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1. Bi-Racial musings on Racialicious « Fatemeh Fakhraie on 23 Dec 2008 at 7:10 pm

   [...] musings on Racialicious My latest is up at Racialicious; it’s sort of auto-biographical and touches on bi-racial siblings. [...]

Comments

1. Madge wrote:

   Thanks for the article. As a white female building her life with a Persian man, it is good to have insight into what my future children will be dealing with. I’ve often wondered how the religious part will play out, considering he is not a practicing Muslim anymore nor am I a practicing Christian anymore.

   Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 12:16 pm ¶

2. Shawna wrote:

   In my family, there was always a competitiveness about which of us three girls looked the most Arab. We’re half-Lebanese. My younger sister was darker. My older sister was fairer. My younger sis and I got the Sudanese noses. My older sister got a smaller version of the Lebanese nose. In pretty much every way, I’m in-between, and they often tell me I’m the most Arab, but I think that is a reflection of my religious identity (I came to Islam first). Also, I studied Arabic and they haven’t. I have Arab friends and they don’t–not really.

   But as for who looks the most, I couldn’t say. I don’t care much, but I have thought about it enough to say: Lil Sis and I frequently get mistaken for one another despite a striking difference in body type. People often gasp at the resemblance between me and Big Sis, and are even more amazed when they see her as compared to Lil Sis because they too look quite similar even with a good six or seven inches separating them.

   This is a big point of conversation with us. Lil Sis identifies with her Lebanese half in an American cultural sense–it’s cool to be like Shakira, she’s unique and so on. Big Sis uses her “ethnic” half to bridge what could be a very large gap between her understanding of this country and her 100% Turkish husband’s understanding. Interestingly, I use my American half to do the same with my 100% American hubby.

   We’ve all turned out differently than we expected. And Lil Sis is still struggling to define herself. I was too at her age (just out of college, pre-kids). It’s a fascinating gap.

   What is the most striking is that we used to use our American identities to connect with one another. Now, we start from a very different place. While it’s not quite the Lebanese place (we all feel that we’re not quite Lebanese), it’s an in-between place. I’m very comfortable with that.

   And as for how we construct identities for one another, you’ve seen how I do it for my sisters. Lil Sis uses Islam and level of education to construct ours. She always tells me I’m nerdy and that I’m a goody goody. I do everything right. And Big Sis is painted as conservative and obedient because she didn’t do as much school as I did and likes being a housewife who spoils her foreign husband.

   Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 1:04 pm ¶

3. UGLY PUNK GURL! wrote:

   You know what I’ve noticed with immigrants and their families in this country (and even the UK as well)? That females tend to be more in touch with their heritage and culture, while males aren’t as in touch.

   mmmm….

   Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 1:16 pm ¶

4. Jay wrote:

   Not just biracial, although I realize the comparison doesn’t entirely work. I’m much more “Jewish” in my daily life than my brother is. We both married out (although my husband converted years after our wedding) but I was married by a rabbi and he was married by a Christian minister. Our levels of connection and observance weren’t all that different in college or immediately thereafter, but now (in our mid and late 40s) we’re on very different paths. I don’t know what he thinks about it. I don’t judge him for the different but I do find it fascinating.

   Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 2:06 pm ¶

5. Adonis wrote:

   Shawna, you guys may want to embrace your Sudanese heritage as well – seeing as it is your heritage.

   Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 2:09 pm ¶

6. Maya wrote:

   I am half black (my father says West Indian) and half White. I have a twin sister, and a younger brother. Each of us has constructed our race differently. My brother identifies as Black, because that is how the world sees him, he is constantly telling me that I am not black enough. I’m not quite sure how my sister constructs her race, we have not really talked about it. It seems like something that she would rather not think about. I myself identify as Bi-Racial because identifying as Black discounts my mother’s influence(she is white) on my perception of the world, and she raised us pretty much by herself, and I have always felt outside the homogeneous ideals of both races. I have come to learn that there really is no ideal for either. I just wish my brother could get that.

   Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 2:48 pm ¶

7. Mammith wrote:

   While growing up my brother used to accuse me of ‘trying to be white’ because I was into science and computers rather then our ‘cultural heritage’ (the idea of which I have a huge problem with, culture isn’t a fixed root tying us to the ground, culture is a fluid thing).

   What I find really interesting looking back though, is how my brother and his friends used hip-hop and ‘urban’ culture to illustrate their differences from mainstream white culture, even though they weren’t black.

   My brothers a lot darker then I am too, he looks very middle eastern, whereas people seem to think I’m from a million different places (In one memorable week I’d been guessed as being Argentinian, Iranian, Mongolian, Lebanese and Iraqi).

   Once we got older my brother stopped accusing me of ‘acting white’, especially as I don’t self identify as British.

   Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 2:50 pm ¶

8. Jamerican Muslimah wrote:

   “How do you normalize yourself to your own blood?”

   This is a question I ask myself when I am around my non-Muslim family. It seems like since I converted I’ve become this “foreign”, “exotic” person to some of my family members (including several of my siblings). I want so scream “I’M STILL ME!” I was amazed when a relative of mine who obviously knows me and knows my family actually said that Muslim men force “the women” to wear hijab. I tried to remain calm but I asked her, “Well, who forced me then?” and she got quiet. But that’s not the only thing. I have suddenly become “one of them people” who are taking “our” jobs. (The familly member who said this was referring to Somalis). Despite the ridiculousness of such statements, I was thinking, my mom and your mom are sisters, how and when did I become Somali? I could go on with countless incidents like these…

   I don’t know who to blame here. The media? society? The educational system? The individuals? It just seems by virtue of being Muslim (and wearing the hijab) I have become a stranger in my own family.

   Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 2:52 pm ¶

9. Shawna wrote:

   Adonis– Good point! I think the reason we haven’t is because we don’t know that much about it in our family history. My grandfather was Sudanese, but raised in Lebanon. He considered himself Lebanese (his mother was Lebanese, his father from the Sudan). I’ve tried to find out more, but my father knows nothing, at least culturally, of his Sudanese roots.

   Interestingly, my grandmother was actually Palestinian. Their land was confiscated and they escaped on foot during Israel’s creation. Her family took refuge in Lebanon. Somehow they ended up with their own land, I think by marrying in, and that area ( a mountaintop) is now populated 99% by my relatives and ancestors. I guess that technically makes me zero percent Lebanese.

   I’d love to write a memoir. I know my grandfather has surviving family in the Sudan. A sister, I believe, but I think they lost touch because they are from different mothers and generations.

   Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 3:01 pm ¶

10. Shawna wrote:

    Oops– I meant my paternal great-grandmother MAY have been Lebanese, but I don’t think my grandfather knew. His father had three or four wives (one at a time). He remarried when his previous wife died, and my grandfather was never able to tell me which of his mothers was his biological mother. I just know one was Lebanese, and one was a very dark-skinned African. I know the latter part because she was certainly my great-aunt’s mother. That aunt has become a somewhat legendary figure. There’s only one picture of her remaining, and she was killed by a sniper during the Lebanese Civil War.

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 3:05 pm ¶

11. IzumiBayani wrote:

    My brother and I are bi-racial to our Japanese mother and white American father. It’s obvious at first glance that I look most like my mother and my brother looks a lot like my father, yet the two of us maintain a certain level of racial ambiguity. What I’ve discovered most is when people “discover” that I have Asian heritage, suddenly I’m the token Asian, the other. No longer am I “that guy” but “that Asian guy”. I think that’s what’s been goin on between you and your brother.

    My brother and I have had it good when it comes to growing up biracial. My mother would make frequent trips to Japan for family and friends and my brother and I would go as well. So we both had a ground level, very basic knowledge of where we come from. Maybe the best way to bridge the gap with your brother is to do something Iranian together. Or go to Iran together, if possible.

    It’s weird for me because I don’t have to defend my Asian-ness (notice I’m not even Japanese anymore because, sadly, it doesn’t matter to most whites) because people are fairly certain I’m not completely white. My brother on the other had says stuff like “I’m half-Jap, nuff said” like he has to prove our mother is Japanese because he looks much whiter. It tells me that people continually try to fit people into boxes not understanding that we should have the right to self-identify.

    Since we don’t fit in societal boxes, people try to split our beings. I always say I’m 100% Japanese and 100% white since that’s what I am. I like to think that gets the message across fairly effectively.

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 3:52 pm ¶

12. Cakes wrote:

    Thank you for sharing, Fatemah, and also Shawna. As the only multiracial child with multiple white brothers and sisters I often wonder if my perspective is shared or if it’s “just me”.

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 4:14 pm ¶

13. Burn the Vegan wrote:

    I’m not biracial in the traditional sense—or I at all, really. My mother was born and raised Christian and converted to Judaism as a young adult, and my father comes from a very, very, very long line of Jews dating back to prehistoric times. I mostly recall my mother’s conversion when we’re with her side of the family. I remember meeting a group of relatives for the first time on Christmas Eve’ immediately after introductions were made, several cousins pounced on my sister, saying, “You look just like so-and-so and so-and-so, oh my God!” A feeling of difference came over me, and it increased when someone said, in an offhand, joking way, that my sister was a [insert family name here], whereas I was “whatever your father is.”

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 5:02 pm ¶

14. Phrone wrote:

    Wow! I was just thinking about this, because my sister is home for the holidays. My father is Latino and my mother is white, and I think my sister and I identify differently. I’m probably more likely to say that I’m Latina and identify as a woc than my sister. (When we were in San Francisco together, and given a choice of Obama pins, my sister chose “Women for Obama” and I chose “Unidos con Obama.”) I think in my case, the reason is pretty clear: while I’m darker skinned, with black/brown eyes and hair, she’s very pale and red-haired. So in this case its genetics.

    However, I do think it’s an interesting topic. I know with some of my other friends, the elder sibling is the one who retains more of the culture — I don’t know if the the parents give up speaking the language, grow more assimilated, or what, but that’s generally what I’ve noticed.

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 5:28 pm ¶

15. Fatemeh wrote:

    Thanks for your comments, everyone! I love hearing everyone else’s stories, and knowing that I’m not the only one.

    I think that there may be different levels of cultural and religious observance in first-generation children of immigrants, biracial or not; that’s an interesting point.

