How to Otherize Your Friends for Christmas

By Guest Contributor Jenn, originally posted at Reappropriate

(Hat-tip: Gawker)

So, let’s say you’ve got to buy Christmas presents for a friend of yours, but you just don’t know what to get her. A gift certificate from the local steakhouse? The latest 50 Cent CD? A gag gift from Toys ‘R Us? A new crockpot?

But what a minute! Your friend is Latina! Surely, that’s a hook to get her the perfect Christmas present! But, gosh, you just don’t know anything about Latina heritage. Well, New York Times has the perfect gift suggestions for you: how about a children’s book on Sonia Sotomayor? How about Iman’s book of beauty tips for women of colour? And, of course, there’s always a “Wise Latina” t-shirt! (Because apparently the hot thing for Latinas this year are Sotomayor-related products.)

And what if you’re buying me a present? Well, clearly, because I’m Asian American, I simply must have a copy of “Asian Faces“, a book that tells Asian women how we’re applying our eye makeup wrong, and how to do it right.

The New York Times isn’t exactly known for its racial sensitivity, but what moron green-lit this racist stereotype-perpetuating gift suggestion feature?

The assumption made here is that people of colour somehow need “race-related” presents, because our race is the be-all and end-all of our identities (and Christmas gift wishes). Not only that, but NYT readeres are encouraged to typecast their friends of colour to find “race appropriate” gifts — so, the friend is no longer just a friend, she’s “the Asian friend” or “the Latina friend” or “the Black friend”, and gifts should be bought reflecting your brand-spanking new racial categorization. Meanwhile, your White friends don’t need to be Otherized, since obviously they don’t have racial identities to contend with, so you can get them meaningful and non-offensive presents!

(Which makes me wonder what you do if you have mixed race friends? Do they just get multiple racist gifts? Or do you just pick the gift most in-keeping with the race you think they look the most like?)

And even if we, just for a second, accept the racist notion that we should be buying gifts based on our friends’ races and ethnicities, why would we buy these stereotype-inspired gifts? How racist is it to suggest that African-American women should receive haircare products specifically geared towards “problem hair” or Carribean cruises featuring a gospel choir (because Black women hate their hair but love some gospel music), while Indian women want nothing more than multi-coloured head-scarves (or coffee-table books celebrating multi-coloured head scarves)? Oh, and, what about the nail polish with benefits going to the people of Haiti — because both your friend and Haitians are people of colour, so somehow there’s a logical Christmas gift-giving connection?

And don’t even get me started on the “Baby Jamz” gift idea: because Black women love hip hop and have lots of babies, so clearly they need a gift that blends the two, right?

Then again, maybe the NYT is on to something. Perhaps this year, I will also give my friends race-inspired presents. In fact, right now, I’m on my way to go buy my Asian friends kimonos, bonsai trees, and pearl-inlaid chopsticks. My Latino friends? Clearly a set of antique maracas and a matching sombrero are the way to go. My Indian friend shall receive a henna kit, a book on yoga, and some bags of incense, and (since I’m an equal opportunity bigot) all of my White friends are getting gift boxes of cheese and coolers full of cheap beer, all the better to tailgate with. And electroman? Well, since he’s Black, he’s in for a special treat: the complete Tyler Perry DVD library collection, including full seasons of “Meet the Browns” and “House of Payne”. Oh, and while I’m at it, all my gay friends will receive adult sex toys, and all my friends over the age of forty will receive tennis balls and denture adhesive.

Sound like a great Christmas? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

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Comments

Medusa wrote:

Jenn, I applaud you for even being able to analyze this tripe, because I couldn’t. I mean, are they fucking serious?

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 11:22 am ¶
Stefan wrote:

C’mon guys. This is why lazy white people say that “we” can’t be satisfied. The article before this in my feed complains about the harms of a monoculture Christmas. Now we have an article about a recognizably left-leaning media outlet presents an (admittedly tin-eared) attempt to factor ethnic identity, and it gets attacked.

I appreciate the blog’s focus on various, potentially conflicting voices but the whiplash is palpable.

Mod Note - The fact that this effort is tin-eared is precisely why it should be called out. If nobody raises any questions about this kind of thing, then other outlets might get the idea that it’s “okay” to publish guides of this nature. It’s a slippery slope from there. Lazy white people – or lazy any kind of people – and backlashes rank decidedly low in our list of worries.
- AG

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 11:58 am ¶
That Queer Chick wrote:

I’ve read this piece twice now, on Reappropriate and here, and I’ve loved it both times, but I must ask–tennis balls? I’m over 40. Am I missing something that should be part of my life?

