Open Thread: Tyra’s Real Hair

by Latoya Peterson

Stalking Tyra is normally Carmen’s beat, but since she’s got her hands full with the new baby, looks like I’ll have to take this one.

Finally, after much fanfare, Tyra Banks opened her show sans weave. Afrobella was disappointed:

In retrospect, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. I shouldn’t have come into the new season of the Tyra Banks Show with expectations.

But I did. My bad.[...]

The potential was there for this show to educate women of color about the beauty they so often hide behind sewn in pieces and slathered on chemicals. Instead it quickly devolved into a self-aggrandizing display that (in my opinion) reinforced negative assumptions about black hair — further compounded by the other guests on the show. All of whom had their hair styled and styled and styled some more before their “big reveal.” And then it was time for the Perez Hilton
interview and I swear, my hand up and flipped the channel all of its own accord.

I always try to look on the bright side… so I’ll end with this. Tyra’s “Real Hair Day” was the beginning of an important conversation. But myself and the many natural haired women I know, were left cold by the episode. Where were the women with kinky, coily, natural hair textures? Why not feature a woman with a TWA? Why not expose her hair as it truly is — unaltered texture and all? Maybe, despite the hype, Tyra wasn’t yet ready. And that I can almost respect.

Now, I wasn’t surprised at Tyra, but I am surprised that not one guest had a natural.

Your thoughts?

Share and Enjoy:

Comments

Justme wrote:

When I graduated from undergrad my hair started to fall out terribly. At first I thought I need a treatment or something but after visiting my dermatologist she informed my that I had centrefugal alopecia (scarring alopecia) meaning my hair would slowly fall out over sometime. At 21 this was devestating (i’m still getting over it). I had to go natural to conserve what I had and it was one of the most difficult things. Before this I never gave much thought to my hair outside of making sure it was permed and done. But I found that I did not know much about my hair, how to style it care for it nothing. Worst off there were few doctors that could offer me advice as most were not familiar with black hair. It’s sad that people of color do not celebrate what they have and embrace it.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 3:08 pm ¶
Thea wrote:

Just watched the video and Tyra seems kinda shaky when she first comes out…which in and of itself says a lot about pressures on black women to NOT wear their hair natural – if even a woman with the mount of sway and cultural power that Tyra has is anxious about showing her real hair. I think what Afrobella says at the end about Tyra not being ready yet rings pretty true.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 3:23 pm ¶
Lisa J wrote:

Well, in Tyra’s defense, at least about her personal hair, if she has been getting it permed all along even underneath the weaves, it would take some time for the perm to grow up so completely going “natural” would have to wait for awhile. I mean beyond hacking all of her hair off. I guess she could have just washed it and let it air dry or something but still. I’m waiting for Paris Hilton to give up weaves too

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 3:42 pm ¶
Kaonashi wrote:

It takes a long time to grow out relaxer so no, I didn’t expect her to come out with a fro. Instead, she came out sporting her hair without “extra help” and considering how everyone and their mother in Hollywood are sporting weaves and extensions that says a lot.

I think we’ll be taking a huge step ahead when we’re able to stop taking women to task for their hair choices.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 3:47 pm ¶
Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist wrote:

I agree with Thea, you could tell Tyra was so scared. It’s truly sad that a woman can’t embrace her own natural looks, let alone a famous 90s supermodel.

but still, she is doing a great thing. It’s a start.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 3:49 pm ¶
9jah wrote:

“Why not expose her hair as it truly is — unaltered texture and all?”

I don’t get this. at all. I am a man so maybe there are dimensions I am not taking into account…but are we setting out to prove that ALL artificial treatment or dressing is bad? And if that’s the point, is it really a racial matter or just one of personal taste?

I get up in the morning and put basic hair treatment on my shortly trimmed hair. I brush my hair. It tends to form natural waves, which I detachedly appreciate (kinda like my moles and cleft chin). I proceed with my day feeling well groomed. I see no problem at all with the black women with whom I deal doing exactly the same. However, I do share the concern that people should not style their hair in ways that are harmful to their hair/scalp and appreciate the many natural options of grooming hair for black women.

So why the insistence that Tyra expose her hair in its unalduterated texture? I don’t think the point was exposing what wake-up hair looks like as much as getting comfortable with grooming that is not harmful and does not carry racial baggage.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 4:06 pm ¶
Sandy wrote:

I am not at all surprised that Tyra didn’t come out in any type of “full nappy glory”. I never expected that she would. I took it to mean that she was just not wearing weave for the day and that’s what it was.

Now, if oprah does a show on natural/nappy hair, then I’m all in because I have seen her un-permed hair.

LMAO @ Lisa J (Perez Hilton)

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 4:22 pm ¶
Adrienne wrote:

Please, Tyra didn’t represent when we had women with natural hair on her show talking about how Black children view their own hair. Tyra copped out when she told a Black child (who said she hates her hair and likes her _raggedy and tangled_ blonde Miley Cyrus wig because its more beautiful than her hair.) that she wears her wigs too because of her job.

Tyra considers natural hair to be the cornrows she wore the day of the show…which to me was silly…but I could at least accept that is how twisted Tyra’s thinking and comfort level may be behind natural hair.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 4:41 pm ¶
Celeste wrote:

I think it’s her real, relaxed hair. I don’t buy that it’s not processed.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 4:50 pm ¶
Penni Brown wrote:

9jah – does ‘wake up’ hair = natural hair?

grooming is not the same as relaxing. relaxing is a choice that many African American (and other curly headed women) make but many of them (me back in the day) suffer plenty of damage from forcing our hair to do something and be something that it was never intended to be.

in addition, many people think that the propensity to relax does stems from racial baggage and the ‘norming’ of it continues to perpetuate a loathing of kinky, natural African American hair.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 5:50 pm ¶
Penni Brown wrote:

*stem/not stems

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 5:51 pm ¶
Brigitte wrote:

For some reason, I thought Tyra had unprocessed hair under that weave/wig so when she did the big reveal, I was disappointed. Add to that the fact that there wasn’t a single kinky head on the stage just added to it. Tyra was more concerned about people thinking she was bald than airing a real forum about the beauty standard. I cringed when she kept telling to black weave wearer to “shake” her weaveless relaxed hair as if to say “see how um-nappy it is!” There was more cringing after thx biracial woman shared her story about he racist white mother only to have Tyra fawn over her spiraled “mixed” natural hair. I’m mad at myself for watching.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 6:02 pm ¶
Joy wrote:

I didn’t watch the show, but I’m confused as to why anyone would expect a woman who wears weave to reveal natural hair. I mean it is possible and does happen, but I think the majority of weave wearers have relaxed hair. I’m Confused?

It was my impression that it was “real hair” day, not “unaltered as the day you were born” hair day. Two totally different things: my braids are synthetic hair but my relaxed hair is “real” hair. Maybe afrobella was disappointed because she misunderstood what was going on?

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 6:16 pm ¶
SeattleSlim wrote:

I didn’t expect much from her. It takes work and lots of deconditioning just go from relaxed to natural. Tyra went far beyond. She needed big, long, gregarious hair. She needs some serious mental deconditioning before she can make that change.

A shame that she proclaims to be so “free” but she’s really deathly afraid of what people think of her.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 6:17 pm ¶
Michele wrote:

I have never expected much of anything from Tyra. At least this time she had a reason to bring the focus back to her favorite topic, Tyra.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 6:50 pm ¶
calmom wrote:

Why have natural hair expectations from someone who wore an orange hair weave while she judged women on their capability to make it in the fashion/beauty industry?!

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 7:35 pm ¶
Leezel wrote:

Did anyone notice the pretty sista that Tyra shouted out in the audience?
I was hoping that their stylist was gonna hook her up (by hook up I don’t mean straighten, I mean put some product on it because her hair looked dry) so that we could have seen another type of natural style.

Maybe next time.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 8:34 pm ¶
NEA wrote:

Wear you hair however you want. But if you try to convince me that Black women (and men) aren’t conditioned to think that “straight is better”, you can save yourself the keystrokes, cuz I know better.

When I see teenage girls, with broken off, thin, damaged hair, clown on other teenage girls, with full heads of thick, healthy kinky hair, I see the problem. Adult women do the same, btw.

One of the first places we (black folks) go, when it’s time to hurl insults at one another, is hair texture/length and skin color.

If you can only feel “pretty” when your hair is straight, then that’s a problem. For those who like to “switch up”, do your thing. I use heat to style my hair, a few times during the year. I wore weaves during the winter months, when I transitioned, to protect my hair. But, you can bet your bottom dollar, I could lose my blow dryer and flat iron, and not lose my mind.

There was something about the ritual of applying creamed Draino to my hair and scalp (and all the trauma to my hair and scalp that followed) that made me come to a decision that I had lost MY mind, and needed to stop the violence.

The vast majority of us don’t really care about Tyra’s hairstyle choices. BUT, if your desire is to address something, then go to the root and do the darn thing, or leave it alone.

