Ballad for All the Pobrecitas
by Racialicious Special Correspondent Latoya Peterson
i am the girl who you think does not have feelings, because my face has learned not to show you.*
While working at the library last summer, scanning and stamping books, a peculiar sight caught my eye.
A beautiful young woman approached the check out counter. She was petite and delicate, clad in an orange wrap dress and lace up espadrilles. She carried a small child with the same warm brown skin tone as her own. She reached for an adult book, and a voice chastised her in Spanish. A small, squat man stood close to her. She immediately relinquished the book and walked toward the front counters.
She handed me two children’s books. As I took the books from her hands, I saw her face up close.
The brown skin of her cheeks was covered in a powder made for a much fairer woman, giving her face an ashen pallor. Her hair, which appeared to be naturally black at the roots, was a pumpkin shade, harshly colored in hopes of achieving a blond color. She looked at me through blue color contacts.
I involuntarily took in a breath, but managed to recover. I welcomed her to the library, and asked if she found everything alright.
She looked deep into my eyes, giving me a radiant 500-megawatt smile.
My heart twisted.
I wanted to ask her so many questions, starting with the obvious - why did a gorgeous woman want to hide so much of herself? I hesitated, hearing myself automatically discuss the library policies.
The man next to her let lose another harsh string of Spanish. The smile died on her face, and she quickly gathered the child and the books, following him out the door.
I turned my eyes away from her retreating back to assist the next patron.
A few hours later, after my shift, I was still troubled by the scene I witnessed. I called my friend Jefe and described what I had seen, and the heaviness that seemed to take up permanent residence in my chest.
“Pobrecita…” he murmured half to himself.
Remembering that my Sesame Street level Spanish skills obviously did not extend to whatever he was about to express, he switched to English. After explaining to me that pobrecita meant “poor girl,” he collected his thoughts before continuing with his next statement.
“It’s sad to hear about that girl. I mean, how can you hate yourself so much that you hide who you really are?”
i’m the girl who has been shut out because of my weight or my race or the style of my hair, because I say weird things, because of the look on my face, because my timing is always off, because the shapes of my body parts are too big, long, flat, wide, or different.
While Jefe’s assessment may be harsh, I found myself agreeing. It was not the issue of the color contacts or the orangish hair - I don’t believe changing the color or your eyes indicates anything other than you wanted to try a different eye color. People are entitled to change their hair color as often as they like.
The face powder is what catches me every time I think of the girl. A white chalky mask, which did not come close to camouflaging the brown skin underneath. It was the type of color mis-match that could not have been a mistake. She saw her brown skin in the mirror, but instead chose the powder intended for a white woman. And that one, small act changed the significance of her color contacts and her aspiring-to-be-blond hair, taking it from innocent self-expression to something a bit more sinister.
i’m the girl who does nothing with her face. (because make-up makes me feel like a clown.)
Still, I can’t quite blame her. In our current social culture, young women (and young men to a lesser extent) are subjected to thousands of subliminal messages that erode away at self-esteem. You aren’t cute enough. You aren’t sexy enough. You aren’t thin enough. You are nothing without a toned six-pack. All of your features are weird. You don’t make enough money. You can’t afford what we are selling. Your life would be better if you bought our product.
Those insidious messages hover around the subconciousness of most people, waiting for one brutal, exhausting day, when you are exhausted and your self-esteem is ebbing and your high spirits begin to flag. And then they attack, making you feel as though you have utterly failed in the eyes of society.
i’m the girl who goes around with a hat on or my hair in my face. sometimes I keep my coat on, even on hot days. i hide in invisibly colored, baggy clothes, because the less you see of me the safer i feel. (except for that time I showed up in clothes i cut and painted myself, when you said i looked like a loser; believe it or not i was trying for a style, only you didn’t get it, nobody did.)
The messages for people of color are even worse. Not only are we subjected to the same messages, but we receive other silent messages as well. Even something as simple as not finding your color at the makeup counter or in the drugstore aisle sends a very clear message: you are not normal. You are different. And your different is not beautiful.
i am the girl you know as - the one who has the weird brother, the one who works at the CVS store, the one who always wears the tacky shoes, the one who cried that time in gym in the fifth grade, the one who has that ugly mark on her neck, the one rumored to have had sex at age nine.