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 7:07 pm ¶

16. fathima wrote:

    The idea that one child is more inclined to a certain ethnic identity and the other is less so interests me.
    in my instance, it’d be a case of ethnic identity being religiously defined. it’s interesting because i can’t say that i’m more or less interested in my islamic cultural identity than my siblings – just differently so. whereas my brother believes that he can draw a distinction between islam as a religion and muslimness as a set of racialised cultures, i don’t. how i engage with islam is contingent on how i identify as brown/South Asian/Sri Lankan/etc. and yet i think in the binary of ethnic/white, i get identified as the one tending to whiteness (because i’m less conventionally muslim in my philosophies), which is somewhat jarring, as so much of my thinking involves critiquing and deconstructing practices of whiteness and colour.

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 7:14 pm ¶

17. broken mystic wrote:

    I’m not bi-racial but I feel like I can relate to a lot that you have written here.

    Around the time I started going to college, I wanted to establish a deep connection with my ethnic and religious background. I wanted to be in touch with my Pakistani and Muslim roots.

    My brother, on the other hand, didn’t follow that route. He will still call himself Muslim and Pakistani, and still speak Urdu around the house, but it’s not really part of his identity in the same way that it’s part of mine. It can get frustrating, especially when there are issues that face the Muslim community and he doesn’t seem to care about them. Every once in a while, we’ll talk about religion, but it’s really brief. To conservative Muslims, I look like a “blasphemer,” but to him I look like a “strict” and “uber-serious” Muslim.

    A friend of mine was telling me that we can’t control what race or culture we’re born into. Everyone has a right to be accepted for who they want to be, but it’s important to educate people and help them understand that just because you live in a way that’s different than them, it doesn’t mean one person is more “backwards” than another. I’ve been trying, for the longest time, to help show my brother what it means for me to be Muslim or Pakistani. Right now, it just seems that he thinks I complain all the time about things.

    I would like him to know that I am happy in the things that I do, and that I find Beauty and Love in the Way of Life we call Islam.

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 7:19 pm ¶

18. MelMel wrote:

    This cracked me up. I’m biracial (Japanese and white), and the oldest of three girls. We moved to a VERY white town when I was 8, and my youngest sister was just a baby. When she entered preschool, there was another mixed Asian kid in her class. She didn’t even REALIZE he was the same as she was, and pointed out that he was “different.” Your self perceptions are developed due to your surroundings and the way people treat you. If people treat you like you’re white, you think of yourself as white. If people treat you like you’re “other,” you either act like an outcast, or you cling to that identity and become proud of it. I look more Asian than my sisters, and I always have, so that might have had something to do with it as well. I don’t think anyone ever called them any racially-charged names, either. Me, on the other hand… heh, people used to ask my white mommy if I was “hers.”

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 9:31 pm ¶

19. browne wrote:

    “That females tend to be more in touch with their heritage and culture, while males aren’t as in touch. ” ugly punk girl

    I think that has to do with in America on some levels its alot easier to be an ethnic woman than it is to be an ethnic man. A woman can be ethnic and still be embraced by the mainstream. I look in the media a guy that speaks very strongly on race gets no notice a woman, well she will get some notice. There is a reason why we’ll never have a male Maya Angelou.

    And men of color even in the more progressive media are very polite, because they have to be.

    Talking about race and culture is viewed in America society as being an angry thing and angry thing in a female package is much more palatable to the mainstream.

    Because you know even if you’re a woman who embraces your culture the people of power who are white men usually can still have sex with you.

    Browne

    Posted 23 Dec 2008 at 9:34 pm ¶

20. Jess wrote:

    Y’know, sometimes I wonder if the difference between how people construct identities also has to do with just what people are interested in.

    I know, I know, someone will say “but everybody is forced to be interested in race” or, that someone’s identity is a social construct as much as in your own head.

    But that is what I am getting at.

    I mean. look, my mother’s mother is Japanese. The religious background of my family is two Jews, a Buddhist and a Catholic (among the grandparents) and people spoke no less than five different languages in that group. (Yiddish, Japanese, Russian, Hungarian and English).

    Yet my mother, who looks Asian, doesn’t really identify as such. My sister is sort of blond. My uncle looks Asian. My dad is a white guy (Jewish by the look of him). All construct their ID’s differently.

    My uncle got way into Japanese culture as much because he builds $10K Japanese-style tables with traditional tools as his genetic makeup. My mom is a doctor and knows a little about Japan, but not a lot. Heck, she was a French major in college and still complains that I don’t pronounce it as well as I should. (She read Tintin to me as a kid).

    Neither got to know their Japanese relatives all that well. (That group went back to Japan before the war and left grandma behind– long story). Neither one identifies particularly strongly with their father’s Jewishness either. But both had to deal with some very ugly racism in Westchester County ca. 1950-1960.

    I speak some Japanese and got really into it. I also got into understanding Jewish culture, history and I celebrate some holidays with my dad’s brother. I learned Russian (badly). But my sister doesn’t care much either way and passed French with a B.

    Now, I am really interested in languages and really good at them (so my family and teachers said). My sister wasn’t. I was more solitary, my sister gregarious. So I got way into this stuff and my sister, well, she went to med school.

    These things have little to do with race, per se — just the individual inclinations of the kids, you know? Sometimes people just have different interests.