Tyra should have left it alone.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 8:41 pm ¶
Wendi Muse wrote:

i saw clips of this, and no, i wasn’t surprised. though i must say, tyra’s hair, sans weave, looked cute. given, every celebrity, even those with short hair, seem to rock weaves or wigs at some point, mainly to protect their real hair from being damaged from all the changes they have to make on the job.

as i mentioned in the bela or bust article, i cut all my hair off (again) in brazil and let it grow naturally. thus far, i’ve been keeping up with this newfound “project” and plan on being that way for a very long time, if not the rest of my life. it’s unfortunate, however, that we see so few women in hollywood who are given the option to wear natural hairstyles in film roles/on shows, etc. . . or at least, those who have natural hair outside of work. i think it would be nice to have more hair role models so to speak. in addition, i wish that expert curly hair services (i.e. miss jessie’s or devachan) were less expensive and more easily accessible for those of us out there with natural hair, but who don’t necessarily want to wear weaves or braids in the meantime as it grows out. i think that would help a lot with the transition process.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 9:21 pm ¶
Crystal wrote:

Not surprised at all. Someone who was making so much a deal out of taking out a weave would need major courage to wear a fro. It’s a big deal for black women who are way more in touch with their “real hair” to make the “big chop”. It’s so freeing though, I never looked back when I did it.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 10:32 pm ¶
April wrote:

Yawn. For all the hubbub about freeing black women from racist dictates of which hairstyles are appropriate, it seems some “natural” hair advocates are just as tiresome in imposing their views of how we should wear our hair. Tyra obviously has better things to be concerned with than what someone like Afrobella thinks, but really? I’d say moving from weave all the time to only wearing the hair that grows upon one’s head is a HUGE step. Enough with the hating, already! It’s ridiculous.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 10:49 pm ¶
April wrote:

By the way, there’s a common misperception, which I’ve seen throughout these comments, that relaxers are automatically bad and inevitably must lead to hair falling out. Which, of course, is untrue. As with all chemical procedures (coloration, etc.), a proper relaxer requires a good stylist, and with proper care relaxed hair can be just as healthy as “natural” hair. My mother, who’s worn her hair in both styles, has relaxed for decades and has a very healthy, shoulder-length mane.

@Penni Brown:

As for what our hair is intended to do and not to do, I suppose that means you’re against press and curls and color jobs, too?

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 10:56 pm ¶
ashlynn wrote:

Ohhh boy. I watched the opening clip, which was enough for me. So many things going on. First off, Tyra killed pretty much any chance of healthy discussion by once again, centering everything on herself. It’s that very self absorption we see in the media that causes so many self esteem issues. Anyway, she comes out, and it’s pretty much an opportunity to say “I have long ( socially acceptable) hair!” then all her other audience members wearing their “real hair” are also socially acceptable.

Give me a break! I’m cutting Afrobella some slack here in that Tyra, being a black woman, should be pretty familiar with the idea that as a black woman, especially now as natural black hair is steadily reemerging, “real” hair is interpreted as natural hair. And I am 100% positive that she knew this, and still chose the easy way out. With that, you guys are absolutely right. She is scared as hell. Which is perfectly fine, but if you’re positioning yourself to be this all encompassing healthy, positive role model, you need to come FAR more correct than that.

Posted 09 Sep 2009 at 11:54 pm ¶
penni brown wrote:

@ April – Did I state in my comment what I was for or against? I don’t think so, but, I’ll answer your question.

I have no problems with people wearing their hair straight or dying their hair. I flat iron my hair a few times a year for trims. I can be pro-natural without being anti relaxed.

I do have a problem though, with people implying that my natural hair is not groomed just because its not straightened.

I have a problem with seeing teeny brown girls with relaxed hair that looks like its been eaten by one of those cross shredders. Or worse, their kindergarten classmates with weaves.

And finally, I have a problem with the under representation of all types of African American hair, including denser, kinkier natural hair, during beauty discussions.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 12:25 am ¶
NEA wrote:

@April,

Naw…it’s not a misconception. I can count the number of Black women, who relax and have no (and have had no) serious hair health issues…on one hand.

Relaxers weaken the hair, and dry it out…especially tight, kinky/coily tresses, which is fragile to begin with. That’s why you have to spend so much time and effort conditioning it, just to keep it on the head, and off the floor, sink, etc. That’s just the way it is. Color and heat styling can cause damage too.

For every black woman with “healthy” relaxed hair, there are hundreds more, with breakage, destroyed hairlines, mysterious shedding, and over-the-top dryness. Most of us have more than one hair texture, so trying to relax a head of hair, evenly, is a challenge, if not impossible. Plus, the average stylist ain’t tryna to figure it out. It’s too much work, and takes up too much time.

Regardless of whether or not you can have a head of healthy relaxed hair, there are some silly folks, who would rather have damaged relaxed hair, than healthy nappy hair. I think that’s dumb and delusional. It’s indicative of a twisted mindset. Straighten your mind, first. Do what you want with your hair.

I have yet to meet a seasoned napptural sista, who claims her relaxed tresses were just as healthy as her natural kinks. There’s a learning curve, but once you figure out how it’s done, it’s a done deal, for the most part. Yes, there are some women with jacked-up natural hair. But a “healthy” head of relaxed hair can’t hold a candle to a healthy head of natural hair…as far as strength, and overall condition.

The point, which I think you missed, is that Tyra left out a whole segment of the black female population, whose “real” hair ain’t relaxed. Why? That’s the question. If you relax and your mind is right, then press (or relax) on.

Opinions are like…noses. You know the rest.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 12:54 am ¶
Marcy Webb wrote:

Co-signing with April.

I fail to see how it is that I am somehow suffering an identity deficit because I don’t wear my hair in its natural, unrelaxed state, and have a self-esteem which teeters on the brink. Personally, I am growing weary of the entire discussion regarding hair – natural or otherwise. If hair is the main determinant of the impact of racism on my life, then, we’ve got serious issues.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 2:29 am ¶
n wrote:

I think the problem is people referring to Tyra’s hair as natural hair, when it clearly wasn’t. That raised the expectations.

If people want to wear relaxers, so be it. But relaxed hair is damaged, it may not be damaged enough to make it unhealthy, but the process itself is damaging.

For those who are tired of the hair issue- we all are. But being unable to go out of the house and get a job wearing your hair as it grows out of your head is a MAJOR issue that affects black women. Being unable to attend work functions or meetings if there is going to be water without fear is a problem. I don’t think women who have always wore their hair straightened can truly get a feel for how much time and energy (mental energy included) they devote to it, until they no longer do.

Is it gonna frizz, are the edges nappy, is the back nappy, is it raining, what will keep it from reverting, can I have sex without the AC on because it may poof up, can I go to the gym before work, can I swim before work etc etc..

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 10:18 am ¶
Joy wrote:

*sigh* I think the main segment of the population that has a problem/issue with the way black women wear their hair is black women. On racialious and on Clutch I have seem a dramatic increase in black women and hair/straight v. natural hair “wars”/and people who relax have self esteem issues articles.

I mean really – shouldn’t all black women have the right to wear their hair *however* they want?? Concern and advice for women who may have unhealthy relaxing habits may be laudable, but I think it’s unnecessary to tell every woman with straight hair to get to the root of her “issues” before relaxing.

As far as pressing or flat ironing natural hair goes, one is achieving the same basic look as a relaxed woman only doing it in an arguably more healthy fashion. How is that any different from relaxing as far as the “mind bondage” argument goes?

Why can’t sisters support sisters everywhere? Why do we have to be crabs in the hair barrel?? GOSH!

And of course the show is all about Tyra – Tyra is all about Tyra – she’s a talk show host not a self-esteem coach for goodness sake! [Sorry, Tyra/ANTM fan here.]

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 10:18 am ¶
n wrote:

@ Joy
Many women see straightening hair the same way they see skin bleaching and wearing colored contacts. A perpetuation of the standard quo- hair MUST be straight.

The problem many people have with relaxers etc is that its not really a preference for many women, its not A choice, its the ONLY option they would consider. There is a difference between choosing sometimes to have straight hair and an absolute refusal to ever have natural hair. The longer straightened hair remains the norm, the harder it is for those who wish not to do so, to NOT do so.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 11:23 am ¶
srb199 wrote:

I agree with Afrobella. My hopes were up too. I’ve been natural for a while, but I know deep down if there was some magic I could use to make my hair straight, I’d jump on it. I’m grateful for the many online sites that promote positive care and perceptions of black hair, but having someone like Tyra embrace natural hair would have gone a long way to help my perception of my hair. I think she missed a great opportunity.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 11:34 am ¶
bets wrote:

I did not watch the show, but I just watched the opening minute and a half. I have a question for those who watched the whole thing. Her hair is dripping wet when she comes out. When she turns around you can see that her back is wet, so I think she really means it when she say she JUST got out of the shower. I wonder if she came out with her hair dripping wet because it would look straighter? I know my wavy hair is straight only when it is wet — but I am white.

