Introducing the Adoption Apparel Translator
by guest contributor iBastard, originally published at iBastard
I was adopted in what has come to be called the Baby Scoop Era, the period between the end of World War II and Roe v. Wade when girls were girls, boys were boys, sex education was lacking and little white babies were plentiful. Adoption could be–and often was–kept secret back then, though thankfully my own adoptive parents did not try to pull such a selfish and nasty stunt. However, in any case it certainly was never advertised.
So it’s odd now to see adoptive parents dressing up their adopted children in clothes that proclaim the child’s adoptee status with messages like “I grew in Mommy’s heart!” or the appalling “Mommy’s Lil’ Guatling” (seriously, wtf?). Not that they should be ashamed, of course (there’s already enough bullshit shame in adoption), but when people go out of their way to say something, there’s usually more to it than the literal message. There’s a metamessage (the message behind the message itself) or subtext of some kind.
Discourse on adoption is just loaded with metamessages and subtext, so we here at International Bastard Machines have been working on new translation technology to sniff ‘em out. Today we are proud to announce the first test run of our Adoption Apparel Translator, a device that parses adoption slogans on baby clothes and teases out the subtle messages adoptive parents are really trying to send.
White people adopting from Asia have become so commonplace that the fact that the kid was adopted is probably the first guess people will make upon seeing the whole family together. Why do you suppose adoptive parents feel the need to point it out, then? Let’s fire up the Adoption Apparel Translator and see!
Hmm! I think the AAT could be on to something, here. Googling around tells me that adoptions from China generally run between US $15,000 and $25,000 per ladybug. But is money the only factor? Let’s see…
A-ha! Insecurity over infertility still abounds! I guess adoption isn’t a solution to infertility after all. Now, everyone’s gonna know. And that might be a little hard if you haven’t come to terms with it yet…
Do I even need to explain that one?
But I still feel like we’re missing something here. I think the AAT needs a little more fine tuning. Why would an affluent white couple need to put signs all over their non-white adopted child proclaiming his or her adoptee status to every person who sees them on the street? What message do they feel the need to convey so urgently? Is there some kind of social judgment they’re avoiding? Wait, the AAT is beeping at me, something’s coming through…
Well, what do you know.
Note from CVK:
Looks like iBastard got over his distaste for adoption gear and is launching a new line for parents adopting from Guatemala:
Carmen Van Kerckhove is co-founder and president of 
lurker wrote:
I know this is totally not the point of this post, but why assume infertility?
Posted 08 Aug 2007 at 2:28 pm ¶
Kaywil wrote:
The many times that I’ve heard stories about adoptive parents defending international adoption has been because of infertility issues (or the implicit remarks about it). Check out some of the comments on blogs that discuss international adoptions (Rachel’s Tavern?)…
Posted 08 Aug 2007 at 3:01 pm ¶
Wendi Muse wrote:
wow…this post is l o a d e d, but i am curious to see where others take it.
the commentary presented reminds me a lot of the similar distate i, along with several other commenters, had with the white brit mother who found it difficult to accept her daughter because of her appearance (remember that article?).
children who are transracially/nationally adopted who don’t phenotypically match their parents (in addition to biological children of the same sort) as well as their parents will have enough issues trying to adjust to their situation, explaining that they are a family to the people who like to stare and ask a lot of questions, but this is just like drawing unnecessary, and possibly very unwanted attention to a child that may already be set up to have a lot more identity adjustment issues to face than the average biologically matched family (not sure what the proper term is, but u get the idea).
it also trivializes their situation and family unit, once again turning the adopted child into some sort of accessory you can play dress up with as opposed to your child.
Posted 08 Aug 2007 at 3:12 pm ¶
Sara wrote:
Yeah, I don’t know that it’s appropriate to ridicule people for having trouble with infertility.
Posted 08 Aug 2007 at 3:15 pm ¶
egypt4 wrote:
Heh heh. This is funny. I’m going to share it with some other APs I know.
Posted 08 Aug 2007 at 10:41 pm ¶
iBastard wrote:
Sara, I agree. I also think it’s inappropriate for people to use adopted children as a “solution” to infertility, just as it is inappropriate to use them as a solution to marital problems. It is even worse for them to use adopted children as walking billboards for their issues, which pretty much all of the adoption apparel I’ve seen basically amounts to.
Posted 08 Aug 2007 at 11:07 pm ¶
iBastard wrote:
The comments queue has currently only been processed through #4 so I don’t know what’s pending besides my previous comment, and I will probably be away from blogging for the next six days while I go to meet my natural mother’s family for the first time.