    I think it’s easy to fall into the trap that says “Oh, you’re black, what do you think of Al Sharpton?” If I asked that of every black-identified person that would be pretty silly and people would call me out on it because it is stupid. Most black folks I know don’t care about Sharpton all day every day, if they bother to think of him at all. Or, “Hey, you’re Pakistani, what do you think of Musharraf?” Being Pakistani doesn’t mean you necessarily care because of some pod-people like thing that connects you to every other Pakistani. For all I know the Pakistani kid cares more about whether the national cricket team won last week, unless he’s a Mets fan from Queens.

    Am I making sense here? I’m asking if we are collectively thinking that genetics is some kind of destiny in how you should identify. Yeah, the world ain’t fair and if you’re dark enough with a certain phenotype you are black (or Asian, or whatever). But that isn’t any reason to buy it, y’know?

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 12:34 am ¶

21. Amy wrote:

    Couple of other half/mixed Jews here, but I’ll chime in because I was JUST thinking about this tonight. . .

    After we lit the candles tonight, my Jewish mom was explaining to my goyfriend what Hanukkah was, what a Passover seder was, etc. He was really interested in it and it was a nice discussion, but it came up several times that I happen to know more about Jewish law and customs than my mother. Why? Because I’ve researched them and researched them in an effort to feel “more Jewish”, and I appear to be the only one in my family with that urge. (My brother, perhaps because of his atheism and his oppositional-defined identity to his Indian, Hindu-practicing girlfriend, doesn’t think much of his Jewish roots.) I felt weirdly resentful of my mom, who is universally accepted as A Real Jew, who can choose to take or leave her heritage, and who didn’t have to research these things because she learned them as a young girl. I feel as if she’s the Jew by birthright, I’m the outsider reaching in – a feeling which is only enhanced by my perception that I’m the one in my family who has by far the strongest desire to connect with Judaism.

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 7:22 am ¶

22. Jess wrote:

    Amy — “goyfriend” — I love that. But I can’t call my wife shiksa — it’s just too ugly — I guess some connotations soften with time, others don’t.

    My wife is Catholic and Filipina. She says my family is confused about identity. I tell her we had the option of picking what we were interested in with parents who wanted us to be more than that.

    But hey, I try to have some fun with it and hope that our future kids will have a sense of humor about this kind of stuff as well. I mean, if it’s all a burden, why bother? I would hope they’d look at their heritage as rich, interesting (and it is full of interesting people — misfits and troublemakers all) and an interesting place to start from.

    But more importantly, that they understand it isn’t all that they are.

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 10:57 am ¶

23. Amused0472 wrote:

    I’m not bi-racial, but I find this discussion interesting. There was a mini-series on BBC America called “Britz” that tracked two Muslim siblings and how each dealt with being the “other” in the UK post-9/11 and the London subway bombings. One took a path toward assimilation and the other became more politicized.

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 11:47 am ¶

24. Jamerican Muslimah wrote:

    @Amy

    I feel the same way about my Jamaican heritage. I have family members who were born in Jamaica (which in their minds makes them *real* Jamaicans) but aren’t interested in the culture, the politics, the people, don’t travel back home…nothing. Yet, they’re always calling ME the outsider. They’re always joking about ME being less Jamaican than them. (Some of them even tell me I’m not Jamaican). It’s a weird position to be in…and I agree, it’s a breeding ground for resentment.

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 1:47 pm ¶

25. CVT wrote:

    I’m bi-racial (white and Chinese) with an older brother, and we definitely have completely different involvements in race (and Chinese-ness, in particular). Oddly enough, he has always been the more obviously “Asian” kid, and I actually think that’s why he’s LESS involved in his Chinese culture – because it was always more obvious what his background was, he never really had to explain it or think about how much he owned it (or not) in any particular way.

    On the other hand, I’m a lot more ambiguous-looking. I’m an obvious “other,” but not so obviously Chinese. And I think that’s led me to examine my connections more closely, to want to get more educated about my background, really learn the language, travel to China, etc. It’s also caused me to think more in terms of race and being a person of color – because I am identified as so many different races and treated as such.

    My brother is just “Asian.” No conversation. No questions. That’s that.

    In this case, it’s a matter of questioning and being questioned that has led to our differences. And not the “more Asian-looking” one being the one to be more involved in the culture.

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 2:56 pm ¶

26. Melissa wrote:

    Interesting post. My brother and I are half Korean and half Puerto Rican; like you, I feel that I’ve always strived to be connected to my two ethnic/cultural identities at the same time. My (younger brother) on the other hand, seems to seek out identifying himself with other ethnic or cultural groups other than what he actually is. It was almost an entire year there where he identified himself as East Indian because he chose to only hang out with friends of East Indian descent…it seems he is always running away from his ethnic identity.

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 4:45 pm ¶

27. Rchoud wrote:

    How do you normalize yourself to your own blood?

    First I’d like to say how nicely and poignantly well written this post was. Now about the question, the only answer I can think of is to just live and let live through example. Like you I have also started identifying alot more with my Muslim identity lately. With my siblings I just try to show through example that openly identifying as a Muslim is not as giant a hurdle to jump over as some may make it out to be. I don’t want to seem like I’m imposing my newfound identity upon them, so I hardly ever bring it up unless it’s relevant to talk about. Even though they don’t identify as openly as I do with Islam they still respect what I do and also try their best to live it also. And I try to never pass judgment on how others, whether family members or strangers, choose to live their lives and their faith because I wouldn’t want others doing it to me.

