Are You a Credit to Your Race?
by Guest Contributor Tami, originally published at What Tami Said
As last week’s “Real Housewives of Atlanta” post has played out here and on What Tami Said and Racialicious (where it was crossposted), I have been thinking about what it means to represent the black race and how black people act as ambassadors to the mainstream world. There is this tendency, from which I am not immune, to feel embarrassed by and to make excuses for black folks who behave badly, or rather, act in a way contrary to a certain set of values and accepted norms. There is a real reason for this compulsion: Black people and other people of color are often unfairly judged as group by the mainstream. In other words, the actions of one equal the actions of all. And so, many of us, learn from the time we are children to mind ourselves around white folks–to not do anything that brings discredit to black people and, ideally, to live life with the goal of uplifting the race through our actions. Admittedly, this idea of being a proxy for the entire race has been tied to excellence and achievement–both wonderful things. But, ultimately, this way of thinking is a tyranny and a perpetuation of race bias.
Whose standards are these?
I am the middle-class child of two degreed educators. I grew up in the suburbs in a mixed-race neighborhood. I attended Gifted and Talented classes on Saturdays and academic camps in the summer. My family was a member of Jack & Jill. My mother is a Link. Both parents were involved in black Greek organizations. We had all the markers of a middle, upper-middle-class African American family. I grew up in the Midwest, but my father is the son of Mississippi farmers (grew up during Jim Crow) and my mom is the daughter of a steelworker and housewife, who both immigrated to Indiana’s rust belt from the South. All of these influences made me who I am today, which is a Midwestern, suburban, secular, progressive, married woman. Of course, there are myriad other things that impact who I am and how I believe I should live my life. And so it is with all human beings–we are all the product of many influences, including race, but also class, gender, sexuality, region, age and on and on. So, who will be the judge of acceptable black behavior? Should we judge by the values of my rural, black friends? My urban ones? My gay friends? My straight ones? My Southern friends? My Northern ones? My conservative friends? My liberal ones? My college-educated friends? My high-school educated ones? My religious friends (and is that Christian, Muslim, B’Hai?)? My secular ones? We are not a monolith. That society judges us as one is an example of race bias–a bias we perpetuate and acquiesce to every time we ask a black person to follow a nebulous set of values for the sake of the race.
Defining myself for myself
Audre Lorde said, “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.”
Yes. This. This is another problem with the notion of being “a credit to your race.” Is it not ultimately better to be a credit to your family, your friends, your self? It that not, at least in part, the definition of freedom? And isn’t it freedom that our ancestors fought for?
When I think about defining oneself for the black race, I remember high school, where I was a bit of a smarty pants. And, like all the smart kids in my mostly-black school, I was encouraged to be a doctor, lawyer, corporate executive or engineer. “We need more black doctors (lawyers, etc…),” guidance counselors would say. Nothing wrong with being a doc or an attorney. These careers are just not for me. I wanted to study journalism–to be a writer. But I was told, implicitly and sometimes explicitly, that I owed the black race to use my intelligence in a traditional field that immediately calls to mind power, money and success in the mainstream. ”Journalists and writers don’t make any money.”
I majored in journalism. And while several of my friends were completing medical residencies and law school, I was working on the night copy desk at a mid-sized newspaper. Doesn’t sounds as fancy. But I loved it. And nearly 20 years later, I am successful in my field and happy, because I honored my talents and desires, rather than choose my life’s work to score a point for my race in the eyes of white folks.
This “credit to your race” business is a notion concocted by an oppressive mainstream. What good do we do by yielding to it and stifling the personal freedom of black people?
A different standard
I asked in my post about RHOA whether white people were spending time agonizing over the shameful antics of the Bravo brand’s white housewives and their families. I doubt it. I don’t think white people feel the burden of the Orange County wives’ rude, dull and ambition-less adult children. I don’t think they read the shallowness of New York City wives as reflective of white culture. I don’t think all white people flinched when one New Jersey protagonist expressed the desire to open a chain of car wash/strip clubs. Nor will white people be judged by other white people based on the behavior of a bunch of reality show stars. Black people, of course, are judged by the actions of other random black folks–from Flavor Flav to Marion Barry to Serena Williams to Barack Obama. Our fortunes can rise and fall depending what black person is in the public eye and what they are doing. This is, of course, wrong and unfair. Why then, do black people join in enforcing this unequal standard?
Look, I am not naive. I am, unfortunately, evaluated by mainstream America not just on my own merits, but by perceptions of other black people whom I cannot control. The same is true for all people of color. But I feel strongly that the way to combat this problem is to aggressively challenge the biases of the mainstream, not to fold to injustice by playing behavior cop with my brothers and sisters.
I can’t be a credit to my race. I can only be guided by my values, my upbringing and my beliefs. I am a credit to myself.
What do you say?
