Hosted by Special Correspondent Arturo R. García
What, you thought these guys taking a week off was going to stop us?
First off, we’re happy to welcome a new addition to Team Snarklight Express: the boss of bosses at New Demographic herself, Carmen Van Kerckhove!
Carmen: Hey there! Thought it was about time I started pulling my weight. And if that means taking on the burden of watching John Cho every week, so be it.
Andrea: Hey Carmen! Welcome to the ‘Table. Soooo…now that you’re here, can we officially make John Cho the new Patron Hottie of the R?
Mahsino: I agree, ’tis a heavy burden having to watch all that hotness surrounded by wooden acting.
Diana: Welcome to the snark fest, Carmen! Ditto, Andrea, on Cho as the Racialicious Patron of Hotness.
jen*: Welcome, Carmen! (two hands up for Cho-licious moments at The R)
To prep everyone for the return of the show this week, we sat around and tossed some ideas back and forth, mostly from these clips we found on a FF site … uh, Andrea, where did we find this, again?
Andrea: The site is in Polish. I recognized the language on the site before I saw the extension. Eight years of going to Catholic mass where the misalettes were in Polish and English.
Carmen: I sure hope that Mark and Demitri just happened to wander onto the set of a TVB costume drama or something, cause believe it or not, people in my hometown of Hong Kong don’t usually walk around dressed like this:
Andrea: ::winces:: Just wow. This show is is working hard to be half-assed about different East Asian cultures. Japan, now China …
Arturo: I don’t know if I’ve ever heard a line as clunky as “the act of telling you may end up bringing about the unfortunate incident we’re all trying to avoid.” It’s the kind of thing you write when your character really has nothing to add to the scene or the story. I hope this is the kind of thing that got addressed by the production hiatus, but I’m wary. And by the way, Mark trying to be a badass is laughable, isn’t it?
Carmen: It also doesn’t make sense. If the act of telling him will make it happen, why did she call him in the first place?
Andrea: LOL Carmen, your question is too much like right. And Arturo, Mark’s been pretty laughable as a lead character since Episode 1. But I did agree with what he said to Shoreh –maybe because I would’ve said the same thing to her. (Does she even have a name on the show? “Woman with Sexy Voice Calling Demetri” isn’t catchy.)
Arturo: Oh no, she’s the new Haitian!
Mahsino: Only if her name ends up being something all disappointing and anticlimactic.
Arturo: The evil part of me now wants her to end up being named Renee.
Andrea: I just want Shoreh to call me. ::blush::
Diana: I think Mark’s prickiness may be coming in handy after all.
jen*: Mark just seemed like a spoiled child here – but I *would* like to know why the lady thought Noh would just roll over and be like – ooh, I’m gonna die – guess I better go to Disney World while I have the chance…
Carmen: So according to Raspy-Voiced Lady, Demetri likely knows the person who’s going to murder him. I originally thought that when Al found out in his flashforward that he killed someone, his victim was Demetri. I think that would’ve been an interesting way to go. But now I’m thinking it’s gotta be Mark. What do you guys think?
Andrea: I like the idea…..a lot. And I can see how that–considering Mark’s look of defeat when Lloyd and Simon revealed the flashforwards were an experiment gone wrong–would drive Mark to drink.
Arturo: Mark is the best candidate to kill Dem, but that would require the kind of storytelling courage we’re not gonna get on a network show, unfortunately.
Diana: A deranged fiance perhaps? Ms. Union is not an official longtime cast-member.
Arturo: That would be horrible – yet a kind of awesome twist, if it’s revealed that Zoey was connected to the Evil Brits.
Mahsino: I can see it now, Demitri borrows Mark’s Jump-to-Conclusions mat and kills off her character in an act of preemptive self defense.
jen*: I’d actually be really into an arc with Gabrielle and Simcoe as clandestine work-buddies. But yeah, I can see Mark nuttin’ up and killing everybody, one-by-one.
Andrea: That Michael Ealy knows how to make an entrance: “Hi, I’m Marshall Vogel, and I know you’re going to die soon, Demetri. How you doing?” The hey is that?
Mahsino: I dunno Andrea, I have an inexplicable sense of annoyance directed at Michael Ealy’s poor-man’s-Terrence Howard-style of acting, so I don’t know whether I was more annoyed by the writing or the actor. Either way, that was an awkward way to introduce another character. As soon as I saw him I expected him to say: “Hey, I’m the new handsome, black FBI agent. I saw there was an opening in your crew, and thought I’d drop by”.
Arturo: Dude does make a good point, though – Mark & Demetri must’ve been smoking Kumar’s stash if they thought they were gonna just slide on into Hong Kong.
Diana: I think Michael Ealy is delicious, so I don’t mind him being around. But he best get on the Save Demetri bandwagon because I deserve two pieces of eye candy in this economy.
Carmen: I too think Ealy is delicious but am also cracking up at your remark, Mahsino. He is kind of a poor man’s Terrence Howard, huh?
jen*: I used to think Ealy was delicious…but he doesn’t seem as cute now as he was in the Barbershop movies…that’s just me. I’ll take him any day over skeevy Terence Howard, though. Even if I *did* run into him in an elevator one time and realize he’s way hotter in person, TH creeped me out with his comments about lady hygiene in Elle. Anywho, I’m with you, Diana – we need two hot guys on the show, Ealy needs to stick around.
Diana: Is anyone more or less intrigued by Dylan’s dad and the Hobbit’s mea culpa?
Arturo: I was amused by the clip for two reasons: Jack Davenport’s calling on every bit of Steve Taylor awkwardness for his portion, and the Hobbit’s “hey, sh-t happens, AMIRITE?” attempt to salvage things. The question I hope gets addressed – if not outright answered – soon is, what exactly were they testing?
Mahsino: If I’ve learned anything from reading Y-The Last Man, it’s that it’s never the fault of the scientists who first take responsibility. But I love how the Hobbit called Dylan’s dad on the fact that the only reason he’s feeling guilty is because now he has to actually take responsibility for his kid.
Carmen: Eh … I find it ludicrous that this press conference is being simulcast live all over the world. I mean, if this were to happen in real life, there would probably be all kinds of weirdos coming out to claim credit for what happened. I hope there’s a good explanation of why everyone is taking these two guys so seriously.
jen*: They timed the conference just right, too – it’s daylight both in LA and Hong Kong. But the “experiment” claim seems so flimsy to me – I’ve gotta know what it was. Was it tied to CERN and the Large Hadron Collider or some other BigBadScienceyThing?