LiveBlogging The Neighborhood Inaugural Ball
By Special Correspondent Arturo R. García, also Published At The Instant Callback
I admit, I spent most of Inauguration Day taking it all in quietly. Even my cynical heart warmed a little during the day. I didn’t have a thing to make fun of. Thank the stars ABC gave me the Neighborhood Inaugural Ball.
8:10 — Delayed start, but: Mary J. looked GREAT, and Will.i.am struck a good note — addition by subtraction of Fergie, perhaps?
8:19 — W. had Ricky Martin. O has Maroon 5. This is progress?!
8:20 — Robin Roberts! Yay! I remember when she was a SportsCenter rookie …
8:21 — Nick Cannon is as much a DJ as George Bush was a Decider.
8:22 — Mariah has a blinged-out mic stand. Take that, Mary J.!
8:25 — Oh shit, Denzel is there?
8:30 — Denzel arrives! PLYMOUTH ROCK, GET THE F-K OFF!
8:31 — Mariah can’t lend the President her mic stand?
8:32 — “How good-looking is my wife?” Epic.
8:34 — Is that Faith Hill next to Denzel?
8:34 — Beyonce nails the first note …
8:35 — Beyonce’s mic also had some bedazzle to it. Is this the next arms race?
8:40 — Homeland Security U.S.A. advert — Good to know Republicans still have some programs to watch.
8:41 — For a comedian, Jamie Foxx is a hell of a singer
8:42 — Shakira’s music sucks nowadays, but DAMN
8:43 — Nice to see Sting is growing another rainforest on his chin
8:45 — We have a president who bumps people. This might work out after all.
8:45 — My friend Chris: “The President may think he’s got good music at his party, but I get to see Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings this week. I win.” Can’t argue with that.
8:49 — These “all-star jams” rarely go well. Damn you, ABC, for not trusting Stevie Wonder to do his own damn song.
8:50 — For a comedian, Ray Romano is a hell of a waste of space.
8:51 — “I can’t believe I’m here.” I can’t believe you’re there either, Romano.
8:53 — This moron is DYING out there. Somewhere, there’s a hotel lounge missing a headliner …
8:55 — Ooo-wee-ooo, Jigga looks like Buddy Holly!
Oh Oh, where’s Beyonce Tyler Moore?
8:57 — Is it me, or does Jay sound like he’s out of breath?
8:59 — Y’know, when I wore glasses like those in fourth grade, I got my ass kicked. Now they’re in fashion?
9:03 — “Destiny calls.” You go straight to voicemail, Lost.
9:03 — Who in the blue hell is Kate Walsh?
9:05 — I don’t think I’ve ever seen Alicia Keys do a song badly.
9:08 — This might be the song of the night, up there with Beyonce
9:09 — Send in the clowns tumblers people jumping around on weird-looking sh-t!
9:10 — Info from my friend Paul on miss Walsh: “Best known for playing Addison Sheppard on Grey’s Anatomy/Private Practice on ABC. Don’t judge me for knowing that.” No, but I will quote you!
9:11 — The crowd doesn’t know what to make of the tumblers. Was the wrestling bear booked?
9:12 — The tumblers are cut off. For the first time in my television-watching life, I wish we’d gotten more commercials.
9:16 — If I sent a text from Tijuana, would Mexico get a star on the Map of Vague Good Feelings?
9:17 — Shakira’s butchering “The Right Side Of The Road,” but DAMN.
9:18 — Shakira, harmonica. Harmonica, Shakira.
9:23 — Stevie! Seriously, who needed The 5 Maroons?
9:26 — SW is stealing the show right from Alicia
9:30 — Grover on Scrubs? I thought Zack Braff was the only sock puppet allowed on that show.
9:32 — Even Biden gets a cheer!
9:33 — Even Biden gets an “AWWWWW”!
9:34 — Even Biden gets a dance!?
9:36 — Make that half a dance.
9:38 — Which final 20 minutes will be worse: the Neighborhood Ball’s or the average SNL’s?
9:40 — Who in the blue hell is Carrie Washington?
9:40 — Faith Hill just answered my question. I apologize, Lorne Michaels.
9:44 — Playing Joan Jett as bumper music is just a f-king cruel tease.
9:46 — Hey, Gitmo might be closing soon — are the CMT Awards looking for a new site?
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