Carmen Van Kerckhove is co-founder and president of
Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist wrote:
I asked in my post about RHOA whether white people were spending time agonizing over the shameful antics of the Bravo brand’s white housewives and their families. I doubt it. I don’t think white people feel the burden of the Orange County wives’ rude, dull and ambition-less adult children. I don’t think they read the shallowness of New York City wives as reflective of white culture. I don’t think all white people flinched when one New Jersey protagonist expressed the desire to open a chain of car wash/strip clubs. Nor will white people be judged by other white people based on the behavior of a bunch of reality show stars. Black people, of course, are judged by the actions of other random black folks–from Flavor Flav to Marion Barry to Serena Williams to Barack Obama. Our fortunes can rise and fall depending what black person is in the public eye and what they are doing. This is, of course, wrong and unfair. Why then, do black people join in enforcing this unequal standard?
I feel the SAME WAY when Western media presents (or portrays) South Asians, Muslims, or any brown people in general, in movies, TV shows, reality shows, documentaries, and anythign else in general.
I hate having to feel worried & concerned about how brown folks are represented, because sadly, their portrayal will be falsely slump all brown people as one large homogenous group.
as a writer/playwright, I feel like I have a burden on me to make sure that brown people are given positive roles in my scripts and stage plays. I do NOT want to feel like that I have to be a credit to South Asians and Muslims, but sometimes I do.
I think I have to accept that responsibility of making sure that brown people are portrayed in a realistic (and hopefully positive) light in my writings.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 11:03 am ¶
Morgan wrote:
Wow, the exact same thing happened to me in high school when i told my counselor that i wanted to be an artist. She replied “But, you’re smart.” I was and am smart, but being an artist was something she though Black people did not have the luxury to pursue. Luckily my family is amazing and have supported me in all that I do. Now I am obtaining my MFA in New York and couldn’t be happier.
Great read, i can totally relate.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 11:27 am ¶
CVT wrote:
This is such a sticking-point for me. Because it’s true on both sides:
Yes, we absolutely DO need more lawyers and doctors and politicians of color. We do.
And no – it’s not fair at all to have to bear that pressure for an entire race (or even for all “people of color”).
Because no way, no how do white folks do the same thing. While all black people are held responsible for one black athlete (for good, or usually – bad), white people never get held for their race’s individuals.
But it does have to come down to personal choice, or else it’s just not going to be enough. If the only reason you become a doctor is to be a “black doctor” to fill that gap, your lack of love for it is going to keep you from being the best, which could then “discredit” your abilities.
I, personally, have chosen to be a teacher. And, as a teacher of color, I have chosen to carry weight for all the kids of color (by speaking out within my organization, as well as acknowledging issues of race, flat-out, with my kids). But I also just love kids. And teaching. And if neither of those last two were true, my choice would have been a poor one, and I would have been a poor teacher – undoing any positives the first reason could have brought.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 11:46 am ¶
Sobia wrote:
“And so, many of us, learn from the time we are children to mind ourselves around white folks–to not do anything that brings discredit to black people and, ideally, to live life with the goal of uplifting the race through our actions.”
So true. I remember as a child, one of the very few South Asian (and POC) where I live, I was very conscious of how I behaved because I knew it would reflect on “my people.” I remember going to white friends homes and always being extra careful to be neat, clean, and well-mannered because I didn’t want my white friends or their parents to think Pakistanis were dirty and uncivilised people. Looking back I am always amazed at how aware even I was of this idea of being a representative of my ethnic group.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 12:14 pm ¶
Vanessa wrote:
The Housewives of New Jersey certainly made me cringe more than a few times. Trashy.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 12:14 pm ¶
Yuko (emma_zero) wrote:
You raise a very poignant point on racial relationship. I do appreciate having more opportunities to learn what black people (Is it OK for non black person to say black??) go through in daily life. As bias on nationality and ethnicity exist internationally, I can personally see that bias on each race exists within this nation of what idealists of the past called “melting pot”. It has always been a subject of exploration for me, to examine the various reasons why people of all race anywhere chose respected high paying professions.
As to your assumption about white folks not having to have to worry about how their race is being portrayed in society, it doesn’t apply to my husband who is white. He has expressed to me that he doesn’t want to be an “Stupid Ugly American”, which is his take on what people think of white American people. He feels that whites are always portrayed as insensitive, unaware, and irresponsible in the world of multiple races.
As for me, a Japanese born woman living in the US for more than 30 years, away from my family and relatives, I don’t know if I’ve been conscious about how contriving it may be to have to represent myself as a credit to my nationality or race in the US. All I know is that I do identify with the frustration and the fear of being rolled up into a category of people just because I am Japanese, or an Asian. There is a lot to explore here.
