Pride Magazine: Looking into a Mirror Across the Pond
by Racialicious Special Correspondent Latoya Peterson
I always chuckle to myself when I hear someone say that other countries don’t have the same problems with race in the way we do in the US. I guess we aren’t reading the same media.
On my most recent perusal through the periodicals section of the bookstore,* I happened to come across a new imported magazine called Pride. The tagline reads “Celebrating the woman of colour.” I grabbed the magazine, excited at the potential. Is this finally the magazine that realizes that a black girl may have a latina or Asian or Arabic friend? Am I going to be treated to multicultural women perspectives?
Alas, no. Pride is geared toward black women in the UK. However, my disappointment was short lived as Pride is a treasure trove of perspectives on being black and British - which sound remarkably similar to being black and American.
In the Sista Circle section of the November 2007 issue, author Vanessa Walters chronicles the problems involved in dating a “wasteman:”
When Darwin developed his theory of evolution, he clearly forgot about the Wasteman - the man who hunts women and gathers children but doesn’t provide; the man not in the history books because he has no official name, just several aliases - one for every manor. Like Samuel L Jackson in The Long Kiss Goodnight, he’s Frank and Ernest: in New York he’s Frank and in Chicago he’s Ernest.
My ex was a classic wasteman. I used to carry a box of eggs in the glove compartment of my car; each time I passed his gleaming black BMW (we lived close by) - Kapow! Splat! Boom! Just on of those days that a girl goes through, when she’s angry inside and gonna take it out on you. What on earth did he do to deserve that? Oh, only lie, cheat, slap me in the face, try to bully me into taking out a 10,000 GBP loan for him - you know, the usual.
Whoa, we’re quoting Monica? Well, since we’re dredging up the ghosts of nineties music past, I would like to inform you that your wasteman is a garden variety scrub. Also known as a busta.
Moving on to the Man’s Point of View, Dotun Adebayo continues to stoke the flames of the black gender wars** in “How to Love a Black Man Without Being Shagged Out, Part 1:” ***
Black men are hard work, and when you decide to go soul to soul with a brotha, you’ve only got yourself to blame if you’re not prepared for the stress (and I don’t just mean of the double bed’s springs.) Because black men ain’t built for comfort. We’re rough riders/ Built to last. It’s in our DNA. We’re the survivors in this age of racist misphilosophy. How do you expect us to have gone through all we’ve been through and still be able to hold down a nice, easy, smooth, worry-free relationship?
[…]
So the number one rule in making love to a black man without being shagged out is to have a strong back. Otherwise you’ll snap under the pressure and then you’ll start playa-hatin’ on all brothas just because your man gave you agony and you didn’t have the backbone to hold it down.
Adebayo then asserts that all men have another woman they go to when their regular girl gets to be too much to deal with. (Yes, he did.) He continues his piece by explaining to women why they need to take advice from the woman on the side:
Now I know you ladies will be cussing me for suggesting that you need to learn lessons from the “other woman” about how to make love to your man without getting tired and disillusioned, but hear me out. How else could a woman who knows that she is little more than a curvy lovebox and whose name is scandalized on the streets as a slag or whore still be strong enough to ask your man to do anything he wants just as long as he is prepared to make sweet love to her every now and then? You’ve got everything - the man, the wedding ring, the kids, the beautiful home, the ways and means - while she has nothing but hopes and dreams. Yet she never tires of it. She is never shagged out. So how can you be sitting there telling me that you don’t know how anybody can love a black man without being exhausted from trying when the other woman you man is making love to is coping?
Yes. He. Did. I could spend all day on this article, but the next page holds a conversation called Couchtalk. Carole Campbell asks “Why do we hate seeing success from our own?” It is the British take on the oft-repeated black mantra that “we don’t support our own:”
The problem is that members of our community just do not like to support those of us who reach up and strive for success. This fact was further highlighted this week when I went to an Indian event with a couple of old friends from university. Again, there were a couple of technical hitches, and one poor model actually tripped over and fell off the stage, but everybody leaving the event could only speak about the good parts of the show. They were like a family visiting their uncle’s event: they only focused on the good and were proud of what was achieved.
That is our problem. While we speak of black pride, we do not exhibit much of it when it comes to others trying to excel.
Campbell then trots out a very familiar analogy - a friend’s father decides to “break the Asian monopoly of hair-product shops in Shepherd’s Bush.” Hmm…now where have we seen this discussion before?
I hit a little snag here though:
Prof Milton Brown from Howard University argues that, generally speaking, Afro-Americans support one another, while in the UK that does not happen.
