Comments

1. Fiqah wrote:

   “Oh man, I have to tell you something. When you scored your second or third goal yesterday, this kid on the bench said, “f****** spic!” My friend said he was going to say something, but before he could, someone shouted at him and said, “yo, watch your language!”

   I might be being cynical here, but I’m wondering if the person censoring the comment was worried about the slur or the swearing. I hope it was both, but being from the South I can tell you that plenty of racist folks drop the n-bomb like it’s a second language…but would never “cuss.”

   Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 10:18 am ¶

2. Amused0472 wrote:

   Great post. I’m wondering if the person who told the guy to watch his language really should have told him to stop using racist slurs or to keep his racist thoughts to himself.

   Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 10:40 am ¶

3. Rashida wrote:

   People will do whatever society allows them to do. The fact is that jerk felt comfortable enough in that environment to say what he said … he probably has before and it’s been acceptable. The surprise to him was being checked this time. Now he’ll think twice about who is around before he spits hate, but the hate remains, embedded in his home. I often wonder if it’s worse for the hate to be silent or underground or exposed. On the brighter side, at least now you can distinguish your enemies from your allies! We need more people to speak out against hatred. Kudos to you for continuing to “play the game,” literally and metaphorically. When you back down or back off, they win and gain strength. Your persistence deserves respect.

   Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 11:01 am ¶

4. N wrote:

   This is why I stress that racism affects us all. If we turn a blind eye to racism that doesn’t affect us, or if we participate in it, when our turn comes we can’t legitimately complain.
   People of color are frequently targeted by racists who intend to “hate on” a group that a person isn’t even part of.
   And lest “white” people think they are safe, think again. White people can find themselves the targets of racism due to mistaken identity. AND, what happens when your white son who loves skateboarding and rock music and an unconventional lifestyle is targeted by those who look at him and say,”skinhead, white supremacist”, or your daughter who loves horses and rodeo is being treated as some sort of evil southern oppressive redneck.? What about the quiet, nerdy boy who gets beat up because there are people who hate gays and they think he is gay?
   We need to be concerned with everyone’s rights, not only our own. IMO

   Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 11:01 am ¶

5. Marcus Kwame wrote:

   Thank you for sharing this. It’s messed up that in our intolerant, ethnocentric society, something as simple as a pick-up game can become complicated.

   With all the information that is out there, and all the progress that People of Color have made in various arenas, it is maddening that bigotry and hate are still so prevalent in our country. Maddening but not all that surprising, when you factor in misinformation and outright omission of POCs in American schools, hateful attitudes passed down through many white families, and twisted media and pop-culture representations of people deemed as “other” (non-white).

   I know all of the social and psychological reasons that people do racist things, but I am still perplexed. I continually find myself asking, “how can so many people walk around with so much hate in their hearts?” Being consumed by hate is hard work. Look at the asshole that shot up the holocaust museum. His writings reveal that he was totally consumed by his obsession with perpetuating lies about Jewish people and People of Color. Working towards understanding is a much easier way to live, yet so many choose the heavy and dark path of hate.

   Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 11:07 am ¶

6. Joy wrote:

   @N
   Right, a lot of time we don’t recognize or consider as serious the racism we exhibit ourselves toward other POCs or white people. It’s wrong when anyone does it.

   Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 11:29 am ¶

7. jvansteppes wrote:

   This reminds me of an Egyptian friend who moved to a town in North Carolina where everyone called her Mexican, or a Cambodian coworker who was also called a Mexican when he took a road trip to the states. They were both mystified on top of being upset by the hostility.
   The more I read about racism in competitive sports, the more I think we need explicitly anti-racist sports leagues where refs just boot people out for this kind of shit.

   Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 12:01 pm ¶

8. Kaione wrote:

   Sadly, the biggest problem in America is racism. We never solved it or became tolerant toward people of color. It is a shame that a kid, at such a young age knows racial slurs. Unfortunately, he knows to use it against anyone he sees as Latino but doesn’t know it was originally used against Italians. But our intolerance and media coverage of everything negative about a group of people are what make racism soo hard to over come. The day we get rid of all the racist, bigotry and everything in America this country will be a better place than it already is. This will make a great improvement.

   Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 12:09 pm ¶

9. Msday wrote:

   I feel so sorry for you. I have had that experience twice as a professional at two different jobs. It hurts even when you don’t hear it and someone else relays the information. Honestly, I would rather they not mention it unless there is further outcome or a threat of violence involved. Keep your chin up, it happens everywhere unfortunately.

   Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 1:17 pm ¶

10. Naida13 wrote:

    Very interesting post. Like Fiqah, I hope the “yo, watch your language” was in reference to the racial slur, and not the swear – but who knows?

    A similar thing happened to my husband when he worked as a soccer coach for a rural Virginia school. At an away game, he noticed one of his players was carrying himself strangely and looked uncomfortable. (The player happened to be of Mexican descent).

    At half time, he asked what was going on. The player tried to act as if it was no big deal – claiming to just be tired. It wasn’t until after the game that my husband learned, from another latino player, that the student had tried to go into the school before the game to use the bathroom. He asked a couple of students where the toilet was. “Get out of here you spic – we don’t want you using our toilet,” was the reply. The student (understandably afraid) ran out of the school and was too ashamed and frightened to try to use the bathroom again – or tell my husband what had happend.

    Of course, he reported it to the other schools coach and principal – but they did nothing. (Shocker). The student quit his soccer team soon afterwards.

    It is terrible when these things happen – and even worse to think that people feel that it is somehow acceptable or appropriate to make comments like these. (And, when as in this case, no action is taken by anyone against it – I suppose it is unsurprising that people assume that it IS acceptable).

    I am so sorry that you had a similar experince – and even sorrier that these experiences are so common.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 1:43 pm ¶

11. luckyfatima wrote:

    Spaces like that are very hard to handle and you are brave for going in there with your head held up and just trying to enjoy and play despite the ignorant idiots you encounter there.

    By the way you should just wear whatever shirt you want…it doesn’t seem to have made a difference anyway because those guys showed their true colors even though you tried not to ‘provoke’ them with a Moozlim country shirt.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 2:07 pm ¶

12. Jehanzeb wrote:

    Thanks for your nice comments, everyone It helps to hear that others have experienced something similar.

    @ Fiqah – I never looked at it that way. Wow, I guess there’s a possibility he was referring to the f-word and not the racial slur.

    @ Amused0472 – Yeah, I was actually wondering the same thing when my friend told me about it. If “yo, watch your language,” was the only thing he said, then maybe he was just telling him to keep his racist thoughts to himself.

    @ Rashida – Good point. I definitely believe that he was in an environment where he felt comfortable about saying that. Maybe he expected people to laugh with him or give him a high-five.

    @ N – Thanks, I agree with you that we need to speak out against all forms of racism, but I’m not sure if I fully understand your comment. When you say White kids on skateboards can be seen as “skinheads” or “white supremacists,” are you suggesting that there are many people of color who perceive White people like that? I’m sorry if that’s not what you’re suggesting. I’ve heard people bring up similar points and it can be frustrating at times because it seems to make people of color sound like we’re being “oppressive” to White people.

    @ Marcus – Yeah, it was crazy because ever since my friends and I started playing hockey again, I was always worrying about someone making a racial slur against me or perceiving me differently because of my skin color. Now, it happened and I guess it didn’t really surprise me too much. It still bothers me to some extent because now I’m so much more self-conscious when I play at that court.

    @ jvansteppes – Anti-racist sports leagues sounds like a great idea! Sports, unfortunately, are so militarized and degrading the other team (the opposition) is one of the ways to boost the confidence of your team. Players make insults about the opposing players body weight, appearance, and if they happen to be of a different race, then that’s even much easier. It’s easy to make fun of people and when you play sports that are more aggressive, like hockey for American football, I think insults and racial slurs are more prone to come out.

    @ Kaione – I heartily agree. As I mentioned in my post, I ran some searches on the racial slur and remember reading that it’s used against Italians too

    @ Msday – Thank you for your kind words. I’m honestly glad that I didn’t hear him say it personally. I know that I would have said something back, but I would be worried about his reaction. Someone in high school once called me “Osama bin Laden,” and when I called him out for being racist, he started pushing me around and tried to provoke me into a fight.

    @ Naida13 – That’s horrible! It sounds like a lot of people experience racism in sports. It’s worse when people don’t even do anything about it. It’s so irresponsible and it only hurts people even more.