Thank you for bringing up this topic.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 2:22 pm ¶
Jay Rice wrote:
It may be more a class thing. Maybe Richie Rich was above it all, but everyone I’ve ever known from every ethnic group has admitted hoping the unknown notorious criminal/pervert/monster isn’t one of them. Growing up poor, one also makes pains to not be embarrassing around more affluent members of your group, once you figure out the levels and where you fit.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 2:35 pm ¶
in a land w/o sea wrote:
i can’t help but think of how the meaning of being a credit to one’s race differs between men and women, as well as between african americans and immigrant poc. with respect to gender, being a credit is also means being a good girl, a good woman and a good wife (to a man, of course). and i would hazard to guess that, while white people have at least superficial awareness of successful african american people, they often know next to nothing about other poc and the us legacy of colonialization (overt and covert).
in my experience, i have been cast as a credit to my race, when i did not seek such a designation, simply because the white people who imposed that label on me could not seem to imagine a brown person who is not the cleaning lady, nanny or dishwasher. but a closer examination of my family, and the history of my country of origin vis a vis the US would reveal multiple generations of college graduates and a history of intellectual “colonialism” in the form of fullbrights and other scholarships to us schools.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 2:36 pm ¶
Erin wrote:
New Yorkers of all colors feel ashamed of the antics of the NYC Real Housewives. I don’t think anyone wants Middle America watching that and thinking that’s what we’re all like.
And I do think every person of every color at times feels as if they have to act as a representative/take responsibility for their particular demographic. I see the white health care protesters holding up Obama-as-Nazi signs and I am freakin’ mortified.
I’ve also been the only white person at events ranging from political protests to concerts to college organizations and felt like it was my duty to be like “Look, we’re not all jerks! I swear!”
I’m not saying this to minimize or lessen anyone’s experience, it is by NO means an equal or accurate parallel. Absolutely not.
I’m just saying it to contribute to the conversation and say it’s something on my mind.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 3:25 pm ¶
Shiyuan wrote:
Your point about white people not seeing cultural representations of white people (Bravo brand’s white housewives) AS cultural representations of white people is spot on.
White people don’t take that upon themselves. They don’t think (and I don’t think, when I watch shows that have white characters doing shady, embarrassing things) of those characters as being white, primarily. Does that make sense? When I watch Grey’s Anatomy, I don’t think, wow, white people are SO DRAMATIC. I think, wow, Meredith is STILL on about that? Girk needs some help.
Because there are so many white people in the media, and the news, both portrayed in favorable and unfavorable ways, each instance of white exposure isn’t asked to stand in for all white people everywhere. I don’t think of Meredith primarily as a white person (okay, I do sometimes, but not the point), I think of her as a PERSON. When I see POC in the media, I don’t have that same reaction. Perhaps because there isn’t that same vast and varied representation that white folks enjoy.
Unrelated: when that Korean guy shot up Virginia Tech, my mom called me and lamented, “Why did it have to be an Asian person? Now everyone will assume he’s Chinese, and think we’re all violent & disturbed.”
I don’t know of a single person who thinks about all the other school shootings (besides Virginia Tech) as instances of white, male violence.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 3:52 pm ¶
evita wrote:
@Erin as a New Yorker I was NOT represented one bit on the Real Housewives of NYC. As NYC born Puerto Rican, the show wasn’t about me at all. As far as was portayed on the show- there are no Latinos in NYC which all know isn’t the truth.
Be careful of “speaking for” groups that you are not a part of… If you were embarrassed by these women then it is perhaps you felt connected to these “characters” in ways that I was not.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 3:53 pm ¶
uu wrote:
The mere fact that we have to be the “colored ambassadors of our respective ethnicities/race” means that we as of yet have not been integrated in to the “mainstream,” we all live together, neighbors of our community and yet we act like we might as while live on different planets.
How can it be that the U.S has had POCs since the very beginning and have white people gawk at us, for whatever reason, like they’ve never seen or been around POCs before. Its purposeful, unintentionally marginalizing us. But the real question is why?
I don’t believe its that hard to engage with POCs in a non-racist, non-xenophobic, non-asshat discourse if a person is really wholeheartedly willing to try.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 4:14 pm ¶
Ray wrote:
“I asked in my post about RHOA whether white people were spending time agonizing over the shameful antics of the Bravo brand’s white housewives and their families. ”
I would absolutely agree. Does it make sense that this is because of white-majority of TV? For instance, you’re watching RHNYC and you’re not digging in. How simple it is to change the channel and see some “nice” white people? Very easym so it neutralizes the RHNYC/NJ/OC whatever. Unfortunately, the same isn’t always true/possible for Black people.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 4:33 pm ¶
Keisha wrote:
As a side note, I do think that there are times when whites actually are forced to represent. One of the few times that I’ve seen white Americans forced to deal with that is when they travel abroad. Its not so much “ethnicity” in the strictest sense as it is about avoiding being an ugly American stereotype.
Of course being a black American overseas comes with the same challenge of overcomming stereotypes about black Americans in particular and Americans in general (though blacks almost never carry the burden of living down the shame derrived from American foreign policy).
