Survivor: Cook Islands episode three recap

by guest contributor Jeff Yang, SFGate.com columnist and blogger

survivorTWO FOUR SIX EIGHT
THIS IS HOW WE INTEGRATE

And that’s that. Just three episodes into the made-for-media-outrage spectacle of Survivor: Separate But Equal, the tribes have been forcibly bused into a Red Team and Blue Team. The method used to Benettonize the castaways was painfully ordinary–two male captains and two female captains were selected, and each picked teammates like a sandlot Wiffle Ball game, with responsibility for the next selection passed to the just-picked person.

The caps: Our sassy boy Brad from Puka and poultry-pilferin’ Jonathan from Raro, plus Latino risk consultant Cecilia and flirty Raro “boxer” Parvati (her bio says she throws fist in that Most Extreme of bloodsport federations, Perfect 10 Model Boxing).

You’d think they could have at least required them to explain why they were making each choice, like in Dave Chappelle’s inspired “Racial Draft” skit: “I pick Yul because he defies the Asian ‘geeky male’ stereotype, while epitomizing the Asian ‘model minority’ stereotype.”

In any case, the elimination of the ethnic rivalry motif has taken with it any real interest I have in the program, other than seeing how long it is before someone actually punches Cao Boi in the mouth–as I noted in my last recap, it was only a matter of time before his teammates realized that his problem isn’t the dumb ethnic jokes, it’s that he can’t keep his piehole shut for more than five minutes at a time. Given that, I guess this is my last formal Cook Island recap…unless Burnett decides to throw more racial MSG to the Survivor stirfry, or until the other Survivors form a cargo cult and begin worshipping Yul as the incarnate god he is.

Still, it’s been fun. Can’t wait for next year, when Burnett debuts Survivor: Pirates! Ninjas! Monkeys! Robots!

My money’s on the ninjas.