As the show goes on, does her hair begin to dry? If so, does it start to look less straight??

I am just wondering if she chose to come out with wet hair so that it would look straighter BUT she could still honestly say it’s her real hair. Because she clearly looks (in the opening at least) pretty uncomfortable. But I also don’t watch her shows so I don’t know if she always comes across as a bit nervous.

I work at a university and the women of color most likely to wear their hair natural are international students.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 1:58 pm ¶
Devin wrote:

What was a bit jarring was the emphasis on length. It seemed like Tyra went through a great deal to explain that THREE INCHES had been cut before her big “reveal.” She talked about how her hair is actually longer when it’s wet, but THREE INCHES had to be cut off [role grainy clip of hair being cut] because they were damaged. But the audience had to SEE those inches actually being cut.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 2:03 pm ¶
TierListE wrote:

We are not at a point where (among many other things) relaxing/not relaxing your hair is “only a choice” . It’s not possible. It will only become a frivolous/mundane/style-based only decision if and only if the pressures, treament, opportunaties, and social acceptance of black women with straightened and non-straightened (natural or manufactured) are not affected by hair texture. And we’re not there yet.

What angers many of the naysayers is that they feel they are accused of “wanting to look white”. I don’t think it’s as direct as all that most of the time. I believe for most people it is not the act of looking directly “more like a white person”, but to fit into acceptable social and beauty standards, which are dominated by Western ideals. If a society or community started punishing women that had straight hair in societal relationships and access, and/or gave preferences and rewards for women with kinky hair, the numbers would most likely be completely reversed.

I think the personal comes in at a more general level of how independently we can act in relation to social norms, and how comfortable we are in leaving them. Like if two people had the same curiosity in becoming natural, the one that care *less* about looking different are more likely to actually do such a thing.

To be perfectly honest I don’t think it’s possible for virtually any human decision to be made completely divorced from society. People like to fit in, like to be liked, and like to be included and many decisions reflect that.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 2:06 pm ¶
SeattleSlim wrote:

Way to obfuscate, April.

Judging by your comment, it is perfectly clear that you took what we said personally.

Oh well. If the shoe fits….

Like NEA said, anyone who tries to say relaxing is nothing but a simple “styling” option and nothing more, can save themselves the trouble because WE know better.

If you made the transition back to the hair you were born with, you’d get it too. If your hair is natural, how can you intentionally try to minimize the hair debate? There are movies, books, studies, et al devoted to the way we see our hair and they prove that BW need a good dose of reality.

Your mother is the exception, not the rule. Their are salons who devote time and resources to creating expensive wigs for older BW who’ve been relaxed for YEARS.

Don’t tell us to chill out and don’t tell us to stop “hating” (can we retire that word already) because we are darned sure not hating on any relaxed sista. Good lord, no. Keep that….

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 2:12 pm ¶
SeattleSlim wrote:

What some folks fail to realize is that there are still women who feel they can’t get jobs, can’t find a man, can’t be pretty, can’t be desired, can’t be worthy unless their hair is relaxed. Now according to some stats, 80% of BW relax.

While SOME may not have issues, a vast majority do, and quite frankly, the clarity achieved with going natural ( throught the several stages like doubt, fear, acceptance, frustration, appreciation, admiration, love and adoration) reveals many things about why one relaxed in the first place.

If relaxing is just a styling option, why haven’t some ever explored the “other options?”

Coloring is not altering one’s hair texture to fit in or to grab a man or look “professional”. It is akin to painting one’s nails.

If my hair is kinky, but red, it’s still kinky. It’s still nappy and to some people, it’s still wrong.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 2:20 pm ¶
saartjie wrote:

Hmmm – if I could have straight hair, I would totally go for it. Curly hair is a mission, every morning I wake up and cross my fingers and see what the mirror has in store for me. Is it humid? Did I sleep funny? Has the dreaded frizz struck again? So I totally get why people use relaxer – instead of having to negotiate with your hair, you’re basically using brute force to get your own way.

Ok so I’m white, so I don’t totally get the weave issue. But on a visceral level, seeing someone with a weave or a wig is like seeing someone with an obvious boob job – maybe it looks nice, but it also looks fake, and it kind of implies that this is someone who isn’t content with original equipment. In other words, instead of making the most of themselves, they are trying to be someone else. So there’s a difference between (aggressively) styling your hair and basically negating your hair, and that’s where the weave steps over the line for me.

Eish, but what do I know.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 4:28 pm ¶
Asada wrote:

I suppose the hair debate will never be resolved. A real shame that is.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 4:57 pm ¶
Joy wrote:

To everyone who says that not relaxing is not a viable option because of societal pressures . . . society doesn’t CARE about us and will never lovingly or tacitly AFIRM any hair on a black woman –
1. nappy (cause it’s nappy),
2.relaxed (because it’s still “fake” and everyone “knows black women don’t have straight hair for real anyway” – there was an article on this a while ago about how usually only the wavy/curly/mixed-girl curls are shown in popular media) and if the straight hair is too long it’s probably weave anyway, or
3. weave (see saartjie).

Sorry TierListE No black hair will ever be truly accepted because YOU (and me too) are not truly accepted.

So, screw society, your negative friends and family members, and do you without worrying about what or why the next sister is doing.

(OK, know you guys are tired of me posting, so let me go read another thread.)

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 5:53 pm ¶
usha wrote:

I’m a mixed race woman who, through the magic of genetics, got my white mom’s curly hair.
And I am entirely certain that my mom would have ~loved~ if I ‘d come out with an afro, but couldn’t really handle that what I had were the same spirals that she spent her whole life hating and fighting.
I know that much of this is racial, but there’s a whole-culture component to this too.

EVERY curly haired white woman that I know straightens her hair. Mostly with flatirons and blowouts, but some chemically.
I think that there is an expectation that if you work in a ‘professional setting’, or ‘care about your appearance’, you will. No matter what your race.
(For full disclosure, I have JUST in the last month started wearing my hair curly. No big professional ramifications as yet, though I do seem to be spoken to more by strangers).

Actresses and celebrities all normalize extensions and weaves (though I kinda agree with saartjie’s pretty-but-fake assessment), and there are very few rich and famous white women who go around naturally curly. Have you guys ever seen Nichole Kidman’s 1st movie as a young teenager? Her hair is bright red and downright nappy. I have it on good authority (work in pr and fashion), that her hair is blown straight and the curls she’s now famous for are put in with a mach larger barreled iron than it would take to replicate her natural hair. Jackie Kennedy was pretty kinky too, for that matter ( I have this theory that she was passing…).
And some astonishing percentage (46 million) of american women blonde their hair.

Does all this hair altering stem from a desire to look ‘whiter’? Something tells me that isn’t it, but is it possible to tease out how much of this is black and how much is something else?

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 6:02 pm ¶
leia wrote:

@saartjie

i wouldn’t necessarily that person is trying to be someone else, because that depends on their state of mind and if they truly feel like weave/straight hair looks or is better.

I stopped wearing weave when i graduated grammar school in 2005 , because i wanted to wear my actual hair, it wasn’t mind, it was an ordeal getting it done, and that hair glue crap stinks to high heaven…

so i stopped, but i didn’t really care if people wore it or didn’t, that’s their choice. But me I’m a hair style person, which for me means i like to do different styles, not that you can’t do styles with natural kinky hair, but i like ALOT of hair styles and have yet to actually experiencing them (lack of money) then i try to DIY (i lack supplies ).

Lastly i perm my hair, but lately i’ve been embracing my natural textures hair which is coarse yay! at first when i was younger and when i was in my straight hair wanting style i would worry about sweat and frizz and all that, but now that i’m 18 and and embracing my natu and other styles i don’t care about it getting wet and blah blah I’m rockin’ a sideways poof ball right now!
I even braided (bot scalp braid, don’t know how) my hair up just to get it really kinky i think i’m a 4aor c

well that’s it for my ramblings cheers!

oh i didn’t see tyra cuz she unexpectedly went to the cw , and i didn’t know cause i don’t have cable…oh well.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 9:10 pm ¶
leia wrote:

corrections on a few things

*it WASN’T MINE
*my natural TEXTURED HAIR
*NOT scalp braid

and excuse all the other grammatical and punctuation errors

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 9:15 pm ¶
ashlynn wrote:

As a transitioner(made that up), I can honestly say that just physically SEEING your natural hair grow is a freaking wonder. I guarantee you at least 85% of young black girls go from puffs and basic braids when they’re little, presses and box braids/extensions when they’re a little older, and by the time they hit 10, RELAXER! It’s as if we are saying “Okay, your natural hair is cool for now, but as soon as you’re remotely old enough, BOOM! THIS NAPPY SHIT IS GONE!” I’ve been that girl who went to school thinking and feeling like she’s THAT much cooler, THAT much more beautiful, and THAT much more acceptable because I had relaxed my hair. Even when I had no idea how to care for it- being 12 and not possessing much of an attention span- I still felt like hot shit. It wasn’t until years later that myself and all my relaxed friends started to own up to the fact that our hair was not all that. Hair that is totally thinned out at the ends? Not hot. Missing hairlines? Not hot. Broken off edges and “ponytails” that barely fit into the scrunchie? NOT HOT!