For us average girls of color, every time we look in the mirror, we have to fight against societal norms in order to like what we see reflected. In an age where Scarlett Johanssen is considered fat, it is extremely difficult to maintain body positivity. It is often argued that different types of women have different builds, and carry weight differently, but how many people actually believe this? How many times do you have to hear that your hair is “too political,”that your accent is distracting, that your eyes are too small, that your hair is not thick enough/long enough/glossy enough, that your body’s natural shape is not acceptable?
on the mornings of every school day, i am the girl who puts on my mask before leaving the house, even though it won’t protect me.
Now, most of us reach a point where we are tired of trying to assimilate. Tired of trying to fit into a mold that was not created with us in mind. We try to look to the proud, rebellious, fabulous women who revel in who they are, defining their own beauty. We find allies wherever we can. We constantly remind ourselves that we are beautiful, that we are loved, that we are courted, that we are worthy of love.
We remind ourselves that we are not stereotypes - we are not ugly, loud, uncouth, hypersexual, submissive. We are not playthings. We remind ourselves that while we may not exist in the realms of fantasy, that we do exist in reality. We are flesh and blood. We are complex. We are three dimensional.
We exist.
So while some may think that beauty politics are a trivial thing, the absence of women of color in mainstream publications, on catwalks, in advertisements is a very subtle way of trying to invalidate our existence. Mass media would like to relegate our existence to an afterthought, a one-inch column in a five-page beauty spread.
In fighting for representation, we are fighting for relevance.
We are fighting to be seen as who we are - outside of the traits and characteristics that are ascribed to us by people who don’t care who we are.
To be acknowledged - to be visible- would put us one step closer to breaking down the walls that separate us from the mainstream. It would allow us to finally be ourselves, and not just a token representation.
And isn’t that worth fighting for?
you don’t need to see my picture because you know who i am.
[*Excerpted from “Dear It Girl,” a short piece in the YA fiction book
The Secret Life of It Girls by Dakota Lane.]
Carmen Van Kerckhove is co-founder and president of 
Angel H. wrote:
Hmm…
That poem sounds too much like me.
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 10:30 am ¶
Lynne wrote:
I’m wondering if the woman in the library looks that way because her man wants her to look that way (which is of course related to what Latoya said above). The guy’s actions indicate that he’s a control freak — not allowing her to look at a book for adults, not allowing her to have a conversation. I’m sure this woman has low self-esteem anyway, being in that sort of relationship. There’s something more going on in that woman’s life than just appearance issues.
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 10:50 am ¶
Jenny Jingles wrote:
Thank you. That was beautiful.
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 11:16 am ¶
B wrote:
Thanks for that. It was a great piece.
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 11:24 am ¶
Latoya Peterson wrote:
Lynne -
I wonder the same thing. Just his manner, his way…and she looked soooo much younger than him. I would have put her age around 19, he looked like he was in his mid 40s, 50s…
And all the light went out of her eyes when he spoke to her - I really wish I knew Spanish so I could understand what they were saying…
Like I said, it still troubles me.
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 12:27 pm ¶
french panic wrote:
This post made me think of Japanese fashion magazines… my sister (not Japanese, but who has spent about 10 years living there) is fascinated with these magazines, mostly because of the absolutely INSANE images contained inside of them. I flipped through one of them (thicker than the thickest issue of Vogue that you can imagine) and quickly realized that absolutely zero of the models were Japanese - they were all either white or a white/Asian hybrid. And the overwhelming majority of the ads were for skin whitening creams. Extremely disturbing.
As was your encounter with this woman trying to be something she is not.
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 1:29 pm ¶
Wendi Muse wrote:
this is a really beautiful piece and i love that it speaks so directly to the overwhelming amount of adversity women of color face not only in terms of beauty but in generally being made to feel the weight of their own worth.
i have to constantly remind myself that despite what society, or news reports, or makeup companies, or stupid celebrities, or magazines, or politicians say about women who look like me, i am still awesome and beautiful.
i feel “invisible” all the time and have no real way of articulating what that feels like to people who don’t understand. somehow, my of color female friends and relatives just “get it” without my having to say much beyond the word. they know because they have felt it too.
it was awesome to see what i think all the time in words.
thanks, latoya.