    @ luckyfatima – Thanks. I agree, I should wear whatever I want. It’s strange that I feel that way. I think a lot of my experiences with Islamophobia shook me up a bit. But I really don’t want to be that way because it implies that there’s something “wrong” with being Muslim or wearing a jersey that represents a Muslim country.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 2:35 pm ¶

13. Plano wrote:

    I feel that it is completely unacceptable for anyone to call someone that. That is out of line and just very degrading. People say things and use terms without really thinking about the potential harm that it could do to that person. Then again, some people have the intentions of hurting others when using terms like that. Unfortunately, there are still people that throw the terms out there like they are meaningless. They need to do some self-evaluating and decide why they feel it is necessary to say things like that because one less person is one step closer to change.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 2:43 pm ¶

14. Elton wrote:

    Unfortunately, ultra-macho contexts like street hockey are especially hostile against displays of sensitivity and critical thought, both of which are essential to combating the injustice of racist bullying.

    Ideally, sports and athletic pursuits should go hand in hand with mental sharpness, discipline, respect, and teamwork. It’s sad that so much of athletic culture is grounded in machismo and groupthink.

    In my experience growing up Asian American in Arkansas, there were two divergent paths. One involved sports, relationships, and peer pressure. The other involved schoolwork and isolation. I chose the latter. I regret that I never found a way to combine aspects of the two, but given my overwhelming desire to vindicate myself in the face of society’s discrimination against my immigrant family, studying seemed to provide a more viable and meritocratic means to career success. It is better to walk alone and still know who you are than to wander in a crowd that does not recognize you.

    It is my hope that potential future generations will have the opportunity to grow up in an environment where there are others like them who will accept them for who they are, and have the opportunity to pursue whatever they like, sports or school–preferably both–and thus cultivate a sense of individuality without isolation, a sense of belonging without conformity.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 3:40 pm ¶

15. N wrote:

    @Jehanzeb
    Yes, I am suggesting that there are people of color who see southern whites, rockers etc as white supremacists and racist rednecks.

    Whether it is oppressive or not, I don’t know. But I know that no one likes being unfairly judged.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 5:04 pm ¶

16. Amused0472 wrote:

    There is no pre-determined time or place for racist things to happen. I have lived in Atlanta since I was school-aged. Yet, I had never been called the “n” word to my face until my first year of law school in Boston. My mother, who was visiting, and I were in my car when an old homeless white man pushing a cart dropped the “n” bomb in plural to make sure me and my mom both got the message. I’ll never forget that moment. It’s been over ten years now and its still the only time someone has uttered that word at me with the an intent to hurt and hate. So be strong and don’t be afraid to be you. Life is too short to let the haters get the best of you.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 5:45 pm ¶

17. ktrujillo wrote:

    I have lived in Atlanta since I was school-aged. Yet, I had never been called the “n” word to my face until my first year of law school in Boston.

    ********

    Coming from the southwest my daughter was never called a spic until we moved to Boston..sadly it was black girls who chose to use this slur, much to my daughter’s heartbreak.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 9:59 pm ¶

18. Elanor Brachwasser wrote:

    @ Elton: “It is better to walk alone and still know who you are than to wander in a crowd that does not recognize you.”

    That phrase you wrote really hit me, because that’s how I got through high school, too. As the only out lesbian, I hoped for a while that my example would help other kids come out, but eventually realized that since the other queer kids always heard what was said about me, it just scared them away.

    Personally I preferred it when people didn’t tell me what they heard, because it’s just so upsetting. Jehanzeb, you have all my sympathies. I hope that one day you find a roller hockey community you feel safe in.

    Also, I’m with Luckyfatima, you should rock those shirts with pride.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 10:07 pm ¶

19. Medusa wrote:

    I like this post a lot. I think that when people play more aggressively towards you, you’re probably right, they probably are mad that a guy is scoring all these points, especially a non-white guy, and it’s one of those types of racism that’s impossible to prove because if you point it out it’ll just be “you’re being too sensitive, it’s not because of your race, it’s part of the game” blah blah blah. I almost prefer it when people use racial slurs because they’re not making excuses for their (and others’) bigotry and being open about it.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 10:22 pm ¶