If it helps clear anything up, I write from an adoptee perspective, which incidentally but inevitably touches on issues of race and class. The post was originally written as a reaction to seeing things like this: http://www.cafepress.com/buy/adoption
It goes on for pages and pages, and it doesn’t take long for certain themes to start to stand out. I object to this kind of stuff because, aside from the race issues, it dehumanizes adoptees and tries to erase our backgrounds. For example, “So I’m adopted, you were an accident” — um, most adoptees are accidents, too. But suddenly adoption becomes our origin and is presented in opposition to (accidental) conception. It’s hard not to see shirts like that as coming from the adoptive parents’ failure to come to terms with their own infertility. Perhaps fertile people who choose to adopt would also want to put their child in a shirt like that but I really don’t understand the thinking behind that.
Posted 09 Aug 2007 at 6:03 am ¶
ccch wrote:
Gosh, how can there be shame in adoption?. Did I misread this?. Man, only in the USofA, right?. Or am I being unfair?. Honestly, such sentiments are not held here in Europe where I’m living, people wait years and years before they’re considered and finally allowed to adopt.
Posted 09 Aug 2007 at 8:58 am ¶
joyjoy wrote:
How can there be shame in using a stranger’s child to meet your own needs?
Gee, have no idea…
Posted 09 Aug 2007 at 11:11 pm ¶
spinetingler wrote:
Now that’s funny.
K
adoptee
Posted 10 Aug 2007 at 4:10 pm ¶
Ashley wrote:
Why does adoption have to be seen as a zero-sum situation (reference comment about using a stranger’s child to meet your own needs)? Yes, I may be meeting my need to be a parent, but am I not also meeting my son’s need for a family? Is it not mutually beneficial? Or would it have been better to spend my money on IVF and leave him to grow up in an institution?
And, BTW, it’s not affluence. It’s called creative financing.
Posted 29 Nov 2007 at 1:12 pm ¶
Gwen wrote:
From my perspective working with the foster care system, part of the issue is why so many middle- and upper-middle-class White parents prefer to adopt internationally rather than adopting children right here in our own communities who need homes as well.
I read a fascinating article recently where the author spent time with an adoption support group, and though all the parents expressed that OF COURSE they would consider adopting in the U.S., it quickly became clear that most of them wouldn’t, and that racial attitudes played a big part in that (White women being uncomfortable adopting a Black child for fear that people would think she had sex with a Black man, for instance). It is deeply distressing to me that so many people choose to pay large amounts of money for international adoptions of infants while here, if a child is both non-White and over age 7, their chances of ever getting adopted plummet. There is more going on here than just wanting a child to love–it’s also about determining what TYPE of child you think you can love.
Posted 08 Oct 2008 at 9:16 am ¶
misty wrote:
I am not sure what to think about the above translations of the adoption garb…
I admit to wearing a T-Shirt through the adoption process which read Adopting: Bump Not required. I wanted to share the news that we were building our family…not make a political or other statement. I simply thought it was fun. For me it was much like wearing maternity clothes when I was pregnant with each of my daughters. : )
As for myself, I take no issue with people who choose to adopt outside of their communities. It is a far better thing for them to adopt a child whom they can bond with than one whom they cannot regardless of their race or that of the child. Some people’s hearts are simply more limited than others. It is also however true that for some people international adoption is easier. Domestic adoptions can be over turned. Most international adoptions are settled once the child hits us soil. For some couples it is fear that drives them to adoption outside of their community.
We entered the process a year ago this month, and yes we have the child which we dreamed of. Many couples we knew in the process are still waiting. Some are soon turning to international adoption because they long so for a child and the wait is painful. Some are infertile, some are like my husband and I who always planned to have biological children and adopted children. Some planned to adopt from day one. Though many are seeking a specific adoption situation I commend them for knowing their personal limitations. The idealistic type are the ones who concern me most or those whose hopes plummet to where they will take any child, and then feel regret once they do.
I also state that our adoption situation is a bit on the not often seen side. We are well educated people with three biological children. I am Caucasian/ Hispanic, my husband Caucasian. Our adopted son is African American. For us it was really about adopting the child (braces yourselves people) God wanted for us. We didn’t specify race, we were wide open.
However, we are coming from an ideal situation. My sister and I are multi-racial adoptees. I was three and she was two years of age when we were placed. We were adopted by a middle class Caucasian couple who had a multi-racial extended family. Transracial adoption has been a very real part of my life since the late 70’s.
Most importantly however…I have never felt shame in regard to being an adoptee nor would I be offended by a shirt stating that “I grew in my mommy’s heart.” The couple who adopted my sister and I had three biological children before we came along. They didn’t do it for reasons of infertility, they like my husband and I were simply moved to grow their family through adoption.
Perhaps some people do have hidden meaning behind the shirts they or their children wear. However, I doubt that is true of everyone and feel the translations above are very harsh and unfair.
Posted 17 Oct 2008 at 9:11 pm ¶