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 2:58 pm ¶
Jason wrote:
I was just curious about what French Panic wrote about Japanese Fashion Magazines. If the causes of the white standard of beauty are: white cultural dominance, post-colonialism,… how can you explain that the standard of white beauty exists in Japan which has not been colonized, is culturally non-western and has a non-white population?
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 3:04 pm ¶
Karen wrote:
Japan was not colonized but it does have some history with a European country(I think England). Unfortunatly I can’t tell you the specifics because I forgot.
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 11:34 pm ¶
Karen wrote:
“During the sixteenth century, traders and missionaries from Portugal reached Japan for the first time, initiating the Nanban (”southern barbarian”) period of active commercial and cultural exchange between Japan and the West.”
-Wikipedia…
The best I can do for now…
Posted 17 Aug 2007 at 11:36 pm ¶
crista wrote:
to explain white beauty standards without talking about colonialism:
class. If you have darker skin you work outside. you do not have the education or wealth to afford a job in an aircondition (or heated) office out of the sun (whether summer or winter).
The mixed race is class as well. It is assumed if you are off mixed heritage, or associate with those of mixed heritage you can speak English well enough you probably went to an international school, or work in a business that allowed you to meet and form relationships with people who are not only Japanese.
More class: You can afford the whitening beauty products, and your family background is one probably from a higher class (ie. in Japan you are not okinawan or from an indegenous people i forgot the name of the one very discriminated group of people in Japan)
i’m a firm believer white standards of beauty can’t just be attributed to a ”oh we were colonized” and so people decided that their oppressor looked pretty and they wanted to look ”just like them” pretty sure there is a lot more going on than JUST colonialism as the cause.
anyway. if you look at the tan craze in America i think it has alot to do with class as well (i can afford tanning salon and i’m so rich i have leisure and time for vacations to tropical places…etc.)
Posted 18 Aug 2007 at 6:15 pm ¶
latinamericanprinces wrote:
Japan has been “colonized” in a way since the end of WWII. The U.S. (military) presence is very strong. Furthermore, it is part of Japanese culture to mimicry the foreign. Rather than adapting foreign culture or appropriating it, there is a tendency to try to copy it to perfection. “Perfect” mimicry then makes it successfully Japanese (conquering the foreign and keeping it totally exotic). Thus a successful Japanese salsa band (Orquestra de la Luz) played salsa so perfectly that even in Latin America people don’t realize they are not Latin until they see the band live or in pictures. Their success in NY and L Am guaranteed their success in Japan.
So does that mean white women in magazines are exoticized and exploited in Japan?
Posted 19 Aug 2007 at 4:37 am ¶
Latoya Peterson wrote:
French Panic -
Good point about the Japanese Magazines.
1. As an avid reader of J-mags, I do know what you are referring to. I thought it was soooooo weird to see fahion mags in Japan featuring white models. However, I found that was uncommon. While it is true that Japan loves the “all american” or “euro” look, there is literally a magazine for every single style you can think of.
The ones I read - S Cawaii & Egg - feature Japanese models and mixed race models. Not too many white girls, and since Egg tends to slide into manba/ganguro fashion,most of the girls are heavily tanned.
Re: Colonization
I will need to research this a bit more, but Japan does have a love/hate relationship with foreigners who came to Japan. I attended a lecture about Shojo Manga, and the presenter made a fascinating point.
In explaining girls comics from the 1920s-1950s, she showed us two pictures. Both depicted girls who looked white - however, one represented a Japanese girl, the other represented a foreigner.
The speaker said that because Japan resented foreign influence, it became reflected in the art from that time period. So Japanese people ere drawn as more beautiful, to contrast with the image of the foreigners…
I attended the lecture last year, so I don’t recall all the details involved in her explanation. I will try to locate the speaker and see if I can dig up some more info…
Posted 19 Aug 2007 at 12:27 pm ¶
Arisa wrote:
“So does that mean white women in magazines are exoticized and exploited in Japan?”
Can you elaborate?
I have to look at international magazines for my work and I see skin bleaching products in every single woman’s magazine for most of Asia. This is not a Japanese phenomenon. Nor is having surgery to add an epicanthic fold to one’s eyes. A country does not have to have a majority of white people in order to have white aesthetic cultural influence. One only has to turn to popular media.