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 7:29 pm ¶

28. Glenda wrote:

    Amy:

    it was always my understanding that if the mother of the child is Jewish, then the child is Jewish, no questions asked.

    And I believe even the most religious of Jews will agree to that.

    I am sorry you’ve had a different experience and I am not sure why you did .

    both my parents were Jewish. my sister had a different father from I, who was Italian. (although, we were both brought up Jewish) yet she is much more religious than I, although that’s probably because her husband is religious and mine is not.

    I don’t know if she felt or feels less Jewish than I.
    however, I do feel like a “real Jew” as you put it.

    I think those who convert to Judaism, may not be considered as Jewish by some. my husbands fathers grandmother converted to Judaism, and I often point out to him, that hes 7/8 jewish. it was his mother who told me this, years ago, and when I first mentioned it to him, he said he hadn’t known that, which I found surprising.)
    (I know thinking in these percentages may be ridiculous, but I don’t think I am
    alone.) my daughter then I guess is 1/16th, but I don’t really give that much thought. That may be because its such a small percentage, but also because she’s mine. So I guess I may be kind of illogical about
    this. But frankly, I think much of religion is illogical. (but that’s another post.)

    however, I think if it were a male who converted, I would think differently.

    the thing about converting to Judaism later in life, is that you haven’t grown up feeling different. in this country, I believe, it is
    automatically assumed you are Christian, unless you say otherwise. So I often feel I must identify myself as Jewish. also do this to avoid hearing negative comments about Jews.

    When I was in school, and first saw a swastika, even though I didn’t
    know what it was, I was fearful of it. I think that somehow, in my experiences, I was exposed to the symbol in a negative way. Which is unlike the experience a person who converts to Judaism later in life would have.

    usually, when someone asks you “what you are”, Jews will say Jewish, but most others
    will identify their ethnicity, eg Italian or Irish.

    Earlier today, one of my staff was going to the bank, so I joked to him, bring me some money back with you. And he said, oh, you don’t need money, you have a lot of it.
    This may be because I have a mid management position, or this may be
    because I am Jewish. Often when money is mentioned to me, my antennae go up.
    (frankly, I was offended by his comment, and told him so, tho i didn’t mention the possible religious aspect of it.) so, as a born jew, i have this mindset, that i dont think converted jews have.

    I know I was all over the place here, and I apologize for any incoherency.

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 8:51 pm ¶

29. Nia wrote:

    Thanks for posting this article.

    I am mixed race, Black, Lebanese and Hungarian. My sister and I struggle with similar issues in different ways. I strongly identify as Black and don’t really identify as Jewish, despite the fact that my mom is Jewish (though her family disowned her for marrying a non-Jew/Black man.) My sister identifies as Jewish but doesn’t really seem to ID as Black.

    I conducted research this semester for school about relationships in multiracial families and found that in many families, all the multiracial siblings identify as multiracial, but not all as people of color. For example, I identify as mixed and as a POC, and my sister IDs as biracial but not as a POC necessarily. I never knew that other families were like mine in this way, although it confirms previous research that had been done by Maria P. P. Root in her Biracial Sibling Project, which you can download online.

    The term person of color seems to denote an important political distinction between people who see themselves as just being mixed and people who see their mixedness as an important aspect of their identity and/or politicially align themselves with other people of color, in my opinion and experience. Its is an interesting phenomenon, but can leave us pretty lonely at times.

    Posted 24 Dec 2008 at 10:55 pm ¶

30. Korolev wrote:

    It’s an interesting read – I myself have dealt with a few issues raised in that post. My siblings and I never encountered much racism, given how “white” or Caucasian we look. My sister is the most European looking of us, with me following close behind. Almost everyone I know immediately thought I was white when they met me, and indeed, many people think I am just Caucasian. Out of the three of us, only my Brother looks a bit Chinese. This had a few effects on us – my Sister is the only one who speaks Chinese, yet her cultural focus seems to be on England, and English culture, particularly Victorian-Era English culture. She knows about Chinese culture and eats more Chinese food than I do, though. But she certainly does not identify with the Chinese, or identify as Chinese. She does, however, identify herself as half-Chinese.

    My brother is the most chinese looking of all of us – but he is also perhaps the “Whitest” in terms of culture, of all of us.

    Myself…. well, I grew up without much self-consciousness when it came to biracial identity. It was never an issue with me, having a Chinese Mother and an English Father. I was never teased or insulted for it, indeed, no one ever brought it up with me, and so I grew up thinking that it was perfectly normal. I never thought it odd that I had two parents of a different race; I never really distinguished between Chinese and White, either. The only time I even slightly noticed it when I was young was when my relatives came over, and I couldn’t talk with my maternal grandmother because she didn’t know any English (except for the words Hot, Cold and Water). As a result, I never felt close to my maternal grandmother. But she’s a good person, from what I can tell. Although very superstitious and spiritual.

    As a result, I never had to identify as either White or Chinese or Biracial. For a while, I thought I was Malaysian because I was born there, but I soon learned that indeed, I was Australian because that’s the passport I hold. For the most part, I simply identified with myself – I was me. I wasn’t White, or Chinese or Halfsie – I was simply myself and no one else, and that helped form my identity.