And yet, let a girl with an Afro pass by and she is ugly, her hair is nappy, she needs to not come outside until those beady bees have a loong talk with a container of Motions.

That’s the problem here. I’m personally just not going back to a relaxer- the difference in thickness and strength between my two textures is astounding. But my sister and my mother still relax, and have fairly healthy heads of hair. Damaged? Yes, but still healthy. The fact that Tyra came out dripping wet to clearly disguise any sort of potentially kinky texture says a LOT OF THINGS. When you go to lengths like that to hide what you’ve really got, that’s when relaxing your hair becomes something to be ashamed of.

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 10:42 pm ¶
mongo slade wrote:

So…uhhhh…what did her hair look like?

Did she pull off her wig and BOOOF! a big afro appeared like in a cheesy Dave Chappelle skit?

Posted 10 Sep 2009 at 11:03 pm ¶
Michelle wrote:

Y’all, I live in LA, the weave mecca of the world and let me tell you a few things.

Natural (nappy/kinky) hair is RARE in LA! RARE! Unless you see dreds or you happen to be at some counter culture underground happening, it ain’t happening.

However, a good portion, probably 60-70% of Black women in LA press their hair. And they wouldn’t be caught dead without their press and curl. And yes, most women who have weaves (at least in LA) press their roots and edges out. So actually, I was quite surprised that Tyra, born and raised in LA, was relaxed underneath all that weave.

In fact, many women weave because it is so hard to have relaxed hair and style it everyday. What I mean is, when you have relaxed hair, it is important to keep the heat out as much as possible. “Bumping” the ends everyday? A no-no for sure. So, for her to come out everyday, perfectly styled? Yes, I am surprised that she has relaxed hair. I am surprised that she relaxed whatever hair was under or over the weave. In fact, dollars to donuts, she didn’t relax her hair. She pressed what was left out of the weave and for the “big reveal” she put some lye up in her head with a quickness! Trust me on this one!

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 12:03 am ¶
DivergentDana wrote:

Michelle-
But Tyra, as a lace front aficionado, wouldn’t have to press and curl the edges.

“What some folks fail to realize is that there are still women who feel they can’t get jobs, can’t find a man, can’t be pretty, can’t be desired, can’t be worthy unless their hair is relaxed.”

That’s because in many, many regions, these feelings are substantiated by society’s reaction. There are real-life repercussions to wearing one’s natural hair, especially if a person’s other “attractiveness markers” aren’t as strong, their other negatively evaluated racial markers aren’t as mutable, and if their natural hair isn’t that stereotypically mixed bushel of spiral curls that seems to be the default ideal.

I am currently natural. I can attest to the large dip in male attention that can result, other natural women have noticed it as well, and also noticed that it goes back to “normal” levels when hair is straightened for a trimming, or some such thing. It’s not an imaginary fear. Many women go natural post-marriage, or when they get older, and I think that this is one of the reasons why. One of the things that’s often done with beauty norms/rituals is the responsibility for perpetuating and ending them is put solely on the shoulders of women, without acknowledging the complicity of men, as if they’re something women do just to fill idle time. Men’s preferences are often seen as sacrosanct at worst, immaterial at best. As long as these women are told that their worries are imagined/unimportant, the effort to “convert” the masses/assure them of their worth as naturally-coiffed women is bound to fall on deaf ears, because the perception is that “this person obviously doesn’t operate within the same social world that I do,” and with natural hair becoming a class marker, more common in academia, among professional blacks, and among “model minority” African/Caribbean-origin groups than working-class folk, there may actually be a grain of truth to that perception.

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 7:50 am ¶
DivergentDana wrote:

Oh, in retrospect, it appears that I’m implying that African/Caribbean origin blacks and “working-class folk” were mutually exclusive. I wasn’t.

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 7:55 am ¶
Ebz202 wrote:

co-sign 9jah and i’m female….

Also, I think as long as it’s your hair (the hair you were born with) it’s natural whether it’s permed or hot combed or pressed or flat ironed.

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 9:37 am ¶
N wrote:

@Usha

Part of the white woman’s disdain and hatred of curl and wave in the US is BECAUSE it is associated with blackness and “passing”.

I saw on naturallycurly.com a post asking if any white people have type “4″ hair and there was a post of a cute very pale, blue eyed very blonde girl. And a few people asked,”Is she mixed”, wondering if maybe she wasn’t white but one of those pale quadroons, a Nahla Aubrey or Nicole Ritchie or Harlow Madden or Maya (daughter of Victoria Rowell).

The pressure back in the day for white folk to keep themselves separate from black folk was pretty intense. And because of “passing” people were pretty closely scrutinized. A little touch of the tar brush could ruin someone’s reputation.

White women’s hatred of naturally curly hair doesnt stem from a different place, its all IMO and based on my research, due to the stigma of blackness.

HAIR is often the deciding factor. Even dark skinned women, if they have straight or wavy hair, can “pass” as Indian, Native American, Hawaiian, “Middle Eastern” etc.. But the HAIR is the giveaway and black people dont want to take the risk of being mistaken for black folk.

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 10:15 am ¶
bets wrote:

N, that’s so sad. I wish it wasn’t true, but it probably is.

I am white and it took me 35 years to EMBRACE my wavy hair. I couldn’t care less about fashion trends. I do not own a hair styling appliance. No blowdryer, no curling iron, no flat iron.

And you know what? No one has ever said anything negative at all about my hair. In fact I often get “I love your curls!” It makes me so sad that the same is not true for black women. People should be allowed to wear their hair in whatever way makes them happy and makes them feel attractive.
This whole thread is such a bummer. It’s like a microcosm of white privilege. Once I got tired of fighting the curls, there was no outside societal pressure whatsoever on me preventing me from wearing my hair curly. It was up to me. Sigh.

ANYWAY. I just came back here to say, here is CNN’s take:

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/showbiz/2009/09/10/sbt.hammer.tyra.obama.cnn

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 10:54 am ¶
little mixed girl wrote:

i guess i’m in the minority, but when i hear “natural” hair, it means “real hair” to me…as in the hair that grew out of your head.

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 11:48 am ¶
Eva wrote:

I find this whole thing sad. I’ve been wearing my hair natural for many, many years. I have a very good job, which I got with my natural hair. Also I have gotten more male attention from younger men (I’m 49) with my natural hair; I look younger with natural hair than I do with relaxed hair. Now I am certain it helps that I am about Vanessa Williams’ (former Miss America) complexion and my hair goes from light brown to dark blonde. (I’m not mixed).

I really believe that the more people do something, the more normal it becomes. If no one wears weaves, what happens?

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 11:54 am ¶
Joy wrote:

@mongo slade
http://tyrabanks.com/view/story_01ABOUT_FACE

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 12:50 pm ¶
Michelle wrote:

Divergent,

Yes, she wears a lot of lace fronts. But she has rocked a straight up WEAVE for many photo shots, tapings of her shows, etc.

That said, I think that was fresh, fresh relaxer guys.

And no no no no no no! Natural hair and relaxed hair are not the same thing! If you want to relax, cool, do you! But don’t try and fake the funk that it is just as natural, just as healthy, just as ANYTHING as non-processed hair.

Eva, I recognize that your story is different from others. But as a brown woman, with brown hair and a kinky curly texture, I can tell you that I have experience my share of discrimination and invisibility because of my decidedly Black features, my hair chief among them.

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 3:02 pm ¶
Amanda wrote:

Tyra basically squandered the opportunity to Come Out with her real hair and show the world that a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman whether her hair is curly or straight. (I say “curly” because “natural” does not necessarily mean “nappy” – you just have to know which product to use.)
What Tyra actually did was set Back the conversation and, therefore, perpetuate the racist and shame-filled negativity assigned to black hair.
I hid behind crappy relaxers for most of my life – and I always wondered: who was I kidding? Sure, it was straight, but it was totally unhealthy – I waged a hot iron/blow dryer WAR every day to find the balance between straw-like and overly-greased. My hair kept me from wanting to get sweaty from exercise (so I had to sacrifice my overall health for my outer beauty.) And I felt it just was not right that my hair could never get wet, or even moist, in public (to this day I struggle with swimming because I learned to do it without putting my head underwater).
My (white) best friend grew up telling me I should just scrap the relaxing. But it wasn’t until I met a good man (now my husband) who caught me between shower and hair battle a few times, and insisted that he liked my hair natural, that I freed myself from those stinky chem-goop treatments for good.
And it’s good to be Free at Last – I can shower and leave the house within minutes, I can jump into a pool or lake impulsively, work up a sweat (even in bed) and not miss a beat of feeling attractive. My hair is thick and gorgeous and when I DO get it straightened (for trims or on occasions) crowds of hairdressers gather round to remark on how healthy it is.
On the down side, in my last job, there were (white) women who repeatedly hurt my feelings by asking me why did I not wear it straight when it looked so perty that way? And I can see the scowls on uppity black women’s faces when I walk among them with my natural hair – as if they’re saying – why don’t you get with the program?
I blame Tyra and you other relaxer/weave-weraing kind for those nasty reactions. Sure, there are a lot of very attractive black women out there with relaxed hair, but to me their beauty is overshadowed by the ugliness of their shame for what God gave them.
I like Tyra, but Tyra, if you’re reading this, know that you’ve only revealed to black women how truly painful it has been for you to forge your way in the cruel fashion/beauty market. One day I hope your “soul” finds peace.

