Friday Chuckle: We Need More Accurate Reporting
by Guest Contributor Anonymous
“Are Americans Ready for a Black President?” is a one of those news headlines circulating on the web.
So people call Obama black and McCain white, but I just did an algorithmic test. I measured the color of a large rectangle of each person’s forehead based on Wikipedia’s photo of them. A photo editing application will tell you the average color of that area. I then opened the WhatColor program, which will tell you the approximate color name for any color you point your mouse over. Using a rectangle filled with the calculated base color of Obama’s and McCain’s foreheads, I was thus able to pick the correct color names for Obama and McCain, which are, in this order:
- Tan
- Dark-Salmon
As you can see, large parts of US campaign coverage may need to be rewritten now. People who think referring to a person’s color is important should now use phrasing like “tanned Obama” or “dark-salmoned McCain”. You may of course also use the terms
“African-American” (for Obama) and “European-American” (for McCain).
And now, I’d like to see some “Are Americans Ready for a Dark-Salmoned President?” headlines. I’ll provide you with my answer to that question, too: yes, they are.
Just not this dark-salmoned one, please.
Carmen Van Kerckhove is co-founder and president of
Jas wrote:
lol nice. I laughed at Dark-Salmon
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 8:12 am ¶
crogirl wrote:
That is hilarious!
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 8:34 am ¶
DEAF FEMINIST PUNK!! wrote:
I am so goddamned sick of anti-Obama assholes who don’t want a “black” person running for office. If racist assholes hate Blacks, Gays, Jews, Muslims, and Mexicans, etc. so much, then they should get the fuck out of the United States and go live in a remote cave somewhere that has no human beings to deal with.
I am so fucking sick of the racist , anti-Obama coverage. yes, we have a non-white person running for office!!!! big fucking deal.
Last time I checked, this nation is called the United States of America, not “United States of White People”
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 8:42 am ¶
dave wrote:
“dark-salmoned” made me laugh too …
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 9:21 am ¶
DiosaNegra1967 wrote:
y’know….historically, once upon a time it was FASHIONABLE to have paler skin….it was a sign of privilege….
now, having tanned skin is the sign of PRIVILEGE….so, wouldn’t it make sense that our commander-in-chief have that PRIVILEGED look as well.. as “Americans” tend to look at themselves as “better off” than everyone else in the world?
*snark over*
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 9:22 am ¶
JC wrote:
I think “dark-salmon” is just a euphemism for “diseased-pink”. I personally think we should give European-Americans a new color-based name “Pink-Americans”. A lot of Asians are closer to the true whitish color than the Caucasians, who are just various shades of pink.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 10:59 am ¶
Ike wrote:
“A lot of Asians are closer to the true whitish color than the Caucasians”
Nuh-uh. According to a study I just did by putting my hand on my computer screen and comparing it to different colors, I’m closest to “burlywood”. Whatever that means.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 11:07 am ¶
Diana wrote:
I prefer to identify as cocoa-brown myself. Although I am strictly Obama all the way, as a positive for McCain, I note that at least salmon is chock full of Omega 3
LOL
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 11:33 am ¶
Celeste wrote:
Totally off topic but does anyone know more about MCain’s VP pick? I think he’s try to steal the “Hilary Clinton Democrats”
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 12:21 pm ¶
Misspelled wrote:
According to the Sherwin-Williams website, I’m more of a “Soft Apricot” or “Certain Peach” than white.
Of course, in different lighting, I was “Folksy Gold” and “Mellow Coral,” so who knows.
Lowe’s: Let’s build something mellow-coral-colored together.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 12:23 pm ¶
Brian Johnson wrote:
Well, I always suspected there was something fishy about the McCain campaign, but… (couldn’t resist, sorry)
Seriously, I don’t pretend that I “don’t notice a person’s color,” but it sure isn’t what I think about when I consider whether I want their finger hovering over the Big Red Button.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 12:40 pm ¶
PureGracefulTree wrote:
Oh, thank you all so much for the smiles! I find the work of anti-racism so tiring at times even as I am compelled to keep going no matter what the price, and it’s such a relief to be able to just laugh a little among kindred spirits. (”Diseased-pink”, eewww)
From the moccasin-colored Asian
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 12:45 pm ¶
Mhari wrote:
Appropriate, since McCain stinks.