Posted 19 Aug 2007 at 1:26 pm ¶
EvilAngelfish wrote:
Jason,
Japan has an extremely complex relationship with “the West”, especially with America. Though it was never colonized, Japan was occupied during and after WWII and Western media (primarily American) is responsible for a different sort of colonization of Japanese society. The “white beauty standard” is a source of fascination for many Japanese women and some do try to adopt it (e.g., Hamasaki Ayumi, Amuro Namie). While I was living in Japan, it was extremely rare to encounter a young woman whose hair wasn’t dyed auburn or blond and skin-whitening products were all over the place. Advertisements for health and beauty products frequently use white models/celebrities and the tome-sized fashion magazines often feature eurasian models who have the “double-eyelid” and blond hair.
Posted 19 Aug 2007 at 2:36 pm ¶
Mike wrote:
That was cool
Posted 19 Aug 2007 at 2:54 pm ¶
crista wrote:
i feel very passionate about this issue and feel that we should steer clear of talking about every girl who dyes her hair, uses eyelid glue, and ultra white power, straightens and relaxs her hair etc. is trying to be white because of her society’s colonial past. I think its importat that she is most of all, trying to be ”pretty”
I think its dangerous to look at some Asian magazines, seen whats advertised, and make some judgment calls about what the everday women’s fashion and style choice will be, and thinking she is just following without any internal dialouge as well (does the japanese ganguro trend mean anything in resistance to those ideals???)
I mean if we looked at Vogue and Vogue ads what does that little piece of non-reality saw about reality in America? what would a Japanese girl think?
I think its even MORE dangerous and almost..self centered..to try to look back in the histroy of a nation to find the first contact with white people to make a simple cause=effect relationship of a complex issue regarding beauty ideals. Tale of Gengi has stuff in it about white skin, as does ”The Pillow Book” and other Japanese literature older than world war II influence. The Ramayana talks about skin color. i’m wondering now how many ancient tests talk about it. didn’t someone say on here about shakespere making people with red hair the villians?? i mean lets acknowlege other social/class factors besides just, oh we saw some white people. they took over our country for a while.
Like i said before we are ignoring class and making the issue ”all about the white people”
I think its more about looking pretty, and mimicing the qualities that we are fed by media since birth mean beautiful. Like all the recent articles from foundation covers to Vogue add is all reinforcing ONE beauty ideal and one face, where girls like the one Latoya saw are made to feel inadequate and invisible. Their faces are not on TV. Their stories are not told. They are never the princess. They are never the hero. They never get the girl/guy. I mean its similar in Asian too where the people on commericals are all light skinned and the ”high class” people don’t have dark skin etc. Its really easy to have issues. Like Latoya suggested “fighting for representation, we are fighting for relevance.”
so sorry this comes out a bit mean, but like i said i’m passionate about this. I just dont like when the discussing seems to simplify things and be more about..oh yah those crazy Japanese perpetuate it too. i know it gives the issue more weight (its something EVERYONE faces) and really shows the bredth of white privaledge across the globe,but i think we need to be more aware of the complexity of the issue. i mean how many white girls have issues measuring up to this standard of beauty as well????
Posted 20 Aug 2007 at 12:12 am ¶
Natalie wrote:
I’ve been thin my entire life (Yes, even skinny people have problems, too) and as a result, I have a small chest. I always dreamed of the day I would have that nice, curvy body. I used to stuff my face and drink tons of milk shakes, but that figure never came… I was unhappy until I met my boyfriend last year. He loves me for me and wouldn’t change anything on me.
I’ve always wanted a car in high school and felt like such a loser because I didn’t have one. Kids would also call me a loser because I was the oldest kid in high school (19). I didn’t let that get to me, though. I graduated with honors at 3rd in my class and in the National Honor Society. Now, I have enough scholarships to buy TWO cars! Lol.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is don’t give in to society. The woman with the orange hair and make-up was obviously a very weak person. Like Lynne said, she has very low self esteem and confidence. You have to say no to those temptations to do something extreme to yourself in the name of beauty, wealth, etc. If you can’t say no, then you will eventually end up like that woman. You will be a puppet to society.
Posted 20 Aug 2007 at 12:28 am ¶
lisandra wrote:
This reminds me of the white girls I see who look almost orange with their fake tans. I feel bad for them. They too are trying to live up to some beauty standard that they will never attain because they just don’t have the melanin. I know a lot of white girls who covet my brown skin, just as I know a lot of brown girls who wish they had lighter skin. Do we all just see beauty in what we don’t have, or is this because the light girls want to look more “exotic” and the dark girls want to look more “upper class”?