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 4:39 pm ¶
SeattleSlim wrote:

DivergentDana,

OOOOOh You’ve got me thinking…. Your post…Mmm….wheels turning.

Your last paragraph hit home because I am prof, and of Caribbean/Afro-Latina descent. Very interesting indeed…I need to write about this. Wheels turning lol.

You’re right, and if I minimized the very real issues people have with natural hair, I’m sorry. I think there are a host of factors that come into play with that and I think it may depend on the person.

I’ve had strange men literally touch my hair (WM to be specific), just to feel the curl. I’ve gotten attention from BM. Do you think that it could be a confidence thing? Like for example, who’s going to mess with a totally self-confident, self-assured woman? At work or at play?

Because when I was relaxed, I still had to deal with isht at work and was still rebuffed by some guys. I guess I’d rather deal with all of that being natural. Hey, at least I’m happy, is the way I see it.

I also agree that if we started setting precedence, the B.S. would stop. See natural hair is still somewhat “fringe.” If the stats are correct, only 20% of us are “natural” and we don’t know how many of that number regularly show their natural texture (as opposed to pressing daily or weekly, you guys get my drift). If we changed that number around, we’d achieve parity.

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 5:36 pm ¶
SeattleSlim wrote:

Amanda,

CHURCH! Girl preach! But check it, I feel like I’m too gotdarned pretty to pay attention to any other person who isn’t down with me. Either you like it (you get my acknowledgment) or you don’t (put on ice). Girl I don’t care what people say. I just had to deal with one moron today about it. I had to laugh because to be that stupid and ignorant is comical to me. Like, some people are really just born stupid huh? Oh, well. Better for me!

That’s the way I see it. I hate to sound cliche but when it comes to my hair, “I Love my haters”

Posted 11 Sep 2009 at 5:40 pm ¶
pgAesthetics wrote:

Well said, well said NEA!

Posted 12 Sep 2009 at 12:47 am ¶
Ange wrote:

I think it’s a bit myopic to frame the issue in the same tired way.

1. There are black women with NATURALLY straight hair. My mom is one of them. She is of Brazilian descent and she is BLACK.

2. There are p l e n t y of “natural” sisters who are rocking n a t u r a l fake fros until their stuff grows out. I can spot a lace front fake ass “natural” from 200 yards away.

3. Until one is able to “write their own ticket” so to speak, they are still bound by the conventions of the society in which they live. it’s nice to have the “resist or die” battle cry, but if you have to put food on the table, or get through medical school, or whatever, you will have to make some compromises. It sucks and until we get “there” it will continue to be a hard choice for both those who are critically conscious and those who are still “colonized”. I don’t think this is simply a matter of only unenlightened people wearing weaves, lace fronts and other trickery.

4. Black women’s hair is politicized in a way that is both baffling and overwhelming. Is it any wonder sistas just say, “Fuck it” and fry their shit up. It takes a bold sister (and I haven’t met many) to LET A SISTER DO WHATEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS WITH HER HAIR!!!

5. I have “natural hair”. It’s unprocessed, but I pin curl it to get curls that are more defined and less likely to make me a target for the ire of the oppressive white work place I deal with each day. I am too lazy to rock a weave or a relaxer and living in a state where there is a paucity of access to quality hair care (for natural or otherwise) renders the whole issue moot. (for me anyway)

Posted 12 Sep 2009 at 1:56 am ¶
April wrote:

[Mod Note - I understand this is a very heated topic, but there is no need to be rude on this thread. If you persist in mocking the intelligence of others or casting assumptions about the ages and experiences those who comment here, then you should not post here. - LDP]

Posted 12 Sep 2009 at 10:57 am ¶
Mieko wrote:

I’ve straightened my hair since middle school, mostly in response to the teasing I received about it(I’m mixed, and have type 3 hair). It’s been a battle ever since- wash, oil, blow dry (which takes at least 2 hours to do), braid, hope the sweat generated from blow-drying doesn’t frizz your hair, repeat. Week in, week out. Once I got to college, my mostly White and Asian friends kept asking why I didn’t go natural. I replied, that it was too inconvenient to upkeep every day, while a good blow-out lasts me a week (with a few touch ups now and then). Besides, curly hair still frizzes, and frizzy hair knots, and knotted hair rips out. Currently my hair and I have reached a truce. Though I relax it chemically three times a year, I wet and condition daily, then allow it to air dry curly. My hair is healthier than it’s been in a long time- very little upkeep and in my largely white liberal arts college, it’s considered “cool.” However, when my roots go too long without relaxing they take much more effort and time to detangle, and I lose more hair fighting with it.

My point is- While yes, cultural pressures affect our style choices, convenience affects it as well. Yeah, relaxing is bad, but it makes it easier to brush out fuzzies, take a nap without worrying about bed-head, find lost bobby-pins/hair ties, and run oil through it. These are important to hair health- if I don’t, it becomes nasty and breaks off-how do I do all these if I can’t even get my fingers in there? The best is to find a happy medium, to realize that not all hair works the same, and to respect peoples’ choices. WHATEVER THEY MAY BE. Healthy hair is happy hair. Trust me- my hair is happiest this way.

Posted 12 Sep 2009 at 9:30 pm ¶
c.n. edaw wrote:

Mieko- I am glad you wrote what you did. Yes, societal pressures play into whether we choose to straighten or not, but trust me, like you– I know a lot of women who straighten for convenience and ease as well.

I get tired of this broad brushed assumption that wearing your hair natural is actually so much easier and automatically makes hair healthier. I have worn my very thick, wavy/curlyt hair both natural and relaxed for years at a time. As long as I choose to keep it long , especially, and it grows very fast. R elaxing even just every six months as I do know makes it much easier to style and keep it healthy.

As a little girl, I recall it taking my mom hours to detangle my hair after washing it. I remember her breaking combs and brushes and pulling out huge knots of hair. Even though it may not be technically “nappy” or “kinky” by most black people’s standards doing my hair natural was an all day affair. Detangling it, braiding it, etc. and then two days later because of the thickness it STILL not being fully dry. When damp and conditioned just right it can dry to pretty waves and curls after braiding it..but left loose and subject to any kind of humidity it’s just Diana Ross and Chaka Khan combined…and since I am not a performer or runway model..that look doesnt work for me.

I wore my hair in pony tails or braids until my late teens when I got my first mild relaxer, which did not even take. My hair was just as curly as it was before the chemicals were applied, but we could not use anything stronger because of the fineness of my hair.

The only time I ever had breakage was when a stylist foolishly combed relaxer all the way through from roots to ends because my hair was so thick (she thought this would help ). Even after some of it fell out I still had enough hair on my head for two women and it eventually all grew back, so I was lucky even though I was annoyed I had to chop off several inches.

Which brings me to another point. I have long hair. My mother has long hair. Her mother has hair to her ankles! It’s in my genes. I can get bangs cut today and two weeks later not have bangs anymore. If I have a shoulder length bob this week a month later it will be past my shoulders.

It is what it is. But I get so tired also of this assumption that black women who do have long hair are somehow lording it over those who don’t have the same genes. I have never in my life poked fun at another girl for her lack of hair growth or broken off edges or split ends, etc I see on a lot of black girls who hold onto damaged hair just to have length. BUT most people think its perfecty acceptable to pull or tug at my hair to prove it’s real or to comment that I should “cut some of that sh***#t off” as I heard a woman loudly say in a beauty salon once. Just like I had no control over what my facial features and skin tone are other than taking care of my hair maitenance wise–even when I brutalized my hair by blow drying it and curling it daily I still had hair to the middle of my back and no broken edges. This WITH a relaxer.

