and none for these other children who desperately need someone to be outraged for them.

My children all have living birthmothers. They each have siblings that still live with their moms. I do not know all of the reasons that their mothers made the choices that they did, but I have met two of their mothers, and they both expressed wanting a better life for their children. To me, America is not a “better” life.. only “different”.. but to these moms, whose lives are based on practicality and survival, “better” means the most basic of needs: food, clean water, shelter, education, medical care. Is it right that they do not have access to these things in Haiti? NO. But do I believe that these women have the right to make an adoption plan for their children? YES.. I believe they have JUST AS MUCH RIGHT as you or I do if we have a child that we cannot provide for.

All of that being said, I think the questions you ask (toward the end of your post, for all adoptive parents) ARE EXCELLENT. Any pap who thinks that by adopting internationally they are avoiding the risks of adopting a traumatized child is naive at best. Folks dreaming of these beautiful Haitian children need to remember all of the horrific images they have seen on the television over the past 3 weeks, and remember that these kids have been living them, along with the aftershocks, the sounds, the smells.. and that trauma has permanent effects.

Posted 01 Feb 2010 at 8:55 pm ¶
Jeannine wrote:

An orphan adopted to another continent is doubly an orphan…as a young MB child, I was horrified when my foster parents suggested that I might get adopted into the states. The habit of cutting away of the biological family for the sake of the comfort of the new adoptive parents is likely the very reason that “Nature” seems to so often win out over “Nurture” for adoptees…I have never met an adoptee who was copletely cut off from their on culture and family who has ever had a clear sense of identity and a heart free from the troubles that go hand in hand with feeling like a Motherless Child, no matter how loving the adoptive parents may be. I simply was not able to understand myself, or learn from my mistakes until I saw others who resembled me biologically show the same flaws in themselves. Humans need Mirroring, it is a developmental requirement, and it really helps if the face you see in the mirror looks something like yourself. I was adopted tice, the first time around, the parents chopped off my long beach blonde hair in a effort to make me more closely resemble their own dark haired family traits, they were talking about jaw reconstruction and a spine operation…they simply saw my face and posture as “wrong”…the second adoptioneworked out, yet I still found myself ever drifting towards places and people whom I thought might bring me closer to my “biological family”. This was risky, as my Mothers was in a bad place when she had me, and my Father had been shot to death…once I realised I was still looking for family, I realised that it was time to swallow my pride and seek out the family that I was able to safely locate in my own City…the thing is, I ALWAYS KNEW they were there, and that somehow saved me from a certain type of despair…I also think, too that it is despicable how people ingore the very needy children in their own backyard. If a child is in foster care or an orphan, there is a very real chance that they face a poverty of the soul that cannot be filled with the advantages of a 1st world country…a foster child’s life IS a disaster zone, because there is no uncertainty in the world worse for a child than not knowing where and with whom they belong, and who is going to take care of them and give them a place they can call their own. Even adults cannot bear to be unloved, so why would we expect children to withstand that form of poverty?

Posted 03 Feb 2010 at 5:17 am ¶
Celina Alger wrote:

THANK YOU FOR THIS! It was amazing.

I work in Ethiopia with high risk children. I am a white US citizen. There are TONS of visitors that come out and want to SAVE our high risk children.

Many have parents or relatives in the village. WE simply rescue them from abuse and reintegrate them into the community or a suitable Ethiopian home.

It is SAD how many of these children are ripped from their home/culture to live in the US.

Many hate it there, are miserable or suffer long term indentify/attachment/behavioral problems.

We need more people to be advocated for the children & their REAL needs/health/well being.

Posted 03 Feb 2010 at 3:16 pm ¶
moth wrote:

@ Megan – Yikes. Let’s take this piece by piece.

a)”HOWEVER for every five kids (if that) that a Hatian mother comes back for, I guarantee that there are hundreds of children who don’t have a mother or any immediate family. ”

Not true – “We are told that millions of children are waiting for their “forever families” to rescue them from lives of abandonment and abuse. But many of the infants and toddlers being adopted by Western parents today are not orphans at all. ” http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2008/10/15/the_lie_we_love
b) “And if they do have immediate family, are they able to take care of them? How are we going to even FIND those family members.” So do you also suggest seizing children from poor white American families? Or stealing children permanently from white Amermican families separated in a crisis?

c) “I also think that we are not giving the Hatian parents credit…a woman drops her 5 month old at a hospital and leaves without making plans with a nurse or a doctor to visit him or come pick him up? Why are we assuming that act was not purposeful? ”

Because in the Third World orphanages are not necessariy where people leave their babies for good – they’re where people with no other social services often temporarily place kids to ensure they’re fed until they are able to care for them.

You then perptuate the myth that there are only two alternatives for poor kids – adoption in the First World or misery in their homelands – How about this – instead of these people paying thousands of dollars to rip a child away from it’s country, let’s pay a few hundreds and keep in there.

Posted 03 Feb 2010 at 8:47 pm ¶
Alison wrote:

Thank you so much for this! You articulated so many of my concerns and also opened my eyes to aspects of international adoption of which I had not been aware.

I will admit, in the days following the earthquake, I felt an impulse to adopt a child from Haiti. My impulse stemmed from my desire to do something to help, my fear that there were children who had lost everything and that evil people would exploit them if good people didn’t step, a sense of shame that we have so much, and a feeling that it was selfish of us not to share our wealth with a child in need. But as the days passed, I started to question my impulses and my husband and I decided that if we really wanted to help, we should send money to UNICEF and consider becoming foster parents to children who need homes here in the US.

Posted 04 Feb 2010 at 3:55 pm ¶
StopChildTorture.org wrote:

As a transracial and transational adoptee, please do not help to propagate the abusive pseudoscience of “Attachment Disorder.”

Check the site for further insight into this epidemic. One of the many cases involves a “RAD” adoptive parent and Ronald Federici supporter giving away her 8-year old Haitian son away online.

Posted 08 Feb 2010 at 12:20 pm ¶
John Wilson wrote:

Agreed – great post. Not sure if you think this is funny or crosses the line, but it’s in alignment with your argument: http://www.getahaitianbaby.com

Posted 24 Feb 2010 at 2:56 pm ¶