    And that’s the view I hold. Obviously, in terms of ethnicity, I would classify myself as mixed Anglo-Sino. Because that’s the simple genetic fact. But I learned that race is not really a determinate of personality. My racial background did have an effect – I grew up eating rice and lean meat and drinking Ginseng. I also know more about Chinese culture and history than most people. I like Chinese paintings and architecture. But I’m not Chinese. When I go into any Chinese place or market, I am treated as if I’m white or half-Chinese. But at the same time, I’m not white, and I don’t feel very close to modern Caucasian culture. So I’m just… me. I am human. I am ne..

    Identifying oneself as an individual human, first and foremost, has its pro’s and con’s.

    Pro:
    1) I’m not confined to thinking of myself as a “type” of person, so I don’t have to force myself to act in a certain way. There isn’t some guideline I have to follow. I’m allowed to like and hate what I want. I don’t have to feel an obligation to a culture.
    2) I don’t have to identify with any group, so I don’t have to hate or support any groups. I’m human, and I view the human species in its entirety.
    3) Since all cultures are human cultures, I’m allowed to enjoy, criticize, and partake of any culture under the sun. Because I am human and they are human. I belong to everyone and everyone belongs to me. I am part of the species, not a subsection of it.
    4) I don’t feel shame or pride or anger at the various events in history. I have no shame at the massive Chinese defeat in World War 2. I don’t feel shame at what the British did in Africa – of course, what the British did in Africa, and what the Chinese went through in the Second World War, were horrible things and I feel sad, but I feel sad as a HUMAN. Whenever some race or country does something bad, I don’t feel as if I have to defend it or feel angry at it or feel the need for revenge. It allows me to have a much more moderate and unbiased view of history. It doesn’t allow the emotional side of racial history to “get” to you. When the Africans won independence from the British, I was glad and I felt happy for them. When the Japanese develop the latest solar-cell, I feel proud of the scientific accomplishments of the species. When the Germans killed millions of Jews in WW2, I felt the shame that one feels when one’s fellow human has done such evil. All of human history belongs to me, all the achievements and all the horrors. We are one species. What history has taught me is that all people, everywhere, are capable of the greatest things and the most terrible things, and I feel as if every one of those events make up my history. The world’s history belongs to everyone.

    There aren’t really many cons to having this outlook – sure you can’t really rally behind a group of people or feel as if you are “one” of your race. But it allows you to be independent. No one can tell you how to act, or who to be loyal to. You get to form you OWN identity, because at the end of the day YOU ARE YOU and NO ONE else. I don’t feel any pressure to “defend” Asians or White people or act like them. I act like how I want to act, I eat what foods I want to eat, I speak what language I want to speak and I listen to what music I want to like. And I choose it. I don’t want to let my ethnicity get in the way because I truly believe that ethnicity shouldn’t be significant in the formation of a person’s identity. We are ALL human. Race is biologically insignificant, and genetics PROVES this. We are all individual people. We should act like human beings. Being human is the only thing that is important.

    Now sure, people will treat you differently if they can identify you as not being of their race – but are you going to let what other people say affect you? Are you going let them have that power over you? With me, a few Chinese people have tried to say “your just white”. But that didn’t change how I viewed myself. I don’t view myself as White, despite being thought of as White by most people. And I’m not Chinese either. I’m just me. Everyone is just themself. They should all just be themself.

    Posted 26 Dec 2008 at 12:31 pm ¶

31. DL wrote:

    CVT, you sound shockingly similar to my sister. We are also both half Chinese and in this case, I am the brother who looks more Chinese and she more ambiguous and shes off in China learning Chinese, hopefully, while I spent a semester in Berlin, learning German, for no reason other than, well, no reason (no German blood too in case you are curious).

    I think this is an interesting thing to look at because right now I would probably say my sister, who looks more ambiguous, is “more into” Chinese culture and the like, and from what I can tell from her program there are a lot of biracial kids doing similar things, but for most of our lives it has been the total opposite. I always had more Asian friends, in general, and she more white friends.

    I think to some extent the idea that because one is already accepted as one thing, in my case asian, one will lash out against it, against being confined in a box, by maybe trying to act less chinese, because to do so would possibly only make it easier for others to categorize you. So to some extent, being able to choose is kind of a luxury. From an insider chinese point of view, my sister may be viewed as more chinese because she speaks chinese, or at least some chinese, whereas i speak almost none, and has been to china and the like, and she has even gone down a somewhat stereotypical path for education and profession (she’s hoping to be a doctor). But given all that, form an outsider point of view, which is far more people in America and the people we interact with on a daily basis, I come off as more chinese, if only because people make snap judgments based on how I look or who I hang out with, and so I do feel less a need to connect with my asian roots, though the guilt about not doing so does persist.

    Sorry if this rambled a bit these little text boxes are terrible for organizing thoughts.

    Posted 27 Dec 2008 at 11:30 am ¶

32. gatamala wrote:

    Talking about race and culture is viewed in America society as being an angry thing and angry thing in a female package is much more palatable to the mainstream.

    Because you know even if you’re a woman who embraces your culture the people of power who are white men usually can still have sex with you.

    browne & UPG~

    consider that most cultures immigrant and non-immigrant (from a UK/US pov), have different expectations and restrictions for females. Males get more “freedom” to partake in the dominant culture.

    browne~does that hold true for black American females??

    Last time I checked sex cuts both (all) ways.