The times I have tried to wear my hair curly it has been a lot of trial and error as far as products. I usually cannot wear it all fully down unless there is absolutely no humidity whatsoever. I must deep condition at least twice a week or it becomes terribly frizzy, yet too much of any kind of oil makes it sticky or flat. It takes ALL DAY LONG to dry, especially in the winter months OR at least an hour to get it mostly dry with a diffuser. I cut it off once and just found that while it intensified the curl and wave, it also made it more difficult to hold a flattering shape. And I just don’t want a boy cut (fade or pixie). I have round full face and I don’t find it flattering. I like long hair. I have long hair. Why is that so problematic for so many people??

Relaxing I can either blow it straight or let it air dry and it has defined curls/waves with a little mousse or gel. I am never in the salon more than an hour and a half I get it blown out and curled and deep condition once a week. Combing it out after some conditioner is a breeze and I have yet to break a comb or brush as I did with my natural hair.

If it gets wet, sure, thats a problem if I’m going for a straight hair look , but I have never in my life not done something because I didn’t want my hair to get wet or damp. That’s what ball caps and scarves, etc are for.

I just wish we didn’t take hair so personally. I say this recalling being a 13 year old being held down in the bathroom while other black girls threatened to cut off all my hair. OR the time in college a roomate decided to put Nair in my shampoo bottle. Only the tell tale smell of depilatory kept me from lathering up. This hair stuff is just out of control for women in general, but black women, especially.

Posted 13 Sep 2009 at 7:26 pm ¶
Michelle wrote:

Clearly, every Black woman in America knows at least one other Black woman who has naturally straight hair.

All we are saying, Ange, is that Tyra is not one of them. Tyra’s hair is no more naturally bone straight than Oprah Winfrey’s hair. If Tyra’s hair was bone straight, as in that picture, then believe you me, she would never have seen the need for wigs, weaves, pieces, ponytails, etc. Ratehr, she would not have used them AS A WAY OF LIFE.

Now, I know that White women wear wigs and weaves, but for very different reasons. For example, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears have all been public and/or vocal about weaves, clip-ons and pieces. But they are adding length, not hiding the TEXTURE of their hair. They are enhancing what is already there, buying hair that matches their natural texture. Tyra, Beyonce, and the rest buy hair that is not like their natural texture, in an effort to mask their natural hair.

And look, I am a weave, wig, coloring, pressing comb fool. I have done it all. I am in a business that tells me that I can’t do what I do unless I put a wig on it. At this point, it doesn’t seem that anyone will hire me with my hair looking the way that it does when it grows out of my head. I have a whole chest that is dedicated to my hair pieces! So I don’t knock Tyra’s hustle. My heart breaks, however, when I see little Black girls, especially poorer Black girls, pulling their hair out by the roots to achieve certain styles, slathering chemicals on that are clearly taking their hair out, and who have that gleam in their eyes, that gleam that some of know all too well. The gleam of desire, wanting the hair that they will never have. That is why there are those of us who are so passionate. It is not really for us, rather, we are trying to create a world (with our bravery as a catalyst) where little Black girls, en masse, don’t have to do battle with the hair dragon. We all want to see that dragon slain. And since there is a Black man in the White House, I no longer believe that anything is impossible.

And Mieko, I hear you loud and clear. For your lifestyle and preferences, you have found a wonderful way to wear your hair. I am sure it works for you! But some of your words indicate a certain ignorance of natural hair care. And the only reason why it seems that way to me is that I initially had to deal with what you are talking about, until I learned how to care for my natural hair. It was all about education or a lack there of, that caused breakage and too much shedding.

Posted 13 Sep 2009 at 7:31 pm ¶
Ange wrote:

My heart breaks, however, when I see little Black girls, especially poorer Black girls, pulling their hair out by the roots to achieve certain styles, slathering chemicals on that are clearly taking their hair out, and who have that gleam in their eyes, that gleam that some of know all too well. The gleam of desire, wanting the hair that they will never have. That is why there are those of us who are so passionate. It is not really for us, rather, we are trying to create a world (with our bravery as a catalyst) where little Black girls, en masse, don’t have to do battle with the hair dragon. We all want to see that dragon slain. And since there is a Black man in the White House, I no longer believe that anything is impossible.

Now that is the gossip. I guess I was feeling kind of cheesed because I see these conversations over and over and often times the judgment feels very much to this “oreo” (still hate that term) like a another blackness litmus test.

White celebrities were hair trickery for the same reasons Black ones do: to create the hair they weren’t born with. It makes a lot more sense for someone in the entertainment field where looks are a commodity (right or wrong) to be wearing store bought hair on a daily basis, though the orange weaves were a bit much!

I think Tyra probably should have said, “weave free” instead of natural because I, too was thinking “Jill Scott” and not what I saw when she did the reveal. Though sometimes, back in my weave swinging days (ahhh, I loved me some wet-n-wavy) I conflated the terms natural and real. Usually it just meant my piece on was drying on the bathroom towel rack and not attached to my head at that moment.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 1:03 am ¶
n wrote:

@Meiko
Everyone has the right to do as they please. And I respect that relaxing may be easier for you. But to say that natural hair is more time consuming, generally isn’t true. The catch is you cant go natural and expect hair to behave as if it were relaxed.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 9:57 am ¶
n wrote:

@c.n. edaw

I respect that you choose to relax. But the hair isn’t the problem, the detangling isn’t the problem. The combs arent the problem. The problem is expectations.

I have had almost waist length thick curly hair, long thick kinky and natural. Its not impossible to comb it or style it without breakage. It takes me 15 minutes max and I can, if I choose, spend under 5 minutes a day tending it.

If we expect to have long swinging hair thats wash and wear, we will almost always find our natural hair lacking. If we expect to just wake up and run a comb from root to end, we will find our hair lacking.

People can do as they wish, but I think we need to address not only the nappy issue, but the entire set of expectations we have. Many people expect to change to natural hair, but still hold onto the long swinging hair aesthetic. Or they expect to have the same haircare practices as people who do not have afro-textured hair. Thats not realistic.

And trust me, I have had more than my fair share of the hair hatred and drama. And I would love to let it be. BUT I truly beleive that the flip side of the antagonism toward women with long hair is the lack of love for “nappy” hair. When long flowing hair isn’t seen as the holy grail of beautiful easy to care for hair and women who don’t have it don’t feeel as if they are getting the short end of the stick, stuck with unmanagable difficult hair, perhaps the resentment will fade.

But that wont happen, IMO, as long as people dont even know HOW to care for their hair.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 10:30 am ¶
c.n. edaw wrote:

@N Even in your attempt to find common ground it seems there is judgement that I think that exacerbates these hair wars.

Why is there the assumption that people who have trouble styling their hair natural are

1)woefully ignorant of hair care practices? I assure you through the years I and my mother read plenty of books, went to plenty of salons, etc for advice. Obviously in recent years with the internet and more biracial people info and products have been easier to find which certainly made my 20’s easier than my childhood as far as styling my hair.

Nearly every person who wears their hair natural assumes they know more about hair care than anyone else, never once stopping to think that perhaps others know the same info and maybe what works for you just doesn’t work for them.

Nor do those folks ever consider that their hair really doesnt look as good as they think it does or that it’s not as healthy as they think it is. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. Women who relax are often treated by these folks the way most of society now treats smokers.

Why does there have to be this assumption that if I only knew what you knew (about hair) and do what you do (to your hair) my life would change. It’s not religion. It’s hair.

Trust me I could write a book from research and experience alone on the topic of hair care and page one would be on the ridiculousness of relaxing children’s hair in my opinion–but that would be based on health of hair/scalp–not my opinion that someone should or should not straighten their hair in general or my belief that anyone who relaxes a child’s hair is mired in some fantasy of seeing little Suzy flip her silky tresses over their shoulders and letting the top down on the convertible to see it fly in the breeze.

Which brings me to

2) That we all do things to our hair trying to achieve a “Barbie asthetic”. I wore braids into my late teens before braids were cool– certainly not braids with YOUR OWN hair! That was unheard of when I was in school. Few teen girls wore braids and those who did had a heap of synthetic colored hair added on.

So, I assure you I have not had the expectation of wash and wear hair since I was about 5 and honestly don’t know a lot of black women who do other than those who have gone natural and hacked theirs off into short cuts. Trust me, they remind us all the time how now they can just “wash and go” not like when they had those evil perms, LOL!

When you talk about those little girls feeling the way they do– I don’t think it has very much to do with what I do to my hair or not. I don’t think it’s all about the media or the white beauty standard totally either.

Just like my mom had to tell me that there would always be someone who is smarter, prettier, taller, richer, etc and I had to accept that, but still have confidence in me, someone needs to start telling those little girls the same thing.

The problem is that their mothers and fathers start judging them on hair before they are even born. I have two black female friends who are pregnant now. The most common topic of conversation–not is my kid going to be healthy–but wondering what texture hair he/she will have. Really.

I have a two year old nephew. Most common topic of black women at church the first time they saw him: Is his hair going to stay that straight? Shouldn’t it be”turning” by now?

