A progressive struggles with racist sexual fantasy
by Carmen Van Kerckhove
Is there a role for anti-racist values when it comes to sex? It’s an interesting question addressed in the latest Savage Love sex column (thanks to Luke for the tip!). Warning: the column contains explicit language:
I have some concerns about my cuckold fetish that you did not address in a recent column. Aspects of my particular fantasy are prevalent among people with this type of fetish, and they cause me guilt and shame.
I am white and my fantasies involve my future wife having sex with well-endowed black men. This turns me on but I feel guilty. My fantasy is horribly objectifying and racist, is it not? It requires treating another human being like a piece of meat. The rational part of me, the part that tells me these fantasies are improper, is no match for my inner urges. I can’t stop fantasizing about this. In all other aspects of my life I am quite progressive.
What can I do? My hope is that these urges will go away, but I doubt this will be the case.
–Can’t Understand Cuckold Kink
What do you think of Dan’s response? Essentially he’s saying that as long as the other party consents to being objectified, and you’re aware of why your fantasy is pretty damn racist, it’s all good.

Carmen Van Kerckhove is co-founder and president of
In case you missed it… at Racialicious - the intersection of race and pop culture on 12 Jan 2007 at 5:35 pm
[…] A progressive struggles with racist sexual fantasy: Is there a role for anti-racist values when it comes to sex? It’s an interesting question addressed in the latest Savage Love sex column. Share and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. […]
In case you missed it… at Anti-Racist Parent - for parents committed to raising children with an anti-racist outlook on 12 Jan 2007 at 6:11 pm
[…] A progressive struggles with racist sexual fantasy: Is there a role for anti-racist values when it comes to sex? It’s an interesting question addressed in the latest Savage Love sex column. Share and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. […]