    Posted 27 Dec 2008 at 4:08 pm ¶

33. Audrey wrote:

    I am mixed race, and mixed nationality.

    I think however, if you are born in the States and have parents from Iran that makes you American and not Iranian.

    The problem imo, is that many assume Americans are either white or black, and anyone else as belonging to a different region or of a different nationality, even when they obviously have a harlem accent like Sheena on ANTM.

    The closest might be a Persian race, but there is no Iranian race. If one examines the concept of race closer, there is neither an Asian race, nor even a Chinese, White or Black race. There is no scientific basis for race at all.

    I myself used to think I had a British grandfather, until I realized that he is actually Malaysian, because that is where he was born, raised, and spent his life at.

    I think if one is classified as white or black and American, there is no conflict between where one is from, one defines a fake construct of race, and the other defines the country you are associated with. However when one is classified as Asian American or Indo-American, or Middle-Eastern American there is an implicit meaning that the non-white or non-black person must not be American.

    Posted 27 Dec 2008 at 4:49 pm ¶

34. browne wrote:

    In America I don’t really think it’s a freeing thing to have to conform. I think being accepted for who you are is more freeing. I’m not saying sexism doesn’t exist in ethnic minority communities, but I’m saying that we as women of color should not try to play this game where we don’t acknowledge in some ways it’s alot tougher on a guy in regards to acceptance in SOME ways not all, but some ways.

    Look at Obama and Michele. Michele could never be who she is if she were a guy and Obama has to be the nicest person in the world 24/7 because he is a man of color and he fully understands that men of color (black, latino, asian) are not let through the door if they even get a little annoyed the way everyone does. Our men are held to a higher standard by society, higher than even us.

    Who is demonized and stereotyped the most in Asian and black culture: the men. We women are simply victims of them and if you write stories and do plays where you play into that evil Asian man, evil Black man, evil Latino man you will go far. I’m not ready to throw our men under the bus for fame in glory the economy is not that bad yet…lol…

    And the reason for that is the fact that in America white men are in charge for the most part and for a white guy (baby boomers and older generation X) I think the idea of a woman of color is a more acceptable and safer than a man of color.

    I can talk about race all day, have dreads, talk about white patriarchy and yet and still socialize with white people. I can still date, marry and have a comfortable life with a white man. My male equivalent would not have that chance. He is going to have to wear a suit, have a good job, not be too weird…etc…

    I’ve seen how guys of color are treated. I’ve seen how biracial guys are treated (pretty much the same as people who aren’t biracial) and its vastly different than their female equivalents.

    A guy of color has to try a lot harder in social situations to fit in with mainstream culture if they care. They don’t have the luxury to be themselves.

    I can walk the streets and take the bus and ride my bike a man of color he needs to have a car or risk being jacked or messed with. Being a woman puts people at ease they don’t think you can actually do anything. I’m not saying it is right I’m just calling it how I see it.

    That’s why men of color are WAY more conservative than their women equivalents in academia, art, wherever.

    I’m referring to the relationship ethnic minorities have with white people, not the inner workings of our own community.

    And as far as giving the freedom to participate in American or Western mainstream culture I think in general with few exceptions women of color (if you compare ALL women of color in US, Canada, the UK) are more likely statistically to marry white men than men of color to marry a white woman, so apparently all of this freedom doesn’t really matter, because the women of color in some ways are still more accepted.

    Browne

    Posted 27 Dec 2008 at 5:05 pm ¶

35. Restructure! wrote:

    @Korolev:

    Identifying oneself as an individual human, first and foremost, has its pro’s and con’s.

    Pro:

    1) I’m not confined to thinking of myself as a “type” of person, so I don’t have to force myself to act in a certain way. There isn’t some guideline I have to follow. I’m allowed to like and hate what I want. I don’t have to feel an obligation to a culture.
    2) I don’t have to identify with any group, so I don’t have to hate or support any groups. I’m human, and I view the human species in its entirety.
    3) Since all cultures are human cultures, I’m allowed to enjoy, criticize, and partake of any culture under the sun. Because I am human and they are human. I belong to everyone and everyone belongs to me. I am part of the species, not a subsection of it.
    4) I don’t feel shame or pride or anger at the various events in history. I have no shame at the massive Chinese defeat in World War 2. I don’t feel shame at what the British did in Africa – of course, what the British did in Africa, and what the Chinese went through in the Second World War, were horrible things and I feel sad, but I feel sad as a HUMAN. Whenever some race or country does something bad, I don’t feel as if I have to defend it or feel angry at it or feel the need for revenge. It allows me to have a much more moderate and unbiased view of history. It doesn’t allow the emotional side of racial history to “get” to you. When the Africans won independence from the British, I was glad and I felt happy for them. When the Japanese develop the latest solar-cell, I feel proud of the scientific accomplishments of the species. When the Germans killed millions of Jews in WW2, I felt the shame that one feels when one’s fellow human has done such evil. All of human history belongs to me, all the achievements and all the horrors. We are one species. What history has taught me is that all people, everywhere, are capable of the greatest things and the most terrible things, and I feel as if every one of those events make up my history. The world’s history belongs to everyone.

    Hereditarily, I’m full Chinese, but I also think of myself as an individual first. Just because I’m “monoracial”, it doesn’t mean that I have an extremist and biased (versus moderate and unbiased) view of Chinese history, and it doesn’t mean that I blindly defend and promote anyone who is Chinese.