But as long as there are sweeping value judgements that come with hair , how much you do or don’t have. type you have and what you do with it, no one will ever get around to having that very important conversation that is several decades overdue.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 2:08 pm ¶
c.n. edaw wrote:

Got sidetracked again– I never thought Tyra was going to show up with unrelaxed hair, just without a weave. Not a shocker.

I think we let black men off the hook in these conversations way too much—however it would reveal a hurtful truth—people have their preferences for certain things and no amount of demanding “love me, accept me, want me, desire me, envy me, say I’m pretty too! ” is going to change those preferences.

And it doesnt matter if how people come to have those preference is fair or right or just, it just is.

Ultimately, black women do a lot of things to their appearance to gain the favor of black men and to a lesser degree I think white society. If you took men out of the equation I venture to guess there’d be less vitriol about a host of appearance issues. Or if a whole segment of “other” men that a large proportion of black women found desirable also found black women desirable then we would have seen the tide on these issues turn for us in much the same way it did for black men when suddenly darker skinned black men became “sexy” .

At some point when someone refuses to accept you as you are, you just have to accept that and move on. Maybe you will find acceptance elsewhere. Maybe not. But you cant make anyone love you.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 2:37 pm ¶
n wrote:

@ c.n. edaw

I didn’t, not that I can see, use the word ignorant I think some of your response was to another poster

d I don’t know anything about your hair. I do know that black women have existed for centuries, millenia without relaxers and in many places still do. So it is quite POSSIBLE to deal with easily.
Some of the points I made were general and not specific. The desire to not have naps, frizz, poof, to be able to comb through hair easily etc.. well, as I said ppl can do what they want and I respect their choices.

At the same time, when the majority of a race’s female population believes that it is impossible to exist with their hair as it grows out of their head, I do think there is a problem. And this is MY opinion. I’m just flabbergasted that we don’t look at aesthetics, styling products, culture as the problem but instead its our hair that has to be altered. Its like cutting off toes to fit shoes because size 10s are hard to come by, or bleaching your skin because no makeup/clothing/bandaids match you.

I’m not like this with only hair though, I’m perfectly willing to go ALL the way with everything I think of. Your hair has to be relaxed? Why? To make it easier? To do what? To be long? To not frizz? To be easy to detangle?
Why are any of these things desirable?

Why do people choose to style their hair in ways that are difficult for their hair? Why do we not do only things that our hair will do without the addition of chemicals?

That IS a choice, and it may be the BEST choice.

But I’m saying, why do we choose such things. To say “relaxed hair is easier to deal with” ignores the underlying issue of “well, what is it you are trying to make your hair do. and why”.

As far as men, the problem is that we have a WHOLE lot of men who dislike naps. Lets not let them off the hook but lets not separate them from their culture- mothers, sisters, aunts etc with relaxed hair. Why wouldnt men grow up preferring it, its what they see as normal. The “blame” should be the entire SYSTEM, not individuals or black men or black women or relaxer manufacturers.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 4:07 pm ¶
SeattleSlim wrote:

@N

True. That was the reason why I went back to being relaxed several times before. My expectations were based on delusions of what my hair should be doing as it relates to non-black hair. This time around armed with information, I was able to figure it out.

People must understand that unless they’ve gone through the several stages I previously mentioned (this takes MONTHS maybe even a year or more) , they won’t understand what some “nappies” are trying to say.

I am saying this because I’ve been on both sides several times. I’ve defended relaxers and have relaxed, stating that my hair was simply not meant to be natural.

WHAT? I am ashamed to admit I thought that way. I chuck it up to my age (younger twenties). I am meant to have the hair I was born with. Anything else is an option. It is not a fix. It is not a remedy. It is not alleviating a problem. It is simply an option, as in which nail polish to use this week. It is not the standard or the norm. My hair, as devilish as it can sometimes be, is mine, and I am doing what I should have been doing my entire bloody existence: living with it.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 4:16 pm ¶
n wrote:

@Seattle Slim

Sometimes I argue generally, yanno. Not neccessarily for the benefit of the person I am responding to, but the people who come by way of Google or something later and see what has been written. FOR THE RECORD…lol

I’ve relaxed, and if I do wear it straight now, because I am NOT against straight hair as a choice, I use heat. And when I wear my hair straight, I prefer to have no frizz or poof and I like it to shine. So you know, Im *here* too.

At the same time, there is a lot to give up. Im not gonna be able to take a shower and get up and shake and go, much as ppl imagine I can. There’s gonna be at least 10 minute of combing with an entire bottle of conditioner while in the shower, to detangle.

Of course, I could simply cut it off. Thats an option. I CHOOSE to have long hair, partially because it is what men seem to like, partially because I like the versatility and partially because for ME, the 10 min of combing once a week with almost ZERO other haircare for YEARS ON END, is way easier than even getting it cut off every so often.

But we could choose to be like the Masai women and cut it off. Or like certain Aboriginal women in Australia and New Guinea who simply let it grow and it mats and is not even or symmetrical and is never combed. We could all look like Caster Semenya and her buddies and have braids that we do and redo once every month or so.

If any person chooses, regardless of race or hair type, to live with their hair and they are determined, they can find a way to make it work and be very easy to take care of. If a woman with stick straight hair thinks her hair needs to be full and bouncy and voluminous, she’s gonna be crying that HER natural hair can’t be worked with.
Imagine that- my hair wont stand up on end without perms and mousse. The comb falls straight thru my hair, I cant even stick a pencil in it without it falling out.Dammit, its windy WHY wont it not move.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 5:03 pm ¶
Alex wrote:

This got me thinking about something tangentially related, so apologies in advance if this is too off-topic…

I was wondering how Racialicious’ commenters view white mothers’ decisions when it comes to deciding to relax – or not relax – the thick, curly hair their adopted black daughters might have. While reading this thread, Angelina and Madonna came to mind (I have to write about celebs all day. I wish this women were not the first thing to have jumped into my head as I read this. But, then again, we ARE discussing how visible women in pop culture can change or reflect public perceptions). I know Angelina in particular has received criticism (by gossip blog commenters, so take this as you will) for not “doing something about” her Ethiopian daughter’s hair. I’ve always taken this to mean that people find it upsetting that her daughter’s hair is not worn in tight braids or always combed back into a bun or… whatever.

It made me think that it’s a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. If she styled her daughter’s hair a certain way to make it look “straighter,” would she be accused of racism or of damaging her daughter’s sense of worth and self-esteem? If she continued to have her daughter wear it mostly loose and curly, would she be accused of not taking the same time or effort to tend to her hair as she does her (very, very – some might say overly – styled) straight-haired children’s hair?

Just wanted your takes on this. As a white person, I’m sure I’d have no idea how to style my poor kid’s hair if I happen to have / adopt a child whose hair was tightly curled. And I suspect that asking for advice on the matter would yield a range of different responses using veiled language like “such and such style looks ‘neater’” or “more presentable.”

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 9:09 pm ¶
Alex wrote:

I should add, as a white person with straight hair. I realize white people have different hair textures and didn’t mean to ignore the curly or wavy-haired.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 9:10 pm ¶
Joy wrote:

“we are trying to create a world (with our bravery as a catalyst) where little Black girls, en masse, don’t have to do battle with the hair dragon.”

Any little girl reading *this* thread will see that no matter how she chooses to wear her hair, there will always be someone who looks like her that has a problem with her choice and thinks she should do something else; that she can’t possibly have made a rational decision; that she should conform to some other standard, whatever that standard may be.

Posted 14 Sep 2009 at 10:41 pm ¶
Mieko wrote:

Thank you Joy (#73). This is exactly the feeling I’m getting from this thread.

I would say more, but I doubt it’d make any difference…

From now on, I’m keeping me and my big hair out.

Good luck “liberating” each other.

Posted 15 Sep 2009 at 1:49 am ¶
Michelle wrote:

Joy,

I am so sorry that you missed the point.

Ah, the hair wars. No one thinks that people who relax are “bad” people, nor do we look sideways at their choices. All we are saying is that Black women, all Black women, should be able to make an informed choice.

Take for instance, breastfeeding. We now know that breast milk is best for a baby, but for years, women were told that formula was actually better or at least just as good. It is not. Now, the decision to breast feed is personal and many breastfed children get sick and many a formula baby is fine. However, if you want to go with science on the matter, then you will have to agree that breastmilk is best, but it might not be your choice, for whatever reason. And that is your decision. Same with relaxers. The actual science of the matter falls squarely on the side of natural hair being healthier.

Also, there are too many women who don’t know how to do their own natural hair, think they won’t look good, think that they will look unkempt, etc. to really be able to make a real decision without being afraid or uninformed. As women who have gone through to the other side of those same arguments, we feel as though we are armed with information that other people don’t have. For the simple fact that we have actually been there. Not because others are innately ignorant.