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 12:43 pm ¶
Kat wrote:

The gift guide made me slightly sad, cause as a White person I wasn’t aware that these products’ (cool scarfs! awesome Somali fashion designers!), are verboten for me.

BUT what you failed to mention in the post is that the woman who wrote this guide is African American, Simone S. Oliver.
I wonder why she felt the need to write this gift guide.

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 12:44 pm ¶
GüeraLola wrote:

I laughed so hard. When my sister was a teenager (born and raised in Mexico , mind you) she only wanted her birthday and Xmas gifts from Hot topic and American eagle According to the books you mentioned, She would be a a rich poser kid with no life. I think getting my Jewish friend a Kosher cook-book or my friend who is Japanese descent a kimono would be conspired a big F—– you. Unless, of course they asked for it.

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 3:29 pm ¶
dotdotdot wrote:

I understand that it’s ridiculous to say that people of color are soooo hard to buy for that we need a special list for it, but isn’t that ignoring the second half of the sentence? “…Gifts created by people of color.” Can it be determined that all of these products are truly made by people of color, and if so, is it fair to look at this as only a how-to-buy guide instead of a consolidated list of products created in a demographic niche that doesn’t get as much media attention, especially by the NYT? I’m not waving my hands in the air in the distress of buying holiday gifts for POC, but I did enjoy seeing some of the products that my usual magazines didn’t feature.

I’m actually a wee bit more concerned that just about all the gifts appear to be strongly lady-centric.

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 3:49 pm ¶
Restructure! wrote:

Stefan,

Well, of course it should get attacked. Lazy white people want either “color blindness” (i.e., pretend that everybody is white) or they want to treat POC like stereotypes from TV. Too bad understanding race requires more intellectual work than that, just like understanding any topic. It seems like lazy white people assume that thinking about race should require little mental effort, since it’s something that POC do often.

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 5:17 pm ¶
Sobia wrote:

Oh dear gawd…..this is just so crazy. Plus, I can’t remember the last Bollywood actress I saw with henna so that “Bollywood Henna Kit” would fail in making one feel like a Bollywood star.

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 8:17 pm ¶
Kat wrote:

Could someone please address the fact that the author is a PoC herself and seemingly saw the need for such a guide? Please?

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 9:00 pm ¶
GüeraLola wrote:

@ Restructure!
I don’t think it fair to say that lazy white want either “color blindness” (i.e., pretend that everybody is white) or they want to treat POC like stereotypes from TV. While a do agree the are white people who exists like that, the are also POC who want other treat POC like stereotypes from TV or tell them you are not “XYZ ” if you do not do or like “xyz”. As Kat mentioned Simone S. Oliver is African American but that does not her make article is not racists or not insulting to other races.

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 9:20 pm ¶
TN wrote:

oh dear… I’m doing it all wrong… I got chocolates, household junk, candles, board shorts, hot wheels toys and a teddy bear for my PoC friends… they’re gonna all hate me because I didn’t read this guide! /snark

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 9:51 pm ¶
rebecca wrote:

i run into the problem mentioned in this post and the preceding one at the bookstore where i work when folks are buying presents for children they don’t know very well (distant relatives, friends’ kids). especially when you get to teen books, there are so very few books that feature POC that wouldn’t be otherizing to their recipients.

there’s a token aspect to a lot of christmas gift-buying that i don’t like (does your friend who you hardly know like golf? buy him some stupid golf-related tchotchke), but this is obviously the worst.

Posted 24 Dec 2009 at 10:10 pm ¶
Restructure! wrote:

@Kat

In organizations led and coordinated by white people, it is not uncommon for them to find POC underlings to write or say things that support the organization’s culture. Perhaps a white person thought of the concept and assigned it to her, and she did her job. Or maybe it was her idea, and she personally wanted “Baby Jamz” and assumed that it was true of black women in general, and then made some stupid generalizations about other POC.

Regardless, buying race-based Christmas gifts is a Bad Idea (TM). So is taking advice from a commercial about what to buy your mom/sister/wife. Gifts are supposed to be personal and for the individual, not directed at a group or group stereotype.

Posted 25 Dec 2009 at 3:42 pm ¶
Jessica wrote:

I don’t see anything wrong with the Sotomayor book. You could get that for a little kid of any color/gender.