    I don’t feel any shame about historical Chinese defeats, because I don’t identify with foreigners who died a long time ago, before I was born. Just because I’m hereditarily full Chinese, it doesn’t mean that I feel the need to take revenge or that I feel solidarity with strangers who happen to share my ethnicity.

    Sometimes I read half-Chinese mixed people write things like this, implying that because they are only half Chinese, they are not stereotypical Chinese people and aren’t part of a monolith. However, people who are “monoracial” are not walking caricatures or monoliths, either.

    Just because I “look the same” as other full Chinese people to you, and you look more unique because of your biracial heritage, it doesn’t mean that I am one-dimensional and you are complex.

    When I go into any Chinese place or market, I am treated as if I’m white or half-Chinese as well, because of my language and mannerisms and culture. I really don’t fit in with other Chinese people and they see me as an outsider. Just because I “look the same”, it doesn’t mean that I’m actually the same.

    Posted 28 Dec 2008 at 1:19 am ¶

36. Crystal wrote:

    I’m half Chinese, half white and have a brother who’s 1.5 years older than I. We could both pass for white or “exotic” with people finding it very hard to pinpoint “what” we are. I strongly identify with my bi-racial heritage, while my brother has identified so strongly as white he has changed his last name to an Anglophone one. I think how you identify yourself depends strongly on your relationship with one or other of your parents and the messages that you receive through the race that they are.

    Posted 29 Dec 2008 at 4:15 pm ¶

37. Fatemeh wrote:

    @ Audrey: “I think however, if you are born in the States and have parents from Iran that makes you American and not Iranian.”

    That is a matter of personal preference, really. I am Iranian in the eyes of the Iranian government: I am eligible for an Iranian birth certificate, ID card, and passport.

    I think, however, that if I was not able to have dual citizenship, it would still be a matter of self-identification: blacks born in the U.S. are considered African American, but many of them will not have a citizenship link to any specific African country. From a citizenship perspective, we are all American if we’re born in the U.S., but that label by itself discounts ethnicities, other citizenships, and other identities.

    While Iran is a nation and not a race, the country comes with a specific culture that many different ethnic groups within Iran observe, partake in, and contribute to. Since I identify with the majority culture (one that is made up largely by Iran’s largest ethnicity), I identify as Iranian.

    Posted 30 Dec 2008 at 1:49 pm ¶

38. Zahra wrote:

    Wow–what a beautiful post, and what honesty in so many of these stories.

    The bisexual activist Victor Raymond has said that being raised in a strongly Native American family, and with an older brother who really embraced their Sioux heritage, pushed him to investigate and explore his Scottishness (including learning the bagpipe and wearing a kilt).

    The anecdote has always stuck with me; I think it reminds me of the way that my sister and I have picked different aspects of our heritage to carry.

    Posted 30 Dec 2008 at 6:04 pm ¶

39. pilot wrote:

    Thanks for this post!
    From what my friends tell me, and my own experience, I think that many mixed heritage siblings go through a similar experience. In my case, it was always my younger brother who was more in touch with our Korean heritage. Regrettably, I had always struggled to fit in, trying to ‘pass,’ even lying about my heritage sometimes. As I got older, my brother’s interest really helped me get a hold of my issues with my identity.

    While I think the claim that it’s easier to be an ethnic woman than man could point to why more women tend to identify stronger with their ethnic identities than men, I think it could also go the opposite direction, as it did in my case. I think that as a woman, it was much easier for me to be accepted in white society. While my brother almost always dated other Asian-American girls in high school, I dated both white and non-white boys. It wasn’t until later that I really started to think of this in terms of our racial identity.

    One thing that continues to both irk and interest me today is the huge effect that outsiders have had on creating this rift between our identities. Even today, people point out how one of us looks more white or Asian than the other, how we don’t or do look alike, or our resemblance (or lack of) to our parents. As a child, I remember hearing this all the time, either from other kids trying to bully us, or from well-meaning adults commenting on how cute the ‘oriental-looking one’ was. We even tend to get comments like this from other mixed heritage people. Siblings are usually competitive, but I always felt this heavy pressure to run a ‘racial competition’ with my brother, more from outsiders than from members of our own family. I wonder if you guys have similar stories… I always wondered if I was just overly sensitive…

    Posted 30 Dec 2008 at 10:38 pm ¶

40. Hokayshenao wrote:

    I believe siblings should get to know their racial possiblities even if they do not share the characteristics physically. My sister is a sharp contrast in her apprecialtion for African American culture. Her takes on life and views about American society are her own and usually are historically accurate. My life is eccentric and extends through Pop-American culture. We are nine years apart; however, if we were closer I feel out personalities would still guide us to be opposites.

    Posted 01 Jan 2009 at 10:05 pm ¶

41. amy wrote:

    Yes – I have two biracial daughters, 10 and 7. The older one has always considered herself black and the younger one white, for whatever reason. Of course, I don’t know what those designations really “mean” to them. The oldest one has recently started to insist that black and white are a social construct (which, while true, doesn’t really diminish its significance), and that we are all “tan”! Personally I admire her pragmatic and idealistic approach, although I am curious to see how it’s received out in the world!

    Posted 06 Jan 2009 at 11:05 am ¶