A progressive struggles with racist sexual fantasy

by Carmen Van Kerckhove

Is there a role for anti-racist values when it comes to sex? It’s an interesting question addressed in the latest Savage Love sex column (thanks to Luke for the tip!). Warning: the column contains explicit language:

I have some concerns about my cuckold fetish that you did not address in a recent column. Aspects of my particular fantasy are prevalent among people with this type of fetish, and they cause me guilt and shame.

I am white and my fantasies involve my future wife having sex with well-endowed black men. This turns me on but I feel guilty. My fantasy is horribly objectifying and racist, is it not? It requires treating another human being like a piece of meat. The rational part of me, the part that tells me these fantasies are improper, is no match for my inner urges. I can’t stop fantasizing about this. In all other aspects of my life I am quite progressive.

What can I do? My hope is that these urges will go away, but I doubt this will be the case.

–Can’t Understand Cuckold Kink

What do you think of Dan’s response? Essentially he’s saying that as long as the other party consents to being objectified, and you’re aware of why your fantasy is pretty damn racist, it’s all good.