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 4:34 pm ¶
Cindy wrote:
White people don’t feel the same race representation pressure. They just don’t. African Americans have an especially heavy burden in this regard. Not only is there the normal pressure to achieve, but the weight of doing the entire race proud is always in the mix.
The Virginia Tech shooting is an interesting example of race generalization. We’ve had so many terrible events of this nature, but that was the first time that the race of the shooter was repeated over and over in the coverage.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 4:42 pm ¶
Jessica wrote:
Mother – Born in wed-lock to a mother who died 6 months after she was born to leukemia. Was in band and graduated high school 6 months early. Went to FSU for a semester but came home b/c she was homesick and continued her education at Miami-Dade Community College getting an Assosciate’s Degree in Accounting while working. Is working at Ryder. Married (currently) with 2 girls (sis and I)
Dad – Born in wed-lock but father abandoned him. Moved to NYC from Jamaica leaving behind an ex-wife and a son, went to technical school and later relocated to Miami. Re-married has 2 girls (sis and I) and a son (born out-of-wedlock after a brief relationship while married). Recently quit his job and now works at Sears in Auto department and drives around the elderly. Still married.
Me – currently at Broward College but plans to transfer to Florida Atlantic College for bachelor’s. Major: elementary education and plans to get a Master’s degree from Florida International University.
Sis – at Florida State University (senior) and plans to go to University of Florida to get her doctorate in Audiology.
Older bro – went to Broward Community College and then transfered to FIU, majored in computer something.
lil bro – Attends Coral Springs High School and wants to be a mechanic (but he can do better, he should be a mechanical engineer because he’s good in math unlike me and my sis). Smokes weed and hangs with the wrong people. I hope he finishes high school on-time and no baby mommas only a wife and children in the future.
That’s my family’s stats. Don’t know if we are a credit or not (probably average).
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 4:54 pm ¶
Adrienne wrote:
It took me reaching my 30s in age to realize I no longer care. There are times it is very effective for me to be the polite Black woman and there are times its effective for me to be the loud angry Black woman to get what I need or want outside of home, outside of the comforts and casualness from being around my own family and friends. I’ve had to speak up without regard to “how I look” speaking up, especially to the White folks.
As I have gotten older I am more comfortable in my skin. I wear my hair exactly as I wish, even with the awareness that not everyone may like it, and that I keep my hair clean and it smells wonderful, so I don’t care if my hair, walk, manner of dress is approporiate for White folks. Maybe being deaf affords me the ability to be eccentric if I am or non-eccentric on the days I am not, or the ability to not hear the comments.
The only time I am very mindful of how I appear to White folks is if they have the power to arrest me or kill me (like cops–all they get from me is politeness and my following the laws of this country)
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 5:01 pm ¶
Jessica wrote:
But I do feel that when an African-American does something really ignorant or commits a crime I wonder if people of other races and ethnicities think about as a whole. People see Flava Flav so some people think of black men as that. People see Halle Berry and Beyonce and think of all light-skinned black women as attractive. Etc, etc. It’s tiring. I’m not like Halle or Beyonce. I don’t really think I’m represented in mainstream media at all, except for maybe Michelle Obama (since I’m trying get my masters). Another day in the life of a colored person.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 5:02 pm ¶
Adrienne wrote:
I forgot to add that I take pleasure out of people not being able to place:
1. Where I am from, including whether I am originally from America.
2. What socio-economic class I am a member of
3. What socio-economic class my family is a member of
In some cases, as soon as folks know your socio-economic class, it is all over. lol
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 5:05 pm ¶
Chris wrote:
I’m going to have to agree with Erin to an extent.
As an Italian-American who grew up in New Jersey, I found the RHONJ to be an embarassment – and I found myself saying to other people, “Not all Italians in NJ are like that…” and so forth.
While this is probably my white privilege talking (something I’m trying to acutely be aware of), I find myself with similar sentiments when I travel. Whenever I am in a foreign country and there are obnoxious, rude, and/or overbearing Americans around, I try to compensate by being quiet, gracious, speaking the native language as best I can. There have been plenty of times when I have felt embarassed by people of my own race, ethnicity, age, gender, even religion.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 5:36 pm ¶
Joy wrote:
@Shiyuan – LOL, your mom’s not alone. I remember when the DC sniper rampage was going on that a lot of my friends and I (I was younger and not very charitable, LOL) snarking about crazy white dudes. And then he was black. And we were all like “what the heck!! Black people don’t DO stuff like this!”
Yes, I think a lot of people think of the individuals that shoot up schools and random passerbys as “[crazy] white males.” Well, I got a nice lesson that no race has a monopoly on crazy [or insert whatever here]. Duh
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 7:06 pm ¶
Ruchama wrote:
Very nice post, though I think that Real Housewives of NJ isn’t the greatest example — that show, along with The Sopranos and a few other reality shows, really do set a NJ Italian “standard.” I haven’t watched the other Real Housewives shows, and I don’t know what ethnicity the women on those were, but for the NJ one, it was emphasized over and over again that these women were Italian, and that their behavior was what you could expect from Italians. (I’m not Italian, but I grew up a few towns over from where the Real Housewives of NJ live, and at least a quarter of the kids I went to school with were Italian, so maybe that stuff stood out to me more than it would have to people who grew up or live outside the NY area.)