/not a fan of salmon
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 12:46 pm ¶
Dan wrote:
Dark Salmon sounds like the name of a Ninja Turtles villain.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 1:02 pm ¶
NancyP wrote:
Ewwwww! You just HAD to ruin my favorite meal, salmon and veggies. Now I will associate it with the Wrinkled Face.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 1:21 pm ¶
gatamala wrote:
(1) I’m not black; I look like a 3 musketeers or a Mars bar
(2) GOP Polls have revealed that his dermatological oncologist’s astaxanthin/canthaxanthin injections, which give him that wild salmon-y look, are at least a 5 point bump.
http://www.foodsafetynetwork.ca/en/article-details.php?a=2&c=8&sc=291&id=584
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 1:50 pm ¶
Jha wrote:
Wow, this post and comment thread is making my entire week.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 2:18 pm ¶
coco wrote:
When I volunteered on an archeological dig, aka “field school,” we used Munsell’s soil classifications to identify the mix of the earth we were digging in. The varying degrees of organic matter, clay, and stone affect the earth’s color.
We got a kick out of munselling ourselves at the beginning of the summer and again at the end.
Some worried that they wouldn’t be represented in the book, but the colors range from pale cream through a rich range of earthy browns.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 2:51 pm ¶
Lakergrrl wrote:
According to my mother I’m teddy bear brown
@ Dan
Come on now. TMNT can’t have two pink super villians and Krang had firstys.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 3:31 pm ¶
Joseph wrote:
I went out with a girl in high school who called herself “beige” and pronounced me “peach.”
I often wonder if she went on to name paint.
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 6:40 pm ¶
Mylie wrote:
Lakergirl, I’m teddy bear brown too! My friend’s adorable little brother used to call me teddy bear because I was the same color as his. His sister, my friend, said that I was an “oopsy doopsy oreo” aka “tan.”
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 7:15 pm ¶
Britta wrote:
Do you remember the skin tone tempera paints? At my elementary school, we had this range of skin tone paints, going from something like “wheat” to “ebony” with all the shades in between, including things like “fawn,” “cinnamon,” and “toast.” Everyone in the class had to pick the shade closest to their skin, and we made a chart to demonstrate the diversity of skin tones beyond labels like black and white. My guess, based on somewhat hazy memory, is Obama would be around “fawn” and McCain might be around “melon.”
Posted 29 Aug 2008 at 8:17 pm ¶
Zora wrote:
Heh. And may I – someone who is at most light salmon, really almost reflectively white – say that McCain might come out dark-salmon in your test (and in my mind, that “l” in salmon is definitely pronounced), but to me, that man, with his lack of neck/shoulder distinction and his white hair/white face thing… may I just say that he looks not like a salmon to me, but like a maggot?
I mean, it’s not the reason I wouldn’t vote for him, but seriously, the man looks like he and his minions would crawl on dead flesh.
Posted 30 Aug 2008 at 12:03 am ¶
Tara K. wrote:
For whateve reason, “dark salmon” seems really appropriate for McCain. Like he’s a rotten fish or something.
McCain’s color varies a lot, depending on how much makeup he’s wearing. You could do an entire study on the different gross colors of his forehead. I estimate, on his gray-skinned days, he’d be more like “pasty oyster.”
Posted 30 Aug 2008 at 3:43 pm ¶
Robyn wrote:
I’m pasty white, have sunburn, and you can see my veins through my skin. Red, white, and blue. Those Republicans can’t dare call this liberal un-patriotic.
Posted 01 Sep 2008 at 1:50 am ¶
bdsista wrote:
Well, the guys in the choir at Tuskegee used to call me Mocha Chocolatta! which went well with my big white shades with my initials in rhinestones in the corners. can ya say Bootsy?
Posted 01 Sep 2008 at 4:14 pm ¶
CL wrote:
People of No Color are not amused.
Posted 02 Sep 2008 at 4:23 pm ¶
Monia wrote:
I had an old white man tell me, after looking me over with great intensity, that I was hazelnut colored….wait, was he really white?…maybe off-white…
Posted 04 Oct 2008 at 9:15 pm ¶