Casting call: seeking mute foreigners and black basketball pros

by guest contributor Geraly

I shouldn’t be surprised that a basketball movie with Will Ferrell and Woody Harrelson would be rife with stereotypes but this is just lame. If you’re foreign, you don’t have dialogue. If you’re a beautiful woman, you’re a slut. If you’re African-American, you can play basketball.

From Chicago CraigsList:

Role: VAKIDIS – BASKETBALL PLAYER -7’2″ tall; the team center. Eastern European or Russian or Slavic okay, Vakidis is written as being from Uzbekistan (then a Soviet Republic) – Must be a very very tall Basketball Player – very little dialogue but will be around for run of picture because he will be playing on the team.
Male – All Ethnicities – 20 to 35Role: KONG – Basketball Player -Short. Besides playing scrappy ball, he also has good martial arts skills (though actor can fake it…) Little dialogue but will be around for run of picture because he will be playing on the team.
Male – Asian – 22 to 32

Role: TWIGGY MUNSON – Basketball Player – A guard; 6’1″ -ish. His game intro goes something like: “At guard, from Peoria Illinois, six foot one – this guy’s single and he can cook lasagna…” Enthusiastic with a good attitude.
Male – Caucasian – 22 to 33

Role: BEE BEE ELLIS – Basketball Player, a forward; 6’1″-ish. His game intro goes something like: “From South Bend Indiana, the man with a heart of gold, his brother’s retarded, six foot one, he drives down to visit all the time, he reads to him…” Bee Bee is a bit of a showboat on the court. He gets fouled a lot.
Male – African-American – 22 to 33

Role: SCOOTSIE DOUBLEDAY – BASKETBALL PLAYER – A small forward (so under 6′ is okay). His game intro is something like “First of all, that wife of his. She is…Wow. He’s a small forward, the luckiest man in Flint…” Scootsie ‘pops n’ locks’ his way onto the court after his intro. He catches the ball with two hands. Fast on the court.
Male – African-American – 23 to 33

Role: FATHER PAT THE REF – The ABA ref who works the Tropics games. He’s a tough ref and knows what he’s doing. Doesn’t put up with backtalk from anyone. A family man. Could be overweight but should be in good enough shape to run up and down the court as he referees. (Father Pat the Ref will probably be run of picture, though he won’t have a lot of dialogue since a lot of his stuff is action-oriented. The actor should be able to toss the basketball around.)
Male – All Ethnicities – 36 to 50

Role: DUKES – A dumb guy in a mullet, who never wears a shirt. He wins $10,000 in a free shoot contest at half-time but the check Jackie Moon gives him bounces. He’s good natured about the whole thing and sticks with it until Jackie can make good on the check.
Male – All Ethnicities – 25 to 40

Role: LUCY MOON – Jackie Moon’s totally gorgeous but totally slutty wife. She sleeps with just about everyone, except for her husband. Some nudity and suggestive language involved.
Female – All Ethnicities – 25 to 33