Introducing the Adoption Apparel Translator

By Guest Contributor On August 8, 2007 · 15 Comments

by guest contributor iBastard, originally published at iBastard

I was adopted in what has come to be called the Baby Scoop Era, the period between the end of World War II and Roe v. Wade when girls were girls, boys were boys, sex education was lacking and little white babies were plentiful. Adoption could be–and often was–kept secret back then, though thankfully my own adoptive parents did not try to pull such a selfish and nasty stunt. However, in any case it certainly was never advertised.

So it’s odd now to see adoptive parents dressing up their adopted children in clothes that proclaim the child’s adoptee status with messages like “I grew in Mommy’s heart!” or the appalling “Mommy’s Lil’ Guatling” (seriously, wtf?). Not that they should be ashamed, of course (there’s already enough bullshit shame in adoption), but when people go out of their way to say something, there’s usually more to it than the literal message. There’s a metamessage (the message behind the message itself) or subtext of some kind.

Discourse on adoption is just loaded with metamessages and subtext, so we here at International Bastard Machines have been working on new translation technology to sniff ‘em out. Today we are proud to announce the first test run of our Adoption Apparel Translator, a device that parses adoption slogans on baby clothes and teases out the subtle messages adoptive parents are really trying to send.

White people adopting from Asia have become so commonplace that the fact that the kid was adopted is probably the first guess people will make upon seeing the whole family together. Why do you suppose adoptive parents feel the need to point it out, then? Let’s fire up the Adoption Apparel Translator and see!

Hmm! I think the AAT could be on to something, here. Googling around tells me that adoptions from China generally run between US $15,000 and $25,000 per ladybug. But is money the only factor? Let’s see…

A-ha! Insecurity over infertility still abounds! I guess adoption isn’t a solution to infertility after all. Now, everyone’s gonna know. And that might be a little hard if you haven’t come to terms with it yet…

Do I even need to explain that one?

But I still feel like we’re missing something here. I think the AAT needs a little more fine tuning. Why would an affluent white couple need to put signs all over their non-white adopted child proclaiming his or her adoptee status to every person who sees them on the street? What message do they feel the need to convey so urgently? Is there some kind of social judgment they’re avoiding? Wait, the AAT is beeping at me, something’s coming through…