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 7:13 pm ¶
blip wrote:
I’m generally embarrassed by black people who still give a damn what white people (or black people for that matter) think.
If you’re caught up in that internal dialogue, guess what?
You’re officially still a SLAVE.
Your every moment is still dictated by what white people feel about you. Pathetic.
I’m pretty damn sure, whatever I do, people will talk. So what.
PET PEEVE: I hate when black people reiterate to everyone, that they went to college…as if that is proof of their intelligence. Listen, to all my fellow black people who do this, IT’S EMBARRASSING. It says you don’t have the confidence in your own intellect without holding up some arbitrary piece of paper to show your worth.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 7:22 pm ¶
Shawn wrote:
I’ve noticed from reading comments in my hometown newspaper that when crimes involve POC, there’s a lot of talk about bad neighborhoods, and a propensity to violence and crime. But when it’s white people it’s only about those particular individual.
It’s that kind of thinking that brings the burden of being a credit to bear. You don’t want to give the bigots and radio/TV personalities like Boortz, Beck, Hannity et al. anything more to use in their tirades.
By the way, have you noticed how when black people do well the coverage always plays up what an “exception” they are? Almost like saying “Usually folks your color are complete screw-ups, but you’re different”.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 7:22 pm ¶
Renn wrote:
Not the same, but similar … I was raised in a very conservative religious tradition and taught that everything I did reflected back on Jesus. I could never mess up because others’ perceptions of me could either bring them to or drive them away from the one true Church. I know this isn’t the same thing, but it made me think about it – no one should be made to feel that kind of pressure, whether its responsibility for their race or the souls of everyone around them.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 7:40 pm ¶
Phil Deeze wrote:
@ Shawn,
Co-sign. I can’t, for the life of me, understand why black folks have to deal with the negative blow-back of what other black folks do. I’m sick of it. Any white person that buys into it and verbalizes it? Sorry, but SCREW ‘EM. And I’ll tell them that to their face. If they have a problem with it and want to step up, they’re getting a black eye, a fat lip and everyone’s going to know they are racist. Bottom line.
Oh, and if that white person doesn’t like being called a racist? Screw ‘em. They can sue me if they like.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 8:13 pm ¶
Aspen Baker wrote:
As a white girl who grew up in Orange County, I find the Housewives of OC hilarious. It’s an awful caricature of course, but it hits the trash TV spot when I need it. On the other hand, my mother and sister who still live in the OC HATE IT with a passion. They are embarrassed and worried about what people outside of OC might think of them because of that show. They – as white women from OC – are afraid of being perceived as shallow and money-hungry from outsiders. But of course, no one is discriminating against them nor are their jobs or livelihoods at stake because of the way the show depicts skinny, tan, blonds with fake boobs.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 8:32 pm ¶
ashlynn wrote:
I agree that a lot of people who have been stereotyped- such as Italian Americans- do often have to be the one in a group to say, “No, not all of us are like that.” People take their values and equate it to what they see on TV, and make unfair judgements.
I can sympathize with anyone who’s had it like that at some point or another, but until you have to worry for your brothers and fathers and uncles and cousins and sons because some anonymous black man, black height, black nose, black hair(YES, South Park was ABSOLUTELY RIGHT) was pinned as a suspect on the news that night and now everyone’s on the watch for some horrible, horrible big black man!- you cannot fully understand the pain it takes to circumvent every possible avenue that could lead you to be seen as something other than a credit to your race. Because if you’re not a credit, then what are you?
A (potential) criminal.
And even now that’s not the case, thanks, Henry Gates.
There’s a difference between having to go “oh we’re not like that” for the sake of your feelings, and going “oh, we’re not like that” for the sake of your life and safety.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 9:19 pm ¶
urbia wrote:
@uu
“How can it be that the U.S has had POCs since the very beginning and have white people gawk at us, for whatever reason, like they’ve never seen or been around POCs before. Its purposeful, unintentionally marginalizing us. But the real question is why?”
I’m rather suspicious myself about this. It’s not like POC are new to them. At all. Heck, we have entire generations of kids from different backgrounds growing up together.
Still, I’ll occasionally encounter university-educated liberal white people criticizing POC and saying, “Wow, way to confirm every stereotype.”
