by Latoya Peterson
This is what I have been waiting for.
And, of course, it does not disappoint.
You see when we talk about pretty , I’m not sure we’re talking about the same thing, not to mention to cling to pretty even in CHALLENGING the concept ( I WILL REJECT ALL THINGS THAT I SEE AS PRETTY CAUSE EVERYTHING MEANS THE SAME TO EVERYONE) makes me nauseaus.
You see in my life as WOC , pretty has had fuck all to do with attractiveness, vibrancy, or sexuality , it has had everything with a validation.
A validation that includes protection, ownership, and often the use of these things to pit women agianst each other, sometimes by patriarchial interests, OFTEN by racist thematics, and sometimes love itself.
Personally, I am beautiful. It is strange to say because dear god it sounds conceited and I am trying my darndest not to post any pictures , but even in the glaringly Eurocentric run studies about symmetry and youthfulness and clearness of skin and bountifulness of hair ETc.ETC.
I am doing okay.
I am not however in any way European featured , not in the slightest not by a long shot. My look comes with the music of steel pans and African drums some sitars and strings with a light note of pipes . My walk is all drums all the time.
I am always black.
And I am not pretty .
I recognize that we live in two worlds: one that was created FOR us and one that is created BY us. Creating our own world that doesn’t destroy us and make us susceptible to the needs and desires of the other world is exceedingly difficult; it requires us to be self aware and have a great deal of self determination. This is why the hair/skin complexion issue is so messy: how much of our decisions are based on us and how much of our decisions are based on what other people tell us?
“Love is love is love is love”
She says it, she believes it. And I want to believe it. But through all these filters? I only see a phrase which has so many steps before you can understand it in context for it to mean anything- as much as “Can’t we all get along” is used as a dodge for fucked up behavior. I can’t say love is love, because love is only love if it isn’t actually a word taped onto the stuff above.
“I love you” is a phrase I heard repeated so many times in high school, between the circle of 5 white guys who dated the same 5 asian girls. I guess each of them loved each of the girls the same way they loved the other 4- as objects, as fetishes, as special acquisitions, oriental treats. I’m sure the girls loved each of the guys as they loved the other ones too- interesting they didn’t date anyone else given that the school was almost 50/50 white and black. Funny how all these people who don’t see color manage to date only one color, all the time.
“I can’t believe you’re against racism and you’ll only date asian women!”
Of course, I never said I would only date asian women- I only said I wouldn’t date white women. How sad and how fucked up the mentality that if I’m not dating white women, I must mean I only date asian women. I even explained that a) this is a choice for myself, and not something I advocate to anyone else, and that b) it has to do with the fact that I don’t feel like dealing with white privilege on top of everything else with a relationship. Somehow, my choice to not have sex with white people was racist- oppressing white people through denial of my cock.
Apparently, a lot of people hold my cock in much higher esteem than I do. And they’ve never seen it. I guess word gets around?
Actually, it’s about the basic privilege issue of hearing the word, “No.” It upsets the hierarchy. Everyone is supposed to lust for white women. I mean, Ming the Merciless, Fu Manchu, Long Duk Dong, dude from Vanishing Son and Chow Yun Fat in Pirates of the Carribean have totally proven the scientific fact that asian men are totally enraptured by the white wimminz, except we lack the savagery of the Brute or the Deviousness of the Jew to pose a real, credible threat.
My choice to say no dethrones white women from the vaunted prize position. It’s not even about me- it’s about me choosing to date WOC over white women, and not tied by some foolish “I can only date my own” logic. Cause, you know, no way would anyone sane choose say, a brown woman over a white woman.