20. BSK wrote:

    I have a similar story from high school soccer. My town had a fairly large Jewish population. I would not say that the town was “predominantly” Jewish, but seeing as how we had more than 5, we were often seen as the “Jewish town” in the area. Anyway, we were playing another town, one that I do not believe had a large or even a small Jewish population, and at some point during the game, another kid called me a “Jew bagel”. I’m not even sure if this is a typical slur, or if the kid was just playing on stereotypes, but it infuriated me. I’m not even Jewish, but regardless, it was so absurd to me. I wish I had the balls/wits/whatever to call him on it right there, but unfortunately, I did not. The thing I wonder, in both these stories, is how much of the use of the term was motivated by a genuine hatred, and how much of it was just laziness to confront the real issue: that these kids were being schooled by someone different. Obviously, nothing excuses the hate, but I bet if you were a huge white kid, scoring all those goals, he might have made a comment about size. People, especially in sports, have trouble admitting when someone is just better than them, or outworked them, or for whatever reason, is more successful then they are. They often look for excuses, and race is an easy way to use, especially if the person is of a race that is not typically associated with success in a given arena.

    Posted 18 Jun 2009 at 11:56 pm ¶

21. BSK wrote:

    N-

    That is a phenomenon that is not unique to POCs. White people are capable of the same mis-categorizations of other whites (just like POC’s can do it to members of their own group and members of other groups). Growing up in major cities in the Northeast, I know a *TON* of white people who dismiss anyone from the midwest, or anyone who likes wrestling, or hunts, or does a number of other things as rednecks, hicks, conservatives, etc. As you point out, we all suffer when we allow this kind of thinking to persist.

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 12:00 am ¶

22. Jehanzeb wrote:

    @Amused0472

    “Life is too short to let the haters get the best of you.”

    That is so true. Thank you so much!

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 1:13 am ¶

23. Afro-chan wrote:

    Nice post Jehanzeb. That hit home. I too always wonder why racial words are the default words? What does color have to do with it? Why is it always the first thing that comes out?

    I am glad someone called the kid out on it, regardless of what they could have meant. I think calling people out even if it isn’t directed at you is a step. Keep your head up.

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 2:49 am ¶

24. Miss Profe wrote:

    I empathize with you, Jehanzeb. But, as you say in your closing words, “Keep your chin up.”

    What we aren’t talking about here, however, are the slurs, etc. POCs use with other POCs. A friend twitted the following the other evening: “When did it become fashionable for Blacks to use racial slurs against Latinos?” @ktrujillo’s daughter’s experience is an example of this.

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 3:06 am ¶

25. RCHOUDH wrote:

    About feeling out of place somewhere…that reminds me of the time my family went out on a picnic in Fire Island NY. We were the only non whites first travelling by boat to the Island there and then picnicing and swimming in the beach. All us younger kids at the time felt strange being surrounded by white people (who we could feel were staring at bewilderment at such a large group of South Asians among them, especially with older women dressed in saris and salwar kameez’s). We don’t know or think our older relatives noticed being out of place. Nevertheless we tried to ignore feeling out of place and went about our business anyway. No one bothered us or anything but still it felt strange to be picnicing somewhere in NY that was not multiethnic.

    So I also think you shouldn’t let such behavior affect your game, as long as the behavior doesn’t escalate into violence. Re: what some commenters were saying about why people still behave in a racist fashion despite it being 2009 now. I have to say I think it comes from feeling threatened by others. Since white males have enjoyed the most privileges in Western society for so long, to see women and minorities try to attain those same privileges threatens their sense of entitlement causing them to lash out anyway they can. I think that’s what caused th racist prick to yell out a racial slur at Jehanzeb because he couldn’t stomach a nonwhite being as good or better at hockey than an average white player. It’s all matter of stubborn (white male) pride that causes racism to continue emanating from those in power.

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 8:23 am ¶

26. Amused0472 wrote:

    @ktrujillo I’m sorry that happened to your little girl. I think that episode is symptomatic of being a POC in America. We marginalize each other into some bizarre racial/ethnic pecking order, but for what? It’s a sickness.

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 9:41 am ¶

27. Persia wrote:

    The first time I heard a racial slur against Hispanics was after a soccer game where our team (with a Mexican exchange student who was quite gifted, and a Peruvian-Jewish boy with a Hispanic surname) lost by just a little to our arch-enemies. Said archenemies were walking just ahead of me after the game, back to the bus, and one of them said “I hate spics.” It was just a horrible, chilling moment. I can’t imagine how I would’ve felt if it’d been directed at me.