So it’s not always ignorance. They know about the stereotypes. And further more, some of them are using it to keep POC in behavioral cages, so to speak. Knowledge of the stereotypes is supposed to educate people, to improve race relations in society. Instead, sometimes that purpose is turned on its head.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 9:22 pm ¶
ashlynn wrote:
Also, regarding being a intellectual credit- let me tell you, that is THE WORST. Cannot BEGIN to count how many times I’ve spoken to people- white people and PoC- and they’re so surprised that I’m intelligent(ugh) which prompts them to not even ask me, but TELL me that I should pursue politics, law, government, whatevs….to which I respond, “Well, thank you, but I’m actually pursuing music.” Then their face falls, as if I somehow become less intelligent because I did not kneel down and thank you for your amazing advice and guidance in telling me what I SHOULD be doing according to YOU.
Point blank, I’m tired of it. Black mom curses out her kids on the train, I’m only looking because you look really in capable of handling all those kids, not because the white people on the train are going to look to me. I’m already enough of an outcast/ex-pat as it is, so I just give them the side eye and turn up my ipod.
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 9:27 pm ¶
idlg wrote:
Some of you all are lying; white people are often ‘typecast’ by the behavior of one white person in my world; Since childhood i have heard and seen black folks judge white people by the behavior of either a given white individual or a set of whites unrelated except by the similar behavior; I also have more than frequently either noted or was part of some white person’s guilt or disrespect for another said white’s less than exemplary ‘white’ behavior, e.g., in my case, it was from white persons reaction to other whites that i learned the expression “white trash”; historically i think there are many cases of white ‘race’ accountability as factors in the events; i immediately think of issues around interracial mixing; My point is this ‘race behavior expectation’ is not exclusive to black americans though, i, unlike the author here, have never been embarrassed by other black behavior in the face of white people. I’ve never give white society or white individuals that much authority or power over my life. (least not if i had any direct control myself) Also, because if a black person behaves in such a manner as to be or appear an embarrassment, than that is really on him/or her and their blackness is the least of it; yet, i accept their behavior as ‘black’ just as well, even if inappropriate to white culture__given the twisted, distorted convoluted history of being black in america, just about any behavior can be recognized as some aspect of the tragedy of which we are as americans;
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 9:58 pm ¶
mute wrote:
Thanks for this post. This pressure to rep for the race (or for the ethnic group) is something that I have felt acutely since early adulthood. Oddly enough, repping to white folks is not something I feel the need to do, but rather to other POCs and to members of my own group who may not think much of my educational and professional choices because they are not and will probably never be particularly lucrative. As the daughter of a sometime journalist, I was happy to read that you followed your writing dreams.
For me the pressure to rep has a lot to do with status anxiety and my fears that after all of the sacrifices of my mother and other family and friends, I may not be taking that next step up the socio-economic ladder because of the things I want to do with my life. If I don’t join the troop of super-duper-high-class-professional-black-something-or-others after all this education, was it all a waste?
Posted 31 Aug 2009 at 10:41 pm ¶
pololly wrote:
I think most POC have felt this pressure but I’ve honestly stopped caring. I no longer feel embarassed when the criminal is black, or whatever. Don’t care.
RE the careers issue, it’s a tricky one for me.
On one hand, in the UK I was around a lot of African second gen kids who were going into very traditional careers (medicine, law, engineering) because of parental pressure. Many of them were really not passionate about this but their parents had drilled in a very narrow perspective on what was acceptable. I understand why (because it’s worked well for Asians) but it is in many cases a waste of their potential. My siblings and myself are all at NGOs, probably because my parents are in the charity sector and we were really exposed to it and there was never any pressure towards medicine/law/engineering etc.
The flip side of this though seems to be ‘music’. So many of them feel that music is their passion and then drop out to do that. I can’t help feeling like music is their passion in the same way that singing is the passion of the people singing on American Idol. In other words, they don’t like their lives/careers and they want an easy fix – fame. but I think that because only certain jobs have been drilled into their heads as ‘real’ the idea that you can do something creative and interesting in the workplace and be paid for it doesn’t even come up. They all run to performance (which they did in church) because they enjoy it ‘more than medicine’. And since POC have been in the creative industry since forever, I think it’s ok to hope for a Barack Obama vs another P Diddy.
Anyway, in the UK, this has some really terrible results. One of which is that the NGO sector, especially on Africa issues, is basically 100% white. Second generation Africans who are smart with a social conscience, speak their native languages and have an amazing understanding of the history, culture and politics – are pediatricians and rich stupid white kids are working at the foreign office and Dept for Int Development. It’s so frustrating.
BUT
I also understand the fears of the parents also and I think it’s really unfair to put all of that advice down to being a credit to one’s race. Most people over a certain age just lived in a different world when it comes to the job market. That goes for all races. how did most people get fancy interesting jobs 30 years ago – nepotism. So how are parents supposed to accurately map that era, never mind this one. I just discount most job advice from many adults because they have no idea. Go to law school forums and see what most people are told – total nonsense. Embarrassing harmful crap basically. Even from ‘career advisors’. It has nothing to do with race.