Posted 20 Aug 2007 at 9:51 am ¶
Michelle wrote:
One on level, women (this is a gross generalization) have a tendency to covet what the don’t have. One girl wants straight hair and another loves curly hair. One wants blond hair, one wants red. One wants big breasts, one wishes her’s were smaller. I don’t know if that is because our society doesn’t teach young girls how to be strong and how to love themselves unconditionally, but I see it as a trend within women and young women especially. So I think that is one issue that we are dealing with when it comes to beauty.
But given the challenges of being a woman, the further you go from the unattainable images of beauty, the more dangerous it can become. Women die to be thin. And I think, by the same token, there are women who are dying to be pretty.
The article says in words what it feels like to be on the periphery of the scale/ladder/spectrum of beauty. I was beginning to think that I was the only woman, outside my small group of girlfriends that are of color, that felt that way. It is nice to know that I am not alone.
Posted 20 Aug 2007 at 4:13 pm ¶
veebot wrote:
I am very passionate about this subject as well. I was born and part raised in the US, fortunately i spent most of youth in NIgeria. we were all black. high class, low class, tall short, educated, noneducated we were all black. I therefore grew up with an exteme amount of self esteme as black woman. when i moved back to the US at 16. i didnt get. i never got why people wanted to look more white.
I wish other ethnicities would realise how beautiful they are blacks, latinos, asians, indians, are stunning. If we all embraced what is beautiful about ourselves we wouldnt have white beauty lorded over us anymore.
Posted 21 Aug 2007 at 3:58 am ¶
Kathleen wrote:
French Panic: “…white/Asian hybrid. And the overwhelming majority of the ads were for skin whitening creams.”
White/ Asian hybrid? I’m half Japanese and half white and until now I’ve never been referred to as a hybrid before. Not sure if I’m amused by it or annoyed.
Also, many people use the skin whitening creams/ bleaches to fade freckles.
Thank you Latoya for your writing. I agree that there isn’t enough diversity in the fashion industry. The mainstream fashion industry is missing out on a lot of beautiful women and men of color.
As a model I have had doors shut on me in the traditional fashion world for being too short (I’m 5′4), being too fat (I weigh 125, 36/24/36), or not “exotic” enough because of my white blood.
There are independent/ alternative photographers and artists who work with beautiful models of all color and shape that aren’t the traditional industry norm. Its too bad that the mainstream publications don’t step out of their “box” and realize that their idea of fashion and beauty isn’t the only one.
Posted 29 Aug 2007 at 4:32 am ¶
french panic wrote:
Kathleen:
“White/ Asian hybrid? I’m half Japanese and half white and until now I’ve never been referred to as a hybrid before. Not sure if I’m amused by it or annoyed.”
You should be annoyed! Please keep in mind that this was a complete ‘off-the-cuff’ remark - I certainly didn’t mean to cause any offence with my poor choice of words. However, by “hybrid” I meant that the women in the magazines often seem so fake and unrealistic anyway - throw in some photoshopping and you have nothing but bowing, complacent, plastic-looking, servile-in-appearance robots.
And of course many women use the bleaching creams to fade freckles. I was remarking on the overwhelming number of ads: literally, 95% of the ads are for whitening creams, and with a magazine targeted to young Japanese women in their 20s, you gotta wonder how many of these Japanese women have such dire freckle problems!
The magazine I mentioned also had a 5 or 6 page spread on exercises you can do to make your breasts “happy”: bigger and perkier. And how that will result in getting more dates. (A cartoon showed how a woman with “sad” and “droopy” breasts was staying home alone on the weekends, while another woman with “happy” and “perky” breasts was being courted by many men.
ugh.
Posted 15 Sep 2007 at 12:19 pm ¶
dakota lane wrote:
latoya (sorry if that is not your name)–
THANK YOU!
to see my work quoted in such a perfect context means SO much to me…the book has not yet hit its audience but knowing it got into your hands
and that it meant something to you–
GIANT SMILE!!!
love what you wrote!
dakota
Posted 05 Nov 2007 at 5:59 pm ¶