    I still half-wish I’d called them on it, but things were pretty nasty as it was, and I figured they’d just claim I was a ’sore loser’ making things up. Ugh.

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 11:10 am ¶

28. Andi wrote:

    That is sad

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 7:39 pm ¶

29. Andi wrote:

    It is sad that you had to be put through that situation. You shouldn’t have to change what you wear just to fit in and not be discriminated against but I understand why you would decide to do something like that and avoid confrontation. It is amazing that in 2009 people can be so closed minded and ignorant to other races. There is a small glimmer of hope in that somebody told that person to watch their language. Stereotypes are hard to get rid of when they are constantly being repeated throughout all forms of media. Hopefully in the future people can be more accepting of each other.

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 7:46 pm ¶

30. dirkdiggler wrote:

    the interesting thing about these situations is that it’s not really the douche who actually makes the racist statement who’s the real problem. that guy will say it usually only in a group setting. and he says it because normally he’s always the weakest link; the guy who thinks he needs to “prove” his worth by demeaning others. so, in actuality, that imbecile is not really the problem. it’s his friends who remain silent in the face of clear bigotry and racism who are the problem; the ones that idiot is trying to impress who never say, dude, that’s wrong. so i applaud the guy who said, watch your language. he said it because he knew it was wrong. in many similar situations, i’ve seen the alpha males/females of the group remain silent, thereby ratifying the bigoted statement. it’s those guys you have to be concerned about. and if you think it’s just white people who suffer from this malady, think again. far too often, it’s poc (esp when they are in the majority) who are the absolute worst perpetrators.

    so whichever group you belong in, if you say nothing when some member of your group says something racist and bigoted, you have no right to complain.

    Posted 19 Jun 2009 at 10:00 pm ¶

31. etchmiadzin wrote:

    up until recently, i had no idea that a friend of mine was married to an ignorant, racist jerk. he was never friendly around me, but never outright cold. i’m an adult, and i figured hey, not everyone is going to be friends with me, and i let it go.

    a mutual friend casually mentioned my name in a conversation about star wars(i’m rather well versed), and he said the following:
    “v? oh jesus. no offense, but i don’t like anyone who is middle eastern.”
    the mutual friend, aghast, pushed further.
    “but….why?”
    “well, i was in the army, and fucking towelhead arabs killed some of my friends”
    he continued.
    “their culture is barbaric. and their women are ugly, which is why they wear the veil.” “she might be an okay person from the surface, but they are all the same in the end.”

    my now-horrified friend leaves the bar, and calls me in tears when she arrives home. i laugh it off, say, “well, at least i know why he never let me borrow any dvds!”

    the absurdity of all of this, aside from his deplorable and sickening comments, is that i am from lebanon, of armenian and persian extraction, not arab. to the ignorant eye, those who think that all inhabitants of the middle east are homogeneous, a catch-all slur will do the trick nicely in impolite bar-room conversation. a slur is a slur is a slur.

    after a good(private) cry, my mind started spinning.
    what to do now? do i confront my friend who is married to this piece of work? or, in doing so, would i reveal her own cleverly concealed bigotry? i found it hard to imagine that this sweet, gentle woman who rescues cats would view my ancestry as a vile, evil thing. would i just cause strife in her marriage? is it her fault that her husband, who, sadly is a college graduate, holds such inflammatory views?

    fate intervened. they ended up moving out of state, and my interaction is limited to social networking sites, and her visits to town. i still feel uneasy about the situation. is it better to remember someone the way they were, or to come to term with the complex reality that is in the present?

    Posted 23 Jun 2009 at 10:23 am ¶

32. RCHOUDH wrote:

    @ etchmiadzin

    I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. Don’t let such idiot ignorant racist jerks affect you. I think his comments may have also been spurred by the PTSD that alot of these soldiers are suffering from fighting these illegal wars. Maybe just maybe he wouldn’t have become such a racist ass towards Middle Easterners if he was never deployed. So all I can say is you shouldn’t take it personally. I’m sure he has alot of demons to fight on his own so I would rather pity him than despise him for his asshatery.

    As for your friend I personally think it’s best to stay out of her relationship. If he’s really so unstable eventually she’ll have to deal with it herself. It’s good that at least they’re far away from you so you can just remember the good times you’ve spent with her instead of having to deal with her too much now after realizing what her husband’s nature is.

    Posted 23 Jun 2009 at 3:15 pm ¶