Again, the facts are on our side. More Black women than not don’t want to get their hair wet, for exercise, swimming, etc. If we were so casually liberated and we all make rational decisions, don’t you think we would make the rational decision to not let our hair get in the way of learning to swim, or working out? Not seeming so rational now, huh? And I am sure there are people who are like “I know how to swim!” or “I work out and I am a size 2, so there” and that is great. You are the exception that proves the rule. Black women do many things, but the MAJORITY of us do not make rational nor completely informed hair choices. Nor do we make choices that are divorced from societal rules and norms, but shoot, who does? I for one will not hold Black women to a higher standard that the rest of the world.

I think that a little Black girl reading this thread might actually think that there are options outside of relaxing her hair. She will also have an appreciation of how fun relaxed hair can be, and that it can be properly maintained with a lot of care and attention.

Posted 15 Sep 2009 at 2:46 am ¶
SeattleSlim wrote:

@75 Michelle,

Excellent post. I WISH I would’ve seen a discussion like this years ago. At least there is discussion. Before there was not. It was be relaxed or be wrong.

@Alex,

When I read those comments about Angelina’s daughter Z, I was pissed. Her hair looked JUST fine. Again, these BW were wanting the child’s hair to look as close to something that is NOT natural for us. I don’t care how it looks, as long as it’s properly moisturized and cleansed, then it could grow looking like lightning bolts for all I care.

Basically, the people who complained are wrong unless of course they know first hand that Angelina does not clean and give TLC to that baby’s head. I wager that most of them don’t, so the lot of them were straight up wrong.

You’re not going to please everybody, but it feels real good when you’re doing the right thing, and you’re not pleasing everybody.

Posted 15 Sep 2009 at 4:55 pm ¶
Jenny wrote:

Ive been following tyra’s so-called natural hair story since last week and it truly annoys me. Tyra’s revealed showed me that she had relaxed thin hair, a receding hairline, and I still believe that she had tracks of weave hidden in there!!!!!!! Sorry, that was not all her real hair. She is just insure at the fact that people assumed she was baldheaded….that entire show was dedicated to her! The show was pointless!

I am a Black woman with waist length, thick, relaxed hair. Yes its processed, flat ironed bone straight and thick is ever. I know real hair when I see it; and Tyra’s hair is not real. She wore a fake ponytail 2 days later. Today her hair was about 3 inches longer than it was a few days ago. Come on now!!!!!!! Tomorrows show preview showed her with thicker edges………. The lady has issues, and her show truly reflects it.

Posted 15 Sep 2009 at 6:04 pm ¶
curious question wrote:

Can hair actually be “healthy”? (I don’t mean the roots or follicles) Isn’t it just dead tissue like fingernails? You can make it look different ways, and you can like or dislike the way it looks, but I do wonder whether it makes sense to talk about hair being healthy.

I guess “healthy” is shorthand for a certain look (not too dry? not broken off? no split ends?) but it is a bit lazy to call hair healthy or unhealthy when it has no impact on a person’s health. It is all about how the hair looks or feels and what our culture has chosen as the right way for it to be.

Posted 16 Sep 2009 at 1:35 am ¶
Jenny wrote:

No i dont believe that there is such thing as healthy hair. There is damaged and undamaged hair….thats it. Tyra’s hair is thin, limp, and her edges are missing which indicates that her real hair is damaged!

Posted 16 Sep 2009 at 10:12 am ¶
curious question wrote:

@Jenny, thanks for the response. After I posted I thought my comment might be too much off topic from the issue.

Anyway, I do think the word “damaged” makes more sense than “unhealthy” when talking about hair.

Re: the larger issue of how our culture restricts the choices that women have, not just in hair treatments but in all the ways that they must “perform” their gender, I disagree that how someone wears their hair is just a personal choice and that’s all. We don’t make these choices in a vacuum. Our choices are constrained by how women are expected to look in this society.

It’s like saying that a woman has a choice to wear a skirt and sleeveless blouse and never shave or wax her legs and underarms. Yes, theoretically every woman has that “choice” but there will be negative consequences. Most men and women will treat this woman much differently (e.g., see her as unkempt, dirty, manly, unsexy, etc.) if she makes this choice. Women have many more of these grooming and clothing “choices” to make when they decide whether to conform to what a woman is “supposed” to look like.

Posted 16 Sep 2009 at 9:57 pm ¶
Joy wrote:

@Michelle – Hey, I just don’t agree with you. I don’t agree that women relax because they don’t know that being natural is a viable option. You look in entertainment and see Angie Stone, Jill Scott, Alicia Keys, Thandie Newton, Layrun Hill [oh why did you desert us and become a one album wonder!?!?!], India.Arie, etc. You look in your neighborhood and see women with puffs, twists, and locs. You look in mags and see the curly fros. Not to mention that everyone knows women who are natural and keep a press.

You honestly can’t say that black women don’t know that being natural is a real option. I attended an HBCU and now go to grad school that’s not an HBCU. Is the majority relaxed? Yes. But, are naturals definitely noticeable? Yes. I just don’t believe that women don’t know – some just choose not to be natural.

As for black women and exercising, that debate needs a whole other thread! Not messing up your hair is definitely one reason some women don’t, but there are soooo many others! Great convo for another day.

Posted 16 Sep 2009 at 10:04 pm ¶
DivergentDana wrote:

They not only know about naturals, they know what other people say about naturals when naturals aren’t around. They smell the remnants of the stigma, may want no part of that, and perhaps figure that being a black woman is hard enough without adding more “fuel to the fire.”

Posted 17 Sep 2009 at 12:31 am ¶
MizDezigner wrote:

I feel so personally offended by some comments about relaxed hair and Tyra’s “real” hair. Just because she relaxes it doesn’t mean that its not real. I have read one comment that stated there were tracks in her wet “real” hair! Not only dismaying her hair because its relaxed but because it “supposedly” has fake hair in it too.

I wear my hair relaxed and I also wear weaves. I am not trying to emulate a white person nor deny my black heritage. I am as dark as the Hershey milk chocolate candy bar in the candy aisle so there will never be a way for me to be “white”. I CHOOSE to wear my hair the way I do because I want to. I currently wear my hair in a modest, shoulder length style. I have “fake hair” on my head too but guess what? My real hair is actually LONGER than the half wig I have on my head.

Why do I wear the weave? Because I prefer a thicker look with lots of volume and because when it rains and I don’t have an umbrella my hair is unaffected. I never worry about humidity, hail, sleet, or snow. Also, I do not have to pull a comb through my real hair everyday or worry about pulling out a hot styling tool. I relax my hair in order for it to lie down flatter under the weave and match the texture of the weave easily. Not relaxing my hair would not achieve the goal that I want which is an easy and accessible straight style. I am not going to apologize for wanting a straight style. I do not demand explanations from white women who choose to dye their hair blonde or older women who wish to cover their grey hairs. If somebody asks me if my hair is real then I tell the truth, it’s not and I am not ashamed or embarrassed. Mostly nobody asks nor cares. That’s because I am not my hair and its more than who I am.

Hair is dead! Unhealthy hair has never caused anybody to die of illness from anything I have ever witnessed. An unhealthy heart? Yes. Unhealthy bones? Yes. But hair? My hair is healthy but so what? What about the rest of your body?

I never say anything about “natural” women regarding their hair choices. I don’t care, its their personal decision. I just wish that in return they would do the same on this thread.

I realize that by relaxing my hair its not in its natural state but I realize for the style I desire (I wish I could emphasize desire) that unprocessed hair would not be the solution for me. Relaxed hair gives me the most versatility in choosing from straight to curly hair styles in the fact that its easy to deviate to either side of the spectrum. And trust me on days my roots don’t want to straighten there is no harm or foul because I realize that the untreated hair is only doing what it naturally should.

Posted 17 Sep 2009 at 2:30 pm ¶
Jenny wrote:

^^^^^^^^^^You said…….I feel so personally offended by some comments about relaxed hair and Tyra’s “real” hair. Just because she relaxes it doesn’t mean that its not real. I have read one comment that stated there were tracks in her wet “real” hair! Not only dismaying her hair because its relaxed but because it “supposedly” has fake hair in it too.

Are you referring to me??????? If so sweetie i have thick, waist length, relaxed hair (real no tracks)….so my intents were not to insult relaxed heads lol…….. next time read the entire post thoroughly without jumping to conclusions.

Yes i believe that tyra has relaxed hair and during that show she definitely still hair tracks of hair added in her hair. I bet any money Tyra paid people to come up a touch her hair and say it was real. Im sorry i do not believe that was her real hair. Her edges are missing which tells me that she does not take proper care of her hair.

Posted 17 Sep 2009 at 3:16 pm ¶
Jenny wrote:

The stylist perfectly parted Tyras hair straight back in a line trying to prove that it was hers………. but he failed to part from side to side. I guarantee she had tracks added to the sides. Sorry, i do hair and i know the techniques and tricks. When he blowdried her hair, the roots were poofy on the sided were the hair was added.

Posted 17 Sep 2009 at 3:23 pm ¶

Open Thread: Tyra’s Real Hair

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