For real? Hmm…sounds like I still hear the same speeches everytime I am around a group of black people discussing economics. Maybe it’s just me.
The rest of the issue covers a lot of the same ground as Essence does - diva style, celebrities, inspirational black women from the community, Karrine Steffans(!)****, Chaka and Solange, dating sins, and fashion.
Overall, it’s an enjoyable read.
Now, back to the bookstore! I need to see if they received December’s issue…if for nothing else than to finish Adebayo’s guide to life.
- - -
* I know, I know, I have a problem. They’re tryna make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no!
** In the last piece, the woman speaking referred to a very specific group of men. The author in this piece says ALL women need to recognize. Hence why he gets charged with fanning the flames of the black gender wars.
*** I completely misinterpreted that statment thanks to my Austin Powers infused grasp of British slang. Shagged in this case does not mean sex. It means tired. Refund your plane tickets, ladies.
**** No, they did not put her under the “inspirational” category.
Carmen Van Kerckhove is co-founder and president of 
mr guy wrote:
And what the heck is that Dotun Adebayo guy talking about?Is he really serious?
A little off topic, but
This is a British magazine right?I know hiphop is a big influence around the world, but I swear hip hop culture is getting a little too much influential in the world.
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 8:35 am ¶
Cynthia wrote:
You know, the first thing I think of when I hear the term “pride” is the LGBT (am I missing any letters?) community, not ethnicity.
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 9:17 am ¶
G.D. wrote:
They even have a ‘Sista Circle.’ oy.
*head explodes*
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 9:17 am ¶
Latoya Peterson wrote:
Mr. Guy - Yes, that man was serious. I got the December issue the other day and they did not finish the column! I feel cheated…I was looking forward to more things to laugh at over brunch.
Pride is British. However, I must say I love hip-hop culture, especially how it is presented in other parts of the world. What are you taking issue with?
Cynthia -
I guess that is what it is associated here with in North America. And I think it’s LGBTQ(2) - the two for queer & questioning, I believe.
GD - This month’s sista circle was on the idea of selling out. I think I’ll do another piece on the December issue as it is more interesting than the last issue (as if that is possible.)
And again, I am having a lot of fun mocking parts of the editorial, but the magazine is pretty solid. It reads like a very strange mix of one part Essence, one part Vibe Vixen, one part Vibe, and 3 parts Today’s Black Woman.
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 9:40 am ¶
gatamala wrote:
This is enough to make me never pick up this magazine.
LP~ I think Mr. Guy is talking about the “rough riders” comment. I found the hiphop-esque slang to be skeevy too.
While in London years ago I picked up a black female mag (I’d know if if I saw it). The editorial started out making snide comments about Black Americans….but all cultural references and trends were from Black Americans.
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 10:15 am ¶
Latoya Peterson wrote:
Gatamala (and Mr. Guy) - Hmm, maybe. Though from the pic, that guy looks like he wouldn’t know hip-hop if it bit him on the arse. That’s just me though.
And yes, I was completely blown that almost ALL of their current events and news section was based on what was happening in America. They were talking about Bill O’Reilly and Donda West. But like I said, more comments are forthcoming. I really want to talk about this “selling out = being successful in a white nation” article that they printed this month.
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 10:19 am ¶
Fiqah wrote:
Wow, I think that all the Black women with strong backbones here will agree with me when I say that this Adebayo fellow is QUITE the catch! Hang on a second…
{Turns head, throws up in mouth}
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 1:16 pm ¶
gatamala wrote:
Isn’t he dreamy Fiqah?
I want to hear him philosophize to me
Because black men ain’t built for comfort. We’re rough riders/ Built to last. It’s in our DNA. We’re the survivors in this age of racist misphilosophy.
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 3:25 pm ¶
Fiqah wrote:
@ gatamala: LOL! I think our genius of Black love is misappropriating a Bob Marley song lyric…giving me yet another reason to go upside his head.
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 4:15 pm ¶
Eccentric1 wrote:
Ah yes. The legendary mythological stereotype of black male hyper-sexual vigor is definitely a mainstay of some magazines aimed at women of color. Combine this with the narrative of a black man who candidly confesses his infidelities and justifies them as just being “part of his nature and DNA”, and you will almost definitely sell a few magazines. Mandingos, Rough-Riders, Back-Breakers, and Professional Boot-Knockers, we salute you! Your tireless vigilance in making sure that no ‘need’ goes unmet, no Babies Mama is left without babies, all clandestine sexual liaisons fill closets full of big ‘ole skeletons, all fantasies are fulfilled, all gullible and emotionally fragile women’s bank accounts are completely plundered, and all your faithful and trusting wives are left shagged out requires full recognition. You even take the time to give magazine interviews to detail your tireless devotion and service is unappreciated! With all low level scrubs and busters standing at attention, looking on in envy, we award you the Platinum, Diamond Studded Player’s Card. This card will grant you automatic unhindered and unquestioned entrance into your place of residence or Babies Mama’s house after you’ve had a hard day of ‘service’. It ends all discussions of where you’ve been, why you’re so late, and why you smell like some other woman’s perfume. Never come home without it!