And even when it does – I think that without wealth, income is almost always unstable. It is natural for parents to want children to be stable and secure. If I was counselling the ‘first gen college attendee’ I would guide them towards more traditional careers, honestly. Because failure can have such a profound impact on that family. Statistics show that the black middle class has substantially less wealth than the white middle class. I don’t parents are pushing medicine to ’show whitey’, I think they are doing it because they want you to have financial independence.
In other words, I think that ‘being a credit to your race’ is all about how it looks to white people, right? So being the ‘good one’ who is the exception etc. But when it gets into career and money, I think parents and counsellors are motivated more by an understanding of wealth and poverty. They want you to have something that cannot be taken away from you. They want you to be secure. They are maybe making wrong decisions but they are motivated by real concerns. I don’t think that they are about ‘being a credit to one’s race’, I think they are about securing yourself against your race and the impact that will have on your life.
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 5:13 am ¶
pololly wrote:
And – another example. I have a friend who is Pakistani (British). He is the middle of 5 children. He and his two older siblings went to a crappy state school while his parents worked low paying jobs. They were all pushed towards traditional careers – law and medicine. The eldest two siblings were working by the time the youngest two went to school so the youngest went to a private school. Parents grew their business with loans from kids and now have moved to a better area etc. All five are Oxbridge educated and now doing whatever they like. Parents are now self sufficient and using their money to send cousins and nephews to good schools. Sorry to be blunt but it is a system and it works.
One generation turnaround from a hellish council estate with skin head kids throwing bricks through your windows to private school, Oxbridge, own business. I’ve seen this pattern repeated so many times in the immigrant community and it works.
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 5:27 am ¶
FreeDom wrote:
There comes a time where personal accountability trumps external expectations. This is true of all individuals. Some people get there. Some don’t. If your self-awareness comes through formal education, fine and dandy. although, numerous studies show tight correlations between socioeconomic status and life chances. In the U.S. the option of being a “credit to one’s race” through education, yuck, (just sound slimy) is not an option for white and POC, alike. It’s unfortunate that “educational attainment”, a pejorative term, has become equated with value or validation. What is education but the synthesis of ideas as a fruit exposure and exploration? I see people who become credits to the human race through mindful introspection and careful self-monitoring for adherence to higher ideals that go beyond race, class, gender, etc.
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 6:12 am ¶
Penni Brown wrote:
I don’t think white people feel the pressure or are as embarrassed by unfortunate representations of themselves in the media because they have a zillion different more positive representations to choose from.
When you have a grand total of 6 representations and 5 of them enforce negative stereotypes, you are going to be a little bit more sensitive about it.
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 12:07 pm ¶
distance88 wrote:
ashlynn wrote:
“There’s a difference between having to go “oh we’re not like that” for the sake of your feelings, and going “oh, we’re not like that” for the sake of your life and safety.”
_______________
Spot on. Thanks for this..
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 12:52 pm ¶
Lola wrote:
urbia wrote:
“Still, I’ll occasionally encounter university-educated liberal white people criticizing POC and saying, “Wow, way to confirm every stereotype.”
I’ve encountered this several times, they assume that any negative description I give of people I know is about black people that confirm to stereotypes when I actually have a multracial family by blood and in laws. So half the time I’m actually talking about a non black person and this shocks them.
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 1:05 pm ¶
urbia wrote:
@Lola
Do they ever own up and explain their shock?
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 7:15 pm ¶
ashlynn wrote:
@idlg,
way to discount an opinion! True, I have certainly heard PoC group white people together. Have I ever truly perceived that they were embarrassed for another white person’s behavior( b/c they are white and that reflects on ALL white people)? No. PoC grouping white people by “white behavior”(All those white girls are crazy!) hardly effects their job status, societal acceptance and respect, potential criminal discrimination.
Granted, the aforementioned still isn’t right. But PoC aren’t there yet. We often need to express those same sentiments white people have had about us because it had been building for generations; because we want to get it out of our systems; because we want white people to know what it feels like and for the first time we are approaching a position where that can be done. And hopefully at some point soon that will cease as well, so that we can progress past the social constructs and learn to accept and respect each other as people…by choice and not by the zeitgeist’s requirements…
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 8:00 pm ¶
pm wrote:
pololly wrote:
“One generation turnaround from a hellish council estate with skin head kids throwing bricks through your windows to private school, Oxbridge, own business. I’ve seen this pattern repeated so many times in the immigrant community and it works.”
I know there are such success stores, but does it really work equally well for _all_ immigrant communities? I’m not being rhetorical, I don’t know, at least in relation to the UK. But I believe social mobility is very low for Pakistanis and Bangladeshis in general (as opposed to Indians). I don’t know what happens for Afro-Caribbean people.
I remember one south Asian Brit explaining ruefully that he thought he was an example of such social mobility (parents in low-paid jobs, he’d made it into a profession) till he realised that his grandparents had been middle class also – his parents had just taken a temporary step downwards as a result of immigration (and, to a significant degree, the racism they faced), but they still had that cultural capital and expectations.