Posted 26 Dec 2009 at 3:24 am ¶
Kat wrote:

@ Restructure:
I think it’s a bit of a shame that we can’t ask Simone Oliver directly. Failing that, I don’t think it’s fair to automatically assume that she is an agency-less robot-victim controlled by White bosses, who in reality REALLY hated this, but had NO CHOICE simply cause we (you and I) don’t necessarily approve of the outcome. That’s… well… bull.

Posted 26 Dec 2009 at 10:19 pm ¶
Colin B wrote:

The problem is not white people, but whiteness as an idea. It’s perpetuated by things like this “gift guide”, which purport to know what being a person of color is, and how different and strange and cool and “ethnic” it is. I dislike it when people think I need to hear them blather on about how much they like hip hop because I’m black and this is not something only white people participate in. That doesn’t mean it’s not about WHITENESS, though.

Posted 27 Dec 2009 at 4:44 am ¶
Anna wrote:

well, this list is strange. And otherizing, that’s true.
While some of the articles are ok and might even be great, I don’t think it is the right approach. I mean, who would offer a friend shampoo labelled “problem hair”, … Unless of course it is a very close friend and you know him/her well enough and you want to introduce him/her to this brand you know, …

Gifts are not easy to chose, and especially for children it might be true we need help finding books or movies with/about PoC in great roles. And it might be great to give them to children you know. But if you don’t know them well, it is just misplaced political correctness.

Nothing wrong about giving some products, but you have to know (and convey) why and how. I am white. I sometimes offer my black boyfriend or his brothers gifts related to african or african-american history, but only because I know them and know what I want to share with them (books I’ve read, …) (and what they are interested in). Most or all of which I would share with a white person too. His brother told me the other day “It’s great to watch a movie where the black character does not die early or is the white hero’s best friend…” So I do think you can make those gifts, but you must think who you are going to give them to.
My white father got a book on Art Tatum, because he is a jazz pianist. My white mother a dvd on the Tuareg, …
I guess what is really wrong about this list is the concept of being “for” people of colour. It would be much more interesting to just concentrate on the content.

I think the list might have been more ok if they just had chosen to make a few lists, like “children books”, “makeup”, …
But the way it is presented here makes everything of color look “exotic” and “different” and “special”. Why would you put a book on Obama on the same list as (bollywood…) henna kit? just not related in any way.

Posted 27 Dec 2009 at 6:08 am ¶
Restructure! wrote:

@Kat:

No, I was actually thinking of bosses making big decisions and letting the underlings work out the details. In those situations, employees usually try make the best of it. I’ve had situations like that before, in which I thought something was sexist, but I didn’t have the authority to change the direction, so I just worked with it.

Posted 28 Dec 2009 at 12:51 am ¶
Jess wrote:

Folks,

Simone Oliver can be reached at (212) 556 1234.

That’s the number for the paper. (just plug in the name) Her email is probably on the site as well. This assumes she is a full-timer and not a freelancer.

On at least one story posted here I called the person involved and asked. He was pretty nice about it, too and provided a pretty straightforward explanation. (It was the one about why a story got filed under “weird news”). I posted his explanation in the comments.

I’d strongly urge anyone who wants to know what Simone Oliver was thinking to just call up. Reporters love to hear stuff from readers — we really do! (It helps to know that someone saw what we write — you’d be amazed how many times even those of us that work(ed) at bigger papers wonder about that).

So, you might say: “Hey, I saw this, I wanted to know how you put it together and why you made certain choices.”

Don’t go all “you are an evil tool of The Man(TM)” on her. Just ask — nicely — how she decided on what went in there, or how the editors did, and if she was the one in charge of the look of the story. For all any of us knows she didn’t do much or did everything, or had certain ideas that didn’t make it.

I’m not defending the Times’ piece. I think the whole idea smacks of tokenism and is just plain silly. But there is no reason to speculate on the motives or feelings of the author when she is really, really available to ask, IMO.

Posted 28 Dec 2009 at 3:25 pm ¶
teaspoon wrote:

The “Asian faces” make-up book you mentioned reminded me of this time that I won a free makeover from Avon and got to bring a friend. The Avon rep. spent most of the time making-over my white friend, and when she turned to focus on me she pointed out that she had to do my eyes differently due to their “non-traditional” shape. Um, thanks?

Seriously, though, racially-themed gifts? This is pushing past the boundaries of ridiculous.

Posted 28 Dec 2009 at 11:11 pm ¶