Posted 16 Jan 2008 at 7:03 pm ¶
HighJive wrote:
pride has been around for a looooong time, the early 90s at least. it has always rivaled essence in terms of featuring decent editorial and stylish photography. in new york, i always found copies at one of the international magazine stores on times square (scanned the images for ad layouts—there are not a lot of good sources for photos of black women, aside from the awful stock images).
Posted 17 Jan 2008 at 12:40 am ¶
Winn wrote:
Eccentric1, LOL! That was too funny! If only Adebayo could write that wittily, we could imagine his fantastical musings were a deliberate parody, instead of a sad and tired attempt at wish fulfillment!
Posted 17 Jan 2008 at 12:49 am ¶
Gregory A. Butler wrote:
Dotun Adebayo’s article is just a tired old retread of the stereotype that “real” Black men are horny pervs who chase anything in a skirt, have 10 different kids with 15 different women, have ginormous penises that never go soft and Black women just have to learn to live with the heartache these “real” brothas cause, cause the sex is just so damned good.
What amazes me is that this kind of sexist crap would get printed in a WOMEN oriented magazine - and that Pride isn’t the only book for sistas that comes out with this sort of garbage.
What is the thinking behind running these kinds of articles - are they trying to convince sistas to stay in bad relationships with emotionally abusive womanizing men?
If so, WHY???
Not to mention the fact that not all brothas fit into that tired-ass stereotype!
I know I don’t!!!
Even worse, I have met sistas who think that if a brotha isn’t a skirt chasing douchebag with multiple baby mamas, he’s not a “real” Black man!
Like my sister’s best friend, who thinks that any Black man over 25 who doesn’t have at least one baby mama is gay.
Or like a sista I used to date who told me I wasn’t a “real Black man” because I have never been in a fistfight or a gunfight.
In other words, articles like this are destructive, in a bunch of ways.
It makes Black men think that being irresponsible perverts who don’t care about the feelings of others is the only way to be a ‘real’ brotha.
And it makes Black women accept abuse from the Dotun Adebayos of the world - and reject decent brothas who know how to treat a woman right.
It’s sad that a magazine called “Pride” would run crap like that in their publication - and that so many other Black women-oriented publications have run similar articles pushing the same rancid misogynist self-hating set of ideas.
Posted 17 Jan 2008 at 9:32 am ¶
thejoyprincess wrote:
Wow, Pride sounds a little lame now….I used to check it out back in the late 90s. It used to puzzle me that it could be so blatantly reliant on Black American culture. Well, at least they are still in publication, I guess…
Posted 17 Jan 2008 at 9:40 am ¶
Alston wrote:
Mr. Butler: Great analysis.
Posted 29 Jan 2008 at 1:28 pm ¶
Michelle Brown wrote:
Today was the first time I heard of your magazine. I’ve always wanted to connect with other people of color around the world. I am from Chicago, Illinois (USA). Regarding your article dating men of color. You do need to be careful, but there are so many good black men. Black men who are feeling the rapture from the previous relationship, while dating this certain woman with baggage. I to have been in the situation of dating a man who belonged to someone else. It was not easy to get over at first. Through time and patience everything works itself out. Thanks
Michelle from Chicago
Moderator’s Note:
Michelle, this article is based on a feature within Pride Magazine, but this site is not affiliated directly with Pride. To comment directly on the piece and to send information to Pride Magazine, please follow this link.
Posted 20 Feb 2008 at 11:35 am ¶
anonymous wrote:
Gregory, I second your opinion but I also believe that some of these magazines are ran or financially supported by men and uninformed women in many instances! Some of these magazines are so focused on getting and impressing men that the interest of women are shunted aside! Anyway, although alot it is self-hate, the joke is on the writer! I think these articles are written sometimes to remind some women what type of person to look out for!. Anyway, regardless of the spirit it is written in-I have no respect for men that follow this way of thinking!
Posted 25 Apr 2008 at 8:45 pm ¶