I just wonder if this sort of generational ‘blip’ distorts the view of social mobility in relation to immigrants? Are South Asian immigrants from rural, poor parts of that region just as likely to have children who become doctors as those from urban, educated backgrounds, even if the two are, for one generation, living on the same council estate? I don’t know the answer (never occurred to me to ask all the South Asian doctors I’ve had over the years!)
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 11:07 pm ¶
Dari wrote:
Although people of all races should pursue their dreams, I HATE to see those dreams amount to becoming the next rap superstar, video vixen, ball-player, etc.
I hate seeing talent like that get put into the next mindless hip hop single. It’s tragic. Yes, they’re making money, but they also perpetuate the stereotype. More people don’t make it in those professions than those that do.
And these people don’t have anything to fall back on. No college degree in ANYTHING. Not journalism, not art, not law, not medicine.
That’s where the problem is.
They need to educated themselves first before they try to make it to Hollywood.
Posted 01 Sep 2009 at 11:13 pm ¶
Kaonashi wrote:
I’m generally embarrassed by black people who still give a damn what white people (or black people for that matter) think.
If you’re caught up in that internal dialogue, guess what?
You’re officially still a SLAVE.
I love you for this. <3
Posted 02 Sep 2009 at 12:22 am ¶
urbia wrote:
@ashlynn
You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I’ll also add that it’s not like people go out of their way to purposely bring down another group or to simply ’show them what it feels like.’ If all things were equal, such activities wouldn’t be worth one’s time.
For instance, if you’re like me, having been raised as a PoC in Canada and force-fed the myth of meritocracy and colourblindness, only to realize that you’ve been lied to in your quest for self-determination, then the natural reaction is to question and counterattack these obstacles in your path until they’re done away with. Then simply continue on your quest for self-determination. It’s people simply minding their own business until that very rude awakening, then discovering that white people want to discount their experiences. One by one PoC have decided that they’re fed up. It would be madness to continue on through life without meeting these things head on. I mean, these things are obstructing your life.
Posted 02 Sep 2009 at 1:16 am ¶
Charles J wrote:
Tami,
You have described in great detail white privelege at it’s best. White’s are not viewed as a group by themselves or others because they are the dominant group around race. Dominant meaning as a group they can deny opportunities, goods and sevices to non-Whites.
POC are always viewed as group members first and exceptions to the rule if they act non-stereotypically.
Posted 02 Sep 2009 at 2:37 am ¶
Brenda wrote:
I appreciate this article as I, an African-American woman, do not feel that those of us who desire to better ourselves should do it as a credit to our race. It is a burden to do so because, in my opinion, those of us who are doing well or trying to be successful are overshadowed by those of us who are not as the negative behavior (HIV/AIDS, single-parenthood and poverty, obesity, lack of education, etc.) is emphasized more than the positive behaviors. It really makes me sick and wish sometimes that I owned my own island so I wouldn’t have to hear or be exposed to these issues as, to some degree, they make me not want to associate with those who chose the negative behaviors.
I am concentrating on becoming a better person and a credit for my family and not necessarily for the African-American community.
Posted 02 Sep 2009 at 12:25 pm ¶
Lisa wrote:
Insightful, great read.
Posted 03 Sep 2009 at 10:03 am ¶
downtomars wrote:
I agree with Charles J – Only Whites have the privilege of being average, POC have to be Super-People!
Posted 04 Sep 2009 at 4:22 am ¶
April wrote:
@blip, Kaonashi:
Seems to me you’re guilty of the same crime as the people you criticize. Why take the time to call those people out if their actions don’t really matter to you? Why do *you* feel embarrassed for *them*?
Posted 04 Sep 2009 at 7:36 pm ¶
LBell wrote:
uu said:
“The mere fact that we have to be the “colored ambassadors of our respective ethnicities/race” means that we as of yet have not been integrated in to the “mainstream,” we all live together, neighbors of our community and yet we act like we might as while live on different planets.
“How can it be that the U.S has had POCs since the very beginning and have white people gawk at us, for whatever reason, like they’ve never seen or been around POCs before. Its purposeful, unintentionally marginalizing us. But the real question is why? ”
–
THANK YOU for this. I live in a predominantly white college town and am seriously suffering from racial battle fatigue right now. I have had to be the “colored ambassador” since I was FIVE (5) years old. I wish I was exaggerating but I’m not! Now, almost forty years later…WHY am I still having these conversations? WHY am I still being looked at as an “exception” to the rule?
I’ve hung up my colored-ambassador hat and made some white folks mad as a result. Too damn bad…go find some other colored ambassador to bother.
Posted 07 Sep 2009 at 7:43 pm ¶
Ange wrote:
I’m going to cosign Lbell and save the bandwidth.
Posted 12 Sep 2009 at 2:40 am ¶